Am I being selfish....

Aaanjt13 · April 2015

I would have been 11 weeks this week but my baby stopped growing and last week it's heart stopped, the dr said I had a missed miscarriage so on Tuesday I had my very first d/c I have two children already whom I love with all my heart and I had never had a miscarriage so I have taken it pretty hard and have been very emotional. This Saturday it's my cousins baby shower and my mom is insisting I go but I feel to vulnerable and emotional it's too fresh still for me everything I'm going through but she says I need to get over it and go on with my life. Am I being selfish and just thinking of my myself by not wanting to go ? I don't know what to do all this is so hard and it just hurts a lot not physically but emotionally....

Jodiggity · April 2015

No if anything you're doing them a favour by not going. You're still emotional and venerable and the fact it's a baby shower something is bound to trigger the water works (I know it would if it was me).
If you get upset it'll become about you and they'll feel bad. I think you're doing the right thing and I think your mom is been a bit harsh on you. You're mom mightn't get how upsetting a miscarriage can be and prob thinks because you have children already that you should be grateful. I don't think it's her fault it's just that anyone that hasn't experienced it doesn't have a clue about the traumatic event itself and the emotional roller coaster afterwards. I'm sorry for your loss, it'll get easier and you will get stronger in time, I'm 2 weeks post mc today and am feeling positive! X

HML5382 · April 2015

I agree with you, I would totally skip it. I think you're cousin should understand and like the other poster said, it's kind of a favor to her to skip it and not make anyone feel like they need to tiptoe around you. I definitely would not have made it through a baby shower without losing it at that point!! Give yourself some time.

bntfroggie · April 2015

I agree with these girls. I would never have put myself in that situation that close to the missed miscarriage. No matter who it was I would have skipped it. I think you're cousin will understand if you would like to give her a call and just explain why you aren't up for making.

MamaBish · April 2015

I don't think you are being selfish at all and even if you were, now is the time to be selfish and take some time for yourself. If you did go, it would probably be very hard for you to hold it together which might cause a scene, which would take away from the guest of honor, so if anything, you are doing the right thing for everyone.

Maybe send a gift with your mother to lesson the issue of your absence. That may make her feel better.

westiemom22 · April 2015

I personally wouldn't go. I was in the same situation with my first miscarriage and declined and it wasn't an issue.

roxyboard8889 · April 2015

Jodiggity said:
No if anything you're doing them a favour by not going. You're still emotional and venerable and the fact it's a baby shower something is bound to trigger the water works (I know it would if it was me).
If you get upset it'll become about you and they'll feel bad. I think you're doing the right thing and I think your mom is been a bit harsh on you. You're mom mightn't get how upsetting a miscarriage can be and prob thinks because you have children already that you should be grateful. I don't think it's her fault it's just that anyone that hasn't experienced it doesn't have a clue about the traumatic event itself and the emotional roller coaster afterwards. I'm sorry for your loss, it'll get easier and you will get stronger in time, I'm 2 weeks post mc today and am feeling positive! X

This. What she said

We were supposed to tell the entire family on Mother's Day (our present to our mothers to finally blurb our little secret)... If I still feel the way I do now on Mother's Day - I'll likely be staying home in bed, and I expect that our mothers will understand. So I don't think it's selfish at all, you need to take care of you for the time being

valleric · April 2015

I wouldn't go if it was me. I miscarried 5 days ago and can't see going to anything baby or child related for awhile. I'm just too heartbroken!
Worry about you and do what is best for you!

KMKaiser07 · April 2015

I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I don't think you are being selfish at all. I didn't meet a close cousin's new baby until he was almost a month and a half because I knew I couldn't handle it. I explained it to them and they totally understood. I'm a month out and I still find myself having a hard time for people. Today I saw 3 pregnancy announcements, one of which was twins, and I was so sad over it. You need to take care of your physical and emotional needs as this is truly a crushing thing to go through.

thistle8677 · April 2015

Definitely take care of you first and foremost. Right now is about grieving. Nobody gets to judge what that looks like...and if they do that's their problem not yours. Xo

Aaanjt13 · April 2015

Thank you for all your responses I feel much better and less guilty of making the decision of not going. I feel it's going to be too hard on me specially emotionally maybe I am being dramatic but I know what I'm feeling at this moment and at this moment I am not well or healed yet I doubt I'll ever feel the same but I'm hoping with time I'll be able to cope better with having this lost. I am sorry for everyone's loss but am thankful for the support and responses thank you!

HeathernSteven · April 2015

Stay home! It's about you right now, and your cousin will be happy you don't come and start bawling at her shower.

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