Pressure from Mother to be in delivery room?

scw89 · March 2015

the title says it all. I am only 8 weeks pregnant and ALREADY every time I see my mom she asks me if I've talked with my husband and decided to have her in the delivery room with us! She says I'm going to need her and want her. While that could be true I always felt like delivery was something for my husband and I to share together. She gets really mad and defensive when I say I don't know! My husbands mom wasn't in the room with her daughters when they gave birth. The only thing is I struggle with an anxiety disorder and if delivery is too nerve wracking for me, I might want her. Quite honestly, I want to try to do this on my own with my husband! Anyone else experience this?

peachmuffins · March 2015

I understand why people want their moms there, and I understand why people don't want their moms there. If she's already the kind of person to get high strung and defensive about something that's 7 months away and that hasn't even happened yet then she's sounds like she'd be the kind of mom to not let in the delivery room. You have up until you're driving to the hospital to decide if you want her there or not (if she lives near by).

I don't know what kind of relationship you have with your mom... I don't know if she's the kind of person to be super cool and supportive during labor and delivery or she's going to be a control freak that doesn't help your stress level at all.
If she's the kind of person that is more control freaky and "i know what's best for you" she may end up stepping on your husbands toes and taking away from HIS special moment with you by pushing him to the side.

She sounds a little control freaky to me... if my mom was like that I don't think I'd have her there, but you know her behavior patterns better than I do. I didn't have my mom there when I had my son because my SO said he just wanted it to be him and me. Everyone was cool with that and left the room when it was time to push.

MoRay05 · March 2015

With my first I wasn't sure if I wanted my mom in the room or not. It was a game day decision. She was in the room with us up until it was time to push. When it came time she didn't give me any issues. She said she would be in the waiting room and if I needed her she would be here. In the end I pushed for two hours with no progress and ended up having a c-section. I would tell your mom you are unsure and it will probably be a game day decision.

valleric · March 2015

I am planning on only my husband in the room. Maybe I'll change my mind later and maybe not. But it's definitely my choice!

ash413 · March 2015

It is a decis ion between you and your Husband/SO.
I think that fact that she is being this demanding and getting from up set when it's still months away is Concerning.
I will probably let them in if they want until it is time to push, then it will be just my husbanD. My husband and I are also going to sometime afterwards to bond with the baby by ourselves without family.
Have you talked to your husband, what does he say?

Kitta+1 · March 2015

It's a hard thing for me, too, because my mother and I have opposite view on how to treat labor and delivery. I do want her there because she can be sweet and supportive ... but I don't want her there because I'm worried that the first blip of trouble and she's going to start trying to force medical interventions when I'd rather wait some things out.

She can be very bull headed, and likely won't approve of many of my decisions. I do know she will be coming to Arkansas for the big event - she lives in MO. I figured after I've done my research and figured out what I really want, I'd sit down with her (skype) and my sis as well and go over the birth plan. Plans do change and need wiggle room - but if they right off the bat can't accept it then I know they are going to be bullies during delivery.

The worst/best part is, lol, I am still considering a home birth - which will make them flip for sure!!! lol this will be interesting.

scw89 · March 2015

Agreed, I'm thinking either don't have her in the room or let it be a game day decision. I'm afraid she'll step on my husbands toes. He prefers if it's just the two of us but obviously if I have a full blown panic attack he understands the need for her. I think I'll be ok with him, he takes care of me well!

sammi11586 · March 2015

My hospital allowed three people in the room with me. My parents, DH's parents and his siblings rotated in and out of the room until it was time to push. At that point it was just my mom, MIL and DH because that was who I wanted. You could always have her with you with you until a certain point and the. Just have it be you and DH. I liked having people keeping me company until it was go time.

lanaloulittle · March 2015

I am only allowing my husband and sister to be in there. It was going to just be husband, but my sister offered to come in and take pictures. My hospital only allows father and 2 other people, but I am just going to tell his mom it's only 2 people because I don't want to deal with her. We don't have a close relationship so for me it would be awkward to have her there. And my mother, well she could care less of she is in there or not, so if she really wants to be for some reason I will probably let her. I also have anxiety, but feel my husband is going to be the best person for the job in this situation.

Knottie72812408 · March 2015

My mother and his mother both expected to be in the room. We both told them that when it came time the only people in the room were medical staff, my doula, hubby, my best friend who is a nurse, & the birth photographer. The two of them stress me out enough and don't agree with any of my choices. Would rather just avoid it. I will go as far as not telling them when we have the baby until after the baby is born or telling security to not let them in.

RNmommy13 · March 2015

I only had my DH in the room. My parents, in laws, and sister were all in the waiting room and I loved seeing them right after. But I would not change anything about who will be in this time either.

dalzien · March 2015

We knew from the get-go that the only people in our delivering room was mu husband and I. No family. No matter what. It was the best decision we made. Both my inlaws and my parents showed up and they all wanted in. Our nurses wouldn't let them in the ward, but passed on the message that we were doing fine. We were so thankful. They all had their own opinions about pregnancy and labour and I felt it was none of their business. My husband did an amazing job as my support person, as I put all of my faith and trust in him... and I needed him more than ever when DD had to go into the NICU. We will be doing it again this this new one.

ColoradoHiker · March 2015

It really sounds like you may want it to be a game day decision, as PPs said. This is my first, so I don't have any prior experience, but I have several friends who didn't want anyone waiting for hours in a waiting room. So, they didn't let anyone know until after the baby was born (they both were in labor for relatively short amounts of time, though). It's totally your choice, don't let her make it for you.

flufy82 · March 2015

I learned quickly during my first pregnancy that it's best to not share your birth plans at all with anyone other than your husband/baby daddy. Everyone wants to criticize your choices, from where you have the baby to pain management, to what should be done with the baby once he/she is born.

We didn't tell a soul I was even in labor until my son was already out. And we didn't tell them we were going to do that ahead of time either. I think we just agreed to answer any/all questions with, "We'll let you know when it's appropriate". That goes for NAMES too! And by the time you do tell them, it's too late to change anything so they keep their opinions to themselves and enjoy the new baby. I wouldn't have it any other way.

scw89 · March 2015

@flufy82 agreed, and the first thing DH and I agreed on was finding out the sex but keeping the names a secret! People can give you opinions on names but not on the sex of the baby! Lol

jlorel16 · March 2015

You and I just might have the same mother! Lol. When I told my mother that I'd only want my husband in the delivery room, she accused me of being selfish and said "how can you deny your mother, the person that gave you life and changed your diapers, the gift of seeing their grandchild being born? Yet you'll have a "stranger" you've only known for 8years in there" (the "stranger she's referring to is my husband lol)

I know she means well and she just wants to be present for that special moment, but I think the moment is way more special for DH and I and we have the right to experience our child's birth in private, with no extra distractions. Also, my mother is really dramatic and tends to stress me out-- not a good combination when you're "pushing a watermelon out of a straw." I did however say that after DH and I have our private moment with our newborn, the grandparents are allowed to see them next and bond with the baby. Do what makes you most comfortable

kmd91 · March 2015

It's things like this that make me so glad that we are currently living 5,000 miles away from family. I'm largely sad that we won't really have family around to meet the baby for a while and such, but the fact that I know I won't have to deal with any "who gets to be in the delivery room?" argument sure is nice.

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