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Being treated like an invalid

marthaudanimarthaudani member
in May 2015 Moms
I'm due at the end of May. It's a good ways off but everyone is treating me like I'm due any time now and that I should not be doing anything.

I'm in the Army Reserve and at Battle Assembly this past weekend I was helping to put away folding metal chairs. I was scolded and given a direct order to stop and go sit down!

I was carrying a basket of groceries in the commissary and a man insisted that I stop, put the basket down and wait for him to bring me a cart. It was a box of cereal, a hand of bananas and a carton of eggs.

I picked up a package for DH at the post office and as soon as the clerk said "it's a little heavy", a man offered to carry it to my car and wouldn't take no for an answer.

My mom and sisters are always telling me to eat more or to stop exercising so much. I eat enough to feed a small family some days and my "exercise" that they are critical of is walking 2 miles. Seriously.

I am very thankful for the help and appreciate the concern but it makes me feel like people think I am incapable of doing anything. I'm pregnant, not handicapped!

That and the "oh poor thing" looks are starting to get annoying.

Anyone else feel like this?
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Re: Being treated like an invalid

  • CanadaMom17CanadaMom17 member
    Yes and no.  Let them, likely when you have a screaming baby, a stroller, and a basket of groceries no one will lift a finger.  :)  Working out, I just go to the gym where no one else sees me, and it WAS nice having a little help with picking up the yard debris this weekend.  Or, just tell people what IS tough, and they'll maybe only come to help when it is that.  Like, bending AND breathing at the same time (thus help picking up the yard debris).  But, my folks know for now at least, I can still handle the rest!
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  • khaleesi123khaleesi123 member
    I don't like that if you feel ok to lift something or pick something up people look at you like you're irresponsible for doing so.. Some things are ridiculous what people don't let you do even randoms in the street
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  • gooberdolgooberdol member
    Definitely feeling your pain. Now only you know your body best. And everyone needs to know that... however there are alot of things us mama's have to scale back on obviously because what we do can have a direct effect on baby. Talk to your doc discuss your daily routine. They may offer guidelines on this. For example I walk an average of 8-10 miles a day for work and at 35 wks prego am still maintaining my regular work schedule of 10-12hour shifts mostly on my feet. But I have scaled back my pace for sure and take 5min breaks often. The only thing I had to stop doing was lifting anything over 25lbs. It is still hard for me to come to terms with what I am "able" to do. But we have to remember baby's health vs being super woman..
    But doc may say go for it! Just ask all they can say is yes or no.
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    @CanadaMom17 that's the truth right there! Once you have the baby everyone expects you to carry everything! lol it's like you've suddenly turned into a luggage porter.

    @khaleeesi it's the randoms that kill me because I kind of feel like I have to let them help me. No sense in hurting anyone's feelings when they're trying to be nice. :) Living in the south does have perks. lol
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  • backwoodsbarbie2k15backwoodsbarbie2k15 member
    My mother in law freaked out that I was bringing the vacuum up the stairs and insists I was hurting the baby. I feel your pain. We are not helpless, we are pregnant. Hugeeeeee difference!
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  • LadyBloodLadyBlood member
    I understand. Coworkers at work won't let me take out the trash. And I'm constantly being told they'll handle everything just help customers and take it easy... I'm pregnant, not disabled. If I feel like I can't gandle a part of my job, I'll let you know!! But at the same time I know they mean well especially being 37w3d at this point.
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  • Knottie54288128Knottie54288128 member
    Drives me nuts too! Ever since people found out that I'm pregnant, I'm getting the, "yoy shouldn't be carrying that", or "don't stand on the step stool! You could fall" lectures. I'm extremely independent and hate people thinking that i can't do things. I was seriously asked the other day if a small box of paper and pencils was too heavy. :/ No. No it isn't. Thanks.
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  • Bmore112Bmore112 member
    My MIL says I shouldn't reach above my head, not even to fix my hair! Are you serious???????? How foes she expect me to change my shirt????? Grrrr this is ridiculous.
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  • bscurtbscurt member
    I kept up with Olympic weightlifting and walking two miles up hill until a kidney infection stopped everything for me three weeks back. I would be frustrated when people told me to stop or that I was going to hurt myself or my baby, or when they told me to just "be pregnant". What does that even mean?? Now, I'm thankful for the help because I'm on orders to not do anything, but it is frustrating to be told we aren't capable of strong enough to handle our bodies and our babies.
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  • nicolebishop91nicolebishop91 member
    I understand your frustration. I just moved near my dad, haven't lived around him for some time so he missed my first pregnancy. This time around he wont even let me carry my laundry basket. I just let him do it. My husband too. Haha cause that is 100% the truth, When baby comes im going to need 6 arms.
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  • marijaa333marijaa333 member
    edited April 2015
    I'm more miffed by the unsolicited advice and judgement. I was in a vitamin store yesterday, because my husband bought some god-awful protein supplement with millions of chemicals in it and I want to replace it with something healthier. I don't event eat/drink the stuff, and was looking for an alternative to prevent him from ingesting heavy metals, etc.  The sales lady came up to me and told me how I shouldn't be having protein supplements but that they do have fish oil and prenatal vitamins. She was very sweet about it but even when I explained it wasn't for me, she dismissed my question about a recommended natural brand of protein and went back to telling me about fish oil. 

