How does your family go about showers

jader124 · April 2015

as a family we have always had a shower for our first Girl and our first boy no matter what order they come in. Usually the second shower is just clothes and dopers because you would mainly have everything else!

For the kids in between we do a gender reveal party with not gifts but some people feel the need to bring them even when asked not to.

Anyways it's always super fun. What are some "shower traditions" you have if you have any if not what are you doing?

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

My family follows etiquette standards -- one shower for the first born only. No sprinkles, no diaper parties, no "gender" reveals. I cannot believe the outrageous amount of parties others have. Don't their friends and family get tired of being shaken down every time the couple decides to procreate?

yl1m32015 · April 2015

I have a huge family full of women who love showers! We do it big. Everyone chips in to buy the major items so that the expectant parents get what they truly need. After going to countless cousins showers, I'm excited for it to be my turn.

Amstreagle · April 2015

NoSugarCoating said:
My family follows etiquette standards -- one shower for the first born only. No sprinkles, no diaper parties, no "gender" reveals. I cannot believe the outrageous amount of parties others have. Don't their friends and family get tired of being shaken down every time the couple decides to procreate?

This is spot on for my family as well. No "book instead of card" or "bring a pack of diapers" would ever be happening.

neverblushed · April 2015

Actually, in my life it's usually the friends of the MTB, maybe the sisters/SILs who throw the shower. The grandmas generally don't host the shower, but if they want to be involved, no one gives it a side-eye.

Within my friends and acquaintances, people get one shower for the first baby. No one does a special "reveal" party for anything. The baby's sex may be revealed at a convenient time when friends or family are gathered anyway, but having a special party just to reveal the sex/name/nursery is very much frowned upon. However, we do work to make the shower nice and special in whatever way suits the MTB. If the MTB is a person who likes a big, traditional bash, we pull out all the stops. If the MTB happens to be someone who prefers a smaller, more casual scene, the friends plan accordingly. Showers tend to be female-only; none of my friends or acquaintances has had a co-ed shower. I have never been to a shower with a wishing well or a diaper raffle, and I have never been asked to bring a book instead of a card.

Gifts are always given for second and subsequent children, but not at a shower. My college girlfriends may try to coordinate and time it for an already-scheduled girls night out. I guess, technically, this is what some people call a "sprinkle" but no one outside the 5 friends is invited.

MWoodside · April 2015

We do showers for first babies only in my family and my circle if friends. I've never been invited to a sprinkle, but if I was it would get a side eye from me. I've often been asked to bring a book instead of a card, in fact the hostess of my shower did that for me. I take no issue with that. Cards are pricey and useless IMO.

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

MWoodside said:
We do showers for first babies only in my family and my circle if friends. I've never been invited to a sprinkle, but if I was it would get a side eye from me. I've often been asked to bring a book instead of a card, in fact the hostess of my shower did that for me. I take no issue with that. Cards are pricey and useless IMO.

Pricey? So are books. Target has an entire "Baby Shower Books" section, and not one book is under $16. I had trouble finding a book for my son's Easter Basket that cost less than $5. A board book copy of "Harold and the Purple Crayon" costs $7.99. Find me a card that costs that much.

Useless? What a disgusting attitude. I have kept each and every card given to me at my shower (plus others given to me for other occasions). Many have lovely sentiments written inside them. Some are even handmade, because my family is into paper crafting. Plus, what are you going to do with three copies of "Goodnight Moon" with your guests' writing in them?

MWoodside · April 2015

NoSugarCoating said:

MWoodside said:
We do showers for first babies only in my family and my circle if friends. I've never been invited to a sprinkle, but if I was it would get a side eye from me. I've often been asked to bring a book instead of a card, in fact the hostess of my shower did that for me. I take no issue with that. Cards are pricey and useless IMO.
Pricey? So are books. Target has an entire "Baby Shower Books" section, and not one book is under $16. I had trouble finding a book for my son's Easter Basket that cost less than $5. A board book copy of "Harold and the Purple Crayon" costs $7.99. Find me a card that costs that much.

Useless? What a disgusting attitude. I have kept each and every card given to me at my shower (plus others given to me for other occasions). Many have lovely sentiments written inside them. Some are even handmade, because my family is into paper crafting. Plus, what are you going to do with three copies of "Goodnight Moon" with your guests' writing in them?

Amazon has TONS of books for $5 or less. So do certain brick & morter stores (Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory, used books from the library book sales, etc) A lot of cards are super pricey these days! Last I shopped for one it was $4.99 or $3.99 for most of them. I would much rather give someone a book than a card if they are the same price or within $1 of each other.

I cannot imagine saving cards! I am a minimalist & a purger so I feel like that paper would make me nutty. I do not save any cards ever for any reason. Funny you mention Goodnight Moon since it is actually the only book we got duplicates of- we got 2. No other duplicates. And we read with the kids so much that these books get used a ton. And the children love the special messages written inside by people that love them.

Bottom line is no one is twisting a guest's arm to force them to purchase a book instead of a card, it's just an idea.

