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October 2015 Moms
Birdee212
member
Question for SAHMs
Birdee212
member
How did you approach your husband or SO about not working outside the home once you had the baby? Was it a mutual agreement from the start or did you have to lobby for it? What factored into the decision? How have you managed financially?
I'm hoping to stay home for at least the first year but I'm nervous that DH won't go for it. He's a worry wart when it comes to money. Any insight is helpful and appreciated! TYIA.
I'm hoping to stay home for at least the first year but I'm nervous that DH won't go for it. He's a worry wart when it comes to money. Any insight is helpful and appreciated! TYIA.
Re: Question for SAHMs
As for money, that is the hard part and you guys will certainly have to take a good look at your finances. It is easier as a stay at home mom to go out and just spend, spend, spend either as a way to get out of the house or to break up the monotony. So DH and I agreed on a $100/month budget for me for discretionary spending. I know some moms use couponing to save money on groceries and I try to find good deals when I can. We are blessed that we are able to live with DH's salary as our only income, but we also bought our house and cars and plan all our vacations with only that income in mind.
I hope it all works out for you and you are able to find a solution that works for your family.
Rachel and Jeff Married 5.29.05
Jason is 8
Elizabeth is 6
Katherine is 18 months
His mom stayed at home and managed all the finances, but once all 3 kids were in school she became a spendthrift and developed somewhat of a gambling problem which contributed to the demise of her marriage. No doubt this is where his hesitation stems from.
I hope he realizes that we are doing well financially and that we'll never make enough money to satisfy him.
He also didn't want to pay for Day Care since If I worked it would basically just go to daycare costs. He also makes a lot of money so that helps. Plus I do everything. I clean, I cook everything organic and using wapf principles which is incredibly time consuming and I wouldn't be able to do the wapf if I worked, I grow our own food and when we were at our Idaho house I raised our own butcher animals and chickens I can't do that now that we are traveling for the next few years from job to job, but I'm still gardening. I can and preserve foods, I sew, I do all the household chores and we will be homeschooling so I can use my as of now wasted degree. haha. So I will only get busier and busier and He see's how much I accomplish and appreciates that he doesn't really have to pitch in and do the household stuff with the amount of hours he works. Which if we both worked he'd be sharing that load so it works out really well for us. And we both like that our son has a consistent caretaker and that I have the time to do a lot of nurturing and schooling and training him. It really has been a huge blessing for us.
I'll work until the baby comes, and then take off the rest of that semester. I'll come back and teach the rest of the second semester of the school year. For the semester, DH will reduce his work to only 2 days a week. He currently works 3 12 hour day, which is full time at his job, so the decrease isn't huge. My mom will watch the baby one day, and his mom will watch the baby the other day. It will be a tough semester, but it's only 5 months. Then I get the whole summer off andI will still get paid.
So he ended up staying home through DS's first 15 months or so, when he got a job and I was desperate to leave mine. We figured, at the time that income-wise we'd be making the same as I was, except now we qualified for Medicaid/insurance through the healthcare marketplace, so we didn't have to spend what I was paying for health insurance out if my paycheck.
Also, between my 3pm-11pm schedule, being 5 miles from the nearest bus line (meaning I'd need a car to get to and from), and the cost of childcare, we decided it was best for me to SAH. I was also pregnant with our angel baby at the time, so that factored into it.
In our state, there's a childcare subsidy you can apply for, but you have to already be working and it takes a minimum of 30 days to process the application. If that was the only issue for us, I think I'd still be working.
Financially, it's hard having only one income. We make it work, but I miss having my own paycheck and having spending money, not having to ask permission to get a haircut. However, I've learned some clever ways to earn a little extra cash, like redeeming rebates for grocery purchases, clipping coupons, etc. DS's toddler bed was entirely paid for with Amazon gift cards I earned through Ibotta.
I think whether or not staying at home works financially depends on how much you make after you factor in the cost of childcare. If you'd be working just to pay the babysitter, it's not worth it. If you can afford to take a year or so off and then get back into your field, it might be worth it. I hated having to leave DS every day, but now that he's older, I think he'd enjoy daycare--definitely think when baby #2 is his age and he's 4 they'll go at least part time so I can work.
Have a water birth here but they don't support it
I do wish we had discussed it before I had the baby, just to take some stress away about not wanting to go back to work. I also could have left things a little better with my employer. Finances have not been the issue we thought it would be. As soon as we started talking about it, we made a formal budget to make sure it would work. We really only followed it for a few months, and then just became used to spending money a little differently.
Best decision I have made. I may have regretted going back to work, but I know I will never regret staying home.
Wife of 14 years to one amazing Hubby