NPR: Am I over reacting?

lilitaliangirl · April 2015

This past weekend my in law's kept my 5 year old son while DH and I celebrated our anniversary. I understand and accept if he is in the care of grandparents there will be some things done that I don't necessarily agree with (sweets, swapping the water I normally give him with juice, etc.) But, my son told me they let him ride in the front seat of their vehicle when they went to the store. I called them out and their excuse was that they were tired of strapping him into his 5 point harness carseat I provided and even installed in their car. Plus it was only like 2 or 3 miles. I'm so mad right now still. I tried not to flip out with it being Easter weekend. But I just don't know how to get my point across to them without being a total b*tch. My husband agrees with me, but at the same time doesn't want us to stir things up with his parents. Am I over reacting? How would you approach this situation without a blow out battle?

lrathbaby3 · April 2015

Not over reacting.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

I don't have children yet but find it unacceptable not to put a child in a car seat. I am a firm believer in low drama and being sometimes overly nice, so I would offer to show them how to use the seat again, and ask DH to be the messenger to say that this is not ever an option again. Statistically speaking, most accidents actually happen very close to home.

Without putting your kid in the middle of it, you might also want to instill in him the importance of his car seat so he just won't ride in a car without it. Maybe that's not really an option, just a thought.

How frustrating, I'm sorry. Good luck with this.

Nikelizabeth · April 2015

I'd def have a blow out if DH didn't want to stir the pot. That's your kid not theirs and God forbid something happen. Those types of rules they don't make and can't bend.

obryana6219 · April 2015

You are totally justified in feeling that way. It is unacceptable for them to do that and what if they had been pulled over? Would that be the excuse they make to the police officer? "We have a perfectly good, installed car seat back there for him but, we didn't feel like using it."

enigmaticjj · April 2015

I'd be upset too. They're being unsafe doing that. I think your husband needs to lead the discussion with his parents. Your child's safety isn't something you can overlook for the sake of not stirring the pot. It needs to be made clear to them that standard safety procedures with children are not optional. Period. There's no "re-do" if someone gets hurt.

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

Oooh. Not over reacting. How to handle it - that is the difficult question. Perhaps reiterating the laws for children in seats would be a place to start, and going over what could happen legally to you or them should they not use the seat. Also, maybe some safety videos that illustrate why children need the seat?
Its a tough situation. Good luck

KarasTwin · April 2015

Not overreacting at all. I would flip out. That is extremely dangerous, not to mention illegal. I imagine the inconvenience of paying a ticket or god forbid he gets hurt, they could never forgive themselves. If they don't want to go through the trouble of making sure he's cared for they shouldn't volunteer/agree to keep him if they can't handle the responsibility. I understand DH not wanting to cause drama, mine is the same way, but if he won't say anything, you should. Them getting their feelings hurt is nothing compared to your child actually getting physically injured. It's bad enough that he wasn't in his seat, but to put him in the front is completely inappropriate. I would lose it.

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

lilitaliangirl said:
This past weekend my in law's kept my 5 year old son while DH and I celebrated our anniversary. I understand and accept if he is in the care of grandparents there will be some things done that I don't necessarily agree with (sweets, swapping the water I normally give him with juice, etc.) But, my son told me they let him ride in the front seat of their vehicle when they went to the store. I called them out and their excuse was that they were tired of strapping him into his 5 point harness carseat I provided and even installed in their car. Plus it was only like 2 or 3 miles. I'm so mad right now still. I tried not to flip out with it being Easter weekend. But I just don't know how to get my point across to them without being a total b*tch. My husband agrees with me, but at the same time doesn't want us to stir things up with his parents. Am I over reacting? How would you approach this situation without a blow out battle?

