2nd baby, no shower, feeling semi-sad

Nhbaby · April 2015

Ok, so I am totally blessed.. I have a great 20 month-old boy and due with another boy in a few weeks.. We moved to a new state just about a year ago so I have a few "new" friends (here) but just feeling like this LO is getting the shaft bc there's no shower for him... Haven't complained about this to anyone finally "sharing" out loud to you all.. Anyone else not having one of these cool Sprinkle showers? I'm almost 35 weeks so I'm sure there's no chance of a "surprise". I mean, I really do have a lot of the things this little guy will need and we were overly spoiled with our 1st bc we waited so long to have a kid, but there are a few things that would be great to have new. Part of me feels like a brat, for sure, but I'm preggo and overtired.. Just want the same love for #2... I will give him that love (don't get me wrong!!) just feeling a teeny bit sad bc big Bro had three showers (friends, work, and larger family/friends!) and this boy isn't having one.... sigh....

KonaCoffeeBean · April 2015

Why would you have a shower for a second child?

SweetnessG · April 2015

I'm currently pregnant with my 6th, and I just had my first baby shower a few weeks ago. I feel like my other kiddos got the shaft because they did not have showers or anything of the sort. Not that they know, but I do!

Hang in there, maybe you will get a surprise one

Nhbaby · April 2015

You're sweet. Thank you for that perspective!! I already feel guilty for writing about this…

[Deleted User] · April 2015

The user and all related content has been deleted.

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

FTM but I think it's pretty typical to not have a shower for your second baby. I'm sure your child will be just as loved by everyone as his brother is.

ETA consider yourself lucky that you had THREE for your first - there are many awesome first time moms on this site who haven't even had one. I'm interested to see what THEY think of this post...

MrsWiggleWaggle · April 2015

It seems perfectly normal to be bummed by this. Your feelings don't always have to line up with your logic and understanding. Sounds like you really felt the love at your first. I've said before that one of my "love languages" is giving and recieving gifts. So I can kind of relate to feeling bratty but secretly still really wishing for this.
Maybe you can think of start planning a little "sip and see" for after LO is born? I'm sure friends and family would love to share the love and joy of a new baby with you, just it's not traditional to have a second shower. And feel free to spring for some new stuff for the baby even if like you say you have everything!

delujm0 · April 2015

Despite what most people believe on these boards, the actual point of a baby shower is to shower THE MOTHER with gifts and welcome THE MOTHER to motherhood. it is not to honor the baby. How can you have a guest of honor that isn't actually at the party?

The purpose of a shower is to welcome you to motherhood...and you're already a mom, so that's no longer necessary.

Perhaps you can set up a sip-and-see after the baby is born for people to come by and celebrate the baby. That would be appropriate, because it would be a party for the baby and the baby would physically be there. No one is supposed to have additional showers. you get one. i'm not even sure what you could possibly need as gifts when your son is less than two years old and you're having another son...don't you have everythign you need already? if it's not about gifts, and you just truly want to have a party to celebrate the baby himself, again, wait for him to be born and then invite people over for a sip-and-see. problem solved.

Nhbaby · April 2015

Thank you, all. Hosting a small "sip and see" is a cool idea! (at least 4 weeks post partum lol) I didn't think of a shower as for the Mom, always assumed it was for baby. We do have a lot of things for #2... just not everything... I guess knowing this is our last baby has me feeling overly emotional and I got to the part in his baby book where I describe his shower and I will be skipping over those pages… In the big picture of course it's not a big deal. Thank you for making me realize I was being a little bratty.

babyschlagel · April 2015

Have a meet and greet after he is born with your new friends and family. I'm sure because it is your second child and they are close in age people didn't think about needing a shower. However I am positive you will still receive tons of gifts once he is born.

