Anyone gone through something similar?

cemerson7 · April 2015

My fiance has been horrible to me this pregnancy I'm extremely high risk I've had a lot of problems including a stroke, losing vision, and more. I should be on bed rest but have to chase a toddler around. I make sure the house is spotless daily and he is still horrible to me. It's always about him if I say I'm hurting he's hurting 10xs worse and I need to suck it up. I have 8 days left and have had bleeding and horrible contractions to the point were I scream in pain and he yells at me to shut up so he can sleep. I don't want him to even be at the birth but I don't have anyone else to bring me or come for support. Did anyone else's SO do something similar or is mine just an ass?

ESG82 · April 2015

cemerson7 said:
My fiance has been horrible to me this pregnancy I'm extremely high risk I've had a lot of problems including a stroke, losing vision, and more. I should be on bed rest but have to chase a toddler around. I make sure the house is spotless daily and he is still horrible to me. It's always about him if I say I'm hurting he's hurting 10xs worse and I need to suck it up. I have 8 days left and have had bleeding and horrible contractions to the point were I scream in pain and he yells at me to shut up so he can sleep. I don't want him to even be at the birth but I don't have anyone else to bring me or come for support. Did anyone else's SO do something similar or is mine just an ass?

He's an ass

cemerson7 · April 2015

Figured :-(

Rosiethird · April 2015

He's definitely an ass. Sorry your going through this.

robynjeannette · April 2015

Wow. I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I'd personally reconsider the whole fiance thing.

MissRissx3 · April 2015

robynjeannette said:
Wow. I'm so sorry for all you're going through. I'd personally reconsider the whole fiance thing.

What she said..

HSTeacherHeidi · April 2015

No one deserves that!! Seriously....

sailaplay · April 2015

Yikes. I'd run as fast as I could.

nicolemummyof2 · April 2015

I would tell him to go f*$# himself! I don't need that. And I'm sure you don't deserve it!

cemerson7 · April 2015

I agree he used to be so nice and with our first child he was wonderful delivered her and so supportive. He's the one that wanted a second child. We have been together 7 years and recently has been drinking a lot so I know that is the stem of it but I know I deserve so much better.

cemerson7 · April 2015

I have told him off many times but does no good and I have no where else to go at the moment. I feel like a pathetic mess I never thought I'd be one of those women stuck in this situation. This should be a happy time but I'm miserable. He has had a lot of deaths in his family and other stuff recently but that doesn't excuse his behavior towards me one bit, when I've been nothing but supportive and nice to him.

cemerson7 · April 2015

I would run if I could but with 8 days left and contracting constantly I have no where to go. :-( I can't drive ordered by the doctor and have no family or friends around or money and I have to worry about my daughter having her roof over her head. I guess I'll have to figure it out some how when my son comes. I guess I'm just kind of looking for support which is sad that I have to express everything I'm going through to strangers :-( but support is support and I appreciate any and all!

MaddsM · April 2015

My fiance has his fair share of "assholey" moments as well and i dont think he fully understands what its like to be pregnant and how it can effect you emotionally (ive been very emotional) so while he can be an ass sometimes im also aware i can be the cause of it and that hes going through a lot as well. Idk about you but my fiance is quietly freaking out about having a second child, financially mostly and i know that that is also what is causing him to be a little meaner than usual.
Maybe try talking with him and both of you putting your feelings out on the table?
Dont get me wrong no one deserves to be talked down to and its not a good feeling to have someone you love be unsupportive but maybe hes going through some stuff and not vocalizing it??
If thats not the case then i agree with everyone, you dont deserve to be treated in such a way!!

cemerson7 · April 2015

I've tried everything I've possibly could to get him to express to me and we go through it a million times, he says he's just comfortable and feels bad he takes advantage of how good I am to him and he's nicer for a day then starts up again I know something has to be getting to him this isn't him. I've tried bringing his family in to talk to him which live in Jamaica and Florida he says he will change but isnt. They are all very upset with him for doing this and confused as well as to why. He does work a lot and we are fine on money. I just can't figure it out I want my family back and it makes me sick to my stomach not knowing what is going on. I can only take so much though. He says he is sorry constantly but acts like nothing he did was wrong. I just don't know what to do at this point. I was rushed to the hospital yesterday and on his way to get me he stopped for a beer, I threw it out but he has a major problem.

