depressed, sad and scared

lizsantana9215 · April 2015

I'm about to enter my eighth month, I have all the support from both sides of the family. ... but I sometime's feel like I never wanted to be a mom so young, when I found out I had the option of keeping it or not... but it was a choice for two. ... as you could tell he wanted to keep it and my mom is against abortion. ..... and now I'm always feeling depressed. ...... I wish I could be happy like others. ..... but I'm not. ..... what can I do to feel happy and excited instead of depressed......

aliciaspinnet · April 2015

If you think you might be suffering from depression, please talk to your doctor. Prenatal depression is quite common - you've got major changes in your life coupled with your hormones going all over the place. Depression is nothing to be ashamed of, it's an illness which can have devastating effects. But there are effective treatments available. Look after yourself.

esampson1983 · April 2015

I will be honest with you. My husband and I planned to have our baby and there are still times when I ask myself if we made the right decision. Don't get me wrong, this is what I want, but I also realize that our lives will never be the same and it's scary. I say this because I want you to know that even for people who are happy to be pregnant, it is normal to be apprehensive about having a baby and even mournful about how life is going to change.

But at the same time, it sounds like there are underlying issues that you may want to address. Have you talked to your doctor? You may need to look into counseling to look at some of the underlying issues. Or your doctor may have some other suggestions for you.

Good luck OP! I will keep you in my thoughts!

ElRuby · April 2015

Please consult a licensed therapist. This can be a very serious issue. It seems you have not yet accepted being pregnant as you are still referring to the child as "it"... There are trained professionals who can help you process your feelings and move toward acceptance while also providing you with support and resources in any future decisions you choose.

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

I agree with the PP - depression during pregnancy is a for real thing. So many hormones, big life changes, lots of stresses. Please discuss these feelings with your doctor. They can set you up with counseling sessions and / or medications to help you. Please don't feel bad or blame yourself for being depressed. But please also do seek help

alexam2012 · April 2015

I went through this with my first. I didn't even bond right away. But when I did, i really did! My daughter and I are so close and so bonded now I can't imagine life without her. Definitely speak to your doctor about your depression but keep in mind that bonding and being happy about being a mom doesn't happen overnight for everyone. Try not to beat yourself up about it and just let things happen in their own time. I'm sorry you are going through this. I remember how hard it was for me. I closed off and dealt with it alone. It's much harder that way. Don't be afraid to ask for help.

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

I will tell you that I struggled for a while dealing with being pregnant, and deciding that I was gonna do this thing (be a mom). It was a while before my mind came around to acceptance. Even tho I'm committed to my course now, I still have times where I am afraid and scared and feel lonely. Its not abnormal, but the depth of the emotions you are feeling sound more serious. Like I said before, please discuss this with your doctor. They can help you

klkonwi · April 2015

I have depression and spoke with my doctor at week 20 and got medication. Please seek your doctors help just like all the above posters said. It doesn't fix everything but it can help.

cbrtncanadian · April 2015

Great advice for sure... It can be even more difficult to process your feelings and emotions when the feelings of your supports are not consistent with your own. It can lead you down a path of questioning what's wrong with you and why don't you feel the same way. When the truth is it's normal to experience a variety of different feelings, apprehensions, happiness and sadness.

For any substantial emotional obstacle - especially one of this magnitude (where your well-being and little ones wellbeing) are dependent upon working through feelings in a healthy way it's almost essential to seek professional support.

I also agree that it would be best to seek the support now rather than later... waiting can cause the issue to strengthen and become more resistant to treatment and harder to manage.

Small things like remembering how to love yourself, engaging in activities that make you feel happy or productive or other positive emotions and not forcing yourself to feel a certain way could all help the relieve the pressure to feel "happy" but these things alone are likely not the solution.

I am thrilled to have a baby, but I get worried about finance and making sure that I do things right because this is likely my first and only. This inevitably leads to tears and sadness at times. I grieve the changes in my career that it will have but choose to focus on the reasons why DH and I chose this path.

