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August 2015 Moms
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How to make the mother in law stop already...

tylerytylery member
in August 2015 Moms
I'm almost 22 weeks along. Mother in law has consistently been calling my baby HER baby to EVERYONE in our family. Yes I get that this baby is gonna be her first grandchild, but not even my own mother is stepping on my toes about this. My mother in law was the first to brag about my pregnancy at 8 weeks, when I wanted to keep it private (I knew she would blab to everyone in her family which then becomes every one else's business who doesn't need to know. Talk spreads real quick in Hawaii). She also makes comments that my baby will like her more than me. Whether she's joking or not, I cannot stand these comments. I almost feel like she's disregarding my emotions of being a first time mother... Call it territorial or overdramatic, but I cannot stand how my mother in law does that. And to think, my fiancé wants me to move in after giving birth just to make things a little "easier" on us, being young parents and all. But I can't help to think my mother in law is gonna be a third parent instead of a grandma and push my child to pick up characteristics of being spoiled versus letting my child know how to behave and be rewarded for good behavior...
Any advice how to get her to stop with this already? I'm waiting for the right time to speak up about this and how it bothers me, but don't know how to say it without coming across like a jerk.
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Re: How to make the mother in law stop already...

  • kat+1kat+1 member
    If you thinking of moving in with MIL I wouldn't recommend it. She sounds like she would take right over and lush you out. I would suggest that first you talk to you partner. Tell him how you feel and come up with some ways to talk to your MIL. Your going to need his support if you want to approach her and ask that she stop the behaviour. Showing a joint front will make her see both of you as the parents.
    Next what you need to look at is what is realistic. Everyone knows this baby is noT her's, it's yours you are the one pregnant. Is it worth a fight to make her stop saying this? It might be for you but it might not... Pick your battles cause you won't win them all.
    Set you limits now or she may just walk all over you.

    I problem the first time around wasn't a MIL it was my own mother, she called my son a girl the whole pregnancy and said she prayed he would be a girl. She said she was going to drive to the hospital when I was on labour and stand out side the door till i let her in the delivery room. I Let her say her thing about the girl cause I knew he was a boy and she couldn't change that no matter how hard she prayed but what I did stand my ground for was that only my hubby and I were there for delivery. I told her nicely that she wasn't going to be coming in or even be at the hospital until after and she argued. So the next time she said it I told her that I wasn't joking and that she wouldn't get a call until after the baby was born if she continued to say that she wasn't going to respect my wishes. She came around to the idea and the night I went in I called and told her I was in labour and she would get another call when baby arrived.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @kat+1 thanks for the advice. I guess you're right, I already know this child is my own so I shouldn't pose an argument. But yes I'm definitely dreading the fact of moving into my in laws at the beginning. I've discussed with my fiancé that I prefer to have our own place and can still be within his hometown since he's really anti about moving anywhere else... He's not convinced and he begs to differ that his mom won't be overbearing on us. But I've seen it and still see it with my own eyes how much his mother babies my fiancé and her other two young children... I honestly cannot let my baby be overly spoiled like my in law does for her own children.
    And omg can't believe your own mother did that to you... I imagine it would be easier to tell her the truth though since she's your own flesh and blood. In laws make me want to blow up but I have to bite my tongue. My own parents I'm more comfortable to tell them when enough is enough. But thanks again for the advice!
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  • ann_jeremiahann_jeremiah member
    My MIL decided to refer to herself as GrandMOM and in caps like that. No one ever called her that and it didn't stick.

    DS1 -6/25/11

    DS2 -3/23/13

    Missed MC D&C 8/26/14

    DD - 8/26/15

    LO#4 due 5/30/17


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  • tylerytylery member
    @ann_jeremiah I don't get mother in laws... Babies need their two parents and then their grandparents. Why is that mom in laws insist on being a third parent....
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  • Kimk1616Kimk1616 member
    I just don't understand anyone other than the mother or father saying "our baby". Thankfully my MIL isn't crazy like that but my mom is, though somehow she has avoided saying this to me. Were you involved in making the baby? Carrying the baby and nurturing it with your body? How about giving birth to it? No? Okay, it's not your baby then. I agree with a PP about picking your battles but this irks me.
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  • tylerytylery member
    @Kimk1616 it irritates me so much too! Especially because I'm a first time mommy so it's just like can you please let me embrace this without my mother in law raining on my parade... The other day she made a comment, "my baby is gonna like me more sorry". And is referring to my daughter. I replied that she already has her own little girl and hoped she got the hint. But no. She just made another comment that this is still her baby as well.
    Idk why it irritates me so much, but it makes me want to tell her just stop. She has three children and got to experience her motherhood. Ugh.
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    Set boundaries. And set them before baby comes!
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • ginger8484ginger8484 member
    My partner and I stayed with his parents for four months and didn't like it one bit. Same situation but different ways. Luckily , after we left to move into apt, i had a sit down to speak to her and made sure we had boundaries . Mil didn't like it but I don't care because my partner and I are trying to grow and experince being a mother and father. Maybe if you discuss with your partner and come up with ideas on how to speak to mil , it will go better. Figure her out and personality and go from there. Also, be in a good place before speaking and all should go well. Just have no emotion if mil freaks a little because she will. Good luck
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  • tylerytylery member
    @ginger8484 lol well apparently my fiancé stepped in and talked to his mother for me. Saved me the trouble of sounding like a jerk. But my fiancé made it clear to her that she has to stop saying "her baby" cause it's getting under my skin and pushing me away. My mother in law surprisingly took me out today and told me she meant no harm, and ended up buying the baby a few things! I'm glad that's all cleared up, but hopefully it doesn't strike back once my daughter is actually born... Haha
    And I'm hoping my fiancé will be convinced to move out sooner than later. He thinks life will be nice and dandy living at home with his family after I give birth, but I feel like there will be a bit of conflict and not enough growth for me and him... Thanks for your input though!! Really helps!
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  • amk013amk013 member
    My mom is calling my baby her baby and it drives me crazy! I know she's just excited, but it's annoying! I feel your frustration.
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