baby shower cancelled at last minute by CoC...vent happy update

FTArmyM · April 2015

My baby shower was scheduled to be Friday at work but now my CoC (chain of command) has cancelled it saying they want to do a combination baby shower with the other girls at work since there are 5 other women pregnant. Im so hurt as I was the first one pregnant, this is the third time its been cancelled, and my shower has been planned for months. My plation sergeant is going to reengage my commander tomorrow about this....one because its a bad ideal....you are asking people to buy 6 different gifts at one time first of all and then the gifts have to be the same for all of us so no one gets any bad or hurt feelings...lets not mention that some of these girls arent even out of their 1st trimester and dont know the sex of their baby. I have served for 16 years and i have never seen a commander do anything like this...i didnt make a baby with all of them so why should I or anyone else have to share a baby shower...secondly 95% of Soldiers are not stationed near family so if there is no shower at work they never have one (which is the case for me....if they truly cancel it i will end up not having a shower.) Im so hurt and pissed off. Like leave it to a man to come up with some bullshit like this.

scubakate · April 2015

Feel lucky your work is planning anything at all. I'm a FTM and haven't had any showers. Really, showers aren't a requirement and you should just feel happy they want to celebrate with you at all.

cpage2211 · April 2015

FTArmyM said:
My baby shower was scheduled to be Friday at work but now my CoC (chain of command) has cancelled it saying they want to do a combination baby shower with the other girls at work since there are 5 other women pregnant. Im so hurt as I was the first one pregnant, this is the third time its been cancelled, and my shower has been planned for months. My plation sergeant is going to reengage my commander tomorrow about this....one because its a bad ideal....you are asking people to buy 6 different gifts at one time first of all and then the gifts have to be the same for all of us so no one gets any bad or hurt feelings...lets not mention that some of these girls arent even out of their 1st trimester and dont know the sex of their baby. I have served for 16 years and i have never seen a commander do anything like this...i didnt make a baby with all of them so why should I or anyone else have to share a baby shower...secondly 95% of Soldiers are not stationed near family so if there is no shower at work they never have one (which is the case for me....if they truly cancel it i will end up not having a shower.) Im so hurt and pissed off. Like leave it to a man to come up with some bullshit like this.

That really stinks. Especially it being the third time it's happened. What do the first trimester Moms-to-be think of the decision?

LadyBlood · April 2015

You could still have your own shower outside of work with your friends. You don't have to wait for the company to decide to do something for you. I know it can suck being away from home and family, but that's one of the joys of having close friends, they become your family!

twodreamers · April 2015

I'd be disappointed too since this has been in the works for a while and you've had your hopes up and let down as they cancel and reschedule. I'm sorry you're going through this...I hope it all gets resolved and they continue with YOUR shower as planned. Being away from home and wild pregnancy emotions are hard enough to deal with.

MrsWhiteToBe · April 2015

I think some of the snarky posters here didn't actually read what you were saying before they just had to make their snarky comments. I hope your sergeant can talk your commander out of that bc it sounds like a big inconvenience for everyone involved!

2undertwo2bee · April 2015

You should check out operation Homefront and see when the next shower close to your base is. I know it's not the same as one with everyone you know but it's a great time to get to meet new moms or expecting moms and they usually do a nice lunch fun games and a few nice gifts.

ekaeb · April 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry for the rude comment you are receiving some people don't understand what it's like to be away from home and loved ones I myself am not in any military but my brother is (12years) and he gets sad when he misses out on big family events!! I hope everything works out for u! Keep a positive mind!

sunnysidexup · April 2015

I hope you do end up getting your own shower! Is there anyone you can talk to that can reverse this or make something else happen soon? I'd be pissed.

FTArmyM · April 2015

scubakate said:
Feel lucky your work is planning anything at all. I'm a FTM and haven't had any showers. Really, showers aren't a requirement and you should just feel happy they want to celebrate with you at all.

Unfortunately, if you aren't military you dont understand that this is tradition. This commander is breaking that tradition. Im the senior ranking female of all the pregnant females and i have to speak up because it isn't just about me....we generally take care of our own.

FTArmyM · April 2015

LadyBlood said:
You could still have your own shower outside of work with your friends. You don't have to wait for the company to decide to do something for you. I know it can suck being away from home and family, but that's one of the joys of having close friends, they become your family!

My friends are my unit....i dont think you quite understand or grasp the situation either. Its more convenient for yhe baby shower to be at work during lunch because everyone is already there. Versus having to use a venue and people take time out from their family to celebrate with me. Im in a rapid deploying unit and we try not to do things to take away time from others family.

LadyBlood · April 2015

I was just trying to give you a suggestion that allows you to have your own day rather than sharing. It sounds like your chain of command wants to just do a group thing to get them all over with and if you're not wanting that then it doesn't hurt to have one outside of work to keep it to yourself. But that's just my opinion. My experience is good friends are more than willing to spend a few hours out of their day to hang out and celebrate.

BabyBear28 · April 2015

FTArmyM said:

scubakate said:
Feel lucky your work is planning anything at all. I'm a FTM and haven't had any showers. Really, showers aren't a requirement and you should just feel happy they want to celebrate with you at all.
Unfortunately, if you aren't military you dont understand that this is tradition. This commander is breaking that tradition. Im the senior ranking female of all the pregnant females and i have to speak up because it isn't just about me....we generally take care of our own.

I am military and have never heard this as a tradition. Maybe just your unit does it? My squadron didn't have one for me, but like you my closest friends are my coworkers. Some of them threw me a baby shower and no one that came to it seemed like they thought it was inconvenient to take time out of their weekend/free time. Like a PP said, good friends will want to spend a few hours celebrating with you. Good luck with it though, I hope someone throws you a shower!

khaleesi123 · April 2015

I didn't see any snark in these posts.. I don't think OP did either from the responses..

