Oh dear husband...UPDATE!

didi0308 · April 2015

anyone deal with an over excited DH who is convinced that you can snap your fingers and be pregnant? I'm feeling so much pressure. He is just so excited that I finally am ready to TTC after our first pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. He took it very hard. He was convinced I would get a BFP this cycle and now here I am spotting early and It breaks my heart to even tell him when he comes home from work tonight. Thankfully he works nights so I have some time to myself. He wants to be a father so badly. I should add he is 100% against adoption so it's so much pressure for me to "perform" any words of advice?

Update! Looks like I was worried for no reason! AF arrived today before DH left for his trip and he took it in stride! He said he wasn't sure that a christmas baby was a great idea anyway and is excited to look forward to something good in 2016. God I feel so much better now. We talked and he said he won't pressure me anymore and just was being hopeful that it would happen quick for us. Phewww!

yl1m32015 · April 2015

My DH was very similar. He assumed we'd be pregnant our first try. He had no clue how the female body worked, none. He'd get just as disappointed when AF came as I did. It's definitely tough and hard to keep the faith month after month. Hang in there.

KNB1027 · April 2015

I'm sorry that sounds like a really tough situation. Have you talked about how much pressure you feel from him? I know sometimes my DH gets so focused on the end result that he tramples over my feelings. He may need reminding that your fairy godmother can't just give you a baby and that these things can take time. Maybe just expressing how hard it is to talk to him about your concerns will help him be more gentle with you and your feelings.

mrsespigreen · April 2015

after all the drama that went down with my DH and I he told me today "I hope you are pregnant this time..."

which again makes me feel bad because I'm like 90% sure Im getting AF within the next day or two and we both agree that if AF does show up that we will take a break from ttc

If AF does show up for you try easing it to him

TheBorg7of9 · April 2015

Have you had him watch the great sperm race. It helps put it into perspective!

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=gAnMymnJiLM

ecmb · April 2015

My husband and I also suffered a mc as soon as we started trying and my DH took it hard as well. What has helped him is getting involved in a board similar to this one. He told me he has boards he follows on reddit where TTC husbands discuss their experiences. Maybe if your husband is interested in that it would help him to talk to other men in his shoes.

janeyintrouble · April 2015

My H knows that it's only a 20% chance each cycle, but still can't help himself from getting excited. I know the feeling of dreading telling him it didn't work out this time.

I second Borg's recommendation to watch the great sperm race. I've found that sitting down with my H outside of the somewhat emotional TWW and explaining how it all works has really helped. Now that he understands how it all works, he's much calmer about things. Well, up until the last few days of the TWW. Then all bets are off because he's like a kid on Christmas Eve.

cards10 · April 2015

Definitely tell him how you are feeling! He might think he's being positive and encouraging, not knowing how it's really making you feel.

100% against adoption??? Interesting.

Good luck on your journey wherever it takes you

27alex · April 2015

I can't get past the 100% against adoption thing.

didi0308 · April 2015

Wow! Thank you all for the advice! I will definetly make him watch that video. Sorry for the late reply I was at a work event. Please....I can't get past the 100% against adoption either. It's one of the things we discussed before marriage but absolutely couldn't agree on. I would have preferred to adopt before even TTC. I am all about being a mom in different ways and giving a child a loving home that doesn't currently have that opportunity. He won't explain his reasoning to me because he knows I will never see his point. I'm hoping it doesn't show....but if it does I'll need to have another sit down with him and talk about everything. I am hoping this is just his initial excitement about TTC again

didi0308 · April 2015

Good news is no more spotting so I think I won't even mention it until AF arrives. What I forgot to add to my original post is that DH little bother just had a baby. I was pregnant at the same time as his girlfriend and my pregnancy didn't work out. It has been very hard on him to watch his very young, unmarried, unsettled little brother become a father. He wanted to try right away when we got married a year ago and I put it off for a few months. Then we had the loss. Then I put it off again to let myself heal emotionally. So it has been quite the roller coaster. I got pregnant so fast the first time he just expected it to be the same this time. I'll have to try to educate him on the craziness that us ladies call our bodies!

ecmb · April 2015

I can definitely relate.

Great news that the spotting stopped! F still X for you and even if this cycle doesn't work out I wish y'all the best!

didi0308 · April 2015

Thanks! I feel like this will not be my cycle. I am just glad that it stopped so i won't have such a short cycle. Pre MC I was somewhere between 28-31 days last cycle was a short one. Both DH and I have plans to be away for the weekend on separate trips so it will give us some time to recover from this cycle and move on to the next

BeachBum1330 · April 2015

Thanks for sharing. We are in a similar situation but I am a bit more like your DH, a little impatient and having a hard time post miscarriage not carrying a ton of hope that it will happen again quickly. My DH has been great about avoiding the whole "just be patient speech" and instead talking to me a lot about focusing on being present, being happy now (rather than awaiting happiness on bfp and baby). Sometimes I need little "trust the universe" reminders without a hint of condescension and I snap out of it. Hope that helps a little with how you can work with him on it.

nlwz123 · April 2015

My DH has been the same way this cycle (he's usually not, so it's been weird). Literally, as soon as my alarm goes off he shoots up and asks what my temperature is. It's actually kind of cute. He says he just has a "feeling" that I'm pregnant this month. I'm not even sure what that means...haha. I just keep telling him to not assume anything because he's just going to get his hopes up for no reason. Instead, I've been discussing with him what we need to do next WHEN my AF comes.

navegalejos · April 2015

Ugh, I'm sorry that your DH is pressuring you about it -- and that sucks about his views on adoption. I think that everyone should always keep that in their mind as an options, because truly, we never know what may happen or not happen! It's definitely hard not to talk about only TCC all the time. I find myself needing to actively THINK of other topics to discuss. It doesn't help that there isn't much news-worthy going on in either family for us, too.

I think that watching The Great Sperm Race reallllllly puts it all into perspective. I'm going to have DH watch it tonight! I'm currently on CD24, so the TWW is killing me right now. And it's disgusting outside, so I can't go for a walk or run to keep my mind off it! Gah!

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