NoSugarCoating · April 2015

MWoodside said:

MWoodside said:
We do showers for first babies only in my family and my circle if friends. I've never been invited to a sprinkle, but if I was it would get a side eye from me. I've often been asked to bring a book instead of a card, in fact the hostess of my shower did that for me. I take no issue with that. Cards are pricey and useless IMO.
Pricey? So are books. Target has an entire "Baby Shower Books" section, and not one book is under $16. I had trouble finding a book for my son's Easter Basket that cost less than $5. A board book copy of "Harold and the Purple Crayon" costs $7.99. Find me a card that costs that much.

Useless? What a disgusting attitude. I have kept each and every card given to me at my shower (plus others given to me for other occasions). Many have lovely sentiments written inside them. Some are even handmade, because my family is into paper crafting. Plus, what are you going to do with three copies of "Goodnight Moon" with your guests' writing in them?

Amazon has TONS of books for $5 or less. So do certain brick & morter stores (Kohls, Burlington Coat Factory, used books from the library book sales, etc) A lot of cards are super pricey these days! Last I shopped for one it was $4.99 or $3.99 for most of them. I would much rather give someone a book than a card if they are the same price or within $1 of each other.

I cannot imagine saving cards! I am a minimalist & a purger so I feel like that paper would make me nutty. I do not save any cards ever for any reason. Funny you mention Goodnight Moon since it is actually the only book we got duplicates of- we got 2. No other duplicates. And we read with the kids so much that these books get used a ton. And the children love the special messages written inside by people that love them.

Bottom line is no one is twisting a guest's arm to force them to purchase a book instead of a card, it's just an idea.

Generally, the cheaper the book, the cheaper the quality. If I'm giving a book at a shower in place of a card, it's with the expectation that it will last a while. Cheap books do not last. And don't even get me started on the message this "request" sends, that a book in and of itself isn't a "real" gift.

And regarding the bolded -- read past posts on this board. There have been MANY posts of people saying they got this "request" in a shower invitation, and they don't like. They have a budget, and already have a gift idea in mind with their budget. Now the shower hosts want the guest to bring, too, which puts them over budget. Sure, it's only a request, but they don't want to be the only one who doesn't bring a book.

The whole point of etiquette is to make your guests comfortable. Obviously, this "request" makes people uncomfortable, even if it's not a demand. So why do something that makes people uncomfortable?

If you want to suggest that guests purchase books, register for them. Otherwise, buy them yourself.

missemmawoodhouse · April 2015

NoSugarCoating said:
My family follows etiquette standards -- one shower for the first born only. No sprinkles, no diaper parties, no "gender" reveals. I cannot believe the outrageous amount of parties others have. Don't their friends and family get tired of being shaken down every time the couple decides to procreate?

This. I cannot imagine the side eyes that would happen in both of our families if someone mentioned a sprinkle or gender reveal. You'd be teased at every holiday gathering for years. "How was that sprinkle, Emma? Hope you didn't get any on the seat!"

LoveLee85 · April 2015

Everyone always asks me: "so, are you doing a gender reveal??" And I say HECK NO....they quickly let out a "THANK GOD, I have been to 3 this year, plus the baby showers!!! Gender reveals are pointless!!" Yikes.

LOL. More than 10 people, friends and family, have said this at separate times. I don't have an opinion of one, I just know I don't want one.

morethancottoncandy2 · April 2015

Amstreagle said:

NoSugarCoating said:
My family follows etiquette standards -- one shower for the first born only. No sprinkles, no diaper parties, no "gender" reveals. I cannot believe the outrageous amount of parties others have. Don't their friends and family get tired of being shaken down every time the couple decides to procreate?
This is spot on for my family as well. No "book instead of card" or "bring a pack of diapers" would ever be happening.

All this right here.

akanini · April 2015

I think it matters where you live and your circle of family/friends. I live in NYC and I've never heard of a gender reveal or sprinkle until I came on this board. In my circle a shower is expected,whether it be first boy/girl, 2nd child, twins, or whatever the case may be. If you don't have a shower, it's kind of weird.

honeybee530 · April 2015

NoSugarCoating said:
My family follows etiquette standards -- one shower for the first born only. No sprinkles, no diaper parties, no "gender" reveals. I cannot believe the outrageous amount of parties others have. Don't their friends and family get tired of being shaken down every time the couple decides to procreate?

This. Absolutely this.

BlueWaffleSpeshul · April 2015

LoveLee85 said:
Everyone always asks me: "so, are you doing a gender reveal??" And I say HECK NO....they quickly let out a "THANK GOD, I have been to 3 this year, plus the baby showers!!! Gender reveals are pointless!!" Yikes.

LOL. More than 10 people, friends and family, have said this at separate times. I don't have an opinion of one, I just know I don't want one.

This was me with my son. My sex determination was unexpected, I went for an ultrasound with a MFM at 18.5 weeks thinking it was just to check for problems due to my meds and cancer history. I had my A/S scheduled for 20 weeks with my regular OB. Lo and behold, the tech said I can tell you today, but MH wasn't with me, so we agreed we would put it in an envelope and open it when I got home from work.

When I told one co-worker, she got all excited and said "Are you having a gender reveal?". Cue blank stare. I had never even HEARD of these!

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