I hope everything works out for you, you don't have to go through this alone!

lizsantana9215 · April 2015

Thank you I will look for help. .. I just told my significant other how I fee,l and was sad I never told him sooner.....
Hopefully I could feel happier soon

KonaCoffeeBean · April 2015

ElRuby said:
Please consult a licensed therapist. This can be a very serious issue. It seems you have not yet accepted being pregnant as you are still referring to the child as "it"... There are trained professionals who can help you process your feelings and move toward acceptance while also providing you with support and resources in any future decisions you choose.

I'm not really feeling any ambivalence towards my pregnancy, but often refer to the baby as "it." I'll come up with a more appropriate pronoun after birth, but does this really suggest that the pregnancy as not been accepted?

OnWayto3 · April 2015

Given the circumstances of this pregnancy, I am going through many of the same emotions as you, it seems. I struggled with whether or not I should keep the baby, and still do wonder from time to time. I'm on anti-depressants and have huge emotional highs and lows lately. Some of this is due to pregnancy hormones (I think we're all a bit emotional) and some of it is my own crap (making me extra emotional).

As others have said, it's really important for you to seek help... And I'll add my own bit. Please seek help NOW. I emphasize the now, when you're still pregnant, because the likelihood of postpartum depression is significantly higher in those of us with antepartum (during pregnancy) depression. Feeling so helplessly sad when you have a newborn is horrible~ much more than when pregnant. If you can get it under control now, at least a little bit, through therapy and/or meds, you're going to be a much happier mama, partner, and person.

Take care of yourself...go easy on yourself...and recognize that you're not alone.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

I'm really sorry you felt like you had to make a decision about your body that maybe you weren't ready to make. I can see why that would be a horrible feeling, and cloud your pregnancy. I would feel the same way in your position.

It's really good to hear you have such a supportive partner and talking to him made you feel better. Talking to a professional doesn't mean you have a problem, it means you will get support in getting yourself to a better place. There can be a stigma about counseling, and you are not crazy or wrong for feeling the way you do. As others mentioned, doing this now can help in case of post-partum depression, which again, will be "normal" and understandable given hormones and changes, but definitely something to avoid or address head on.

I call my baby "it" a lot because I don't know if, um, it is a boy or girl.

I bet you will be a good mom and good partner, since you recognize your feelings and why you are feeling this way. That takes maturity.

Hang in there, lady. Life changes can really throw you, but with support, hopefully you will be able to find your joy in this journey, too.

ElRuby · April 2015

KonaCoffeeBean said:

ElRuby said:
Please consult a licensed therapist. This can be a very serious issue. It seems you have not yet accepted being pregnant as you are still referring to the child as "it"... There are trained professionals who can help you process your feelings and move toward acceptance while also providing you with support and resources in any future decisions you choose.
I'm not really feeling any ambivalence towards my pregnancy, but often refer to the baby as "it." I'll come up with a more appropriate pronoun after birth, but does this really suggest that the pregnancy as not been accepted?

Not necessarily in isolation but given the context behind her statement it is a possibility... And a safe and healthy decision would be to seek further support from a trained professional.

lovethatcolosun · April 2015

I agree with all the pp. Something to add though...even if you feel like you are against this change in course of your life now, allow yourself the possibility that you may just love it. It is freaking scary to change course, young or "not as young" ( I refuse to use the term old for 36, my prego brain just can't think of anything better). I had a challenging time doing it even at 33 with my first! I suffered from PPD because I was caught off guard by how much of a change it was. I'm not saying this to scare you, just being truthful...and to be honest it sounds like you are ahead of the game by identifying these fears early, so props to you. The point I'm attempting to make is that I love being a mom now. It took some time to adjust and get the feel for everything, but it did happen. It took me a little bit longer to bond with my son (everyone does not have that love at first sight moment, so do NOT feel guilty about that), not having a full time job took some serious getting used to, and I had to make new friends that were also new to motherhood. The last one was my life saver!

Be gentle with yourself and the transition. Allow yourself some time to love your new life. Kids have a way of opening up a new perspective for u. They are amazing creatures. Watching someone learn and grow is so unique. It won't be all roses as butterflies, but it is a magical journey. I hope you can start to see a different perspective, as hard as it might be, it's totally worth it.

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