Gender Reveal Shower

kacrites2014 · April 2015

For my shower (that won't be until August), we are planning on doing a gender reveal at that time. We are doing this because we hope people will buy more of the essentials and not as much newborn clothes that we won't use, lol. Has anyone else had this type of shower and did you have success with it?

neverblushed · April 2015

So... you're not telling the sex of the baby until after people get you gifts because you want to manipulate your guests into buying you a certain type of gift? Really?

First -- that seems really rude to me. It's like you're assuming that your guests are going to get you "bad" gifts.

Second -- having been a parent for a while and having attended many, many baby showers, I can almost guarantee you that people will buy you what they feel like buying, regardless of what you do and whether they know the baby's sex. Some people just like buying cute little baby clothes. Others like giving books. Others don't know what to get and always give gift cards. Others believe in always giving diapers. Others always buy from the registry. I think you're fooling yourself if you think that not telling the sex until the shower is going to have much influence. People who like buying tiny baby clothes will just buy green and tan baby clothes.

Ultimately, I think you want to re-think your attitude about the people who are supporting you and welcoming you to motherhood by buying you gifts.

leahshayne · April 2015

I did a gender reveal at the shower, but that was when we found out along with everyone else. It was a lot of fun to share that special moment with everyone else! I cried tears of joy and everyone we love was there to see it. I loved doing it this way

CatsAreShady · April 2015

neverblushed said:
So... you're not telling the sex of the baby until after people get you gifts because you want to manipulate your guests into buying you a certain type of gift? Really?

First -- that seems really rude to me. It's like you're assuming that your guests are going to get you "bad" gifts.

Second -- having been a parent for a while and having attended many, many baby showers, I can almost guarantee you that people will buy you what they feel like buying, regardless of what you do and whether they know the baby's sex. Some people just like buying cute little baby clothes. Others like giving books. Others don't know what to get and always give gift cards. Others believe in always giving diapers. Others always buy from the registry. I think you're fooling yourself if you think that not telling the sex until the shower is going to have much influence. People who like buying tiny baby clothes will just buy green and tan baby clothes.

Ultimately, I think you want to re-think your attitude about the people who are supporting you and welcoming you to motherhood by buying you gifts.

All of this.

soberrysweet · April 2015

CatsAreShady said:

neverblushed said:
So... you're not telling the sex of the baby until after people get you gifts because you want to manipulate your guests into buying you a certain type of gift? Really?

First -- that seems really rude to me. It's like you're assuming that your guests are going to get you "bad" gifts.

Second -- having been a parent for a while and having attended many, many baby showers, I can almost guarantee you that people will buy you what they feel like buying, regardless of what you do and whether they know the baby's sex. Some people just like buying cute little baby clothes. Others like giving books. Others don't know what to get and always give gift cards. Others believe in always giving diapers. Others always buy from the registry. I think you're fooling yourself if you think that not telling the sex until the shower is going to have much influence. People who like buying tiny baby clothes will just buy green and tan baby clothes.

Ultimately, I think you want to re-think your attitude about the people who are supporting you and welcoming you to motherhood by buying you gifts.
All of this.

Ditto.

VOR · April 2015

neverblushed said:

Second -- having been a parent for a while and having attended many, many baby showers, I can almost guarantee you that people will buy you what they feel like buying, regardless of what you do and whether they know the baby's sex. Some people just like buying cute little baby clothes. Others like giving books. Others don't know what to get and always give gift cards. Others believe in always giving diapers. Others always buy from the registry. I think you're fooling yourself if you think that not telling the sex until the shower is going to have much influence. People who like buying tiny baby clothes will just buy green and tan baby clothes.

Really, really ^^^ this. I think people way overthink this whole thing. I personally always buy something from the registry. So if you put neutral clothes on there, even if I know you're having a boy, I'll buy you the neutral clothes.

Do you really think ALL your friends and family will buy you gender specific items if they know?

if you really want to find out with them, then have at it. I don't judge that. But if your ONLY goal is to try and dictate what people buy you - I just roll my eyes.

delujm0 · April 2015

All of the above - this seems really misleading and almost manipulative of you.