MaddsM · April 2015

Hmm.. Well i am very sorry you are going through all this bs especially at a time you should be happy and excited! And the stress prob isnt helping your already rough pregnancy

it is a very tough situation, and i know how you feel with just wanting his normal happy self back. Its hard to figure out what to do when he wont even communicate what the true problem is. But at the end of the day you have to put yourself and your kids first and while it would be tough to move out or be away from him especially at this time it may be whats best and allow you to focus on keeping yourself healthy. Maybe even just a break, you physically showing him that you've had enough may be the eye opener he needs to change. I went through something similiar at the beginning of my pregnancy, my fiance came home from screaming and yelling about how the i suck as a houswife and mom and how everythings dirty and just got worse from there, this wasnt the first time he acted like that either so i left, went to my moms for four days, came back and hes been a new man since. Feeling like he had lost me made him realize how much he loves me and wants me in his life. It was tough, and it would be tough for you. But it may be what needs to be done to get your family back on track.

lola2bee · April 2015

Dont make any changes now when you have just a few days left. Focus on staying healthy and positive as best you can. After youve had the baby and have had some time to heal you might want to think about what your plan B could be without this man. So sorry you have had a difficult pregnancy. :-(

cemerson7 · April 2015

Very true thank you I'm sorry you went through that as well. When my son is born I will have to leave. I'm not so much worried leaving him but putting my children in a homeless shelter with me till I figure something out will be the hardest thing I do. We don't fight in front of my daughter in her eyes we are a happy loving family. I think I'm just very confused, hurt, and emotional and this is not the person I am usually I am very strong. I want what's best for my children but at this point with no where else to go I don't know what's best , I feel so pathetic in so many ways.

TBsquared · April 2015

sailaplay said:
Yikes. I'd run as fast as I could.

Yup, if this is how he treats you when your down it will only get worse

cemerson7 · April 2015

Thank you I know leaving right now isn't the best choice I just don't know what to do after, I do want my family back but if he isn't willing to fix this I'm done. I just don't know what the next step could be... hopefully he does a 360 when my son is born but I'm trying to get everything figured out just in case. It's just hard to even think straight with the way I'm feeling emotionally and physically.

peteresa · April 2015

cemerson7 said:
My fiance has been horrible to me this pregnancy I'm extremely high risk I've had a lot of problems including a stroke, losing vision, and more. I should be on bed rest but have to chase a toddler around. I make sure the house is spotless daily and he is still horrible to me. It's always about him if I say I'm hurting he's hurting 10xs worse and I need to suck it up. I have 8 days left and have had bleeding and horrible contractions to the point were I scream in pain and he yells at me to shut up so he can sleep. I don't want him to even be at the birth but I don't have anyone else to bring me or come for support. Did anyone else's SO do something similar or is mine just an ass?

Mine too, he ignores me, won't be close to me, avoids all contact, just wants to enjoy his shows and sleep. Anytime I need his help with something he raises his voice at me and is just non supportive!!! I'm like, damn, so much for love!!! I really don't want him for the birth either because he already said that he's not going to cater to me. If he were in my shoes I'd be doting on him and taking care of his every need but apparently he doesn't see the need to do that for me!!! I'm stuck in a similar situation as you, I have no family around so I've just got to put up with him until baby decides to make her debut!!!

cemerson7 · April 2015

I'm sorry hun. I feel the same way I would do anything for him if he was in my situation. I hope we both can figure it out or they smarten up!

MommaMacri · April 2015

Thank goodness he is a fiancé and not a husband! You may want to reconsider!

mrscimino914 · April 2015

That is horrible, I am so sorry you're going through this. I know 8 days is not a lot of time, but you shouldn't stand for this, could you're family help you out. Pay for you and your daughter to stay in a hotel until the birth. Or are your family not in the picture? I feel you should leave ASAP. Because from what I read he really isn't going to change unless you make a change, it might scare him like the PP said. Right now he sees you will put up with this. Which I can understand, your pregnant, not in the best health. Just an all around bad situation. But he's not helping at all. You leaving might be a wake up call for him. If you don't leave till after the baby I would tell the doctors to not let him be in the room with you, When you're in labor. So you don't have a stressful birth. That's my opinion, your living this, so I know it must be hard. I to don't have any family where my husband and I live, so if I were in your situation I too would have no where to go. God bless and be safe. Let us know what happens. Please do what's healthy for you and your children!

kyleighdale1 · April 2015

I've also had a rough pregnancy with my boyfriend so I'm right there with you. He's been jobless the entire pregnancy plus some, stays st home and plays videogames, and he is currently out and about with his friends while I stay home alone and clean. Men really don't understand how needy we are when were pregnant. Keep your head up, maybe once your new edition is here your fiance will change. And if not, don't put a ring on it. Life is too short to be unhappy or stressed due to an unhealthy relationship. You can find someone on who will treat you like gold someday

kaynix21 · April 2015

Please don't marry him!

