Mom in Delivery Room

katiedm17 · April 2015

This is quite a touchy subject apparently. Long story short, my husband and I have recently made the decision that we would really prefer for it to just be him and I in the delivery room. When I informed my mom of our decision she had quite a meltdown. I'm her youngest and we are extremely close but I really think that my husband and I should be the ones sharing the moment of our first child being born and it should be OUR story to tell. She was in the room for my brother's son being born so she feels like I am ripping something so precious from her. This is just such a hard thing to deal with and I feel like it is a lose/lose no matter what I choose.

mrscate88 · April 2015

Yeah that's tough. I don't have a mom, but my MIL has been an amazing mother to me since I fell in love with her son. This will be her second grand baby, and she was in the room for the first one (which is her daughter's baby). She is wonderful and supportive and wants to actually watch her grandbabies come into the world. I can appreciate that and I love her being involved, but this is still a very personal experience and I don't want anyone other than my husband in the room. Her feelings were hurt, but she said she understands. I don't even want to be in that room, why would anyone else want to? Haha. Ultimately it's your decision and you just have to be honest and stick to your guns. Hopefully she'll come to respect your position and let this be your experience. Good luck!

cjstats87 · April 2015

It's completely up to you!!! I didn't have my mom for my first, just the hubs and the photographer! With # 2 she was in there and it was an experience she loved and honestly the only reason why I wanted her in there for #2 was bc I wanted her for after the birth...my hubs was with the our first baby getting cleaned up and measured and I wanted her with me...soo with our 2nd I did and it was so nice to hear her word of encouragement after all the hard work!! I am letting her choose if she wants to be there for this baby (hopefully she will)

ellie_a · April 2015

I'm having my mom in the delivery room i think if she's there it doesn't make it less special for my husband and I. I love my mom so much i wouldn't want her to miss this big moment but that's just me do what feels more comfortable for you and your husband ! Good luck and congrats on baby!

AndieTessie · April 2015

I'm also deciding to have no one in the room but my husband. It's honestly your decision and shouldn't let anyone guilt you into changing your mind. I understand she wants to be involved but it's still your choice and I'm sure she'll see baby plenty after! I haven't broken the news yet to my mom that I don't want anyone here for the first week(I live in a different state) but I know she'll feel the same as your mom. Just explain to her that it's not because you don't love her, but it's something you want to do on your own. There's no right or wrong answer for this decision, best of luck!

blondehairblueeyeditalianbaby · April 2015

I had my mom and my husband the first time. I felt like I should have my MIL because she is super jealous of my mom but luckily she didn't show up in time. Depending on how fast I go with this one will depend on if she's there this time or not. My first came fast (4.5 hrs). Someone will have to watch my DS. I really liked having my mom because my husband seemed overwhelmed at times and she can stay pretty calm and that helped me stay calm. I think my husband liked having her there too because it wasn't so much pressure on him. It is totally a personal decision. You have to remember that once baby is here the hurt feelings will probably disappear as everyone falls in love with a new baby.

nikkidavis421 · April 2015

I had my mom in the delivery room for my DS solely because I was a single mom and only 17 years old. She never in a million years thought she'd get to witness her grandchild being born but it was a special moment for all of us (especially since it was her 1st grandchild). However, she did not expect to be in the room for the birth of any of her other grandchildren as she knows how special of moment it is for the parents of the baby to share that moment together.

LifeofLauren2 · April 2015

I'm having my boyfriend (of course), my mom, my sister, and my grandma in the room. Hope my boyfriend is ok with that. My grandma has witnessed all of her grandchildren and now great grandchildren being born (she stands by the head). It's something special we do in my family. We are super close. I definitely want my mom there. The problem is, I'm not sure I want his mom there. We aren't close and don't necessarily get along. My boyfriend already is a little mad because I told him when my mom babysits the baby can go to her house but if his mom babysits I want her to come to our house. My mom already babysits my 2 year old niece and has everything a baby needs and more. His mom lives in a dirty apartment and has a cat (I'm highly allergic). It just always feels dirty and dusty to me. Plus, I just found out she is buying a gun (and no, she has never even shot one before). I don't want my baby around that! I sort of got off subject, sorry. But basically, I think whoever you want to be there should be there.

eajanvrin · April 2015

With my first I let MIL, my mom and my sister come in during the day but when things really got going, they were asked to leave. We aren't sure about this time yet, I was part of my sister's second delivery.

katiedm17 · April 2015

I want her to be involved in as much as possible, just not the actual delivery itself. I told her I would love to have her there during labor but when it comes time to push, I'd like it to be just my husband and myself. I hate feeling like I'm breaking her heart but I want to do what's best for me and my husband and our new baby. My mom can tend to be a bit overwhelming and controlling so I know it would just be stressful which is the last thing I need or the baby.