    A colleague I was having lunch with told me that having diet coke will cause brain damage. I've had about three diet cokes the entire pregnancy, and checked ahead of time whether it was ok (it's fine).

    The barista at the cafe at work always double checks whether I *really??* want a caffeinated (single) latte. At first he would correct me with "you mean decaf?" and now it's "with regular espresso?" which I suppose is progress. A single shot of espresso has around 80mg of caffeine and I normally have black tea in the morning, staying well below the conservative recommendation of 200mg per day. I really don't need the judgmental looks.

    Perhaps the funniest episode was in a clothing store yesterday when the cashier seemed so happy for me and told me I would just love having and raising a boy, then proceeded to give me various tips. It turned out she didn't have any children.

    I wonder if this is something to get used to and that the advice and opinions will continue once the baby arrives ("he should be in the sun" "he should never be in the sun" etc.).
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  • amandafroamandafro member
    I know how you feel. I'm a mechanic on active duty. It's like having 90 big brothers. Even when I was first pregnant and didn't have any restrictions they would yell at me. Like come on guys, I'm not totally broken. Chicks do it in other countries all the time. Now I'm measuring big,42 weeks at my 35 week appt., and every one things I'm going to die if I lift a piece of paper. I may not be able to lift some things and move a hell of a lot slower but I'm not going to push the baby out if I pick up something on the floor. Men! I swear!
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  • marthaudanimarthaudani member
    @marijaa333 The unsolicited advice will continue as long as you have kids. Trust me on this. lol The worst was when my XMIL would tell me I need to do this or do that to make the baby smart...my XH didn't graduate on time and dropped out of Community College because it was "too hard". Try to ignore the foolishness. lol

    @amandafro I was a mechanic 62B (it changed after I reclassed) when I was pregnant with my first and all the boys did the same with me and I was the squad leader. It was a protective thing. They wouldn't let anyone near me when we were deployed either. lol
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  • Knottie54288128Knottie54288128 member
    @amandafro shoot!  Measuring 42 weeks at 35 weeks you may want that baby to push out when you pick something up off the floor!!  LOL
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  • madisongg92madisongg92 member
    I know exactly how you feel everytime I try to do anything in front of my FIL he tries to make me stop and have my DH do it for me....the other day I was pretty much told I couldn't bend over anymore and that I can't hold it when I have to go to the bathroom anymore. I understand and appreciate the concern but like you said your pregnant not disabled. Everytime someone stops me from doing something it makes me so mad I could just scream, but I have been dealing with this for 9 months
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  • Mari621Mari621 member
    I have patients who have BMI over 40 or patients who had back surgery trying to pull on me as leverage to get out off bed. Mind you I'm just shy of 5 ft tall with a huge belly. My coworkers try to help to help but they can't do everything for me. Then on my train home is always the elderly who try to give me their seats. The 20-30 somethings act like they don't see me. Appreciate what people are doing for you because it sucks being on the other end.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • FTArmyMFTArmyM member
    marthaudani said:

    I'm due at the end of May. It's a good ways off but everyone is treating me like I'm due any time now and that I should not be doing anything.

    I'm in the Army Reserve and at Battle Assembly this past weekend I was helping to put away folding metal chairs. I was scolded and given a direct order to stop and go sit down!

    As an NCO with 16 years....this is the right answer. Its a liability issue and if anything happens entire CoC could catch hell or be relieved.
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  • ann123321ann123321 member
    I can completely relate! I don't often get offers of help, more so lectured on what I shouldn't be lifting or doing. I'm a nurse and I work 10-12 hour days 7 days a week.. I'm often critisised for doing so, but it's what I do! I love working as apposed to sitting at home watching the time tick over slowly. I know my limits and I know when enough is enough! I worked the entire 38 weeks of my previous pregnancy with 0 complications from doing so. Some people just feel (particularly the elderly) that pregnant women should be bed bound by this stage in the pregnancy as I often hear "back in my day women weren't ALLOWED to work during pregnancy" ehhh lol
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