half siblings/pictures

cag11890 · April 2015

is there an unspoken rule with half siblings on pictures? We're having a girl and my boyfriend has a 4 year old daughter. I want some newborn pictures taken with her sister but I also don't want to upset her mom. The mom cried when she found out we were having a girl because their daughter won't be "daddy's only baby girl anymore." Also, his daughter is ecstatic about having a little sister, she s always coming up with different names and telling us what they are going to do when she stays the night like pint nails and play babies. She's not upset at all.

staceyfern · April 2015

My stepson is ten. He has two sisters at his moms house (1 and 3). He is so excited to be having a brother! I guess it is different for us bc she already has some but my husband never got upset when stuff like that is done. He fully understands that those are his sisters. When we do newborn pics I am doing a few with him and my stepson. They are brothers. You should not worry or stress about this it is probably harder since it is new but the mom will be fine and this is something she will have to get used to.

karaelaine1991 · April 2015

First of all, there are no half siblings in either my family or my husband's family, so I recognize that what I have to say is coming from a lack of experience in my situation and may be way off. That being said, my husband's parents are divorced, and while he does not have half siblings, he does have step siblings. My grandfather on my dad's side is also remarried, and there are step siblings in that situation, too. The two families could not be more different. In my dad's family, everyone gets along and we are truly one big happy family - my "step aunts" are my aunts, their children are my cousins, and their mother is my grandma, end of story. DH's family... totally different. I've never once heard him refer to his step siblings as anything other than "_____'s kids." They weren't invited to our wedding and he and his siblings definitely do not consider his stepmom's family to be a part of his.

All that to say, I think it really depends on the family situation, which can be really, really difficult to navigate. I've learned to just leave these decisions to my husband's discretion. If your boyfriend wants his daughter to be in the newborn pictures, then definitely do it, but if he decides that it would create too much drama, don't fight him on it.

enigmaticjj · April 2015

My only two siblings are half siblings, but I didn't even know about that term until I was almost an adult. They were simply my siblings, just as much as anyone else having siblings. So for me, I'm not a fan of the term half sibling only because it seems like (some) people see it as lesser. But that's coming from someone who grew up in the same home/family as my siblings. With that said, I'm all for including the older sibling, especially if you/partner plan to have them grow up as siblings/family (and she's happy about getting a new little sister (not a new "half" little sister)). It just makes perfect sense to me!

As for the other mom, I wouldn't take her into consideration for any decision made for family photos because in time I'm sure she'll feel better / more comfortable with the situation. I would hope her initial reaction is driven more from the bag change in life and maybe worry of how that will impact her child (I've heard of some dads who seem to focus more on their "new" family), and not truly coming from a place of jealously, etc.

MaliKaela · April 2015

Have you considered talking to her about it? A kind hearted conversation might go a long way...not just in this but just towards the future relationship altogether. I don't know your situation, but if it was me, and it wasn't too awkward, I would try to sit down with her some time soon. Maybe if you genuinely tell her how excited you are for your baby to have an older sister, and how wonderful her daughter seems to be adjusting, she will be more on board with the whole thing. Mama's love to hear their kids praises! Anyway, just a thought...

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

My big brother is technically my half brother. I came home from elementary school one day to announce that, when we learned about families, and I've never seen my dad (technically my brother's stepfather) so mad. "He is your brother. You are his sister. That's it. Don't you ever make that distinction again." This sounds harsh here, but it was a good lesson that I'm glad we were taught. There has never been another moment in our lives that I'm aware of that made any distinction since.

Regarding newborn pictures, my suggestion would be to feel free to take pictures of just the baby, but when taking family pictures, include the whole family - including big sister.

This is just to share my opinion based on my own experience. Good luck, and as long as there's lots of love to go around, you'll be fine

cag11890 · April 2015

This is how I feel, but would you have felt differently about sibling a you didn't grow up living in the same home with? I'm going to tread carefully but have the pictures done. It's a private session with a woman, I thought about inviting her and seeing if she wanted to have a couple taken with her daughter and her 6 month old son.

babybean9 · April 2015

I don't like the "half sibling" title at all. I technically have half siblings, but they've always just been my siblings.

My stepson is 9, his mom are I were pregnant at the same time, she just delivered a few weeks ago. So he's going from 0 to 2 siblings in a few months time. I definitely plan to take newborn photos and include him too. I think it's important to be as inclusive as possible and to try and have a smooth transition. Even in the best situations, it can be hard with step parenting and "half siblings" and such.

