MIL - am I being unreasonable

pchung · April 2015

My MIL wants to be called MaMa. Am I being unreasonable for waiting to be the only one being called Mama in LO's life?

To be clear MaMa means grandma in Cantonese. I am Mandarin and MaMa means mom in Mandarin.

xiaopeapod · April 2015

I'm Cantonese. Like you said, ma-ma is what you call the paternal grandmother. I guess the alternative would be to use a nickname, but it would have to be something she wants/likes though. I think it would be rude and disrespectful if you were to force it on her. Just my two cents.

pchung · April 2015

@xiaopeapod Ugh! That was what I was afraid of.

Mummawannabe · April 2015

Mama is too close to mum for my liking. You are your babies mother and she should respect your decision. Tradition is great but only if you feel comfortable with it. Like you said, in Mandarin it means something different.

kaimee27 · April 2015

Yeah, I probably wouldn't like it if anyone else wanted my baby to call them mama. If you have a good relationship with her, and this wouldn't wreck that, I might try to gently steer her away from that name.

pchung · April 2015

Thanks @Mummawannabe and @Kaimee27

I do not have a good relationship with my MIL which is probably why the struggle is real with this one.

csreidy · April 2015

I just had the same discussion with my mother and you are not being unreasonable at all! I feel the same exact way.

Antsmom88 · April 2015

Thats rediculous! Mama is mother in english. So if you mainly speak english You know.

turtles7 · May 2015

Could you add MIL's name with mama? So your LO would call her mama (add her name).

mneese · June 2015

I'm having the same problem. My MIL keeps calling herself "Mama D" which I hate. I'm his "Mama" and we have told her repeatedly that that is not what we will be referring to her as. And yet, she still tells people that is what he is calling her. However, there are a lot more issues with her than just that. The name issue is just kind of icing on the cake unfortunately. I'm about fed up with it though, and could care less if I'm being selfish at this point. You are not being unreasonable I promise! It's a sacred name to every mother and no one should be able to take that away from you or confuse your little one!

wenfang83 · June 2015

I totally feel you as im in the exact situation as you. Though many pple were telling me the tone is different but it sounds so similar, how to expect a baby or toddler to differentiate? But then again, then same group of pple will be saying babies are smart. They know how to differentiate. I just cant stand the way how mil puts it across. And when baby eventually blabbers the first word "mama", is mil gonna think baby is calling her? (Most likely baby is calling out to the mother) well, i just ignore and will tell my baby "this is your ah mah".

pchung · June 2015

@wenfang83 that is exactly what I am thinking! When my LO finally says mama I don't want her to think that LO is calling her. Or telling other people that LO can say her name.

I can live with Ah Mah. Does your MIL say anything when you say Ah Mah? I have only referred to her as grandma to my LO.

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