Ugh. Thank GOD it's hump day.

niknak1208 · April 2015

I think I seriously need some time to relax. I am so stressed out and irritated!! I'm sure this is partly because I'm 34 weeks and I'm uncomfortable and running to the bathroom every five minutes and not sleeping. Partly because my 6 yr old DS was a monster child this morning and was not listening and talking back .. UGH.. I was so mad at him!! Partly because our big boss is back in the office today so the entire attitude in the office changes because she's not a nice person so everyone dreads that she's here. She's already jumped all over me this morning and I'm already mad at her and I've been here 2 hours.

DH keeps bugging me about this stupid surprise party that his sister is throwing for their mom's 60th birthday in June. His sister is out of state and she planned this whole thing but yet the only task she assigns to herself and her husband is the guestlist and she assigns everything with a cost attached to someone else. So she's told us to get the pig roaster and the whole pig. I am so irritated about this. I have no idea how much a whole pig costs but the roaster is $70. I don't mind doing the roaster but I don't want to do the pig too. My mom is a licensed baker.. they're already getting a free full sheet cake ($75) from my mom that WE are picking up for them. We'll have a brand new little baby boy and I'll be on maternity not being paid hardly anything so the last thing I need is added expenses! She's invited like 150 people. I know this is an awful thing to say but I would fall over dead if there are 150 people that like his mom enough to show up. She's dreadful!!

Last week his mom asked him if he was going to pay her rent for storing his snow plow in the back of their property over the summer. He said yeah.. I already paid you.. I plowed your mile long driveway for free all winter long. I mean seriously? it's way back by all their equipment.. not even in her way and she wants rent? are you kidding me?

Ugh. I think maybe today I really should leave at lunch and go take a nap because I'm just getting more and more irritated by the second!!

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

I have had bad bosses. They really make work hard sometimes.

And that surprise party would tick me off, I am sure. Nothing like planning an event and then just delegating everything to everyone else. That way you guys do all the work and pay all the bills, and she gets the glory for the "planning." Ugh. Sorry you have to deal with that, especially at this point in your pregnancy.

I hope you get some rest soon.

niknak1208 · April 2015

jerseygirl227 exactly! Thank you for validating my opinion! I don't dislike his sister but she tends to do these things. She's been 'planning' this thing for months. Their dad has agreed to take their mom to the spa for the day so he's footing the bill for a massage and pedi/mani etc. She's told DH to plan on being there that day to watch the pig and set up tables. She wants me to run to my moms and pick up the free cake my mom is doing for them. (Which is 45 minutes away from me). She has everyone else bringing a dish to pass. Initially, she wanted 2 whole sheet cakes from my mom and I told her no. I'm sorry but that will feed 200 people and there's no way in hell that you are going to have 200 people show up at this thing and I am not having my poor mother (during her busiest wedding month of the year) make cake for free that you don't need! I also told her that I would likely not be able to pick the cake up either. I'll be literally weeks into having a newborn baby. Nursing and taking care of two smaller kids by myself while DH is helping to set up for this thing. I'm not skipping naps for all kids so they can be crazy monsters at this party just so I can spend an hour and a half in the car picking up cakes that you're not paying for. I told DH this morning that I have no issue with the party itself and I"m fine with attending. I'm fine with paying for the roaster and helping with set up but I'm not buying a whole pig too. He's ticked off at me about it but I don't care!

I try to really pick my battles carefully with my MIL. She's not a horrible person but she never goes out of her way for us. She never ever ever gives us money or would ever ever do that for us. In fact, usually when his sister is home visiting and we all meet for dinner.. she pays for his sister and her husband and makes us pay for our own. She does watch our kids sometimes and I try to be thankful for that but it's not like it's once a week. It's like once every 2-3 months.

jerseygirl227 · April 2015

niknak1208 said:

I try to really pick my battles carefully with my MIL. She's not a horrible person but she never goes out of her way for us. She never ever ever gives us money or would ever ever do that for us. In fact, usually when his sister is home visiting and we all meet for dinner.. she pays for his sister and her husband and makes us pay for our own. She does watch our kids sometimes and I try to be thankful for that but it's not like it's once a week. It's like once every 2-3 months.

I think you are being more than reasonable. Your hubby may just be ticked off because now he has to have a conversation with his sister about things.

Can't believe his parents pay for them and not you when you all go out. That is crazy! My parents have done their best to try to be equal and fair (which I think is near impossible for any parents) and they would never do something like that. It's just so wrong, I think.

I have two future sisters-in-law on my docket. One lives in the next town over and the other in California. Both are wonderful so far and usually go through the fiance for things. Of course, sometimes he says yes to something that I have to later veto, but oh well. As far as in-laws go, his dad left when he was young and has never been a part of his life. His mom passed away in October, and their relationship was always up and down. (She had some mental health issues. I never met her.) It's a double-edged sword for me. When I read posts on here and the other parts of the board, I feel (and this may sound terrible) that I am lucky I won't be subjected to these kinds of MIL issues. Then other days I feel bad that my daughter won't know her paternal grandmother, problems and all.