Tabbi8486 · April 2015

I just can't comprehend why anyone would put up with this. I don't mean to be harsh but what he's doing is completely unacceptable. I would've already been gone. I don't care if I had to call family and move halfway across the country, I would've been gone. Please do not marry this guy!!! That will only make things worse and if you expect him to change when the baby arrives that's highly unlikely! You need to to what's best for you and the baby! Get away from him because things are only going to get worse! This is what I would call a toxic relationship and those always result in everyone getting hurt if you don't walk away! From what your comments say he has become an alcoholic which will just make him even more unpredictable. You keep waiting for him to change but you're not giving him any reason to. Pack your bags up and leave! Give him the wake up call he needs. If you both decide to work in things then make him prove he can change before going back! That's really the only way he might change! You've got to stop making excuses for him and giving him chance after chance to fulfill his empty promises because until you show him that you mean business he will not change!

Tabbi8486 · April 2015

cemerson7 said:
Very true thank you I'm sorry you went through that as well. When my son is born I will have to leave. I'm not so much worried leaving him but putting my children in a homeless shelter with me till I figure something out will be the hardest thing I do. We don't fight in front of my daughter in her eyes we are a happy loving family. I think I'm just very confused, hurt, and emotional and this is not the person I am usually I am very strong. I want what's best for my children but at this point with no where else to go I don't know what's best , I feel so pathetic in so many ways.

You would be a single mom with children. If you apply for government assistance, you would get it and you would not remain in a homeless shelter. This is one of the reasons why government assistance exists. You would get help until you got back on your feet. Even without government assistance you could go to a church and tons of churches are willing to help a mother in need. These may not be things you want to do but in your current situation they seem a lot better than staying where you are!

cemerson7 · April 2015

I'll do what I can moving cross country isn't an option I don't have family or anyone except my babies. Of course I will do what's best for them they are my world it hasn't been till recently he has been doing this stuff and enough is enough. I would never marry him regardless if we eventually end up back together I am personally against marriage I always felt if you were together 7 years or longer you are married in my eyes. When my baby is born I'm packing up and hitting the road don't know where I'll go but it is time. Thanks for the help ladies it's much appreciated I just didn't know if there were mom's out there going through the same thing. I know I deserve to be happy and I know I am a good person and a wonderful mom which makes things a lot easier. I would never want to see my babies see us fight or have them unhappy for a minute! I love them more than life itself. I'm not trying to make excuses I was trying to help him but at this point I'm done trying to help someone not willing to help himself. At this point he can pound sand and my wonderful babies and myself can start a new happy life :-) thanks again everyone.

Tabbi8486 · April 2015

I wish you luck. I know everything is about to get really scary for awhile but I think it'll all work out for the best!

cemerson7 · April 2015

Thanks hun it sure will be but my babies will give me all the strength I need :-)

hmcconn · April 2015

I'm so sorry, it sounds like you're in a really difficult situation. Since it sounds like a big part of the issue is that you don't have family or people to rely on around, and alcohol is really impacting your fiance's behavior, have you ever considered ging to an Al-Anon support group? They're specifically for people who are loved ones of people struggling with alcohol. Or a religious community, if there's one you could feel comfortable at? Those can be places where people are reliable and helpful really quickly, even if they don't know you, and can support you through tough times, even if your fiancee is unwilling to get help. My thoughts and prayers are with you!

Brieb33 · April 2015

This is awful. So sorry you have had such a difficult pregnancy and then had to deal with such a total jerk. I hope your delivery goes great and you have peace of mind after to know what to do.

MommaMacri · April 2015

cemerson7 said:
Very true thank you I'm sorry you went through that as well. When my son is born I will have to leave. I'm not so much worried leaving him but putting my children in a homeless shelter with me till I figure something out will be the hardest thing I do. We don't fight in front of my daughter in her eyes we are a happy loving family. I think I'm just very confused, hurt, and emotional and this is not the person I am usually I am very strong. I want what's best for my children but at this point with no where else to go I don't know what's best , I feel so pathetic in so many ways.

You should consult an attorney! You could compromise custody if you are homeless and he is not. Just make sure you cover all grounds.

cemerson7 · April 2015

Oops I just reported someone's comment before I could read it and didn't mean to I'm sorry! Thanks for the advice MommaMacri! Thank you I hope it goes good and everything works out too I appreciate all the support !

Bmore112 · April 2015

My boyfriend is a ftd, I am a third time mom. He doesn't understand how sore and uncomfortable I am. He constantly complains about lack of sex, Dr said no after a preterm labor scare at 31 weeks. He is not as bad as your SO, he just whines about sex and that I never wanna take a walk anymore. I was in an abusive relationship a couple of years ago, I understand the fear of trying to get away. However, once you do life is almost instantly better. I ended up in a homeless shelter with my daughter's. I only stayed there for 2 months and was back on my feet ready to go. 3 years later we live in a large house with a new man and another baby girl coming. It was definitely worth the rough 2 months for happiness. Good luck to you and your children.

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