Long Distance Baby Shower

kassisue13 · April 2015

My husband is in the military and we live very far away from both of our families and friends. We don't really have a lot of friends where he is stationed right now either. My mom said she would like to have a baby shower for us but we are unable to make the trip back home for a shower. I would really love to have a baby shower as that is some of the fun of having a first baby. Any ideas for a long distance baby shower?

delujm0 · April 2015

No. If you want to have a shower you have to make the effort to attend it in person. It's really the least you can do for guests who are going out if their way to buy you gifts. Can you make the trip without your husband if he is unable to go?

If you can't be there, just start a registry and when people ask you or your mom if you're registered you can point them there. The people who want to give you gifts will still send you gifts. I suggest registering somewhere that offers free shipping so your friends and family can order online and have stuff shipped directly to you.

Fwiw dh and I live several states away from our families and were offered two showers. We both made the long weekend drive up for one and I'm flying up alone for the other. Most guests know we live far away and have had larger gifts sent directly to us so we only have to worry about bringing home small stuff. Is it annoying to have to spend the time and money to travel up there twice? Kind of. But these people love us and want to see us and shower us with gifts...so we're going to show up in person to receive them.

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

Everything @delujmn0 said. How do you have a party for a guest of honor, when the guest of honor isn't even there? Awkward and tacky.

KonaCoffeeBean · April 2015

You mean a shower that neither your nor your husband would attend in person? No, that sounds quite rude, and weird. I can't think of any circumstances that would justify it.

kassisue13 · April 2015

Agreed. Just asking due to circumstances related to the pregnancy I am unable to travel and my husband is away at training currently.

MWoodside · April 2015

I feel like if one of you needs to be there or its a no go.

VOR · April 2015

You say you'd love a shower because that's part of the fun of having a baby - but.... you won't even be there. How is that fun?

And I agree with the others - a party where the guest of honor isn't even there just feels weird.

soberrysweet · April 2015

VOR said:
You say you'd love a shower because that's part of the fun of having a baby - but.... you won't even be there. How is that fun?
And I agree with the others - a party where the guest of honor isn't even there just feels weird.

This. I'm curious about how that's fun?

neverblushed · April 2015

Don't make the shower into a bigger deal than it is. Yes, it's traditional, but not necessary. Lots of people don't have them at all, sometimes for cultural reasons and sometimes because it just doesn't work out in their situation. Friends and family will still make an effort to welcome you to motherhood and to support you as you become first time parents, even without the party.

Designermomma · April 2015

I could see if you were on bed rest maybe. I guess it depends on how far away you are. Could your mom or someone pick you up and drive you to the shower? We had a "virtual shower" for a girl at work on bed rest. We brought gifts to the office and one girl took them to her house then you can Skype and they can all see you open things. Another idea is just wait till you have the baby and bring baby to your moms and have a "sip n see" meet the baby party. It's not a gift giving event but even better so everyone can see the baby and visit.

VOR · April 2015

Designermomma said:
I could see if you were on bed rest maybe. I guess it depends on how far away you are. Could your mom or someone pick you up and drive you to the shower? We had a "virtual shower" for a girl at work on bed rest. We brought gifts to the office and one girl took them to her house then you can Skype and they can all see you open things. Another idea is just wait till you have the baby and bring baby to your moms and have a "sip n see" meet the baby party. It's not a gift giving event but even better so everyone can see the baby and visit.

Two comments -

1- the virtual shower.... ugh. I'm sorry, but as a GUEST, that just sounds painful. I have NO DESIRE to sit around a computer and watch someone open gifts. To me, the joy of a shower is getting to spend time w/ people and w/ the MTB in a nice, relaxing party atmosphere. Getting together to crowd around a computer? No. Just no.