Well, enough of that. Hold your ground, like I know you will. And, really, how can she expect you guys to do so much with two little ones and a newborn? I mean, c'mon! Does she have kids? This LO is my first, but I still know enough to know to not put a lot of a new mother. Geesh!!!

niknak1208 · April 2015

Exactly!! I honestly don't get what's up with his sister. She's 31. She's married. They both work full time. They live out of state and always have. They both have masters degrees. No kids. No pets. No TV. No plants. Zero responsibility really except for work. MIL visits them probably 3 times a year. Her husbands parents bought all the furniture in their new apartment. Bought them a car. MIL still pays her cell phone bill. Still sends her money. Still buys her gifts. When she's home it's like the world stops spinning and all revolves around her. We have to meet for dinner.. but have to pay our way.. she takes her to the spa for massages and pedicures and shopping. I mean it's just ridiculous.

And I was thinking exactly what you stated in your last paragraph.. we are the one's who will have THREE kids under the age of 6. In fact, I will have just given birth weeks before the party. Like 3 weeks most likely. it's just craziness!!

mindaa · April 2015

Sorry you have all that going on, sounds exhausting. Hope you get a break soon

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

Wow. Your in law family sounds... Difficult. The nerve of your SIL to expect free stuff from you, expect you to pick it up, shell out $ in gas, expect you to shell out $ for a roaster, and expect you to shell out $ for a whole pig. A whole one! I don't know how much that would be, but I'm sure its going to be over $100. Right after having a baby. Screw that lady. She sucks. And MIL with her dinner dates, that apparently you aren't a part of - whatever. I have problems with my in laws, but you win over me. Terrible category to win in, I'm sorry

niknak1208 · April 2015

mellymar lol My sentiments exactly. I was talking to DH about it last night. He said they tried to call a BBQ joint about ordering like 35lbs of pork. Seriously.. 35lbs?? It was like $350. I said I hope you understand that we are NOT shelling out that much money toward this thing. Not because I'm trying to be an a-hole but because we cannot afford it right now. I will be off work. We will have a newborn. We have way too much going on to put this much cash into a stupid birthday party. I have no idea how much a whole pig would cost but I would have to guess at least a couple hundred? I can't imagine it's cheap.

The other thing that bothers me about it is that they would NEVER go through this trouble if it were my mom. My mom isn't married. She's been single since my parents divorced when I was 11. I'm biased of course because she's my mom but my mom does SO much for us. For Christmas, she's paying the balance on our rental house for our vacation in July. She bought me an ipad. Just because, last April she took me and both of my kids to Orlando and Disney/Seaworld for 4 days. I paid a portion but she paid for most of it. Not to mention all the things she does that don't cost money. She came over a few weeks ago and spent 4 HOURS cleaning my basement. We were moving our master bedroom down there and it's finished but we didn't use it much so it just needed a good deep clean. She scrubbed floors on her hands and knees. Washed walls. Cleaned behind our washer/dryer. She picks up our kids from school probably once every other week and does something fun with them. Takes them out to dinner or to the park or whatever it is. his mom would NEVER do those things for us.. ever. And even getting DH to go over to my moms house and help her do something like yard work or moving furniture or whatever it is.. it's like pulling teeth! He bitches and moans about it constantly until he finally just does it and gets over it.

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

I know a butcher here will sell you - I don't remember if its 1/4 or 1/2 - of a cow, but that's like $300-$400. No way. That lady can go out and wrestle herself a pig

niknak1208 · April 2015

EXACTLY!! I don't even get why DH is considering it! His mom is not even that great to him. Some years she hardly even acknowledges his birthday let alone does anything for him. She buys him, me, the kids a bunch of cheap crap for Christmas that we literally just throw away. I don't know why he's even wasting his energy. And that's why I said that I would be shocked if 150 people showed up for her because she's not that nice! She doesn't go out of her way for ANYONE.

A perfect example.. her younger sister had to have a liver transplant. They live off the SAME driveway!! And her sister had to have someone else come feed her cats and get her mail because my MIL just couldn't be bothered with it. I mean seriously it's your SISTER!! And she lives right there. You're literally driving by her house on the way home. It's ridiculous. It took her like weeks to call her after she was released home from the hospital. She's just a rude person and she doesn't go out of her way for anyone.. ever so I don't get why we're making this big stink for her birthday.

sidey1 · April 2015

This makes me happy that my inlaws live in all different parts of the country and SIL is in Germany! At best I deal with a weekend visit once a year! Hope your week gets better!

niknak1208 · April 2015

So I just texted DH and told him that he needs to talk to his dad about the pig because we can't afford it with our upcoming unpaid leave and expenses and I am NOT.. will NOT take from savings for a birthday party. I said I'll help cook if she wants and I'm fine with you helping set up all day.. I'm fine with paying for the roaster.. but we cannot pay for the pig.

He hasn't responded. I'm quite sure he's ticked off. How on Earth am I the bad guy in all this??? I'm sorry but I think I'm the only one being reasonable!!

I guarantee that his sister will end up going to the spa all day with his mom and his dad will pay for all of it. She won't do a darn thing.

cneiding · April 2015

we do a hog roast at our house every year. A whole pig will vary in price depending on the current price of pork and also how large a pig you get since they are sold by pound. Ours usually runs us $125 or somewhere right around in there.

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Ugh. Thank GOD it's hump day.

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