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MIL insists on being in L&D... help!

MommaAlyxMommaAlyx member
in May 2015 Moms
So, with my first birth, my MIL pretty much forced herself to be there for the birth... I wasn't given the option to ask her to leave, and she was very, VERY intense, very loud and also watched my "nether regions" more closely than I did via mirror. I had a very long labor (60+ hours) and an epidural. This time, she insists on being there again, with no regard to what I want. She's even gone so far to dump our 3 year old son on her "friend" so she can be in the delivery room! She's the only family we have to watch our son! Its more like her experience during the birth is more important than mine or the baby's experience. Not to mention, I plan on being med free this time, and I don't want her screaming in my ear and staring at my lady parts again... But I don't know how to tell her to, well, f*** off! Help!
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Re: MIL insists on being in L&D... help!

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  • MommaAlyxMommaAlyx member
    saric83 said:

    Your husband needs to step up and handle this.  Bottom line. 

    Totally agree... He doesn't want her there either, but his attitude is "we'll deal with it when the time comes." She'll be here Friday, crashing on our couch, and won't leave til the baby comes. That means I have to freakin labor in my house with her trying to "help." Arrrrg!
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  • mrscimino914mrscimino914 member
    Tell her you don't feel comfortable for her friend to watch your child, say that's the responsibility you want her to do is to take care of you child. Also I'd deff have husband talk to her too because that's his mom so maybe she might not get as mad at him then she would with you. I had to have the uncomfortable talk with my mil, so I can understand how awkward. But your mil seems to much. I wouldn't take no for an answer like she is doing to you guys.
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  • lola2beelola2bee member
    She will do whatever you allow her to do. Just be firm and say thank you but no!
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    If you plan on laboring in the house before going to the hospital then I would suggest pretending to be taking a nap. lol A little deception never hurt anyone.

    Perhaps you can use a little sweet talk. Explain to her that she is the only person you feel comfortable leaving your son with for an extended period of time. Use endearing terms like "Gramma's boy" when you refer to him. It's a little manipulative but it might do the trick.

    I know with my first my XMIL popped in like she belonged there and was all up in my space. I wanted her to go away. I wanted to smack her when she would tell me I need to push harder. I wanted to inflict bodily harm on my XH for asking her to come without my permission. I was so stressed out and exhausted from a 27 hour labor that I flat out told her she had to go. I didn't even let her hold the baby before she left. I was that upset.

    I guess what I'm trying to say is that you need to do everything in your power to have a positive birth experience. It's not about what she wants. It's about keeping your stress level down and you being able to focus.

    If all else fails and she shows up just politely tell her, or have your DH tell her, that you would love for her to be the first one to meet your baby but that you would prefer that she not be in the room while you labor. If she comes in...call security! lol
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  • MrsS728MrsS728 member
    We made it perfectly clear that parents could be in the room for labor, but during checks and delivery only my husband would be in the room. It took several months for it to sink in with everyone, but we've been reminding people every chance we get so there is no confusion or no hurt feelings when the time comes. If all else fails, send her out and blame the nurses. 
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  • MommaAlyxMommaAlyx member
    Haha, thanks ladies! I'm okay with being kind of a bitch about it, but I'm trying to avoid it. She's overly sensitive about stuff like this, and I'll tell her to piss off if I have to, but I've been trying to think up angles to be polite. My MW already agreed she'd be the bad guy and boot her ass out, so that helps. I just wish she'd be less... Thick headed!
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  • naccornaccor member
    Why do people feel so entitled to be there when others give birth? My sister in law has been harassing me for weeks insisting she be there for the birth and I just don't understand why on earth she would think that's ok? We're not even close & she isn't close to my husband (her brother) either. But every Monday like clock work I get a text asking what day I think I'll be having the baby....like I freakin know by the way! Sorry for the rant but crap that felt good!
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  • KatieWalter8KatieWalter8 member
    I agree with former posters - first, your husband should be making it incredibly clear to her that she's not welcome during that stage. Second, tell the hospital staff. Nurses are often happy to double as bouncers for you in the maternity ward.
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  • egraueregrauer member
    Also nobody needs to know when you are going into labor, the best advice I have gotten so far has been to make this the start of our little family which is myself my husband and the baby. Nobody needs an hourly update about the state of your cervix or the strength of your pushing. Who cares if she is sensitive or if ppl call you shady this is YOUR baby and your family! Stay strong!
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  • chicmommy3chicmommy3 member
    Explain to her that you would prefer her be with your son while you are having the baby because she is the only family you have to watch him. Tell her that its important to you and your husband that your son not feel like he's being "dumped" on some random person while the newest member of the family is being born. That you want him to feel just as special and that involves being with a close family member. This is exactly what I had my husband explain to his mother because I was in the same situation. Good luck :) 
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  • CateOfChicagoCateOfChicago member
    I totally agree that DH should handle this. But, if he can't do it, just say you'd be more comfortable with her watching your son, considering how long it took and you'd prefer for you and DH to do this as a couple.
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    Franco Paul born 6/4/15 at 39 weeks.  Mila Francesca born 10/19/13 at 37 weeks.  Both born via C-Section after 6 years of fertility treatments, disappointments and losses. Love them!!

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  • Knottie54288128Knottie54288128 member
    I don't understand why people feel like it's their right to be in the delivery room either. It's my body and my baby. Why on Earth do you think you have a say?
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  • mars8kmars8k member
    In my hospital the nurses ask you exactly who want in the room with you and they take care of keeping unwanted people out, you could ask your hospital for that now to avoid having to be the bad guy,, if they don't do that well then be the bad guy!!! My MIlL want to come with me, which i would rather she didnmt but i don't mind but she will absolutely not be in the labour room with me!

    Talk to your husband explain that your body will be on display and that birth isn't just about the baby but also about you and you need to be comfortable, ask him if he would like your mum ogling at his junk and let him talk to her for you. It's you're right you're not asking for too much
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