That being said,

2- I think the idea of a meet the baby party after the baby is here and you can take the baby with you is a great idea and a great way to still have your celebration. But you'll be there and everyone will get to meet the baby.

dramaphile · May 2015

I agree with the idea of a meet the baby party. There's no rule that says a shower couldn't happen after the baby is born. Then it could be done is person and people can have a chance to shower you and baby with love

NYMominCA · May 2015

We lived 3000 miles from friends and family when I had DD so we did a meet the baby when she was almost 3 months old. It was really awesome. I'd bought the basics so we got tons of clothes (up to 18 months), and things an older baby needs (like high chair, etc.) AND everyone got to meet DD at the same time!

Dannylion24 · May 2015

My mom and I planned a PA baby shower for my sister who lives in FL for this past February. Well, about a week before the date her OB strongly advised her against traveling for medical reasons so we canceled the event since it seemed extremely odd to hold a shower with no guest of honor and have rescheduled it for next week when my sister will be up visiting with her new baby. We turned it into a sip n see so everyone could meet and ooh and ahh over the little one (& I know that this doesn't apply to your situation, but almost all of our relatives ended up sending their gifts to my sister when the shower was canceled so we put a note on the back of the invitation stating, "The gift of your presence is the only present desired" because we didn't want anyone to feel like they were on the hook to give another gift.) I just don't feel like a long-distance shower, or a virtual shower, really works. No matter what the reason.

ashsmitche11 · May 2015

Question related to this topic-I live away from family and won't be traveling up for a shower. I will be having one local...Do I invite the out of towners (12 hour drive or plane ride away) knowing they won't likely come for just a shower or just avoid it. Really, the point of a shower is to get gifts so it will be pretty obvious why I'm inviting them...clearly you all have vetoed the virtual shower

So do I just have the local shower and then if others want to send gifts they can ask my mom where I'm registered?

NoSugarCoating · May 2015

ashsmitche11 said:

Question related to this topic-I live away from family and won't be traveling up for a shower. I will be having one local...Do I invite the out of towners (12 hour drive or plane ride away) knowing they won't likely come for just a shower or just avoid it. Really, the point of a shower is to get gifts so it will be pretty obvious why I'm inviting them...clearly you all have vetoed the virtual shower So do I just have the local shower and then if others want to send gifts they can ask my mom where I'm registered?

This is going to depend on your family. Are they the type to expect "courtesy" invitations, even though it's expected they won't come? Then send them. But I tend to err on the side of not sending them. Who's really going to hold a grudge that they didn't receive an invitation to an event that everyone knows they won't attend anyway?

Elsa1984 · June 2015

ashsmitche11 said:

Question related to this topic-I live away from family and won't be traveling up for a shower. I will be having one local...Do I invite the out of towners (12 hour drive or plane ride away) knowing they won't likely come for just a shower or just avoid it. Really, the point of a shower is to get gifts so it will be pretty obvious why I'm inviting them...clearly you all have vetoed the virtual shower So do I just have the local shower and then if others want to send gifts they can ask my mom where I'm registered?

I also agree that it would depend on your family. For my shower, I did the locals, and skipped most of the out of state people. However, I did send one to my grandma (even though I knew she wouldn't me able to come), and a few other relatives that are in their 80's-90's that I knew wouldn't be there, but would like to feel included.

SnarkasaurusRex · June 2015

NoSugarCoating said:

ashsmitche11 said:

Question related to this topic-I live away from family and won't be traveling up for a shower. I will be having one local...Do I invite the out of towners (12 hour drive or plane ride away) knowing they won't likely come for just a shower or just avoid it. Really, the point of a shower is to get gifts so it will be pretty obvious why I'm inviting them...clearly you all have vetoed the virtual shower So do I just have the local shower and then if others want to send gifts they can ask my mom where I'm registered?

This is going to depend on your family. Are they the type to expect "courtesy" invitations, even though it's expected they won't come? Then send them. But I tend to err on the side of not sending them. Who's really going to hold a grudge that they didn't receive an invitation to an event that everyone knows they won't attend anyway?