JeeGooDowster · April 2015

This is going to sound insensitive...but why don't you buy a few new outfits or whatever things you think you would like new for your new baby boy yourself?

jabutler14 · April 2015

I feel the exact same way as you, you're not being bratty at all! I think everybody has a different opinion on this, whether a shower for a second baby is appropriate, whether you should plan a shower for yourself, whether it's for the baby or the mom. I am due with my second daughter and wasn't gonna have a shower. I was ok with it, cause we have everything we need, but I definitely started feeling bummed about it. I want the second baby to have the same celebration with friends and family. But there was no way I was gonna plan a baby shower for myself. So I planned to host a Sip N See 3-4 weeks after baby is born. I'm still probably gonna do that, but my friend actually just told me that she wants to host a tiny baby shower for just our small circle of friends through our workplace...it'll be small, about 10 people, but that made me feel way better. It's about the acknowledgment of making another human! I also know of several friends that have planned showers for themselves to celebrate second babies. I just wanted to validate your feelings and tell you to go for whatever you want!

ksimo6 · April 2015

No no no. No showers for subsequent babies. Especially when they are so close together and the same sex. Your child will not know or care about a shower. They will be loved no matter no matter what.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

Ultimately, I think this is kind of like the Love Languages. Sounds like OP feels gifts and parties where she or the baby is the center of attention are the best ways to show love, for her. So nothing else will really substitute which is why the "Sip and See" is probably the best alternative.

I am a FTM, far from home, no showers - which suits me well. I didn't have a bachelorette party, bridal shower, etc. I personally find myself in disbelief that a baby shower could ever be considered as something to honor the baby - for me, it is unquestionably about the mother.

I also *personally* cringe any time a parent talks about how a child should feel "special." My kid will know s/he is loved more than anything in the world, but s/he will not be special - she will be one more human, an important part of a family and community.

Again, I think all this is highly individual, so just speaking to my own case and what it seems OP is communicating.

sschwege · April 2015

In my circle showers are for FTMs doesn't matter if it's a different sex, big age gap, or twins. So yeah, baby shower part in baby book was left blank for my second and now third. Not a big deal!

klkonwi · April 2015

Yeah I can't get on board with this whiny post. You are responsible for the baby and you just had a baby...... You have the supplies. Yes diapers are expensive.........

MixedCurlsXo · April 2015

I'm a FTM & I'm not having a shower. Like @amark11 said, my son won't be any less loved because he didn't have a baby shower.

You said you already have a lot of stuff &
you were spoiled with your first. Why would people buy you things because (in your own words) "there are a few things that would be great to have new."

Other people shouldn't be responsible for buying what you already have because you want it new. A lot of moms would love to have second hand stuff. If it's that serious you should be getting it yourself. I consider wanting the same thing twice a luxury, not a necessity.

JessHeppell · April 2015

FTM, live in the same town as my family and DH's family. and so far im not getting a shower. im 31 weeks and have heard nothing of one happening.
and i didnt geta bachelorette party either before i got married. so considering you had 3 for 1 child.. i would just not complain.. but hey, flag me for my opinion.

Raymer2 · April 2015

This is my second one 5 years apart and different gender never considered a second baby shower. However, I did have random people I would have never expected give me gifts like my daughters prek teacher and recieved 5 big boxes of diapers which I'm so greatful for I feel blessed enough and feel my son is a big enough gift to me. I am far from my family so when I get a chance with my lo to go 1300 miles away from home I want to have a meet and greet so my family and close friends can meet him but ask for no gifts just their presence is enough. But it's nothing to get all worked up about j/s.

katyertl · April 2015

I hate to say it but it sounds greedy. If you only need a few things there's no reason you can't just go out and buy it for yourself. Showers are not cheap to put on and expecting someone to put one on for you when your last child is the same sex and only 20 months old seems selfish.
Your child won't know the difference and will feel just as loved I'm sure.

krystleshel · April 2015

I know someone throwing her own "sprinkle" for her fourth child (third boy)...

ElRuby · April 2015

I would never ever expect a shower for a second child especially so close in age! My mom did throw a joint surprise sprinkle for me and my sister (due 2 days apart) and it was absolutely lovely and a total blessing but a complete an unexpected surprise! It is also not uncommon in my family/ area to have these parties...I in no way expected one but I was really grateful for everyone's love and excitement over our babies (i think my mom was also super excited we are both having babies so close together)

pixieprincss · April 2015

While a shower or sprinkle might not be in the cards, I see nothing wrong with organizing a mom's night out with your new friends before you baby comes and you have a season of staying in more with baby. It's not about presents, it's not a party for yourself, it is merely a chance to get together with other ladies and enjoy their company.

