gender disappointment/ chromosomal abnormalities — The Bump
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gender disappointment/ chromosomal abnormalities

This isy first pregnancy and my husband and I both wanted a girl. I thought I would be ok with either though because I know its a 50/50 shot either way. But I've been dreaming about a little girl and have names picked. I felt like it was a girl with everything I've read and I feel a connection when I think about "our little girl". We found out yesterday that it was a boy and he tested positive for chromosomal abnormalities. And now I'm a mess. I don't feel anything when I think about a boy or what he will look like and I'm going crazy over the test results and feel terrible that I'm so upset its a boy and I'm even more upset because he isn't going to be a healthy boy. I don't know how I'm supposed to cope with this, I don't feel anything and I'm just sad thinking about this baby. And I work with babies at the hospital and I just cry every time I see these beautiful baby girls. Any advice?

Re: gender disappointment/ chromosomal abnormalities

  • It took me some time to adjust to having a boy, I wanted a girl so badly as this is my first baby and my husband doesn't want anymore(he has one of each from previous relationships). It helped me to start referring to him as my son or calling him by the name we've chosen and I do love him and feel anticipation to meet him however I may always have the longing for the little girl I'd hoped for. I had a girls name picked with no thoughts of a boys name prior to finding out and definitely can't picture what he will look like because it's hard to picture a boy with any of my physical features like I could with a girl. I also am worried that he might not come out okay due to heavy drinking before finding out I was far as I know they didn't even do any type of chromosomal testing so I am excited it's almost over, I'm 38.4 weeks but even if he looks perfect I will likely be fearful at every milestone of his life
  • We didn't find out the gender of ours before birth. My husband really wanted a boy, but we had a girl. He is smitten, and I'm sure you will be too once you finally meet him face to face. As far as the abnormalities go, if it was just the blood test there's still a large chance your son will be perfectly healthy. An amniocentesis would be a more accurate test.
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  • My husband and I recently found out we are expecting our 2nd son. We were really hoping for a girl (more me than him). At my 12 week ultrasound the tech told us she believed it was a boy but was still a bit too early to be 100% sure. This meant I had time to mentally prepare myself that it was going to be another boy. My husband and I had never said that after this child we would have no more and he had always said that as long as we had all our kids before he was 30 (he will be 26 this aug) he would be happy. A few weeks before my anatomy scan he started saying that after this baby he wanted no more kids and his friends just encouraged him and commented things such as "well that can easily be fixed" suggesting he would get a vasectomy. This really caught me off guard and it made me feel like it was just added pressure that if this baby was NOT a girl that this was it. When the ultrasound tech announced we were having a boy I felt so devastated and my husbands reaction was "I am sorry". We talked afterwards as I told him of all the pressure I felt and that I felt like he was cutting me off but he assured me that him getting a vasectomy would be a choice we would make as a family not one he would make by himself and that the only reason he didn't want to have more children was because he saw how tired and sick I was this time around as I have a toddler that has A LOT of energy, does not nap and he is military so he might be called off anytime (he will be gone for 3 weeks in april and 3 weeks in may). He reassured me that if I wanted more children that we could definitely discuss the possibility. 

    I just feel like I have been such a terrible mother. I came home from my ultrasound and cried. I NEVER want my son to feel as though I didn't love him because he was a boy or that I will love him any less. He is still going to be my baby.

    I am so glad I am not the only mom out there who has felt this way. 
  • With my first pregnancy I really wanted a girl. I could picture the little baby wearing pink and flowers and laces. The house full of dolls, teddy bears and Hello Kitty stuff (that would be for me). But he was a boy. I cried a lot, felt guilty and a bad person. When he was born I just loved him. At first you really can't notice if it's a boy orden a girl except for the obvious. And you learn to love your baby more and more as you get to know her/ him. I love him so much more nos tan when he was born. I think the same will happen to you. Also with the abnormalities. When you get to know him, everything is going to be different. Is perfectly right to feel like you do. It's huge hoy this is going to change you. But only for better.
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