In laws in the waiting room

Emilywooddesign · April 2015

well I am on a discussion topic roll! I am having an elective C section for my twins. Today my doctor booked the section for May 25th, (but I'll never leave June15) My mum wants to be at the hospital in the waiting room while my dad wants to come the next day- I think he feels kind of weird still that his baby girl is having kids. My husband wants my in laws to also be in the waiting room because he doesn't think it's fair that just my mom gets to be there. I'm not sure how I feel about this. I understand my husands point and I know he just loves his parents and wants to share the moment with them. What do you guys think? should I just let it go and not be a brat about it?

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

Bleh. Anybody other than my mom and sister in the waiting room sounds terrible to me. But you're right, it doesn't feel fair to leave my DH out of joy of sharing with family. The difference is that I know my sister would chase my mom out after a few minutes, or I could totally tell them to bounce after they have been there only a short time and they wouldn't bat an eyelash. My in laws, tho, would overstay and bitch about being asked to leave. Thankfully, we are both far from family, so I don't have to worry about asking anybody to leave.

For your situation, I guess I would compromise. Yes, the in laws can come in after birth, but limit time to 15 minutes. Of course, this means mom time should also be limited to 15 minutes to be fair. But really... I'm thinking we're going to be exhausted, and what else can visitors do after the initial 15 minutes? Sit there and look at you? Sure, they want to hold the baby (babies) but surely they must know that they can't hold them forever, they have to go back to mom and dad for bonding, etc. Honestly, I'm even thinking 10 minutes is enough time. But that could just be because I'm a really private person, I don't like a lot of people around

klkonwi · April 2015

Yeah my vaginal bleeding takes precedence over visitors after.... Lol but if were just talking waiting room..... I suppose you could cave and let them all "wait." I hate this topic because I never want to deny grandparents their joy but also understand womanly privacy and feeling uncomfortable about who is there. My DH will not allow anyone but him there.... Not even in the waiting room. We will call all parents a few hrs after.

laurendutch · April 2015

When I had my boys my parents, aunt and uncle and MIL were all in the waiting room. I also had a c -section. My hospital had me in recovery for an hour and during that time my DH took the boys to the nursery on the other floor. My MIL followed him and was able to view him from the window giving the boys their first bath (and took pics). It was a very special moment for her bc she was able to witness her son do his first fatherly duty. When I was in recovery I was really worried bc I wasn't feeling well. So I asked my Mom to come back with me...she freaking could care less and couldn't wait to see the boys. I'm happy that my aunt was there bc she kept me company while my Mom went to the nursery.

I felt that with twins it was a little different bc we didn't exactly know how healthy they were going to be, even though I was 38 weeks.

foxa319 · April 2015

I hope I deliver at night so I don't have to deal with this! If it's during the day I'm going to tell my in laws that they can come when I am transferred to my postpartum room, which is a few hours after the birth at my hospital.

ElRuby · April 2015

Is there a particular reason why it would be a problem for them to be in the waiting room?

Emilywooddesign · April 2015

ElRuby said:
Is there a particular reason why it would be a problem for them to be in the waiting room?

No there is no reason at all except they just annoy me. We have a fine relationship and I'm always very nice and polite to them. They live 5 hours away so the thought of them driving the night before and waiting for me to have surgery is just a bit overwhelming I guess. My mum has offered to have them stay at my parents house so I guess they can all enjoy being grandparents together. I think I am really being a brat lol

ElRuby · April 2015

Emilywooddesign said:

ElRuby said:
Is there a particular reason why it would be a problem for them to be in the waiting room?
No there is no reason at all except they just annoy me. We have a fine relationship and I'm always very nice and polite to them. They live 5 hours away so the thought of them driving the night before and waiting for me to have surgery is just a bit overwhelming I guess. My mum has offered to have them stay at my parents house so I guess they can all enjoy being grandparents together. I think I am really being a brat lol

I get it... But I think this might be one of those time it's better to let them be there... It's not like they are asking to be delivery room! So until you have to enforce boundaries it may be easier for everyone to just roll with it. I am easily annoyed by MIL and you have to really pick and choose what to make a fuss about and what not to... Most grandparents want to be in waiting rooms and that's nicer than the alternative...I hope things go smoothly for you and you find a way to find a peaceful balance!

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

While I totally understand wanting privacy (I am hoping to have no visitors in the waiting room or otherwise until a few hours after LO arrives), I do think that since you've opened the option to your family, it's hard to justify denying it to his. What we're doing is sending out a text to the grandparents after LO arrives to let them know when we're ready for visitors - we feel this is fair to everyone. Maybe you could do something like that? Your mom might be annoyed if she's set on being there, but that's more fair than saying she can be there but your in-laws can't. Otherwise, I think it's only fair to include them as well.

Emilywooddesign · April 2015

Thanks ladies. I think you're right- I won't make it into an issue ( even though I really feel like being a bitchy brat) sometimes you just need neutral opinion to set your head straight.

mamayo26 · April 2015

we didn't have anyone at the hospital with DS1...that did not go over very well. This time we are not having anyone on day one. even though I will also be having a scheduled c/s...with all the hospital protocols and trying to establish breastfeeding...it's just too much, so we are allowing visitors starting on day 2 (although I'm hoping very few show up)...I know having a baby is the only happy time to visit a hospital, but it is a hospital and a time to recover...you and DH really need to come to an agreement on what you want on that day.

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