Endless tears... Am I too emotional at work?

feemeade · April 2015

I am struggling with my emotions, especially at work. I work as a Maintenance Manager at a resort and if that isn't hard enough, I'm isually showing a brave face and being tough. We recently got a new General Manager, and he is just constantly on my case about things to be done. And I just break down in tears! Seriously?? Not very professional at all. By now he thinks I'm a cry baby and not cut out for management. But I'm only 7 weeks along and I feel like it is too early to tell him I'm pregnant which would explain away the crying. I also feel really stressed out when I have to face work nowadays because of his expectations... Don't want to harm my baby... What do I do?

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

Stress can't hurt your baby.

allrightmeow · April 2015

feemeade said:
I am struggling with my emotions, especially at work. I work as a Maintenance Manager at a resort and if that isn't hard enough, I'm isually showing a brave face and being tough. We recently got a new General Manager, and he is just constantly on my case about things to be done. And I just break down in tears! Seriously?? Not very professional at all. By now he thinks I'm a cry baby and not cut out for management. But I'm only 7 weeks along and I feel like it is too early to tell him I'm pregnant which would explain away the crying. I also feel really stressed out when I have to face work nowadays because of his expectations... Don't want to harm my baby... What do I do?

You suck it up buttercup. Pregnancy doesn't really explain away the crying. You have a job to do and your bosses are going to need the work to get done, pregnant or not.

feemeade · April 2015

Thanks for your honesty guys. Today was actually a better day - no tears!

CatsAreShady · April 2015

DevinBaker33 said:
Stress is really harmful for the baby. You cannot leave your job even. I would suggest you to try methods which could reduce stress such as exercise, prenatal massage, play games etc.

No. Stop with the fear mongering. Stress isn't great but it's not going to affect your baby. People have babies in all types of stressful situations. I wish this myth would just die already.

allrightmeow · April 2015

@otowns Sigh....... Stress from overthinking things at your job < stress from living in a war zone.

Stress from being self conscience about your age < stress from living with a man that beats you

You are fear mongering. OP can gain control over her situation with the perspective that she clearly seems to have. No employer is going to put up with unprofessional behavior no matter how pregnant you are. That line of thinking only hurts women in the work place. There are women who play the "Im pregnant so it excuses me from the fact that Im acting horribly" card.

@freemeade You're very welcome. Good on you for having the sense to take a step back and reevaluating your situation. Take each day as they come. You got this.

ETA words cause wrestling a baby

CatsAreShady · April 2015

allrightmeow said:
@otowns Sigh....... Stress from overthinking things at your job < stress from living in a war zone.
Stress from being self conscience about your age < stress from living with a man that beats you

You are fear mongering. OP can gain control over her situation with the perspective that she clearly seems to have. No employer is going to put up with unprofessional behavior no matter how pregnant you are. That line of thinking only hurts women in the work place. There are women who play the "Im pregnant so it excuses me from the fact that Im acting horribly" card.

@freemeade You're very welcome. Good on you for having the sense to take a step back and reevaluating your situation. Take each day as they come. You got this.

ETA words cause wrestling a baby

This.

I was very stressed during my last pregnancy. My baby is perfectly healthy, go figure.

Stress caused by first world problems= not a real issue.

It worries me that people walk around with supreme confidence while spreading BS information.

HaruhiChan · April 2015

While stress does affect everyone differently, every day stresses aren't likely at all to affect a pregnancy.

Extreme high levels of constant stress can, but as PP said, it has to be pretty significant (abuse, poverty/war-torn environment, etc). Those levels of stress aren't healthy for most people.

Now if OP was living day in and day out with outright harassment and discrimination from her boss, that amount of stress *could* potentially cause health issues. However, it sounds more like frustration and she seems to be able to handle it well after having a vent about it, stepping back, and re-evaluating the situation.

It is wise for everyone to develop good coping techniques to reduce stress, but every day minor stresses aren't a major risk for a healthy normal pregnancy

hopanka · April 2015

Oh geez. I had an employee like that before. Everytime I had to give her feedback for any minor thing, she cried. So annoying! Please do something about that because that is exhausting for your boss, not too mention - unprofessional on your part.

