No sex drive

jenn811w · April 2015

Hi Ladies,

I have absolutely no sex drive anymore. I conceived through IVF and I was not allowed to have sex the first few weeks and I was a little scared of bleeding so we decided to just wait. We started having sex 2 weeks ago and I am so dry and not into it at all, it's like the good sensation has gone away. I want to please DH but it's hard when you feel so unattractive, bloated, have gas that runs the cats out of the room and being so tired all the time. I was absolutely horrified when I found out that my DH mentioned to my BFF that he is sexually deprived! Then I got a ear full from her. Not only did that piss me off, it's none of her business! Apparently she was a sex kitten while pregnant, I kept telling her to back off, everyone's different. while she was letting me have I could see my DH smiling in the background at me like, HA HA! AHHHH!!! Anyone else going through this no sex drive phase? Does it go away?

Ceridwen77 · April 2015

I think you need to have a conversation with both your husband and your friend (separately) about boundaries. That is absolutely ridiculous that they would have this conversation about you.

But I have heard that your sex drive changes in your second trimester, so there could be a light at the end of the tunnel for you.

jenn811w · April 2015

Yeah I didn't add that in the post that both are in hot water with me right now.

niknik94 · April 2015

I'm in the same boat. Absolutely no desire what's so ever, lol. There have been times I've felt bad so I've just kind of tolerated it for my fiancé's sake. I'm always either nauseous, have a head ache, some kind of body ache, or am just completely exhausted. It's actually started arguments between us. I'm hoping with the first trimester almost out of the way I'll get a little energy back but as of right now, it's a no go, haha. But if my fiancé and my best friend had that conversation and she jumped all over my case for it there would be SERIOUS issues..

dramaphile · April 2015

Your hormones can make your sex drive go up and down throughout pregnancy, so it's totally normal. I feel like my drive is different on a daily basis! You're definitely not in the minority, and your hubby will just have to wait until you're ready.

If you do get in the mood, get some lube to help with the dryness. Sometimes hormones can cause your body to not lubricate as much as usual.
https://www.thebump.com/a/lubricant-pregnant

wedding crazed · April 2015

I second the conversation about boundaries. It's weird they would be talking about your sex life. I usually have an increased sex drive in pregnancy, but it doesn't start until after I stop being so sick. But it is a good conversation to have with your husband. If you are too tired and go to bed at 8 now, then maybe intimate time is earlier now. Maybe take a bath or something to feel cuter? I don't know, it's hard. If you just need a break and aren't into that hubby should understand. Growing a human is hard work. It does get better later though and then worse at the very end when you are too big to want anything to do with sex. Good luck!

chadsfiance · April 2015

I'm right there with you. My poor husband has been pretty tolerant, but I feel like I need to just take one for the team, so to speak. I'm hoping I snap out of it soon.

LydianG · April 2015

I dont think a woman should have to take anything "for the team" when it comes to sex. We dont owe them anything when we're pregnant and dont feel like it. They can just go into the other room and choke that chicken if they need it so bad. We're sick, we're nauseous we're growing their babies, they need to man up and deal with it.

splaughter · April 2015

I'm just crazy like this but I'd tell her to kick rocks. 1 no woman should be speaking to my husband without me present (not including work and other aspects like that). 2 no woman should be talking to my husband about sex and vice versa.

My husband and I haven't had sex at all this first trimester just because I haven't felt like it. He has been vocal about it with me but no one else.

jenn811w · April 2015

splaughter said:
I'm just crazy like this but I'd tell her to kick rocks. 1 no woman should be speaking to my husband without me present (not including work and other aspects like that). 2 no woman should be talking to my husband about sex and vice versa.

My husband and I haven't had sex at all this first trimester just because I haven't felt like it. He has been vocal about it with me but no one else.