Regarding your boyfriends ex, I wouldn't worry. Try to talk it out if you can, but overall just focus on your new family unit. I'm not sure how long you've been with your boyfriend or the current dynamic, but his ex shouldn't have any affect or input on your new family. Enjoy your sweet newborn photos!

KaLikeAWind · April 2015

I have all the types of siblings. I have a step brother and step sister thru my mom's marriage, a step brother thru my dad's marriage, a half brother thru my dad's marriage, and a sister thru my my mom and dad's marriage. Its weird because there kind of are distinctions to me. It depends on my relationship with them. My step sister I call my sister, but her brother I call my step brother. My half brother I call my brother, but not the step brother thru my dads marriage with the lady who produced the half brother.

Anyways, I would approach the mom of the daughter and talk to her about how excited you are for your little one to 'join the family' and let it be known that the family includes both her and her daughter. When you take your pictures - it sounds like you are having them professionally done so its not like you or boyfriend would be stuck behind the camera - ask to have the 'girls' in a photo by themselves, and maybe one of you and her with the girls, maybe one of daddy with his girls, and at least one where EVERYBODY is in it (you, bf, both girls, and the other mom). Including her into the family unit would not only be kind, I think, but pave the way for easy relationships going forward.
Good luck!
Edited - words, I missed some

KonaCoffeeBean · April 2015

It sounds like the whole reason that OP's step-daughter's mother got upset was that she was having some anxiety around her daughter's relationship with her father changing. So, based only that, it doesn't sound like she would have any problem with her daughter in the pictures, and maybe would alleviate her anxiety a bit that her daughter is still included in all the family activities.

Emilywooddesign · April 2015

I think it's very nice you are being so considerate of the mothers feelings, that being said- I think the most important thing is making sure your boyfriends daughter feels included, excited and always welcome- having some special pictures taken with her and her new sister is a wonderful idea and will probably make her feel so special, maybe even let her have a few pictures by herself and with her dad too.

taboullio84 · April 2015

I think sister will feel left out if she doesn't have pictures too.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

cag11890 said:
This is how I feel, but would you have felt differently about sibling a you didn't grow up living in the same home with? I'm going to tread carefully but have the pictures done. It's a private session with a woman, I thought about inviting her and seeing if she wanted to have a couple taken with her daughter and her 6 month old son.

My nieces (brother's daughters - technically his daughter and stepdaughter) are this way. They spend more like 60% of their time together in the same house... but they are sisters, not half sisters. All holidays, celebrations, etc. wait until everyone in the house is together, even if that means writing a letter to Santa and asking him to wait a week, so they can all be together to open their presents.
The extended family (my parents) are not always as accommodating to the "wait to celebrate" requests, but we all do the best we can.

Again, not saying this is the right or best way, just our way, since you asked. Modern families have their challenges and as @mellymar said, I think titles are either irrelevant or will reflect a relationship built over time.

Oh, I should add: my older (step-)niece's biological father is very much in the picture. He lives out of state but stays with them often, to visit and see school plays, etc. He is not included in any formal family photos - only my brother, his wife, and the two girls. Every summer, this niece and her father have their own portraits done together, alone. It seems to work, and she seems to enjoy having two dads.

virginiaunicorn11 · April 2015

cag11890 said:
This is how I feel, but would you have felt differently about sibling a you didn't grow up living in the same home with? I'm going to tread carefully but have the pictures done. It's a private session with a woman, I thought about inviting her and seeing if she wanted to have a couple taken with her daughter and her 6 month old son.

Edited: sorry for the double post

jamisynr · April 2015

I also have an almost 3 year old step daughter. She will be included in all the pics, maternity, sibling photos and any other photos to come. I consider her as one of my own and would regardless of how her mother feels. Luckily her mother and I get along great and she has warmed up to the idea of us having a little one. Although it was a struggle at first. I wouldn't feel right leaving her out of the photos as she is family and I wouldn't want her to feel any less loved or to feel left out. She is excited to have a little sister and talks about it frequently. We also make sure to do things for just her to let her know that even though there will be a new little one she will still get just as much love and attention when we have her.

All of my siblings are half siblings and I feel like we couldn't be closer. Half or full sibling, step parent or not, love is love and family is family.

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