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June 2015 Moms
Sammy K
member
Late to the party
Sammy K
member
Hi all, I'm new... kinda. This is baby #2 and I was around for my first until I had a bad experience with negative posters so I've stayed away. Until now. Sorry to crash the party. I'm due June 23 with a girl; the first is a boy.
Now that I'm in the third trimester, I'm starting to have major anxiety about having to go through childbirth again. I had an appointment with my OB today and I was hoping to talk to her but she was at the hospital all morning and I saw a nurse practitioner instead. So... here I am. I've never had anxiety/panic attacks before, but just thinking about delivery... oh boy. My heart races, my head pounds, I get sick to my stomach to where I can't eat for hours, I can't concentrate and I get headaches.
Why the anxiety? Well, first, I want to say my experience with my first was not normal and had nothing to do with what any other moms have/will go through. I'm not trying to scare anyone, which is why I rarely talk about it since most of my friends don't have kids or they had a wonderful, empowering birth experience they call the best day of their life. My experience was the worst experience of my life. If you're a first-time mom and nervous, you should probably stop reading right now.
My son came fast. From the first contraction to delivery was 1 hour 45 min. He was born 35 minutes after we arrived at the hospital. My OB almost didn't make it. Precipitous labor is fairly rare, especially for first time moms. To make a long story short, there was no pain meds, there was no time for my body to adapt, there was only mass chaos in the delivery room. I didn't push - my body did all of this with no conscious effort on my part. He came so fast it felt like my hips were being ripped apart at the joint. I had a borderline 3rd/4th degree tear and I ruptured several blood vessels, all of which had to be cauterized/repaired with no anesthesia. Even the nurses commented on the huge amount of blood. I was in so much pain I didn't see my son being weighed, measured or bathed, I was writhing and shaking while my OB got the bleeding under control. My husband and doula had to hold him on my chest because my entire body was shaking and I couldn't hold him. It was awful. And for a long time, I felt guilty that it wasn't the wonderful, joyful, empowering experience so many moms talk about. I barely noticed the baby on my chest, I just wanted the pain to stop. It wasn't until I learned about precipitous labor and did some research that I could talk about it and that was after I knew I was pregnant with this one. I don't feel guilty anymore, but my memory of childbirth is still incredibly vivid and seared into my brain.
I'm planning on an early induction (with my OB's blessing) and I plan on using all of the drugs. But I am so worried she will come before then. I'm worried I'll go into labor at home and it will scare my son. I'm worried we won't have time to get a sitter to the house and make it to the hospital on time. I'm afraid to experience natural childbirth again, especially since the second is usually faster than the first and the first was way too fast. I'm am so anxious, I can't even talk about it. I'm starting to wish we had stopped at one kid (totally irrational and fear driven, I know). Knowing that in June, I will have to repeat what was the worst and most excruciating pain in my entire life has me almost paralyzed.
So, thanks for reading if you made it this far. I don't know what I need or expect, other than maybe someone to pat my head and tell me it will all be OK. Sorry if I've alarmed anyone else. Just remind yourself that less than 3% of births are that fast and less than 5% of women have a 3rd or 4th degree tear. This is not the norm. Which is why it has been so isolating.
Re: Late to the party
My friend has really fast deliveries. With her last child, she got to the hospital at 10:30, they broke her water at 11:30 and she delivered with no pain meds at 12:30. She researched different mes free approaches to help her with nerves, like Bradley and Hypnobirthing.
One thing to consider is that you will be going in almost weekly and your Dr will let you know how you are progressing, ie so many cm dilated, effaced, etc.
I would have a plan with friend/family/sitter that if you do go into labor to meet you at the hospital.
I know you're really worried but just think, now that you are aware, you can equip yourself with the tools to get through birth a second time around. I'm glad you're using this opportunity to reach out, get help and do something about it. You don't have to apologize for crashing the party, I found that this board has a lot of amazing and supportive mamas. So welcome aboard!
Also, thanks for your introduction and for joining us! No worries about "crashing the party," we're happy to be here to support you
Thanks for the support. I do appreciate it. Not everyone wants to listen to pregnancy talk.
We're working on an emergency plan. We moved a few months ago, so we don't know the neighbors that well yet. But we'll make an effort. I'm thinking about hiring a doula again, just to have a calming presence in the room. My first doula was awesome but is now training to be a midwife, so I'll have to find someone new. My OB is totally on board and I love her, so that definitely helps. Going in every week doesn't really ease my mind at all; I saw my doc at 3pm the day I had my son and there was no indication I was in labor. I was dilated about the same as the previous week. He was born less than 7 hours later.
I'll have to look into hypnobirthing. I'm open to anything at this point.
I do have a therapist, so I'll have to add this to the list. Having a girl has brought up all kinds of childhood issues, so I am one giant head case right now. Which is uncomfortable for me since I'm an engineer, I grew up on a farm, I'm tough, I'm dependable and typically have everything under control. Now I feel like I'm falling apart. This pregnancy has just been a total rollercoaster for me.
Thank you for the kind words, they really do help.
Thanks again for the support and kind words.