Not excited yet and feel guilty because of it

Re: Not excited yet and feel guilty because of it

• surprisepkg31 member

  March 2015

  I was pretty much/still am in the same boat. I had decided I didn't want kids officially, not knowing I was 2 weeks along in January. I've been with my husband 12 years and never had a scare. When I realized how late I was I was terrified to know if I was pregnant as I felt it would ruin everything I had been working for. I graduate in May after 5 and half years of college and working my butt off to finally move forward with my life and pursue my new career. I'm 32 and already feel so behind. So when I saw the plus sign I cried for 3 days straight. I was not happy. My husband felt so bad. But after about a week on the couch I realized this was my destiny, God had something else in store for me and I'm exactly where I need to be. I'm not maternal, or particularly love children, I never dreamed of being a mother. I wanted to just be me. I totally sympathize. I still cry about it and feel like I've been cheated out of something but I try to see the positive and it helps. It's okay to not feel excited, it's a big deal and a huge life change. It's all consuming! !!! You are not alone and not the first to feel this way. You will be fine, let yourself be authentic in what you feel or else you may find yourself more bitter later for putting on a show. Your mourning over your old life and that is perfectly normal.
  
  Goodluck.

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• Rebel78 member

  March 2015

  I wouldn't feel guilty.   This was obviously unexpected news and it will take you some time to process all your feelings about it.  Plus, how you feel now is not an indicator of what kind of mom you will be.  I've known women who thought they were going to be perfect moms and then, once baby is born, they realize how much their life has changed and they feel resentful.  And I've known women who felt really neutral and then fell in love at first sight.  Maybe the fact that you are realistic about what it will be like to raise a child will make you even better prepared for when your little one comes along.  Whether it is immediate or if it grows over time, you will love your baby.  And, if you are still struggling, talk to your doctor about it.  There is never shame in asking for help if you start to feel depressed either before or after your baby arrives.

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• schwens3 member

  March 2015

  Totally normal in my opinion! I've wanted a child my whole life. My husband and I planned it BUT I have times where I'm not as excited as others seem to be. It's only natural to be nervous about a big life change. Hang in there! Pregnancy is a miracle and scary thing all wrapped in one .

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• KYmama9286 member

  March 2015

  Totally normal- I have 3 kids who are now 5,3,&2. #2&3 are only 15 months apart and #1 has some medical special needs (#1&2 are 20months apart)- I remember after #2 I was just so stressed between having a newborn who was colicky and never slept and my older son was at the peak of his health issues and had tons of drs appts and therapies. To say I was stressed was an understatement- both kids contracted bronchiolitis and each spent a week in the hospital inpatient back to back when #2. We finally got them over that then I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with #3 (got pg at 5mo post-partum despite using protection every single time). I was terrified, stressed and so overwhelmed and felt completely unbonded to the baby. I spent a lot of time praying about it and praying God would prepare my heart and give me the overwhelming grace I was gonna need to care for 3 kids under 3. Sure enough, #3 was the easiest baby ever! My transition from 2 to 3 was a breeze and much better than 1 to 2. It wasn't my plan but it was God's and he obviously knew better than me. I can't imagine life without sweet Nora and we bonded great once she was here, it was like a missing piece of our family we didn't even know we were missing! You will get there eventually, feeling overwhelmed doesn't mean you don't love or want your baby it means your realistic of what you are able to handle and the responsibilities that come with parenting. You will get there, it may take time but I promise you will get there!

  

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• schwens3 member

  March 2015

  Awesome share!!!! All of my strength comes from God whenever I have doubts!

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• KYmama9286 member

  March 2015

  I also wanted to add this since I made it seem like once baby comes everything will be great- that happens often (for me it was immediate love with #1&3) but not always.
  
  It's also totally normal to need some time to bond after the baby is born. The only baby we've ever actually had to try for (charting and actively working to get pg) was #2 and I was elated the whole pregnancy but once she was born...nothing. I felt like an awful mom! Why didn't I feel that immediate love like I did with #1? What kind of mother was I?! Then add in that she was a challenging baby and it made it even harder to bond. I can remember sobbing to my best friend when I was about 2 months postpartum that I was such a terrible mom because I just didn't like my baby or feel any attachment. Like someone could have come and taken her and I wouldn't have been that sad (sounds awful, right?)
  
  BUT again, things got better! I think I definitely had a touch of the baby blues and every mom experiences things at different times. There is such a vast range of "normal" I wouldn't even be worried. Chances are, how you are feeling is similar to tons of other moms out there even if they don't verbalize it. Try not to be concerned (unless you are having serious thoughts of harming yourself or your child). Things simply get better! You just need time. I just wanted to share both sides of my experience since I remember being so ashamed for feeling that way during my.pregnancy with #3 and after having #2. Thankfully I had a bff who has kids the same age and could relate and talk me down and remind me everything was normal and was going to be okay.

  

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• ash102211 member

  March 2015

  I think this is a normal feeling no matter your situation. My husband and I have been trying for over 2 years and we have had 2 losses within that 2 years. In was/am very nervous because I have never had a pleasant experience yet so every appointment I dread but deep down I'm excited. I have been asked numerous times why I don't seem excited and it's because we are nervous to hear something is wrong. I think you just have to take it one day at a time. I keep trying to remind myself this although ours was planned everyone is going to be nervous and emotional till that baby gets here and then hopefully the nerves will turn into excitement and joy!

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• JShuey88 member

  March 2015

  Thank you everyone, that's so extremely helpful!
  
  ... Seems like news comes in 3's. I found out last night my boyfriend's ex had his baby without acknowledging it was his a little over 2 years ago. He had asked 5 times with a resounding "no, this isn't your child."
  
  She then contacted him because she was filing for full custody and for medical benefits through the state and wanted him to sign over rights he never knew he had... I asked for a paternity test, I saw a picture of the kid and my doubts I know are invalid. The kid has Jon's eyes, the eyes that are both sad and soulful that I love so much. There's no mistaking them. But I want to protect Jon, because there are a number of guys that live in this area he is related to. She threw a fit and started yelling at him because he wouldn't just sign the papers... I'm afraid she knows the kid isn't his and she's going to try to take him for what very little he has worked for & been able to keep. But at the same time, I have an overwhelming need to hold his only child -for now- because of those eyes.

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