Definitely not overreacting; this is a question of your child's safety. If it were me, I wouldn't allow him to ride in a car that they're driving again until he's not in a car seat anymore. I wouldn't necessarily call them up and say, "Hey, DS isn't riding in a car with you anymore because you did this!" but I'd just have an agreement with DH that because they don't see eye-to-eye with you on car seat safety and apparently aren't willing to adjust to your rules, then they will no longer be driving him around - especially if they haven't apologized. Have they? Your post reads as if they're just making excuses and making you feel like you're being unreasonable. And, again, you're not.

kmama2013 · April 2015

No not over reacting. Maybe you could show them some videos of crash test dummy babies and kids (edited) that aren't in carseats or arent in them properly so they can SEE with their own eyes what could happen? Hope you get through to them because it sounds like they don't realize how unsafe it is for him Not to be in a carseat.

HoosOnFirst · April 2015

Ugh ugh ugh, I am so sorry you have to deal with this. It is the absolute worst thing ever to have to tell someone that their "favor" wasn't acceptable. You need to be prepared to not have babysitting from them as it blows over, which just sucks. But it's the right thing to do.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

While I don't disagree that showing car crash videos would be an important education, I wonder how feasible it really is...

ETA: I just discussed this with DH and he said emailing a link to a video is easy and not a bad idea. I am not as tech-savvy and was thinking like family film night, sorry!

cbrtncanadian · April 2015

Though I don't have children yet and have never been in this situation I would likely approach it with a few well thought out points.

-We appreciate you taking DS so that we could enjoy our anniversary.
-However there is something I feel we need to discuss so that we can move past it.
-Regardless of the hassle or inconvenience of getting him strapped in if DS is being transported anywhere it has to be in the appropriate car seat. It's the law and accidents can quickly happen so on this there is no negotiation.
-I know you didn't intend to put safety at risk etc. so as long as we can agree on this expectation let's move on.

Hopefully the mix of appreciation, understanding and concrete expectation would provide a desirable outcome...

Hopefully everything works out OP!

Edited because posting from your phone always leads to errors...

Katerina&Baby · April 2015

Not overreacting at all - I would have lost my mind. Since it is your inlaws, I think it falls squarely within DH's court to be the one who says something to them. Even a simple email or phone call to say "you know, we didn't want to make a huge deal out of it on Easter but it really bothered us that you didn't put DH in his car seat and let him ride in the front. That can't happen again" should be sufficient. Obviously, if they push back at all then DH should follow up with "Not only is this the law but it's a very serious safety issue. If you guys aren't willing to respect us on this, then I'm sorry but we can't have you babysit for us anymore."

Emilywooddesign · April 2015

I'm not a parent yet but I would lose it!!

ElRuby · April 2015

That would be the last time they watched my kid.

mvargas12 · April 2015

Definitely not over reacting. Not only was he not in his seat, he was in the front. Even though it was a short distance, they put your son at risk. At 5 he is no where near the weight/height/age requirement and could be seriously hurt by the airbag, it could even be fatal.

Have you considered switching to a booster seat? I don't know how small your son is but once they're 4/5 and over 40lbs, you can safely make the switch. He can learn to buckle himself and its not as much of a hassle.

lovethatcolosun · April 2015

My guess is they thought it wasn't a big deal because that's how they did things when your husband was DS age. You might say, "I know this might have been how you handled it when DH was this age, but things have really changed. Airbags in the front have changed the rules. What can protect an adult can easily kill a child." I think reasonably explaining it to them should help. If they still insist it's NBD, show them some YouTube videos and statics on why it's not safe.

You're not overreacting, you're protecting your family.

jessieR358 · April 2015

Wow. Not overreacting at all! I would have lost it on them and that would be it for car rides with grandma and grandpa for a while. What if some one ran a red light or stop sign on that 2-3 mile ride to the store? The front airbag is dangerous to kids that little and he's not restrained properly! How hard is it to strap him in to a booster seat, seriously.
I had a fight with my husband recently that our children won't sit in the front seat until they are 13! Because thats what the recommendations are!

mrs1374a · April 2015

Uh no! You are not over reacting, that is huge!!! I'm sorry this happened and I'm so glad he is okay and nothing happened to him. How hard is it to strap them into their 5 pt.?? I would be livid.

lilitaliangirl · April 2015

Update...i sent my MIL an email thanking her for watching DS for us. I also told her I understand that when she was a kid and even when DH were kids it wasn't considered a big deal to not have even a seat belt on, but this is my child and using a child seat and his safety is most important to me. I added a link to state law for child retraint in cars.I told her to let me know if using the other booster seat we have would be easier in the future. I finished by saying I'm not mad at her (I'm more disappointed in their decision, but left that out.)

