How do you all really feel about being pregnant and impending parenthood? (Anyone scared/hesitant?)

e2wire · April 2015

Hi all! Ok, here is my question/discussion. Is there anyone out there who's just not that geared up about their pregnancy? I read a lot of excitement in the postings here and all the baby literature on this app and on the Internet in general but I really want to have a real duscussion about how people are actually feeling. Because here is how I feel: I'm 31 yrs old, social worker/massage therapist/grad student. I'm 7 wks along today in my surprise pregnancy and I'm just not THAT excited. My fiancé and I have been together for 6years engaged for 1year and are getting married in June. Going back to school has been hard for me. Really hard. I have some procrastination issues and you can't just skate through grad school (much to my chagrin). My confidence and self esteem really went into hibernation over the Chicago winter and grad school beating and they were still in repair when we found out about this baby. Also, this is not the first pregnancy for me. You see, I chose to have an abortion about 6 years ago. My fiancé and I were so young and new to eachother and getting pregnant was a stupid accident. I don't feel glad about my abortion, but I feel in my heart it was the right choice to make. I have all this life history and all these thoughts in my head and really I'm scared of my health (size 22w and about 280lbs), I'm scared of not having enough money, I'm scared of being a mother (depression and anxiety, laziness, will I be able to love this child enough? Will I want to actually DO all this work?), I'm scared of how this will change the relationship I'm in (will I be able to let my partner make mistakes as a father? Will we fight and not be able to forgive eachother? Will we disintegrate?Will we hold together? What if I want more than just holding it together? Will we be happy?) Even at 31 yrs old I still feel like a child. I feel like my mother's child. How can I make a strong family like I so want to have if I don't feel strong myself? I just don't think I'm enough to be a good enough mom. Ok, please be gentle with feedback. (Also, yes I have a therapist :-) )

Marchmellow2 · April 2015

I had all those worries the first time as well. I never actually enjoyed my pregnancy because I was so scared, nervous, anxious, scared x10. I know how you feel!! And I swear to you it all changes when baby arrives! It's like you never thought you could love anything so much. PURE LOVE. It's amazing and you'll be shocked at how well you'll do! You'll do great. I think you'll be a great Mom because you are acknowledging and aware of your feelings the way you are. Trust me it's so natural to have all the feelings you have right now. And it's even more natural to be a Mommy! It will all just fall into place. Try not to worry to much. Just know you'll adapt to a new routine and your baby will fill you with the most amazing love you've ever felt! The rest will work itself out.

amm0512 · April 2015

This is all so amazingly normal! DH and I were trying for a baby when we found out we were pregnant with DS. I was in total disbelief for three or four weeks afterward; I was never sure if it was because it happened so fast or if I was having second thoughts or just pregnancy horomones.

Here is the honest truth: you will be happy about this baby, even if it takes a little time. You will love this baby, even if it's not immediately. You will fight with your fiance over parenting styles, and then he will totally amaze you with something he does as a dad.

I did become happy and excited about DS; it all felt real after the 12week ultrasound when i saw him wiggling. After he was born, I took care of him like any mom would; I didn't love him till he was probably 2 weeks old though. That is normal too. And sleep deprivation will make you fight with your fiance, both during pregnancy and postpartum. Just be honest with him, but think before you speak to make sure it's not too harsh.

Sorry this was so long!

3rdtimecharm& · April 2015

I have a crazy history too and constantly worry I'll turn out like my awful abusive parents. My good friend always tells me "if you're aware that you could be that way you're already looking out for it so I don't think you'll be that way at all" be gentle with yourself. There is no guilt in feeling how you're feeling. You're creating human life! Its a big deal! Not some trend or something. Go through your feelings, give each one a moment and explore it. Really feel it then put it away. Its okay to be overwhelmed. You'll be fine! Keep us posted and were here for ya!

sassypants13 · April 2015

I know exactly how you feel and am in tears at reading these responses and how supportive the words are. I'm also post grad school with a stressful job, I'm 35 with a husband who travels for work and have similar health concerns. I love the honesty of your post and the replies. Since I'm a first time mama, I can't offer much guidance but can say I'm right there with you.

torriej27 · April 2015

I'm excited and also very nervous. My husband and I are still in college. I will be done in December right before the baby gets here. My husband is over the moon excited, but I'm the one who keeps everything on the straight and narrow so I'm nervous financially and school wise. I'm scared to tell my family... I'm waiting till June. It's all a hot mess that I try not to stress about.

313Meg · April 2015

With DS I was so stinking excited that I couldn't contain it. He's now almost 20 mo and so freaking busy. Like I literally don't sit let alone have any time to do laundry and whatnot until bedtime. (Naps are 30 mins)

We were wanting to wait until summer to start trying (dh wanted one since jan) and this one was a surprise. I have a stomach disease and that's been active, so I wanted to focus on getting that better before getting pg.

