Because it's so quiet... — The Bump
Baby Showers

Because it's so quiet...

Am I wayyyy off base here, or does this seem like a gross manipulation of your guests?  I mean, I get wanting to be team green.  Or wanting gender neutral things because you plan on having more than one.  But revealing at the shower for the sole purpose getting certain types of gifts?  I would feel manipulated.  

Re: Because it's so quiet...

  • It is manipulation. And I love how they say that they will be grateful with whatever gift they are given. Yea right. Your whole point of keeping the sex a secret is to steer people toward the gifts you actually want. If you were so grateful you wouldn't be doing that.
  • No, I agree it's manipulative and I seriously don't get keeping the sex a secret if you already know. Honestly no one really cares about the sex of a child that isn't theirs. Isn't the point of a reveal to surprise the parents?
    I don't get reveals either though.
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  • I've known a lot of people who had strong feelings about finding out the sex,not telling others the sex, waiting until the baby is born to find out, etc.  I know one couple who is adamant about NEVER knowing the sex before birth.  Their vehemence over this topic was actually bizarre.  I've also known people who felt equally strongly about finding out, citing that they felt more prepared and felt like they could get started on "knowing" the baby before it was even born.  

    But I think that sharing or withholding this information solely to influence others' gifts is just... weird.

    I've been to a ton of showers: ones where the sex was known and not known, and I don't think it made that much difference in the gifts, honestly!  Don't want a lot of pink or blue stuff??  Don't register for it!!  But don't use the knowledge of your child's sex organs to manipulate my gift choices!

    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
  • Yeah, what a manipulative awful person!
    CafeMom Tickers

  • VORVOR member
    Is it manipulative?  Yes.  But as I tend to buy stuff from the registry, I really can't get too up in arms over it.  It's not going to change what I buy.

    And really, to the point above me - I REALLY doubt that knowing or not knowing the sex ahead of time if going to change the gifts you get all that much.  Yes, there may be a person or two who think "Oh- it's a girl - I HAVE to now get this really cute, frilly, PINK outfit" - but I think that is the minority.   People just way overthink this.
  • I guess I'm in the minority. I don't find it manipulative at all. It also sounds like something I would do myself. All that you're doing is steering people to make a choice of gift not based on gender - something that should be taken into account anyways for many reasons (multiple children, not giving into gender prerequisites, etc). We are specifically not finding out the gender until birth for these and many other reasons. What's the difference if your family finds out now, at a shower, or in the delivery room? 
  • The reason this rubs me the wrong way is that it's really controlling and sort of useless - there are some people who will be so excited to know the sex that they are still going to send you cute boy/girl clothes after the fact AND, since you have no way of knowing what season subsequent children will be born in, there isn't a whole lot of reason to try and buy only gender neutral clothing anyway. I can't imagine that anyone would purchase you a purple stroller when you've registered for black but if that did happen, you could just exchange it for the color you wanted - no big deal.

    I do think it's sort of cute to announce at the shower - it would be kind of fun for the guests to have them guess and then find out. I don't see anything wrong with appreciating the bonus of being able to avoid most of the "daddy's little princess" bibs but that shouldn't be the driving force behind the decision.
  • I don't like all this focus on trying to control gifts. It's greedy and materialistic. Be thankful that people are even buying you anything when they don't have to. Instead people want to play games and try to force people to buy what they want. It's ugly, in my opinion.
  • Eh - I really don't think it's a big deal.  I couldn't care less if someone wanted to tell everyone at the shower.  So very low on the priority ranking of things to get worked up about. 

    And I don't know if my friends and family are just weird, but it's really common with my peeps that when it's known that it's a girl, they've gotten TONS of pink, red and purple frilly clothes (when they've registered for no clothes). 
  • Eh, idk. I wouldn't be bent out of shape if someone did that. We are team green and I did notice team green couples tend to get less clothing and more large items at the shower, but that wasn't why we did it. It seemed like a bonus though.

    DD1 born 5/24/10.

    Missed M/C at 14 wks Feb 2012.

    DD2 born 5/14/13.

    Missed M/C at 9 wks July 2015.

    Expecting someone new 4/17/17.
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