Anyways I can't believe they have cancelled on you 3 times now! And doing a big combined shower with like 6 women would be awkward and just very inconvenient .. If there are first tri woman they wouldn't even be past the safe point yet that is a little odd to be throwing a shower at such an early time just to save time .. Definitely a male decision there!

blitzy23 · April 2015

Isn't the army about rules and regulations? This isn't the first time that you have posted about them not treating you as you expected. I would be disappointed too, but demanding or expecting a shower for Princess isn't a good avenue either.

FTArmyM · April 2015

BabyBear28 said:

FTArmyM said:

scubakate said:
Feel lucky your work is planning anything at all. I'm a FTM and haven't had any showers. Really, showers aren't a requirement and you should just feel happy they want to celebrate with you at all.
Unfortunately, if you aren't military you dont understand that this is tradition. This commander is breaking that tradition. Im the senior ranking female of all the pregnant females and i have to speak up because it isn't just about me....we generally take care of our own.

I am military and have never heard this as a tradition. Maybe just your unit does it? My squadron didn't have one for me, but like you my closest friends are my coworkers. Some of them threw me a baby shower and no one that came to it seemed like they thought it was inconvenient to take time out of their weekend/free time. Like a PP said, good friends will want to spend a few hours celebrating with you. Good luck with it though, I hope someone throws you a shower!

Are you Army? Because squadron makes me think you are AF....i cant speak for the AF. Ive also been in 16 years and it is always done. Ive been all over the country in those 16 years. So no it isnt a unit thing.

marthaudani · April 2015

I'm sorry this is happening to you. I would be hurt, sad and pretty irritated.

I've been in the Army Reserve 16 years and mobilized for 6 and deployed for 1 during that time. In every circumstance, it was always the platoon that threw the baby shower for the pregnant Soldier. The CoC always showed up and brought gifts and Soldiers from other platoons showed up with gifts as well.

It almost sounds as if the CoC doesn't want to feel obligated to attend 6 different parties. Maybe they don't have the time.

The part about the gifts having to be the same is dumb. In no way should the amount and type of gifts from unit members be dictated. An event like this is a significant life changing event and all rules of gift giving, for ethics reasons, are kind of out the window on this one. This might be why the CoC is concerned but there wouldn't be any ethics violations in having a baby shower with gifts totaling more than the $300 limit.

Also, Soldiers, no matter what rank, cannot be compelled to contribute money or gifts in any situation. That would be an ethics violation for sure. Hopefully, that is not the case here.

Perhaps they don't want the perception of favoritism. Let's say one gets way more gifts than another and complains to EO or IG. It would be an unfounded claim, most likely, but it's understandably a headache the CoC doesn't want.

If they are worried about hurt feelings then I call BS. In the Army we all need to grow a thick skin. Feelings get hurt and we learn to suck it up and drive on.

It just sounds like a case of the good idea fairy showing up and whispering in someone's ear. The idea that it would all be the same, it would be "fair", it's a one shot deal and no one feels hurt would probably be very appealing to the CoC.

Again, I'm sorry that this is happening to you. It's not the greatest situation but at the very least they have not canceled it all together. Hopefully, for you, common sense will prevail and they change their minds. Good luck.

MissRissx3 · April 2015

Yeah i'm not getting why they are trying to group them all together when the other ladies aren't even into the second tri. That to me, makes no sense. Not to mention, the constant cancelling would also aggravate the hell out of me. I hope you at least enjoy whatever does end up happening. Sorry.

hannahhassonn · April 2015

Shower for 6 mom's is such a bad idea! Noone likes everyone equally and I would want to be free to get a bigger and better gift for the people I like! Plus, who can afford it? One nice $50 gift ok! But $50x6... no. Such a man's idea.

ArcadianDreams · April 2015

With only three weeks to go for me, I don't think my work is planning to acknowledge it at all. Which I know I shouldn't expect, but still makes me feel a little hurt because others have had showers and I've even been the one to plan the baby shower before. Maybe I'll just drag a group together to go out for lunch on my last day.

lovelleisgolden · April 2015

I agree being Active duty military myself this is just tradition and maybe that word doesn't stand out to civilians because showers are seen as "be happy your having one at all no complaining". For us military our unit is our family our friends, we deploy with these people they see out children grow the military is more than a job but a lifestyle. we are never "off duty" our actions outside of work still affect our career. we live and breathe the military so when we say it is tradition , it is respected. I am so sorry OP that your command is trying to be more timesaving then considerate of you and breaking tradition. Hopefully you standing up and speaking out about it will resolve things. Maybe him being a man isn't aware of how big something like this can be. But before I close out I just want to say to other moms. If you get on TB and want to vent you have every right to do so we are all here in this month club to support and help each other. No body asked for snarky " better just be grateful" comments. Your going to be a mom or already are a mom, so know the difference between mommy-ing your children and mommy-ing an adult. I've never known for a comment to go well when someone has to be snarky. Just don't say anything at all. Its not that hard its called being an adult. Good Luck OP keep us posted on what happens.

lovelleisgolden · April 2015

P.S. I am air force and I do recognize this tradition.

FTArmyM · April 2015

Great news....i just talked to my platoon sergeant and apparently a group of females that were senior ranking even beyond her went and spoke to the commander when they heard about it. I guess he just didnt grasp or understand.....so the baby shower is back on!. Im so happy not only for myself...but for the junior Soldiers having babies behind me....its also a lesson learned for him as an officer too.