KLM1986 · April 2015

I feel you. I am very emotional too. Sucking it up isn't always an option when it's biological and hormonal, and you're tired and not being treated the best. I was so sick I had to tell my boss at 8 weeks, and she was very understanding. It doesn't sound like your boss will be the same, just know that employers are held under laws regarding pregnant woman. I'm sorry about some of these responses. Being pregnant is different for everyone, and sometimes people don't understand, have a serious lack of empathy, or just like to be mean. Hang in there. First trimester is rough mentally and physically!

CatsAreShady · April 2015

KLM1986 said:
I feel you. I am very emotional too. Sucking it up isn't always an option when it's biological and hormonal, and you're tired and not being treated the best. I was so sick I had to tell my boss at 8 weeks, and she was very understanding. It doesn't sound like your boss will be the same, just know that employers are held under laws regarding pregnant woman. I'm sorry about some of these responses. Being pregnant is different for everyone, and sometimes people don't understand, have a serious lack of empathy, or just like to be mean. Hang in there. First trimester is rough mentally and physically!

Funny that you're apologizing to the OP for some of the responses, yet the OP appreciated the responses and took it like a champ. You, on the other hand........

dalzien · April 2015

KLM1986 said:
I feel you. I am very emotional too. Sucking it up isn't always an option when it's biological and hormonal, and you're tired and not being treated the best. I was so sick I had to tell my boss at 8 weeks, and she was very understanding. It doesn't sound like your boss will be the same, just know that employers are held under laws regarding pregnant woman. I'm sorry about some of these responses. Being pregnant is different for everyone, and sometimes people don't understand, have a serious lack of empathy, or just like to be mean. Hang in there. First trimester is rough mentally and physically!

No one here is showing a serious lack of empathy, and no one here is being mean. The responses are just blunt and honest. I manage a busy restaurant and I can tell you straight up that getting too emotional is flat out unprofessional. If you need a moment for a cry, then take a moment in the washroom to compose yourself and then remember that you are in a position of responsibility and need to pull yourself together.

Playing the pregnancy card because of hormones does a disservice to all pregnant women in the workforce. Good on OP for doing her best, better days are yet to come. Honest.

KLake42 · April 2015

Jeez, I've had tons of hormally-driven emotional meltdowns. In that state, it would NOT help me to give myself a talk about how unprofessional it is to cry at work. That would just make me feel worse-- drop me right into despair about how terrible I am!

But here's what helps me. Direct that overflow of feelings to anger. Get PO'ed that we live in a world where the ebb and flow of emotional expression is belittled, that this is a manifestation of sexism and is totally unfair. Grit your teeth. Narrow your eyes. Channel the fierceness of Xena, or the flippant sarcasm of Buffy, or whoever your favorite female action hero is. If that little obnoxious manager doesn't watch out, you will squash him. And you know that Xena is especially dangerous when she gets quiet, so breathe slow, and just start calculating the trajectory of your chakram-- the shiny circular boomerang of death that will ricochet off three different walls before striking your enemy.

Of course, this works for me because I know that I won't *actually* act out inappropriately when I'm mad. It's just the thing that calms me. If you're more peace-oriented, maybe visualize some other paragon of calm and cool, like Angelina Jolie ignoring the paparazzi and while she focuses on leading us to world peace. Find something positive to move towards, rather than berating yourself for what feels negative.

allrightmeow · April 2015

Oh my lordy and here come the parade of WKs no one needs.

@KLM1986 Stop projecting. Scroll up and read. OP took the responses for exactly what they were, honest feedback. She wasn't looking for anyone to blow smoke up her butt. And yes Id say the same to any one of my friends in real life. Her boss just might be very understanding but at the end of the day she is still going to be required to do her job.

@KLake42 "Get PO'ed that we live in a world where the ebb and flow of emotional expression is belittled, that this is a manifestation of sexism and is totally unfair."