BabyList · April 2015

You are not over reacting at all. I would have flipped my shit! I don't have any advice, but you have every right to be upset!

aj1327 · April 2015

This LO is my first but I would be pissed! I would definitely talk with them. You aren't over reacting. Many PP's have great advice. Good luck!

kcave21 · April 2015

definitely NOT over reacting...most car accident happen a mile from home!!! I would be having a huge talk with them and my husband about it!!

MrsWiggleWaggle · April 2015

Sounds like you handled MIL with great grace! Way to keep your cool (at least outwardly); I hope you get a positive reaction from her as a result!

taboullio84 · April 2015

Sweet Jesus I would have flipped and they wouldn't have my children again. You are not overreacting... I'm mad for you

AmyCee · April 2015

Not overreacting. I'm currently not speaking to my inlaws because they did something serious that pissed me off...I think it's worth saying that it can never happen again. Period. Also, it's probably against the law...so, you've got that going for you, too.

megtyrrell · April 2015

I don't think you're overreacting at all. Being tired of strapping the child into the car seat is not a valid excuse for endangering his life. Maybe once you've had a few days to cool down, just have a conversation with your in-laws and let them know how uncomfortable their decision made you feel and ask them to please never do that again. If they can't agree or see eye-to-eye with you on this safety matter, then maybe they shouldn't be taking your son anywhere in the car.

ksimo6 · April 2015

Not overreacting. My child would not be left in their care again fir any period if time. But I'm a mean bitch!

ngaines27 · April 2015

Definitely not overreacting. I think you handled the situation well. I hope she responds positively and this never happens again.

CateOfChicago · April 2015

I would show them a few stories of accidents to put a little fear in them.

beautifulzphib · April 2015

They sound lazy! The DH would need to say something to his parents for you to feel safe with your son going back over their house. I wouldn't allow him to visit unless they took better care of my child. I'll rather it be said now before something bad happens to your son. If they are lazy with that what else are they neglecting?

HoosOnFirst · April 2015

I saw that you emailed your MIL - did she respond? Did it go over ok?

valeriemarie24 · April 2015

You are definitely not over reacting. There are guidelines in place about what age a child should sit in the front seat for a reason. I know they're your in-laws and you don't want to stir up trouble, but if it was me I don't think I'd let them watch him on their own ever again.

KarasTwin · April 2015

hoodoll82 said:
I saw that you emailed your MIL - did she respond? Did it go over ok?

I'm curious if she did!

devyns2nd · April 2015

I would have flipped out. My MIL gives DD diet soda and I don't let her keep her anymore. If she did that it would be hell.

lilitaliangirl · April 2015

I have not heard back from her yet. let my husband know that sent and email he said should just it go. Which, is not going to happen. However, I'm not going be annoying about it since I've already made my point. She typically doesn't check email daily, so might be a couple days till she responds..

lilitaliangirl · April 2015

I got a call from my FIL this evening to tell me he was sorry for not using the provided car seat and that in the future he will follow my rules when it come to my son (soon to be children). And, they are purchasing a booster seat for their cars, too.

mccall35 · April 2015

ElRuby said:
That would be the last time they watched my kid.

This. Times a thousand. I don't care if they're the grandparents. There are very few hard deal breakers for me, but this is one of them. It's not hard to find a babysitter who is willing to obey the law and keep my LOs safety at heart. I would be seeking out these people. This is not something that should be tip-toed around or brushed off.

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

lilitaliangirl said:
I got a call from my FIL this evening to tell me he was sorry for not using the provided car seat and that in the future he will follow my rules when it come to my son (soon to be children). And, they are purchasing a booster seat for their cars, too.

Glad to hear they're taking things seriously AND that they apologized! Hopefully there will be no more issues in the future

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