The ONLY way a gender reveal is appropriate at the shower (or EVER really) is if the parents are finding out the sex along with the guests. OP, are you planning to wait until the shower to find out the sex? because if this is actually "we already know and are just keeping it to ourselves for the drama factor/to manipulate the gifts" i think that's disgusting.

FWIW, i was a little concerned when we found out it was a girl that we would get too many clothes at our shower...but that was not the case. we got 90% registry items and then some clothes and books. Really, i was looking at the newborn and 0-3 months clothes we got the other night thinking "i think we're going to have to go buy some more stuff, i'm not sure this is enough to get us through." but i agree that the guests will buy what they want to buy regardless of if they know the sex ahead of time or not. if they want to buy you clothes, they'll just get you gender neutral clothes instead of girl or boy specific stuff. Our registry had mostly gender-neutral stuff on it, because i imagine we'll want to use it for future children. so the fact that the baby is a girl was almost a non-issue.

kacrites2014 · April 2015

You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment. And don't question my integrity as a mother. Your all horrible formaking me and othe users feel horrible.

soberrysweet · April 2015

kacrites2014 said:
You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment. And don't question my integrity as a mother. Your all horrible formaking me and othe users feel horrible.

You seem to not understand the concept of public forums.

No one is questioning your "integrity as a mother.'

Stop worrying so much about controlling what gifts you get.

anorthro · April 2015

Meh, I don't see an issue with it. All my friends have had girls and no matter what they put on their registries, they ended up with a ton of pink baby clothes at their shower. I don't think it's polite to ask people to buy you certain things, but I don't see an issue with holding off the reveal until the shower. It's not like you're telling your guests a bunch of stuff they can't buy and they are still free to get you what the choose, if they choose to give a gift. I went to a shower like it once - nobody was offended and the reveal part was fun.

VOR · April 2015

kacrites2014 said:
You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment.

"Please tell me only what I want to hear!"

delujm0 · April 2015

VOR said:

kacrites2014 said:
You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment.
"Please tell me only what I want to hear!"

"I want opinions but only the opinions of people who did the same rude thing that I am planning to do! I want validation please!"

Sigh.

saric83 · April 2015

I've been to two of these (where parents knew ahead of time but chose not to say until the shower, which felt really weird and pointless), and they both got a massive amount of yellow and green clothes and accessories.

CatsAreShady · April 2015

kacrites2014 said:
You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment. And don't question my integrity as a mother. Your all horrible formaking me and othe users feel horrible.

Seriously?

My bad, let me try again.

"Rainbows and puppies and glitter and SQUEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!"

delujm0 · April 2015

I've been to two of these (where parents knew ahead of time but chose not to say until the shower, which felt really weird and pointless), and they both got a massive amount of yellow and green clothes and accessories.

Yup. People that want to go off-registry and buy you clothes are going to do so whether they know the sex ahead of time or not. I usually buy a main gift directly form the registry and then add on a onesie or something. I don't think that hiding the sex is going to force people that don't care about the registry to decide to use it. So this seems like a pointless exercise.

Again, if you want to find out the sex at the shower along with everyone else, i think that's acceptable. but knowing it yourselves and just makiing a grand announcement at the shower is pretty lame. i hate to say it...but most people really really don't care about the sex of your child. the point of going to a gender reveal party is to see the look of surprise on the faces of the parents-to-be as they find out the sex. any other way is just an attention grab.

VOR · April 2015

delujm0 said:
i hate to say it...but most people really really don't care about the sex of your child.

Really, this too. I'm always excited to find out what friends are having, but I don't care, if that makes sense. It's more that I'm excited for my friends in their finding out. But it doesn't matter to me - I'm not going to love their kid any less because it's one sex or the other.

MWoodside · April 2015

I think it's weird. If you were finding out then as well at the shower that would seem less weird to me. But you specifically start in your OP that the intent is to trick your guests into "buy more of the essentials" so that makes this very odd to me.