BrianaJ0917 · April 2015

I think it is completely your decision and you need to do whatever is going to make you most comfortable..you are already going to be under a lot of stress and there is no reason to add more that can very well be avoided!! I personally will have my boyfriend and mom in there with me mainly because I don't know how he is going to react and I need someone there who's going to be able to keep their shit together lol. And we are extremely close like best friends and she always has the ability to calm me down and help me get through the tough stuff and focus so I know she will be helpful! And at the risk of sounding like a child...I need my mommy! Haha

piscesmommy222 · April 2015

My mom won't be around while I'm laboring or delivering. She's hurt but she will get over it. She's controlling and neurotic so her presence will definitely do more harm than good. Also I think it's more appropriate for just my husband and my doula to be in the room, that's just my personal feeling.

adtaylor2015 · April 2015

I don't have any advice really except do what makes you the most comfortable. My Mom and MIL were in the delivery room with me when I had my son, along with about 8 other relatives and my best friend but that's what I was comfortable with. Good luck! I hope your Mom understands and respects your decision.

mrscate88 · April 2015

piscesmommy222 said:
My mom won't be around while I'm laboring or delivering. She's hurt but she will get over it. She's controlling and neurotic so her presence will definitely do more harm than good. Also I think it's more appropriate for just my husband and my doula to be in the room, that's just my personal feeling.

Yeah it definitely depends on the person and their nature when it comes to deciding if they will be allowed in the room at all. My MIL can be there for labor if she wants because she's mellow and supportive, but when baby is coming out of my vagina, uh, I think everyone should understand that I don't want that being seen! I really wouldn't even want my husband in there if he didn't want to be haha! Do what ever you're comfortable with! :-)

shaunnar053 · April 2015

I assumed it would be DF, and my mom with me in the delivery room. But I actually brought it up to my mom and she said she understands if I change my mind because it's a special moment for me and my DF and if we want to share it alone she'd completely understand. My mom is pretty awesome though. She'd support me through anything. I thought about what she said and the more I think about it, the more I want it to just be me and DF in the delivery room. But I'm not worried about it. I might even just decide on the day I go into labor lol.

excited2bmommy09 · April 2015

It is such a personal decision. My mom really wants to be in the room too and I'm so torn on it. On the one hand I really just want my SO in the room so there will be no stress or pressure, but on the other hand my mom has had 4 babies so I know she will be helpful in ways too. She is hurt even thinking she won't be able to be in the room, but I think she will understand if that ends up being my final decision. I know no matter what she will be close by, so if I start screaming for my mother she won't be far! I'm very shy when it comes to such personal things like this and I really don't want anyone seeing me push a baby out. I wish I could do it all by myself honestly lol

cjstats87 · April 2015

I can attest (from pictures of my deliveries) it DOES NOT LOOK LIKE YOUR WHOOHA AT THAT MOMENT!! LOL! So if anyone sees it you can be assured it won't look like that again until another baby is being born! ;-)

lcarp203 · April 2015

It will just be my husband and me in the delivery room. This is the first grandchild on my side and I am super close to my parents but that does not mean they need to be in the delivery room. I am all about respectfully setting boundaries. Everyone's boundaries are different, so you have to do what is best for you. But that being said, if your husband is setting them by requesting it to be the two of you, you need to respect his boundaries too. And if you feel that you really need your mother there, then you two should talk about it. I understand that it is a lose lose situation, but she should get over it and understand.

KERJF · April 2015

She will get over it (hopefully). My mom was totally fine not being in during DD1s birth. We asked her for DD2 as we wanted DD1 in the room (she was 28 months and my mom would have taken her out had she not been able to handle it - they sat in the corner and I have a few photos from our photog of DD1 looking over, otherwise they played games quietly

)
I will be asking my mom to be in the room again with both my girls, and take them out as/if need be.
But Im really happy we had just us for DD1. It was just important for me to have Dhs full attention and have DD1 in the room for my second!

barrelocarol · April 2015

This reminds me that I need to set the FIRM ground rules and tell all of my family. Husband, incubator (me) and medical staff. That's it.

Maybe/maybe not a stranger to video tape. Or a tripod. Maybe a tripod...

PerkinsFam3 · April 2015

My mom and I are super close, but she's not invited! The Hubbs & I are the only ones allowed after the day after! It's worked out best like that. Plus my mom will be watching our two sons while we are in the hospital, so that's my excuse!

myspecialkid · April 2015

Nope just me, hubby, and possibly a doula.

I agree that it's a personal moment that it's for me and DH to share. We made the baby without her there, so we're going to bring the baby into the world without her in the room too.

agiroir · April 2015

I want my mother in the room. Personally my mom is my best friend and I couldn't imagine her not being there. I ask her every single question I run up upon. Plus this is her first grandchild. I feel like her being in the room doesn't make it any less special for me and my husband.

savwhit · April 2015

I'm having my mom in my delivery room along with my fiancé, I am having her in there not for her but for me. I am very close with my mom and it wouldn't feel right without her there. Also, I need her there because my fiancé might just pass out hahah and I will need someone in there with me if he decides to faint while I'm pushing.

