Mother in Law's Guest List — The Bump
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Mother in Law's Guest List

My mother in law wants to throw me a baby shower, which I am very grateful for. However she wants to invite a few of her friends, who I don't know at all. I told her that this makes me slightly uncomfortable to be asking for gifts from people I have never met (I know gifts aren't required, but realistically that's what showers are about). She said that she has been invited to their daughters' showers, so she wants to reciprocate. However, she has met their daughters before on numerous occasions. In the ten years I have been with my husband, I have never met these women. I appreciate so much what she is doing and know that the guest list is up to her, but am I wrong for bringing this up with her? 

Re: Mother in Law's Guest List

  • I agree with pp, you should allow her to invite whoever she would like. And on the bright side you get to meet these friends of hers.



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    [Deleted User]Bliss+Berrycrason
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    As she's the one hosting, let this go. I FULLY understand your feelings on this, but this is about her and what's the norm in her circle of friends. 
    chicagojackie
  • What she's doing is totally normal.  It may feel uncomfortable to you to receive gifts from women you've never met.  But they're not thinking of it as "buying some random young woman baby stuff."  They're thinking of it as celebrating her friend's new grandchild.  Going along with this gracefully can win you major points with your MIL.
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    chicagojackieombradellarosaSassenach1743YummeeCookee
  • You addressed your concern, and you aren't the one who would seem gift grabby...I'm sure they realize she is the one inviting them...and yes, since she is throwing it she gets the final say on guests.

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    ombradellarosa
  • The host calls all the shots.
    The only way that you could bring it up to her that wouldn't be stepping on toes is to decline the offer all together.
  • Thanks guys! Looks like I'll keep my mouth shut ;-)
    Sassenach1743Dannylion24
  • What she's doing is totally normal.  It may feel uncomfortable to you to receive gifts from women you've never met.  But they're not thinking of it as "buying some random young woman baby stuff."  They're thinking of it as celebrating her friend's new grandchild.  Going along with this gracefully can win you major points with your MIL.
    I TOTALLY agree with this part. I'm in a somewhat similar situation in that my MIL is throwing me a shower in Illinois where a majority of my DH's family lives (we live in New York). There will definitely be people that I do not know there, and others who I've only met once or twice. However, I keep thinking that it's not really about me, it's about the baby. They're excited to celebrate a new grandchild, and I'm just along for the ride! :)
    ***First-time Mom in New York City | Married 8.16.13 | Expected Due Date 5.29.15***


  • Yes, you are wrong.  If she is hosting and paying for it, then it's ultimately up to her who comes to the shower.


    Just smile, thank your guests, and have a good time.
    This ^^^ . Be gracious & thank them for attending.


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  • Plus, they likely know her son, your DH, even though he's not in attendance, it's his baby too.  :)
  • Have they met your husband? I feel like that would make it less awkward.
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  • I wouldn't feel too weird about it. My mom has been to showers for her friends daughters/DILs and like previous posters have said, she's always gone to celebrate her friends grandbaby. Even if she doesn't know the mom to be, she's there for her friend and happy to celebrate a new baby.
  • When we were planning our wedding we excluded many of my MILs friends for the same reason. It just seemed like such a personal day to share with people I had never met or my husband wasn't fond of. It was difficult for her and we promised that when there's a baby shower she can invite whoever runs she wants. So, she's throwing us one with an initial invite list of about 50. I'm incredibly thankful she's throwing us a shower at all and know the long list of invite comes from love, excitement, and her being a proud grandma-to-be. Yes, it will be a bit awkward for me, but well worth it if it makes her happy.
    Sassenach1743
  • let her invite everyone as long as she's paying for it trust me you have it better then mine is going to be so far my MIL has invited like 50 people and I only know like 10 and then since she invited so many I feel bad inviting people I know since there is already so many. But honestly I only need a few people I know there and I am not one to turn down hospitality aka gifts because I am not the one asking for them I made my registry mainly for me and my close family to have a check list of what we need. Plus we already have most of the big stuff and basics. Plus honestly anyone who is invited to a baby shower knows that gifts is mainly the reason for the party any one who says it isn't is really lying and if they don't want to give a gift then they do not have to show up but that's my way of thinking. plus most people are excited about any new babies because hello they are babies and even without a party might want to buy you something.
    majdmansour
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