We were team green and I did find we got mostly bigger things and less clothing items, but that wasn't why we were team green.

neverblushed · May 2015

kacrites2014 said:
You are all being very rude. If you didn't do this then don't comment. And don't question my integrity as a mother. Your all horrible formaking me and othe users feel horrible.

kacrites2014 said:
Quote fail -- Actually, I thought I was pretty neutral and not mean at all. I feel like my words of wisdom about the types of gifts that people actually buy at showers was pretty helpful and not negative. Are you actually suggesting that if someone hasn't withheld the gender in order to manipulate guests into buying a certain type of gifts, then they should not answer this person's question? Huh?

Boonhilde · June 2015

Okay. I think the "gift manipulation" is more of a bonus for you, and what you REALLY want is to announce the baby's sex at the shower and for everyone to be excited and surprised and THAT I can accept, even if I feel there's nothing wrong with a separate sex reveal party. (It's a great excuse for a party! Who doesn't love a party?)

So here are the facts.
1. Everyone's right. People are going to buy what they want despite knowing the sex.

2. It's strange and not usually done. When I had a sex party we invited only close people we knew would care... or only those people came.... A shower is different and its purpose is different. Your guests already have to sit through watching you unwrap presents.... Are you going to make them sit through a sex reveal? How long and drawn out is it going to be?

3. This group here wasn't being nearly as snarky as they can be.

They insinuated by your OP that you had selfish purposes and that can be offensive. But either it's true or it's not. If it's not then don't worry about it, and if it is then maybe self reflect.

Either way they gave you pretty solid advice.

And no matter what you choose to do it'll be fine. No one's going to shoot everyone at your shower if you decide to not take our advice and announce the sex. Best of luck!

Elsa1984 · June 2015

I have been to tons of baby showers, and all of the ones that know the sex, they get a lot more clothes than anything else. I didn't know the gender, and we did that for a few reasons. First, because we really didn't care what the sex of the baby was. Second, because we wanted to be surprised at the end, instead of the middle. Third, because if we found out that we were having a girl, I didn't want a ton of pink items. It wasn't so much about the amount of clothing that we would get, but for the fact that I have been to a ton of showers that were held for little girls, and have seen the more gender neutral registries...and then have watched the mom-to-be open gender specific baby gear that they then had to return and get gender neutral items (because they had plans to use it for kid #2). Now of course, you can always use a pink bath tub for a boy, the baby wont care, but I hate pink and wanted to avoid the "it looks like Pepto-Bismol puked in our house". Since we didn't know, we did get almost all gear at the shower, and two pairs of white pajamas. Some people mentioned that they wanted to get a outfit, but wanted to wait until we knew what the sex was (so they bought a few needed items, and bought a outfit and brought it when visiting us in the hospital). I buy from registries, because I never know what the parents have and don't have, and all of that jazz.

Anyway, to get to the point, if I went to a shower and that was when they decided to announce the sex, I think I would have been annoyed....because I would feel that they did it that way just so they would get specific gifts. We were open and honest our whole pregnancy, and said that we weren't finding out. If we would have found out (on accident) during the ultrasound, we would have just been honest beforehand, and accepted the generosity of our friends/family afterwards.......even if it was covered in pink, and not what we registered for. We had a few family members lie about knowing the sex, specifically because of the gifts. Like a few other family members have mentioned, it feels a little like a slap in the face, and they felt lied to. Showers are to welcome you to motherhood, not to fund your baby equipment. Unfortunately, even if everyone acts surprised and like a sex reveal was a great idea at the shower, doesn't mean they wont be whispering about it behind your back later (like they have done to our cousin).

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

Way to go on the TOU violation.

CEB37 · June 2015

@miriamazing This is your first post and you're coming out with your guns blazing. Hrm. Seems legit. LOL.

wassuphoes · June 2015

CEB37 said:

@miriamazing This is your first post and you're coming out with your guns blazing. Hrm. Seems legit. LOL.

It's already deleted

IrisApricity · June 2015

We didn't find out the sex of our baby and got a lot of really useful, gender-neutral stuff at our shower that we can use for all future kiddos. Our registries were used a lot!