Its sexist that you are implying that men can't be emotional. Being emotional is not an exclusive female trait. A man constantly busting into tears in the middle of marketing meetings would be viewed as, GASP......unprofessional.

allrightmeow · April 2015

otowns said:
LOL is this argument still going on? Classic...

OP how are you feeling lately? I was a crying maniac for a week a couple weeks ago then I just went back to normal. Hopefully you are feeling better and if you still find it a struggle maybe take off a few days as "sick"

What's funny is there was never was an "argument". OP came back and thanked everyone for their honesty and said she was doing better.

ETA

I will never understand the burning desire to stir the pot when things are going well. Just to turn around and say how negative and mean people are later.

allrightmeow · April 2015

otowns said:

allrightmeow said:

otowns said:
LOL is this argument still going on? Classic...

OP how are you feeling lately? I was a crying maniac for a week a couple weeks ago then I just went back to normal. Hopefully you are feeling better and if you still find it a struggle maybe take off a few days as "sick"
What's funny is there was never was an "argument". OP came back and thanked everyone for their honesty and said she was doing better.

ETA

I will never understand the burning desire to stir the pot when things are going well. Just to turn around and say how negative and mean people are later.

allrightmeow said:

otowns said:
LOL is this argument still going on? Classic...

OP how are you feeling lately? I was a crying maniac for a week a couple weeks ago then I just went back to normal. Hopefully you are feeling better and if you still find it a struggle maybe take off a few days as "sick"
What's funny is there was never was an "argument". OP came back and thanked everyone for their honesty and said she was doing better.

ETA

I will never understand the burning desire to stir the pot when things are going well. Just to turn around and say how negative and mean people are later.

allrightmeow said:

otowns said:
LOL is this argument still going on? Classic...

OP how are you feeling lately? I was a crying maniac for a week a couple weeks ago then I just went back to normal. Hopefully you are feeling better and if you still find it a struggle maybe take off a few days as "sick"
What's funny is there was never was an "argument". OP came back and thanked everyone for their honesty and said she was doing better.

ETA

I will never understand the burning desire to stir the pot when things are going well. Just to turn around and say how negative and mean people are later.

allrightmeow said:

otowns said:
LOL is this argument still going on? Classic...

OP how are you feeling lately? I was a crying maniac for a week a couple weeks ago then I just went back to normal. Hopefully you are feeling better and if you still find it a struggle maybe take off a few days as "sick"
What's funny is there was never was an "argument". OP came back and thanked everyone for their honesty and said she was doing better.

ETA

I will never understand the burning desire to stir the pot when things are going well. Just to turn around and say how negative and mean people are later.
You are all arguing amongst yourselves-genuis.

But whatever helps you get through the cold lonely nights..

@otowns LMAO You are a delight!

CatsAreShady · April 2015

@otowns it's spelled "genius". You're welcome.

jenbstevens · April 2015

Every time I wonder if stress is going to hurt my baby I think of women who live in war zones or go through legitimate trauma (family member dying, grave illness etc) during their pregnancy. We'll be fine.

feemeade · May 2015

Hello all,

I've returned to this chat just to be wowed by all the responses since my last one.

Arguments, disagreements and opinions aside, I was truly grateful for the advice. It was kind of hard to "hear" but I took it in stride. Thank you.

On a sad note, I miscarried one week after my original post, and two weeks after my miscarriage my contract at work was terminated.

It was (and still is, but not as much) really hard on me miscarrying my first pregnancy. But I am hopeful I will get pregnant again soon. As for losing my job so closely on the heels of my miscarriage, needless to say that hit me hard!

But I am a strong woman and I will get past this and any other challenges thrown my way.

All the best to you ladies and may you all be blessed with happy healthy babies ☺️

groovylocks · May 2015

Op I had some advice but just saw your last post... I'm really sorry to hear this.

nnmitina · May 2015

Your poor boss and coworkers

Niikki65 · May 2015

nnmitina said:
Your poor boss and coworkers

Wow did you not just read her last post? Really sad you were so rude..