Jessicups85 · April 2015

It honestly seems a little strange to me that someone would be so hurt by not being welcome in. Me and my mom are about as close as you can be, she was a single mom and I'm an only child. She is my best friend and I love her dearly, but even she said with my first that she would only be there if I needed/wanted her to. With my son she was there because my husband could not be, and even then I had a csection and was knocked out so she wasn't even in the room. But we had already discussed that if my husband was able to make it that it would have been me and him. If you want them there that's a very different story, just blows my mind people feel entitled to it. Good luck with your decision.

steph256 · April 2015

I more than likely will have my mom and mother in law in the room this time. It is our last. So it will be my moms last grandchild. DF only has one sister and she lives 3000 miles away so the chances of my MIL getting to be at her delivery is very slim. They were in the room with me last time and when the doctor came in they left. 3 minutes later our daughter was born. They were almost in there for the birth last time but knew I wanted it to just be us for when the doctor came in to deliver. I have a great relationship with both my mother and MIL. They respect any decision I make and I haven't even told them yet I will be letting them in I will surprise them closer to time.

surprisepkg31 · April 2015

I want my mom there because she will do anything I need her too and that way it isn't just all up to my husband, I want him to hold my hand and be by my side to go through it all with me. I am on the fence about my MIL being in the room. I think I can handle her there during labor but I am a private person and I don't want anyone looking at my goods except for my husband, Doctor and my Mom. I'm afraid she will be offended but she tends to make bad jokes and laugh at everything to lighten the mood and it really gets on my nerves. Ugg, it's all so hard!

mamabearlife2boys · April 2015

I know exactly how you feel I'm in the same boat

and my mom is really upset I feel like she's going to sneak in the room and I feel bad but I just want this moment between my fiance and I.

jyoga87 · April 2015

I'm only having my DH in the room.. My mom and MIL are lovely in their own ways, but one is overly emotional and the other us underemotional ... both are extremely unpredictable, and I can only prepare myself for one unpredictable thing at a time, which is my baby and labor.

acg5 · April 2015

I think you should do whatever you want! I did have my Mom which was nice but she was fine with whatever I wanted. It gave my Husband a chance to take a break (eat or go to the bathroom)without leaving me alone and it was just really nice having extra support.

BeachBabe22 · April 2015

My mom and I are very close and she was in the room with us when I had my daughter. She was there for the birth of all of her grandkids and I cannot imagine not having her with me. I love my husband but he was totally clueless when it came to helping me during labor. He had no idea what to do and was annoying me because he kept falling asleep while I was having awful contractions. My mom told him exactly what to do and it got so much better. It was a special moment for all three of us and I don't think my mom not being there would have made it more special for my husband and myself. When we were on our way home from the hospital my husband told me he was so glad my mom was there because he didn't know what he was doing.

You have to make the best decision for you but sometimes there are benefits of having your mom in the room with you.

hauralie · April 2015

This is my third pregnancy and both times we have had people in the room. For my first it was just my bestfriend, and for my second it was my mom and my sister and my husbands dad behind the curtain, and this one will be my cousin and my sister again. (My mom will have my other 2 children) my husband and I love sharing it with other people and to be honest it's great when your in labour for him to have someone to talk to, because when I'm in pain I like to be left alone, so it worked great for us, but it doesn't take away from the special moment at all, he was right by my side just like the other important people in our life. But it's not for everyone. It's what you guys feel comfortable with.

kehags · April 2015

I'm sorry, that is a tough spot to be in. I hope she comes around. You could always have her come for the early part of labor, and then she can either leave or just step out while you are pushing. And that way your SO can rest a little too.

melewen · April 2015

We recently made the same decision. My mom and I are very close but she tends to be a bit nervous and "busy" and I think her being there would make ME nervous. Dh and I are studying and preparing so we are informed and practiced with our relaxation and management techniques and we feel very confident so the last thing I need is this crazy woman freaking out the nurses and stuff. Just like my biggest fear is having a doctor who intervenes unnecessarily--not labor and birth itself--we can control the third parties who can add a totally different element to the birth too. It will just be me, hubs, and our doula! You know your mom feels rejected but try telling her you just think it'd be nice to have something just the two of you and she can see the baby RIGHT away!

PregNancyClark · April 2015

It's your labor! You really need to do what's going to help you relax and focus.

ambernhelland · April 2015

I think it all depends on you, and your relationships with both your SO and your mom. For my first I thought it would be beneficial to have someone in the room with me who had given birth before; of course my Mom should be fantastic for that! I thought wrong. My mother was sometimes supportive but also did things during my 26 hour labor that made me never want to see her again, let alone have her in the delivery room a second time. Like pretending to take pictures of me while I was naked in the shower having horrible contractions(really?!) Or dropping my leg in between pushes to send text messages (who does that?!). Long story short for this little one it will be just me and my Hubby in the delivery room.
I'm not sure where you're from, but here in Canada you're only allowed 2 people in the room, and if at any point you feel like one of them needs to leave the nurses are very tactful at removing them from the situation

Good Luck!

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