November 2015 Moms

Anyone have to deal daddy drama?

I am six weeks and three days pregnant, and it was unexpected. I was not in a very serious relationship, but things happen. When I first told the father he was surprised; needed a few days to take everything in. He did, and our next conversation was very productive and positive.

He then got confused about how they calculate the weeks of pregnancy. I was exactly five weeks when I told him, but according to him "we only saw each other three weeks ago". I broke the weeks down for him and he then said he wasn't going to take any action until we had a paternity test done. So I found a prenatal one (just using blood samples), let him know and it's been radio silence ever since. He lives in a different state, so I rely mostly on my phone to get in touch with him. No takers though. I've given him updates about my health and the progression of the pregnancy so far. Thanks to read receipt, if I send him a message I know he reads it. He has a beautiful family that I wouldn't want this baby to miss out on.

Anyone faced something similar? This has me feeling a bit down.

Re: Anyone have to deal daddy drama?

  • Similar and not similar. Unexpected, only been dating for 7 months. He told me to get an abortion last night and I haven't heard from him at all today, but I also haven't tried to talk to him today so idk what's going on. 
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  • How far along are you?
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  • Similar, perhaps worse situation. I'm pregnant and the father could be between two people. The love of my life who I have been on and off with for 8 years. Or this man that I met 5 months ago and was having a long distant relationship with when my ex and I broke up. To be honest I considered an abortion, but when I got one years ago ( I was 16) I literally almost died and it was so traumatizing. I'm trying to just take it day by day. I suggest you stay in communication, it's very important. Not just for your child but for your sanity. I would maybe give him a day or two to process and try contacting him again. Wishing you all the best.
  • I'm sorry you are going through this.  Men handle pregnancy much differently than women.  It's very abstract to them and since you are in different states, that only adds to it.  I would do as PP's suggest, keep in contact, but just be matter of fact and let him come around to the news.  Give him some time to adjust.

    Good luck to you!  Try not to let the stress wear you down and just take care of yourself.
  • If it were me I'd leave him alone. If he wants to know how you and the baby are he will ask, you aren't doing yourself any favours by texting him and him not replying, that's just causing you more upset. Badgering him isn't going to make him change for the better, in fact it might push him further away. If you leave him alone to think it over, chances are he will come around in his own time and get in contact with you.

    That's what I did with my OH and it worked. We separated just before I found out I was pregnant and to start with I felt like I should keep him up to date and it only upset me more when I didn't get the reaction I hoped for, then we argued more over him being a crappy dad. In the end I left him to sort it out in his head and now he's probably more excited and into this baby than I am.

  • My SO freaked out when I told him too. We stopped speaking, he was angry and said now wasn't a good time. Once he cooled off he told me we needed to fix this. I'm not supportive of abortion just because he's not ready. It's my first child, im 9 weeks I've heard it's heart beat and seen it and my family is very supportive. So now he feels like I used him as a donor because what he wants isn't being done. I feel like he wasn't feeling used when we were together and should accept the consequences of our actions ie not using birth control. I don't know why some men make the woman feel like she did this on her own but it's all fine when they get what they want.
  • GypsyMama23GypsyMama23 member
    edited April 2015
  • I'm kind of in the same boat. My SO and i were living together for 5 months and kept getting into huge fights, he moved out the middle of february after a particularly nasty one and lives with his parents again (where he was living when we first met). He hasn't had a car since november... and I said he cant come back until he has a car because i'm not getting myself and my toddler up at 5am to take him to work in the morning. I really feel like he's not even trying to save for a car. He's really bad with his money and honestly... it's been 6 months... he's 30... he has no expenses except paying his parents rent... there's no reason he couldn't have saved for a car by now... or at least a downpayment. He does love me but there is a serious lack of maturity that is going to ruin this if he doesn't man up and get his shit together. 

    If he thinks he can just dipshit around and finally get a car when i'm 8 months pregnant and just move back in he's sorely mistaken. I'm not going to go through all this sickness, working 40hr a week, taking care of a toddler by myself and then just welcome him back with open arms at the last minute before the baby is born. I have a feeling that's what's going to happen. 
  • If the test is positive I would let his family know that you have his baby and if they want any relationship with it they are more than welcome. Just bc he misses out does not mean the rest of his family has to. I would give it about a week and try once more. Other wise I would wait for him to message you.first.
  • My SO freaked out when I told him too. We stopped speaking, he was angry and said now wasn't a good time. Once he cooled off he told me we needed to fix this. I'm not supportive of abortion just because he's not ready. It's my first child, im 9 weeks I've heard it's heart beat and seen it and my family is very supportive. So now he feels like I used him as a donor because what he wants isn't being done. I feel like he wasn't feeling used when we were together and should accept the consequences of our actions ie not using birth control. I don't know why some men make the woman feel like she did this on her own but it's all fine when they get what they want.

    Men can have crazy reactions sometimes, hopefully he comes around. Men need to realize when having sex with or without protection there is still a chance they could get a women pregnant. Men can be so irresponsible sometimes. Don't worry or stress it could affect the baby.
  • I agree just focus on you and baby. Take care of baby as if he doesn't exist! He'll come around.
  • He'll wish he didn't leave, what matters now is baby and mommy, no child is an accident and you are Blessed sweetie. God Bless.
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