Letting Your Family Know You Want to TTC

satuttle1014 · April 2015

I am going to stop BC once my pack runs out this month so May 3rd I won't start my new pack. I am having toe surgery on May 7th and my mother is coming into town to help out. The day of my surgery I cannot drink water which means I should not take my pill or I can take the smallest amount of water to use for pills. However I think my mom will probably find out that I stopped the pill like the week before.

My mother and well both parents are hover parents, I don't know if it is because I am the baby of the family? I will get criticized I am sure of it for stopping the pill and I know my mom will say that I am too young or I should wait, etc. My sister waited a couple of years but I am a different person than my sister. I don't want to keep it from her because if it comes out later she will get mad and I don't lie to her.

Anybody else experience anything with parents trying to tell you what to do about TTC? My parents are involved in my life but there are some things that I want to be like "okay this is how I want to live my life."

MamaTree17 · April 2015

I obviously don't know anything about you other than what you've written above, but assuming you are over the age of 18 and an adult, there is no reason you can't say as you wrote - "okay this is how I want to live my life".

peppers1227 · April 2015

I'm actually the opposite. Even though I am super close with my mom, she has been pushing and nagging about babies so much for the past few months that we decided we will absolutely not tell families when we start TTC. I don't want the stress of them asking or knowing on top of everything else, especially in case it doesn't happen quickly. They will find out once I am pregnant.

Mysterious_wife · April 2015

If your mom questions it you have bigger issues. Set boundaries. Secondly, don't tell them unless you want questions everyday you talk to them. They will ask if you are KU yet. It's not their business what you do with your life. You are an adult not a child.

satuttle1014 · April 2015

Thanks ladies. Yea this could just be ranting to get it out there. It is my life and she wants more grandchildren but because my sister was 2 days away from 30 when she had her first, I will be 26 in May. So I am on the younger, she would compare me to my sister saying why don't you wait until your older. My personal preference is to be younger and also just because I am getting off the pill doesn't mean I will get pregnant first try, it could happen or it could be next year.

I guess I was just trying to prepare myself for all of her questions and criticism because I am younger and not a millionaire. Her first thing will really be finances, we are fine but not the richest couple in the world.

StarbucksShip · April 2015

To me, it sounds like you want to share with your mother (especially if you're good friends), but are concerned that you'll get a lecture instead of a encouragement. I say you think up some counterpoints, especially to the finances, in advance. You don't have to talk about those things, but if she does lecture you can show her that you're both already thinking about the important stuff. My father's a real pain to share "happy" news with because he's so level-headed or cautious. So I use the same tips above to help him realize that I'm not going into something blindly (which I bet would be your mom's concern too!).

And if she won't respect your judgment after you address her concerns? Gently and firmly tell her, "I understand and hear what you are saying, but I and [partner] are confident in what we are doing. Please support us even if we make mistakes."

Good luck with mom and TTC!

lifeonthehill · April 2015

Hopefully if you don't want her to know she wont find out. Just tell her you are 26 and can make your own choices. Heck I am 23 and feel I can make that choice. We aren't the richest in the world either but that isn't all that matters.

My mom will know. She actually picks up my prescription(I pay for) every 3 months and we meet halfway for dinner. I could use a pharmacy up here but I think it makes her feel like she is still being helpful now that we live an hour apart. She was asking if we were meeting up soon and I told her we could next week. I wont need to get my prescription so she will know something is up. I don't want to lie.

Good luck with your mom!

satuttle1014 · April 2015

thanks @purrbucket Yea definitely nailed it on the head with what you are saying. I usually come up with answers to questions I know they will ask because they always ask questions. I will just have to tell them what I have and let them know my husband and I want to expand our family and I know at first she would be cautious but then excited to have more grandchildren, she loves babies! I just don't want her to think I am being cavalier about it or anything and assume it will be easy which I know it won't but I don't want her to think that it will be a cake walk and I don't have any bit of a plan which I do.

satuttle1014 · April 2015

alyssa32713 said:
"We aren't the richest in the world either but that isn't all that matters."

