Cell Phones and Children
Hey all so this X-Mas my DH and I bought SS a cell phone. ?He is 12 and is at his mom's house nearly every weekend. (we get him every 3rd weekend) He is with us the rest of the time. ?Over X-mas he was with BM and pretty much was allowed to do whatever he wanted with his phone (in less than one week he racked up 150 text messages w/out a bundle) He has signed up for on line crap like 'get your fortune' which costs us $9.99 a month and when he got back to our house last night he copped the hugest attitude with us about having 'rules' with a cell phone. ?
What do you all do with your older children and cell phones? ?
BTW, I am WAY against kids having phones but in the last 6 months BM has had her only phone turned off a number of times and SS has had no way of contacting ANYONE.?
Re: Cell Phones and Children
Your critical mistake here was making it a Christmas gift. If you wanted a 12 year old to behave responsibily with a cell phone you have to make him part of the process. Perhaps it'd be worth starting over
Take him to the cell phone store. Discuss features he would and woudn't use. Texting? yes. GPS? not so much. etc. Show him the prices. Tell him what it costs monthly and for exactly what he gets.
Tell him about viruses. How they can make a cellphone a very expensive paperweight. A cellphone is a tool, not a toy and you have to teach a child that and how to use it correctly. Giving it as a gift sets up an expectation in a child's mind that it is "his" and you have no say in how he uses it.
Better to give him a phone on a random Tuesday night than for a bday or Christmas present.
DId you do this with him? Was he aware that he was not to text/download? IF not you really can't blame him. If so, take it away, NOW!
Wow thanks guys! ?We did set up perameters. ?I have it set up that after 200 minutes (that is what is left after I use my share of our family plan) he is done, and the only person he can call is me (I'm the only other person on the plan...DH gets a phone thru work). ?He can't text after 11pm or before 6am. ?I also deactivated the ability to text during school hours. ?I blocked any sort of way to download from Verizon BUT can't control the exterior places unless I block Texting completely. ?
I'd love to use grades as an insentive, but SHEESH we can't even get him to get straight C's. ?So adding something to the pressure I think would be counter productive. ?
Right now the biggest problem is BM, last night he got home from her house and was on the phone with her 3 different times telling her lies about our house. ?Then he was texting her (after texting her over 20 times while he was with her) when he wasn't talking to her.
My guess is that I have to let go, and not try to control this aspect of his life. ?Pretty much DH told him last night that he has a choice-Phone with Rules or No Phone. ?So for this AM I have his phone with me and he can get it back when he can recite the rules to his dad and I without being reminded (we get the 'uh I forgot' line a lot).
Again, thanks Ladies!!!?
DD is 14 and has had a cell phone for 3 or 4 years. Her first phone was a refurb deal, with enough minutes to cover both of us, and no texting plan. She was responsible with that, so we upgraded her in march to the same phone I was getting, which is an awesome phone for texting, and we added unlimited texts. Again, she's been very responsible, so it's been a good deal.
SD (12), on the other hand, was given a phone either last year or the year before by her mother for Xmas. She had it less than 3 months before she decided to show off to her friends by taking it in the swimming pool. Her mom called her while she was in there, and plop! - Phone in the pool! So, it was never replaced. We told her if she showed responsiblity (doing homework, good grades, keeping room clean, etc...) she could get a new one. Yeah. She hasn't achieved that yet.
NOW - SS (10) just inhereited DH's old phone. It was only $10 to add another line, and it's nice when the kids are away from us to be able to give them a phone so we can communicate about whatever. So far, he has been very responsible with it, but its only been a week or so. Plus, at 10, he isn't much into texting.
We do have rules about when they can use it, no calling after 9, etc. We're a little more liberal with texting, although that gets annoying at times too. But all in all, it's been a godsend. We have four different children at 3 different schools and all in different activities, so it's nice to be able to get ahold of them when we need to.
If he is not responsible enough to get straight C's, why on earth would getting him a cell phone be a good idea. A cell phone is a privlidge not a right, and privlidges should be earned. What does that teach him?
It is really simple, TAKE AWAY THE TEXTING, DOWNLOADING and SUNDRY ACCESS.
Just because the PHONE itself is a gift, the service plan is not.
We bought my SD a cell phone not too long ago. I had a part time job and it overlapped with her school time so, there were 30 mins. that we would have to trust her little self to providence (exagerating but we felt this way). We had cancelled our land line and only used the cell phones.
I was opposed to this but, it seemed like a necessary evil. Well, everything I said was going to happen, happened! SD received some pic text that were very innapropriate, fortunately she didn't see them . . . and then she lost the phone. We don't know if she's lost the phone and didn't notice, or if she broke it and threw it away, or if it was stolen at her nana's (BM's mom).
I have told my DH that if she gets a new one -- which I guess we have to get because now there is a 1hr. overlap in our schedules-- it will have to be one where we pay as we go, no camera, and no txting!
You can do the same . . . the service should be a privilage, unless he can pay for what he is using up.
Call up the provider and ask them to block all internet and texting capablities. Ask them to walk you through the steps to get into the settings and make them not work as well. When you call, call from another phone and have the kid's phone in your hand. It will make it alot easier. After you've changed the settings, shut off the phone completely and turn it back on again.
If they don't tell you how to do it, page me and I'll help you change the properties. That way if the block ever comes off from the company, the phone itself won't be able to access those features.
Secondly, ask them to tell you how to check the minutes online and through the phone. Until he's regained your trust, check those minutes religiously. If you see a problem, call up the provider and report the phone stolen. They will suspend the services for no charge and only turn them back on when you call and tell them you have found it.
If this is a family plan, request a password be put on the account that only you and your H know.
Good Luck.
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Hey Ladies! Thanks so much! ?Just to clear some things up. ?My SS birthday and Christmas are the same day. ?We did presents at our house the night before he went to his mom's. ?He took the phone to his BM's house and that is when madness ensued. ?She has 0 rules for him and was texting him while she was in her bedroom and he was in his. ?Since he has been at our house he lost his phone for part of a day (until he could repeat to DH and I all the rules and ramifications that go along with a cell phone). Since then I have looked online at his texting and calling and it has slowed nearly 70%. ?So...that just tells me that BM's irrisponsibility with a phone was rubbing off on SS. ?(BM gets her phone turned off monthly b/c she can't pay her bill) ?That said, I feel like we are in a much better place. ?
I am taking SS this weekend to the Verizon store and showing him how much cell phone plans cost and how much new phones cost. ?We didn't get an insurance plan on his phone b/c I feel that it is exactly what you ladies have said a privledge not a right. ?So thanks for all your in put!?
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Hindsight- I do have a back up plan. ?I have 2 OLD phones (one is 2 years old and the other 4) that are in great condition they are just bigger and not as 'cool' and I told my SS that if he lost his phone he could either pay Verizon to replace it ($350) or pay me (which will be cheaper)?and get a new one that isn't as cool but still works. And if he doesn't want a phone any longer he can pay the cancelation fee
. ?Pretty much we have covered all bases. ?I just get worried when he's w/ BM b/c she has NO boundries. ?Lets just say when he is with BM, SS is calling people (mom's friends) all across the country-ie a 13 minute call to Hawaii. ?And i know it isn't mom making the calls b/c SS says "Oh yeah I was talking to my friend X, well he's my friend and my mom's friend"