This. It completly depends on your family. My family lives 12+ hours away and they expect courtesy invitations for everything. I didn't get a gift from half of them, but they just wanted to know that they were invited and that I had thought of them. However, if your family isn't like mine, I would be cautious. You could appear gift-grabby.

rmarie13 · June 2015

@kassisue13 I totally understand you. We live out of the country and although DH's family is here baby showers are not done here. Neither are registries. I'm a FTM and would love a shower with my family and friends from home but its just not doable. We're visiting them this summer... But I'm only 4 months. Plus I wouldn't be able to take back a lot of presents (baggage allowance). I'm going to try to make a registry for my family and friends who'd like to gift me something. Maybe then take pictures with the gift and send them to the gifter with a thank you note.
And not everyone can just jump on a plane and fly home to attend a party so ignore the rude comments.

tbasinski · July 2015

When my mum was pregnant with my sister 35 years ago, they lived in a 3rd world country on the other side of the world from family. So her friends/family threw her a baby shower in the U.S., tape recorded everyone opening the gifts and talking (yes, tape recorded- remember those?), took pictures, and then sent her the gifts and the tape cassette for her to listen to as she had her turn opening the gifts. Growing up we were able to hear the tape and look at the pictures. It's a totally different world now, but to me it was really cool that her friends wanted to do something special for her.

mariafordon · July 2015

@tbasinski This was what my moms family did when she had me since she couldn't fly. I saw the tape once and it was pretty cute. It's what they wanted to do for her in that situation and it worked out just fine. Kind of like a 90s virtual surprise shower I guess.
However it was just close family and friends who all know each other pretty well. I think it would have been super awkward if they invited a ton of people. I guess it just depends on how your family is but more of a "meet the baby" party seems like the best of both worlds.

cawalp · July 2015

I've heard one idea about long distance showers that is the only one I would consider. (I am also 3000 miles from both families due to military). The person throwing the 'shower' would instruct anyone that is interested to order gifts online within a certain couple days and then all the gifts would arrive to mom to be at about the same and be the most shower like. Then you could call each gift sender and say a personal thank you to let them know how much it means to you.

dannie134 · July 2015

My sister has offered to throw me a "long distance shower", and I am fairly concerned about how it's going to work. My mom and MIL will be local, and we will gather with some other friends who are here, but I've moved a lot in the past 6 years and most of my friends are not in the same state. She was intending to have a get-together at her house where they could Skype in to our location, and possibly find one other friend in another state to do the same and host a mini-party. I think any gifts would be sent to me ahead of time.

I like the idea of getting to see my long-distance friends even through a video chat, and realistically I think the parties in the other places will be fun because it will be groups of friends who know each other, but I'm still nervous that it will seem gift-grabby or be awkward. I know I could say no to my sister, but she is very excited to do this for me and says she has a friend who did something similar and had it work out well. I'm not sure exactly what I'm going to do yet. I know I don't need or deserve a shower just because I'm having a baby, but this is our first and it would be really nice to celebrate with those who are close to us. It's been hard not having a close girlfriend locally to talk to about everything.

OperaSingerMommy · July 2015

I'm sure the OP has already had her shower by now, but I'm a fellow military wife far from home and I just wanted throw out the "baby shower in a box" idea. You mail each of your close friends and family a blank onesie, some markers, a little party favor, maybe a guess due date card or advice card for mom to be, and include an addressed and stamped return envelope. They can fill everything out/decorate the onesie at their leisure and send back to you. Most of the work (and money) is on you but then you have fun message cards from all of the close women in your life. This idea seems less awkward to me than a virtual shower but ultimately, being in the military is hard so I say do whatever works for you and your family.

ChiccoBeanz · July 2015

What about having a Sip and See after the baby is born? You can have it as an introduction of the little one to your family and you can still have the fun you would have had at the shower.

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