My best friend knew she was having a boy. She had two showers and probably a total of 70 guests between the two. She got almost nothing from her registries and had TONS of cute baby boy clothes and gender specific blankets, bibs, etc. Way more than she could ever possibly use. Many went unused. I thought it was interesting because we had a lot of the same people at our showers.

For many gift buyers, not knowing the sex takes some of the fun out of it I suppose. We had some people tell us they would rather wait until after the baby came since they didn't know what to get.

With that said - I think it is super weird to withhold the sex in hopes of manipulating what people buy you. I would just share it if you are planning to find out, or not find out at all.

NoSugarCoating · June 2015

IrisApricity said:

My best friend knew she was having a boy. She had two showers and probably a total of 70 guests between the two. She got almost nothing from her registries and had TONS of cute baby boy clothes and gender specific blankets, bibs, etc. Way more than she could ever possibly use. Many went unused. I thought it was interesting because we had a lot of the same people at our showers.

Oh, is it anecdote time? Everyone in my family knew I was having a boy, and 99% of gifts at my shower were from my registry. People are either going to buy off your registry, or they're not. Knowing the sex of the baby doesn't change that.

neonpotatoes · June 2015

Okay, so now I'm uncertain about this. Hubby and I were going to do a gender reveal baby shower for the purpose of telling everyone at the same time, because we have some very competitive family members and honestly, it'd be more fun for me to tell everyone than reaching out to everyone independently.

I had planned on putting registry on invites with the clause of, if it's a girl she can certainly wear blue and dinosaurs! If it's a boy, strawberries and cupcakes never hurt them! I don't care about the gifts but from everything I'm reading here, that's what it will seem like!

OliveOyl2014 · June 2015

neonpotatoes said:
Okay, so now I'm uncertain about this. Hubby and I were going to do a gender reveal baby shower for the purpose of telling everyone at the same time, because we have some very competitive family members and honestly, it'd be more fun for me to tell everyone than reaching out to everyone independently.

I had planned on putting registry on invites with the clause of, if it's a girl she can certainly wear blue and dinosaurs! If it's a boy, strawberries and cupcakes never hurt them! I don't care about the gifts but from everything I'm reading here, that's what it will seem like!

So will you be having a gender reveal along with a baby shower at a later time? Gender reveals should not be gift giving events. Including registry info would come off as very gift grabby.

neonpotatoes · June 2015

Yes they would be a combined event. The shower with a sex reveal cake is what I'm thinking.

OliveOyl2014 · June 2015

neonpotatoes said:
Yes they would be a combined event. The shower with a sex reveal cake is what I'm thinking.

Sorry I misread your post. I thought you were having 2 separate events.

SaltyMcNulty · June 2015

kacrites2014 said:

For my shower (that won't be until August), we are planning on doing a gender reveal at that time. We are doing this because we hope people will buy more of the essentials and not as much newborn clothes that we won't use, lol. Has anyone else had this type of shower and did you have success with it?

Or you could do what every other normal person does and just return the duplicates/gifts you won't use. Imagine that! (Basically, I'm side-eyeing you not because you're doing a sex reveal, but because you're doing so as a way to manipulate what types of gifts you get. Not cool.)

jenjenbrassard · July 2015

I personally wouldn't do a gender reveal shower. I'm all for gender reveals as I think they can be fun! But it shouldn't be a gift-giving event. When we had our gender reveal we got a couple of gifts (but they were from people who had been buying our LO gifts from the time they found out I was pregnant), but it wasn't expected. Honestly, if you want to have a gender reveal and THEN a seperate shower then by all means, go for it! People are going to buy you clothes no matter what you register for. I think I got more clothes than registry items at my shower, and tbh, I'm glad they did! We go through so many clothes with our little guy! And even if they buy you gender specific items, who's to say you can't reuse them? We have mainly boy things, but most of his clothes and accessories would be adorable on a little girl if we were to have one next. And people will buy gender neutral items no matter what the gender is.

Knottie59387608 · July 2015

Tacky and greedy. I feel embarrassed for you even posting this. Be prepared for all your friends and family talking badly about you behind your back for being so tasteless.

blsav23 · August 2015

Can the OP come back & please tell us how this went...

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