Well it's not always about my plans. I have been apprehensive and a little sad about being pg. Though I love this baby and want it to feel welcome. It's my selfish ways that I've been working hard to overcome. As time goes on in feeling more and more excited. I know I'll love this sweet baby just like its big brother. Kids are the most rewarding blessing and challenge. My life and my heart is really complete with my babe.(s)

rmarie13 · April 2015

It really hasn't hit me! Im not excited or scared, yet. I knew I wanted to get pregnant in the next couple of years so I stopped the pill 2 months ago. We really were not expecting it to happen so quickly!! A lot of my friends have had unexpected fertility problems so I thought stopping the pill and just letting things happen would take at least a year. Boy can my DH's guys swim because I only had 1 period after getting off the pill! I think once we see whatever shows up on the first u/s and tell our families it will hit me hard. I'll be freaking out right alongside of you in a few weeks!

Angelface225 · April 2015

I alternate between being excited and terrified. I think that's totally normal, especially for a first time mom with other major life stuff going on. I'm also worried about how it will change my relationship, luckily DH and I are super strong after 8 years together. But it will change things, and I just need to realize the change is for the better.

Looking forward to my ultrasound this week, then I'm pretty sure sh!t's gonna get real! :-)

MrsB012 · April 2015

minig75 · April 2015

This is my 2nd and I'm still scared and not at all excited yet. I felt the same as you do with my 1st too. You'll be fine. I surprised both my husband and myself with how great of a mom I turned out to be! I love my daughter more than anything in the world. But it took me weeks to feel a really strong connection to her after she was born. That's ok- don't beat yourself up if it you're not in love at first sight. Your relationship will change. My husband had a hard time with the baby being my first priority instead of him. That eventually lessens as the man bonds with the baby and it gets older. We're good now but it was hard. Biggest advice I have about that is to not freak out. It will be ok. It's a big change but take it one day at a time and know that it will get easier.
On a different subject, have you been tested for Hypothyroidism? Not saying you have it but some things you said made me think of me before being diagnosed. If you haven't already, get your levels tested, just in case. If you are

Ashfully · April 2015

Everything you said in the OP resonates perfectly with what I'm feeling. My bf and I have only been together for 9 months, although we were best friends for 3 years before that. Still, our relationship is new, so adding a baby to the mix was most definitely NOT in the plan. He's a full-time student, only working 10-12 hours a week and not on any kind of financial aid, so my income is supporting us almost 100%. That will be our situation when the baby is born, so the idea of taking any time off work and losing pay when the baby is born seems like a total impossibility at this point. And because we haven't even seen a doctor yet, it doesn't really feel real yet, which in some ways makes it even harder, because we don't talk about it.

I'm scared to death, but also excited to meet this person we made, and excited to see how our relationship grows. I'm secure in the knowledge that my man will stay by my side and get through every minute of it with me, and that is the best silver lining I could ask for.

Praying41 · April 2015

We tried for this baby for 2 and a half years and went through hell and back and I always felt like I deserved this more than others I knew and I'd be an awesome mom and I was ready...the first couple weeks I was so excited and nervous but looking forward to being a mom but lately now that I'm past the initial shock, I'm scared out of my mind. I feel the exact opposite. I don't deserve this and I'm not ready to be a mother and what if I can't do this and maybe we should have waited longer. My mind races all day with all my fears and worries and concerns. I'm happy but scared to death. Never thought I'd be like this. Plus I just started studying for my CPA exams and they were already taking all my time and exhausting but this pregnancy is making it all that much harder. So I completely understand. But I also know deep down that when this baby comes, we will love it and it will be our whole world and the best thing that's ever happened to us. I guess my biggest fear is closing the chapter of life where it was just the two of us for so long.

Melissadmag · April 2015

I am beyond excited to become a mommy but of course there are worries and always will be. My husband and I have been house hunting for 8 months now with no success and suddenly we are racing against the clock in a hot market where we need to find a house before I start showing since I will lose my cock-tailing job once I do. I have had an amazingly comfortable living the last 4 years being able to afford to create a savings (almost all of which is the down payment for our house) have very little debt and traveled the world with my husband. It is hard to know I am giving up my comfortable lifestyle of eating out every night and going to whatever country we feel like whenever the mood strikes. Suddenly we have to buy a house and all the furniture that goes into it since we have only been renting a room with room mates for the last 7 years and haven't acquired anything besides a bed. Knowing I am going to have to rely on my husband for my income or my savings, or my part time job is unsettling. On top of that I am a promotional model and have always had a body to be proud of, it's scary knowing that I'm losing that, and may get stretch marks, or cellulite that will never go away. Also, it's scary knowing that I'm going to lose a lot of sleep and sleep is nearly my favorite thing. I'll have to get a new car since mine is not baby friendly so there's that. In the end though I picture my baby, and going to the park with it, and loving it, holding it, and singing to it and I would give all of those things up ten times over. I'll have to learn how to budget again, and we will have to buy a house and slowly fill it with what we need, and we will need to get a baby friendly car, but although this will be a very challenging chapter in our lives I am so ready for it.Plus, once we are settled and the baby is a little older we can find ways to travel again because I believe travel is the best education one can receive and no matter what it takes I will make sure this baby grows up aware of the world around it. In the end I am far more excited than worried, even though I know I am probably looking at things with rose colored glasses right now lol.

How do you all really feel about being pregnant and impending parenthood? (Anyone scared/hesitant?)

Re: How do you all really feel about being pregnant and impending parenthood? (Anyone scared/hesitant?)

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