Nhbaby · April 2015

I appreciate all the feedback! I especially appreciate the different outlooks. I honestly felt the shower was about the baby (not initiating a FTM) but have def had my eyes opened. Guess the "Lamaze class" section AND the "shower" section in his baby book will both be blank and I won't feel bad (for him)... It wasn't really about presents but guess I misrepresented myself when I wrote about needing a few things. Thanks, everyone, for your time I will certainly move on now.

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

Nhbaby said:
I appreciate all the feedback! I especially appreciate the different outlooks. I honestly felt the shower was about the baby (not initiating a FTM) but have def had my eyes opened. Guess the "Lamaze class" section AND the "shower" section in his baby book will both be blank and I won't feel bad (for him)... It wasn't really about presents but guess I misrepresented myself when I wrote about needing a few things. Thanks, everyone, for your time I will certainly move on now.

@Nhbaby I just want to say that you've taken all of this really well. When I first read your post, I'll admit that I took it as whiny - but I love that you've been so receptive to people's opinions. I wish more OPs were open to honest feedback, as you've been! While I stand by my original stance that baby showers are not to be expected for STMs (heck, even FTMs aren't entitled to them!), if @MrsWiggleWaggle and others are correct about gift giving/receiving being your love language then I encourage you to look into the sip and see suggestion. Also, if you haven't read the book about the 5 Love Languages, it might be helpful to read it and then think of the other ways that people might have been expressing their love for your baby that you might not have been able to recognize. It might make you feel better about the lack of a baby shower for baby #2. And finally, recognize that to some extent this might be hormones influencing your emotions - we've all been there at some point!

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

Yes, I also want to say that you've been very mature about listening to opinions different than yours, @Nhbaby.

devyns2nd · April 2015

I agree that having a baby so close to your last and the sex being the same is probably the reason you aren't having a shower. You should be pretty prepared and people probably assume you don't need one. I do get that bummed feeling though. Like baby #2 isn't as exciting to other people. I'm having a boy 5 years after DD and I no one seems interested. I'm ecstatic! I'm sure it's selfish to feel that way but I can relate to that part.

CateOfChicago · April 2015

I'm a believer in no shower for the 2nd+ baby and also think it's more for the mom than the baby. However, I hear where you are coming from. It took me a long time to get pregnant as well and then I had a miscarriage. So, when my miracle dd was born, people were crazy excited, generous, etc. This pregnancy is totally anticlimactic, until baby is born of course. Even I treat this time as more of a regular occurrence. I'm sure it's the same for most 2nd+ children.

The good news for them is that they get away with more bc the 1st one beat us down. I'm a 3rd child. There are barely any baby pictures of me and my mom doesn't remember things when I ask, but I had a pretty easy adolescence since my sisters paved the way. There are pros and cons for the order you were born.

gilder40 · April 2015

If you do a sip and see later on, you can just fill in the shower portion of the baby book with that information.

MrsWiggleWaggle · April 2015

Great idea @gilder40 didn't even think of that!

katyertl · April 2015

People probably just assume not to throw you one. My sister in law just had her second girl and the older is almost 3. We didn't even think about doing one for her. So that's probably why no one has im assuming. I like the sip and see idea then you can fill the book up with that! Props to you for filling out a 2nd baby book I keep forgetting to fill mine in and I'm having my first lol

girlyjo · April 2015

I totally felt the same way! I never expected a baby shower for this second baby, but a part of me just wanted to party and celebrate and be with my family to share the joy of this new little boy! I'm a little over it now, not the joy and the celebrating but the need to have other people party with me lol, but I still want to buy all the cute newborn stuff. DH thinks I'm silly, but I really think there's something nice about knowing this little guy will have a few new things his big brother didn't, you know? He's his own person and I want him to know that when he looks back at his first years.

I think emotions are normal and wanting to celebrate a new life is the best reaction a mother can have!

2nd baby, no shower, feeling semi-sad

Re: 2nd baby, no shower, feeling semi-sad

Choose Another Board

Search Boards