And that's how it should be! amen!

sazzledazzle · April 2015

Mine is very low at the moment and my SO is getting frustrated but he understands my concerns and also my lack of energy etc.. Hopefully it will return in the second trimester! But for now it's early nights for me!!

efrizz · April 2015

Yeah I'm with that like if I'm not in the mood pregnant or not go ahead and take care of business. It's not like this will last for ever. You're pregnant and likely sick to your stomach also friend conversations about sex life. Ok. Yeah but she should know better then to bring it up. Like if he confided into her as a support system that's great. But maybe he should be more selective of who he confides to because apparently she can't keep her damn mouth shut.

Eeyore04 · April 2015

I am in the same boat as well. 0 sex drive during the 1st trimester so far. I'm too nauseous or have a headache or too tired. I feel bad but hopefully things will change next month. Also have a similar situation With my friend and my boyfriend talking about it and my best friend telling me to suck it up and have sex with him. I refuse to have pity sex lol. Not happy! Good luck with hubby and best friend

efrizz · April 2015

Pity sex... That will fix. Honey just so you know I'm going to do this with you because you are a sad little creature who can't contain his urges to play with his favorite you. Please enjoy this moment. :x

mmbonnell · April 2015

Oh I told my hubby about the 6 week window of no sex after baby is born and he about flipped a lid. I'm pretty sure he's gonna ask the doc at next appointment to see if I was telling the truth or if I was trying to get out of it. Have 0 sex drive right now as well. I had pity sex just to get him to shut up but he said it wasn't the "real thing" so it doesn't count.

McQuadesVA · April 2015

I find that even if I don't really want to, if I just go with it I always end up enjoying it, I say let him try, u may feel different wants you get into it

Jeslanky · April 2015

Yeahhh... if my husband was talking to my friend about our sex life & how he is so deprived I'd be looking in to that. Does he not have friends who have kids who he could confide in? Was it like he was asking for a favor? It's none of her business & if she is really your friend she wouldn't have jumped on your case, she should have pulled you to the side & told you that he was talking about (pretty much) how horny he is, instead she's making you look like you are the terrible one who should be giving it up like she did. -.- gl with that situation. I hope you can find a way to discuss how incredibly inappropriate that was with them.

jenn811w · April 2015

Both my Hubby and my BFF have apologized to me and realized they both overstepped their boundaries. I am not making excuses for them but we were at a party somehow sex got brought up and it was taken out of context. Lots of drinking on their side but I forgive them, I can't stay mad for long, it's not worth the stress. They both know how hurt, angry and betrayed I felt so lessoned learned for them both! It's not like my DH had no friends he can vent to either, he has plenty which still makes me wonder. DH and I had a nice long chat the other night and we both feel much better about the no sex drive issue. Thanks for all your help and words of wisdom ladies!

mollythemobster · April 2015

We had sex 3 times in the past 6 weeks. I am just NOT interested. Gave him some last night because I feel bad for him and it lasted about 2 minutes. I have to say, he was VERY thankful for those 2 minutes! He's been a trooper. So no, you're not alone. Between the nausea and going to bed around 8pm every night, he's lucky if he gets kisses! Haha!

missdish84 · April 2015

Pity sex...yep that's what I've been doing. My fiance and I have already gotten in to a fight about the no sex for 6 week window after baby. His response is " well your gonna have to use your mouth". I don't know about how you ladies feel about this but I want to punch him in the face! How self centered or is it just me?? I thought of a solution (he isn't in to pleasing himself) like buying a toy for him. We have actually gotten in to an awful fight about this. Any thoughts? ; (

jenn811w · April 2015

Wow.....he needs to be a little more understanding! You are growing a person inside of you and that's no easy task. And it's your body do what only makes you comfortable. Remind him he has his own 2 hands too. Sounds like he has no clue what women go through with birth!!!. I would make him watch a birthing video and maybe take him to next Doctor's appointment and ask the Doctor right in front of him. I am sorry he's being like this, he should be more supportive.

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