Anyways she had a miscarriage and lost her job. How about some compassion and read before you speak!!

Op

I'm really sorry to hear this, hope things look up for you.

cjd&k · May 2015

I'll be keeping you in mind.

Melissadmag · May 2015

I am so sorry that you went through all of this, what a terrible blow X2! Things will get better, you will get pregnant again. At least now you have the knowledge that you are able to conceive, and without help and that's a blessing in itself to know. It sounded like you were stressed out beyond belief at your job (pregnant or not) and if you're crying everyday at work then obviously you weren't happy there. This is a brand new beginning for you, a clean slate and a chance to find a job you enjoy and have a happy healthy pregnancy. I know it seems dark and horrible right now, but you will come out with things better in the end, and much stronger for it all. Good luck to you! There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

PrimRoseMama · May 2015

feemeade said:
I am struggling with my emotions, especially at work. I work as a Maintenance Manager at a resort and if that isn't hard enough, I'm isually showing a brave face and being tough. We recently got a new General Manager, and he is just constantly on my case about things to be done. And I just break down in tears! Seriously?? Not very professional at all. By now he thinks I'm a cry baby and not cut out for management. But I'm only 7 weeks along and I feel like it is too early to tell him I'm pregnant which would explain away the crying. I also feel really stressed out when I have to face work nowadays because of his expectations... Don't want to harm my baby... What do I do?

A) Stress does not harm your baby. Not this stress, anyway. Levels have to be incredibly severe (think famine or threat of death).

have you talked to him? I'm wondering if you are not over-reacting or clashing with his management style?

PrimRoseMama · May 2015

feemeade said:
Hello all,

I've returned to this chat just to be wowed by all the responses since my last one.

Arguments, disagreements and opinions aside, I was truly grateful for the advice. It was kind of hard to "hear" but I took it in stride. Thank you.

On a sad note, I miscarried one week after my original post, and two weeks after my miscarriage my contract at work was terminated.

It was (and still is, but not as much) really hard on me miscarrying my first pregnancy. But I am hopeful I will get pregnant again soon. As for losing my job so closely on the heels of my miscarriage, needless to say that hit me hard!

But I am a strong woman and I will get past this and any other challenges thrown my way.

All the best to you ladies and may you all be blessed with happy healthy babies ☺️

I'm so very sorry. I apologize for not reading the rest of the thread before responding.

LynzieRae27 · June 2015

Stress DOES have short- and long-term effects on an unborn baby.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · June 2015

LynzieRae27 said:

Stress DOES have short- and long-term effects on an unborn baby.

Not normal day to day stressors, no.

ETA: I thought I posted here already but maybe not. I'm sorry for your loss, OP.

TacoSarah · June 2015

Edited because I just read OP's follow up post.

OP - I'm very sorry for your loss xx

GrumpyCatSaysNo · June 2015

LynzieRae27 said:
Stress DOES have short- and long-term effects on an unborn baby.

No. Not for basic first world issues.

GrumpyCatSaysNo · June 2015

feemeade said:
Hello all,

I've returned to this chat just to be wowed by all the responses since my last one.

Arguments, disagreements and opinions aside, I was truly grateful for the advice. It was kind of hard to "hear" but I took it in stride. Thank you.

On a sad note, I miscarried one week after my original post, and two weeks after my miscarriage my contract at work was terminated.

It was (and still is, but not as much) really hard on me miscarrying my first pregnancy. But I am hopeful I will get pregnant again soon. As for losing my job so closely on the heels of my miscarriage, needless to say that hit me hard!

But I am a strong woman and I will get past this and any other challenges thrown my way.

All the best to you ladies and may you all be blessed with happy healthy babies ☺️

I'm so sorry for your loss. Positive thoughts for you and your family. Take care of yourself.

Fidgette · June 2015

Very sorry for your loss!

Endless tears... Am I too emotional at work?

Re: Endless tears... Am I too emotional at work?

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