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feeling guilty

veggie0420veggie0420 member
in Multiples
my babies were born last saturday at 33w2d and have been in the nicu. they expect them to be there for 2-3 weeks, which i know isnt very long compared to other babies. i still feel extremely guilty though. all the iv's, feeding tubes, blood draws etc.. i feel awful i wasnt able to somehow keep them in longer and now they have to endure daily hurtles. they are doing well considering, but its still hard. anyone else go through this roller coaster?! 
TTC since 9-5-09 BFP #1 7-19-10 missed m/c 9-3-10 BFP #2 1-12-11 stick baby! BFP #3 9-13-14. First u/s 10-10-14 TWINS!! 

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Re: feeling guilty

  • blairdavis99blairdavis99 member
    Yes! I am going through this right now with you. Mine were born on Thursday at 34w 0d. They are doing well in the NICU but it is hard for me to see all the tubes and wires. I am "trying to concentrate on the positive" as people keep telling me and know deep down my body did its best. But I hear you - it's hard!!!!
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  • shelly2314shelly2314 member
    I had my girls at 33w6d and felt the exact same guilt. I had just spent the weekend saying I wanted them out and was over it and then they were in the NICU with all this going on and felt HORRIBLE.

    They are now 8 months old and I have plenty more to feel guilty about (am I stimulating them enough, spending enough time with each one, etc) LOL, I am pretty sure it will never end

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  • mrsrichey11mrsrichey11 member
    I think its normal to feel guilty, and that's ok! Don't beat yourself up though, you did everything you could to keep them in as long as you did, and you did great! It is so hard to see them with tubes and wires and having them get poked all the time, but its worth it. I promise! Soon you will be snuggling them at home with no wires or tubes! And then four months will go by and you'll wonder if they are getting enough tummy time, enough holding time, and should they be trying to roll over now? Its a never ending cycle of guilt and "am I doing enough for them." Its ok, mama! You are doing amazing and so are they!
    ***************SIGGY WARNING***************
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  • MrsHTMrsHT member
    I know how you feel...my girls were born on the 15th at 33 weeks and 6 days.  Its so rough seeing them in there and all those tube, wires, the alarms that sometimes go off. Not at all how I thought they would be entering into this world.  Each day that passes they are making milestones...keeping down all the breast milk with no residuals.  I keep telling myself that their one job right now is to be eaters and growers.  So when I get upset that I cannot constantly hold them I have to remind myself that right now the best place for them to be is in the incubator.  But I do get to hold them and have skin to skin time and it just melts my heart. 

    The guilt I also have is that I have a husband and a 5 year old, so I can't be gone all day everyday.  I am trying to settle into a routine of taking my son to school, heading to the hospital, and then being home in the evenings for both my son and husband. 

    We will all have our babies home soon!!!  Good luck and positive thoughts!
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  • blairdavis99blairdavis99 member
    @MrsHT - agreed. I'm having trouble coming up with a routine too. I have a 10 year old and am on C sec driving restrictions and don't have a lot of people able to drive me to see the babies (1 hour plus each way). Plus I am still recovering from a difficult c sec so it is still pretty painful to move around. I then think about those little babies wondering where their family is and it makes me so sad that I can't be there around the clock....
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  • apbauer0615apbauer0615 member
    Oh the mother guilt starts early! My twin boys were born 27w 3days, both under 2lbs at birth. They spent 73 days in the NICU. Some days are easier than others. It broke my heart to leave without them. To see them so small in the beginning with all the tubes was awful. But they get bigger & stronger & the tubes don't stay in forever. Some days you/them will have set backs, but hey they aren't suppose to be here yet so it's all 'normal'. It's hard but right now the best thing you can do for them is to pump & give them breastmilk. Any amount of time you can spend with them is good, don't beat yourself up that you can't spend all day in the hospital. I was so worried that they wouldn't know me since they were taken from me so soon. But they have been home for a month now & they def know & love their mommy! Hang in there! There is a light at the end of the tunnel, even if you can't see it yet.
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