What's up with DH?

red727 · April 2015

So DH and I just (FINALLY) started TTC....seriously been waiting forever for him to give us the financial go ahead. Now we are both way excited about the possibility of being parents in the near future. Anyways, I thought DH would love the baby making process because...he has always enjoyed "it". But now that we are actually here, he is looking at BDing as a job. Not something fun at all. I have no clue how to loosen him up - I've tried strictly not talking about ovulation, wearing lingerie, you name it!

Seriously I'm so bummed. I was so looking forward to this and now it feels so forced, not surrounded with love like I thought it would be. Anyone else experiencing similar problems? Or have advice how to make him chill out?

hope+joy+love · April 2015

Yea this happened to me with our first month but we talked about it and he realized he was putting unnecessary pressure on himself-especially after a bad night of performance anxiety. I reminded him that all we can do is try and if we don't have sex or he can't finish then it's ok. This month has been much better and he even told me this week of eo day sex has been fun! I think it just takes time to get over the initial excitement/anxiety of ttc and realize this may take several months so we may as well have fun with it! Not much help but wanted to give you hope you are not alone!

mrskal · April 2015

When you weren't ttc, having sex meant fun and intimacy and love, now it's become a chore, don't think of your fertile window and for sure don't share it dh, be yourself.

TheBorg7of9 · April 2015

I think expecting sex to be "surrounded with love" is too much pressure. Just fuck him.

TheBorg7of9 · April 2015

Also, I wanted to add that, yes, I have experienced this. For two years my husband had performance anxiety, and many times he was unable to start or finish. He also had low testosterone. Which was eventually improved by meds.
Here is what you do. If he can't do it, then say "no big deal! It's too bad because I really wanted to blank you because I want you so bad. But let's try again tomorrow. What do you want to watch on TV?"

Hopietaylor91 · April 2015

My DH went through the same thing but in a different way. After talking he finally told me he wanted me to want him not because I want a baby but because I want him. I had to explain to him that the idea of having a child with him made me want him and that what he wanted was happening. Now everything is great and fun and exciting. He just had to realize I wasn't using him for his sperm.

DaphneMoon1 · April 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:
I think expecting sex to be "surrounded with love" is too much pressure. Just fuck him.

^THIS!

DaphneMoon1 · April 2015

Also, usually a blowie helps get things going.

angc4 · April 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:
Also, I wanted to add that, yes, I have experienced this. For two years my husband had performance anxiety, and many times he was unable to start or finish. He also had low testosterone. Which was eventually improved by meds.
Here is what you do. If he can't do it, then say "no big deal! It's too bad because I really wanted to blank you because I want you so bad. But let's try again tomorrow. What do you want to watch on TV?"

This is perfection!!
Also, I have found that since I've been on this board, it is much easier to not even speak about any of these issues or concerns out loud - making it seem as though life is normal and peachy and we aren't even trying to do anything ....
I understand that this could be hard for some ... I'm naturally more reserved, a listener rather than a talker, etc. but if you can swing it, I think it makes a difference ...

Then when I'm ready to have baby making sex I just let him know I want some, and it happens! And on the other random days that he wants to initiate ... I go with it of course, or give him my "notrightnow" wife schpeel based on my mood of course (;

Hope that helps and good luck!

terime · April 2015

I agree. I get a lot of my nervous energy out here and "talk/listen" to all you ladies. Helps me keep things low key in the bedroom.

teamginger13 · April 2015

I can completely relate. There was one month (I think February) where we tried to BD three times during my fertile time and he either couldn't get excited or couldnt keep it going. I was super upset because 1. No women wants to feel like they are undesirable (even if that is really not what is going on) 2. now I have to wait an entire month to try this again and 3. Is something going on with him that I don't know about? We talked about it but only briefly. The next month I decided to just not even tell him I was ovulating or about to ovulate and pretend to be spontaneous. It worked much better even though I am pretty sure he knew. Another thing I would suggest is to have sex regularly during your cycle.. not just a bunch of times leading up to ovulation. This may take the pressure off a little bit. Good luck!!

red727 · April 2015

Ha you guys are funny. Yeah I suppose I need to chill out myself and just "f*ck".

@hope+joy+love it is very relieving to know that I am not the only one

Thanks for the advice ladies!

PugsandKisses · April 2015

Tell him that you had a naughty dream and that you are horny. Tell him in the morning and text him through out the day. If he asked about your FW, tell him you do not think you are in yet.

PrimRoseMama · April 2015

TheBorg7of9 said:
I think expecting sex to be "surrounded with love" is too much pressure. Just fuck him.

This. You can say sex too.

Just bang him like you did before. TTC is not some grand event.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

Lol I love the replys to this post! Me and DH had a similar problem. He works hard and crashes at night and trying to get him in the mood is hard and I was frustrated because he never was in the mood at the right time and we would miss the time we needed to concieve and i finally broke down and told him how I felt and he blamed me for not telling him I was ovulating and that he is just tired because of the extra hours at work but Communication worked for us. He wants to know when or around the time I'm ovulating but we do make it fun through out the month! Every couple is different

red727 · April 2015

So happy to hear so many of you had similar experiences. I've been telling him I'm super horny and turned on by him and that is seeming to work a little better now! I wonder if he will get better if we don't conceive and need to do this next month too, maybe it will help him relax!

Spalex · April 2015

Start randomly initiating in the living room, kitchen, car etc. and then let that marinate for awhile. I find that makes bedtime feel way more natural

mrsespigreen · April 2015

lovelychica1022 said:
Start randomly initiating in the living room, kitchen, car etc. and then let that marinate for awhile. I find that makes bedtime feel way more natural

^^^ This

chizebra · April 2015

This is so unbelievably helpful! I really thought we were the only ones this was happening to. Thanks ladies.

sunflower071913 · April 2015

I also like going to bed a little early and putting on Lingerie and surprising him when he comes to bed. It always puts a big smile on his face lol

red727 · April 2015

Ha @sunflower071913 I tried lingerie... nothing seemed to help! Thank goodness this cycle is over. 8dpo so hopefully it's a one and done kind of thing so we don't have to go through it again. Although it will probably be better because we have already went through one ovulation period.

k+Ashlee · April 2015

red727 said:
Ha @sunflower071913 I tried lingerie... nothing seemed to help! Thank goodness this cycle is over. 8dpo so hopefully it's a one and done kind of thing so we don't have to go through it again. Although it will probably be better because we have already went through one ovulation period.

I am also 8 DPO!!!
Fx to you!!

red727 · April 2015

Well ladies... I got my BFP yesterday!!! THANK GOODNESS we don't have to go through that stress again. We are so excited!!!

PrimRoseMama · April 2015

Have fun on the Tri-boards...

maddkatt2 · April 2015

@red727 Congratulations on the BFP. I hope you have a H&H 9 months!!

red727 · April 2015

Thanks ladies!

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