This is how I feel too. Yes we have savings but of course anybody wants more money. We have a mortgage and a puppy but we are budgeting. I don't go out anymore so I'm not spending money on going out, I spend it on bills, groceries, gas, etc. You can have a baby on a budget, the of the biggest expenses is diapers and other stuff you put on a registry, that's the point of a baby shower lol Babies don't need the most expensive things or that much really especially early on. My husband and I always find a way and things will happen the way they are supposed to. Plus I have to actually get pregnant and then that is still 9 months that we can do some saving as well get an more cushion with our savings.

lifeonthehill · April 2015

satuttle1014 said:

alyssa32713 said:
"We aren't the richest in the world either but that isn't all that matters."
This is how I feel too. Yes we have savings but of course anybody wants more money. We have a mortgage and a puppy but we are budgeting. I don't go out anymore so I'm not spending money on going out, I spend it on bills, groceries, gas, etc. You can have a baby on a budget, the of the biggest expenses is diapers and other stuff you put on a registry, that's the point of a baby shower lol Babies don't need the most expensive things or that much really especially early on. My husband and I always find a way and things will happen the way they are supposed to. Plus I have to actually get pregnant and then that is still 9 months that we can do some saving as well get an more cushion with our savings.

This is our plan. We will start saving more money specifically for a baby if I get pregnant. We are content with what we have for just the two of us and we will add to it when a third person is a possibility.

jnnfrrose6 · April 2015

I'm not following how/why your mother would find out if you don't take your pill for one day (I understand that you will have actually stopped a few days before, but you are only concerned about surgery day when you can't have water). If she questions it (which honestly I don't think would even be top of her mind if she's there to help you for a surgery), then either tell her the truth and take PPs advice, or tell her you'll be taking 2 pills the following day (when you can have water) per the directions for missed days on the pill. She can't possibly be in the room with you for 24/7.

Designermomma · April 2015

Wow I thought mine was a hoverer until now. My parents had a hard time conceiving me so they are low pressure because they know the agony they went through with the comments from my dads family the whole time. At least fertility is something we don't talk about thank goodness. I have mentioned wanting possibly a 3rd child and she didn't seem excited and tried to discourage it. But I won't bring it up again and if we try then we will just do it. I say if you can, try to avoid the subject so you don't have to lie. Like if your pills etc come up totally change the subject, like "oh, I just remembered I'm out if vitamins" or something.

jenjenbrassard · May 2015

We didn't tell our parents before we conceived DS and we won't be telling them until I'm pregnant with #2. We know we would always be asked if I was pregnant yet. It's way too much pressure and as we all know, stress can deter conception.

vampbride99 · May 2015

I know how this feels too. My parents are very realistic about things and will not sugar coat something as serious as having a child. They want grandchildren, they mention it, but they don't nag about it. I know that if I were to tell them when I was thinking of ttc, I would get the lecture despite them being happy about it. Neither my husband, nor I want to hear it from my parents or his, so we simply won't tell them when we start trying. We'll tell them when we're ready.

katekat8721 · May 2015

It's none of her business when you are your significant other choose to TTC. You need to work on getting comfortable setting boundaries now, before kids come. If you're this fearful of keeping a (personal, private) secret from your mom now, your mother is going to run over you when you have kids.

PibbleMom · May 2015

jnnfrrose6 said:

I'm not following how/why your mother would find out if you don't take your pill for one day (I understand that you will have actually stopped a few days before, but you are only concerned about surgery day when you can't have water). If she questions it (which honestly I don't think would even be top of her mind if she's there to help you for a surgery), then either tell her the truth and take PPs advice, or tell her you'll be taking 2 pills the following day (when you can have water) per the directions for missed days on the pill. She can't possibly be in the room with you for 24/7.

This. Why would your mom notice your pills? Do you live with her or is she just coming to help you for a few days?

g8trkim · May 2015

This whole thing is so bizarre to me. I'm really, really close to my mom but this pill watching seems over the top. I know this thread is old so hopefully everything worked out. My advice is to start cutting the cord a little because if she hovers this much now just wait until you have kids and she's telling you everything you're doing wrong. Questioning your pill intake is one thing, but questioning your choices as a mother will be quite another.

amberrmariee20 · June 2015

Lurking from another board... However when we were TTC we never discussed it with anyone, especially not our parents.. It's not their business if you and your SO want children. They won't be the ones raising them. I don't think you should tell them your TTC and just leave it open as if it "happened".

satuttle1014 · July 2015

Well now I'm pregnant and my mom was one of the first people I told in my family of course. I just didn't want her to find out beforehand. And yes she was helping with my care after my surgery so as a mom she wants to make sure I am taking everything. She did not even ask about it which is good so I did not have to worry. I'm her baby so yes she would be a little more judgmental with me if that's the word but now she gets another grandbaby. She was definitely shocked at first but how can you be mad about a baby? And she came with me to my first appointment and she got to hear the heartbeat so it was definitely real too her. I think it's hard for her to realize welp I'm not a baby anymore even though I will always be her baby. Thanks.

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