Sunday In-law Venting!!

bscurt · April 2015

I just need a place to vent so hear me out.

I live no where close to my family or my husband's family, they all have to fly here. I have told my husband numerous times I don't want everyone here all at once, especially before the baby is born. It's so stressful to me to have all of these people staring at me and asking if I've given birth yet. My husband is military and will only be on leave a short while, too.

So without ANYONE asking the woman who will be giving birth when she wants visitors or how many people she wants here, when she wants them, etc - they ALL booked plane tickets for before my due date and about a week and a half after. My MIL even had the audacity to ask if she can stay at my house after she booked a ticket because she can't afford a hotel - I have a 2 bed 843sq ft apartment!!

The hardest part about this is that my husband isn't on board or understanding of my stress. He sees it as family time and he has limited leave and everyone's just trying to help. I'm so worried about entertaining and accommodating people and playing host and pass the baby. There will be 9 of them!!! Am I out of line? Am I going crazy? I feel like a center ring circus act with everyone waiting to watch me pop. I'm worried about trying to learn baby's schedule and breastfeeding with step moms, moms, dads, grandparents and siblings staring me down. Having a baby is stressful enough, having 9 other people here with a small window with my husband makes me want to vomit.

Thanks for reading my novel. Just felt like other moms may understand! Ugh!

bean8213 · April 2015

I would say no to anyone staying in my house and then be very firm about visitation times. X amount of people for X amount of time - then they leave. You need time for you, your husband, and your baby. Oh - and they better plan on cleaning and cooking for you while they're invading your space.

bscurt · April 2015

Right?? Ugh. I don't know if they will. I'm so nervous and feeling like I'm dreading may instead of being excited

lola2bee · April 2015

I would just tell them no - thank you but no.

bscurt · April 2015

They all have plane tickets and hotels so I feel like I've gotta get over it. Well, besides his mom.

carliejo7 · April 2015

I had a similar situation and had to tell my MIL no, they needed to get a hotel. They were all coming for a family members wedding, 6 adults and 5 kids. My baby will only be 3 weeks old and I said it would be too much they needed to get a hotel. I felt guilty but my sanity is more important. That's a lot to ask of you, good luck sister...I feel your pain

LadyBlood · April 2015

I would be pissed especially if your hubby isn't taking any extra leave and only using the 10 free days of paternity leave. I understand the excitement especially being military and not getting to have frequent visits but they should've been more understanding and given you guys some time as a family and came out a little at a time after he went back to work to help you out. Unfortunately, family can be a bit selfish sometimes. I'm fortunate and live on post, so even if a million people flew in, only a select few could even get on post without us getting them a pass!!

bean8213 · April 2015

I would send your MIL a list of inexpensive hotels by you. Check out ones that do extended stay rates. Hell, I would help pay for a hotel just to not have my MIL all up in my business 24/7.

catieann · April 2015

This would stress me out. I don't think you're out of line at all.
Your husband needs to try and understand and tell his family no.

bscurt · April 2015

I had to do some major damage control this morning and tell people they need to book hotels and rental cars (some assumed they would be using our extra car!) I just never would have told someone that I was coming without asking them first if it was ok or when would be an optimal time to come. People are inconsiderate

Mari621 · April 2015

We were lucky when my son was a month old our friends across the hall let our family stay in their 2 bedroom apt while they were on vacation. Every time his mom comes and visits she will ask me what's for lunch at breakfast and what's for dinner at lunch. Then asks me what I have planned for that day. This time when she comes to visit she is expected to cook, help clean and watch my older son. I am not entertaining his whole family when they come to meet the new baby. I refuse to be stressed by my DH's family.
When my mom comes to visit she comes with a cooler full of groceries, has meals plans and helps with laundry/chores. Night and day between the two.

juliaharr · April 2015

The same thing is happening to me EXACTLY!!!!!!!!!!! It was just supposed to be my MIL (which I was completely fine with) but because it was so close to school being out she decided to have the WHOLE FREAKIN FAMILY COME!!! Like you my husband sees it as family time and doesn't get it. My FIL is all about not having a fat DIL so I'm sure I'll be hearing tuns about that since it will be after the baby and "I'll have no excuse ". My BIL is still in high school and doesn't realize for some reason that you can't be ruff with a baby. And it will just be overwhelming with his 4 other siblings. Getting over just having a baby, bleeding for weeks after, dealing with stitches and all my hormones going back to how they were before. I don't want to get dressed for the day!! I want to be in bed all day!! Haha. I feel for you. Its going to be awful. Can't wait -_-

juliaharr · April 2015

Oh and they too want to stay at my place.

mrscimino914 · April 2015

I would say to your mother in law, She can't stay because you said no to the other family members so it's fair. That's what we did when we got married and all our family flied in asking to stay in our apartment. We said no because everyone's not doing good with money it's not far to say yes to one person and no to the others. And yea set schedules, you'd think they'd realize you want to bond and maybe to much people might overwhelm the baby. Good luck!!!

HaruhiChan · April 2015

I'd be pissed.

I'd be putting my foot down with that right away because that would not be acceptable. How inconsiderate

supersarah77 · April 2015

That's awful! I'm so sorry! Obviously your MIL know what it's like but maybe she just doesn't remember? That is sweet so many people are excited for your baby's arrival but sheesh!

We had/have a policy: no overnight visitors for at least two weeks. That included my own mother. We just wanted time to get settled a little with our new little family. And definitely visitors only stayed for an hour or so. Longer gets stressful with BFing and burping and sleeping and diaper changes.

Maybe you can elect DH to be the bad guy and let folks know when it's time to leave. Also, feel free to excuse yourself (and baby) to your room when you need to.

jmorneau09 · April 2015

I agree with everyone. It's great that they all are willing to come but you are way nicer than me. I told my hubby that his family could not come stay till LO was at least a month old unless they stayed at a hotel and only came to visit once a day. You will want your space and the last thing you will want is people hovering over you as you figure out motherhood. Good luck!

bscurt · April 2015

Thank you everyone for the thoughts. It is stressful! And for those dealing with the same issues, I feel your pain! Hopefully we will all get through this and there will be a light at the end of the tunnel.

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