Advice on my moms household condition

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

Im 23 weeks along with my mothers first grandchild. I've known for a long time that I don't want my children in her house due to their lack of cleanliness- they have multiple cats in a small house and it's always pretty nasty in there. Cat puke stains, dirty floors, dirty litter boxes... Wouldn't want her crawling around in that mess. So how do I tell her that I don't my child around that? I don't want to hurt her feelings but I'm sure that's pretty unavoidable

my mom is so excited for us and has been collecting baby things for us (that I probably won't use since they've sat in her house too long). We found homes for our own cars because we didn't want our baby around them. Oh- they all also have all their claws. advice please!

ChristyM87 · March 2015

You got rid of your own cats because of the baby?! Wow

Jessika54 · March 2015

You don't have to live with your mother do you? It doesn't sound like it. And as far as her buying things, they can always be washed. I can't belive you got rid of your kitties

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

Yes- we keep our house clean but it was more than that. Their box was in the room we wanted to turn into he nursery. There was nowhere else in our house that we were comfortable keeping it, nowhere out of the way enough. It was difficult to part with them but we made the right decision for us.

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

No we don't live with her but I know she expects me to bring her there to visit/babysit. I suppose my problem is more with the thought of babysitting since I won't be there to watch, decide to leave if it's particularly bad, etc.

twindlej · March 2015

If her house is that gross I'm sure she knows. Maybe u just need to be honest with her and say u aren't comfortable with the baby around the cats. Maybe offer to help her tidy up after baby comes and before u would leave baby with your mom. As to the baby things she gives u all can be washed and sanitized so just take it and say thank u. Good luck!

Jessika54 · March 2015

I guess then you should lay some ground rules. As far as the cleanliness of the house goes anyway... I know you'll be pooped but maybe offer to help "Spring Clean" or help pay for a professional to do it or the consequence will most likely be the LO won't be able to visit at that location.

inLOVEalready715 · March 2015

I would just wash the thing she bought for you, or at least tell her to stop buying things so she isn't wasting her money (if you aren't going to use them). Don't bring your baby to her house, if you aren't comfortable with the cleanliness. she can babysit at your house. It sounds like if your mom isn't clean or a hoarder you should be having a conversation with her about it for her own good, regardless of your baby. you could always hire her a cleaning service.

vandalaRose · March 2015

Does she know you re-homed your cats for the reasons you did ?

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

Yes, she knows we re-homed, since it was mainly needing the space for the nursery. I like the idea of offering to clean or helping to hire a service. I do plan on requesting her to babysit at our house rather than hers. The ironic thing is I completely trust HER with my children because she's been an ER nurse for 30+ years and would stay calm/know what to do in an emergency. And yes- I'll be cleaning and sanitizing anything that can be that she gives me; most of it was lightly used given to her from a friend of hers with twins who moved recently.

ashleyhozey · March 2015

I had a long talk with my mom, she has been a smoker her whole life (smokes in the house) and I always have said that I wouldn't let our babies over there bc it's so heavy of a smoke smell. When I got pregnant we had a talk about it and as of today she has quit smoking! And she is going to try and air out the house as much as possible and shampoo carpets and couches. I think maybe you should tell her how u feel in the most delicate way possible.

kacdanz · March 2015

I think you may just have to tell her. Maybe you can preface it by asking her how will the baby have a safe place to crawl with litter or whatever else bothers you in the way. Maybe that can start the conversation.

Jennym2b · March 2015

I can't even answer your question after reading that you got rid of your cats because they have litter box that you can't find a better spot for that make decorative litter boxes you know and it also does sound like you already have your mind made up that baby won't be going to your mom

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

Jennym2b- then why even comment? I didn't ask for anyone's commentary on the decision I made to rehome my cats. I found them good homes- it's not like I dumped them on the street. I stand by my decision and don't need to defend it any further.

Thanks to all who did have some advice. My husband and I talked it over and I think she and I will just have a gentle conversation that the house needs to be cleaned, even for simple visits. And unless there's a dramatic change I'll tell her Id feel more comfortable if she babysits at our house. I'm sure it'll be fine.

kyrenora · March 2015

It sounds like your mom needs some kind of intervention. Even if the baby was not a factor, the waste you describe is not healthy for your mom, her cats, or any other residents of the house (if there are any). Personally, I have seven indoor pets, including three cats. When adopting those animals, my husband and I took on the responsibility of cleaning up after them. The litter boxes are cleaned on a strict schedule, and though accidents occasionally happen (ie the vomiting), all floor messes dealt with immediately.

Definitely sit down with your mother and figure out what is going on and a good way to solve the problem. It may be that she doesn't have enough litter boxes for the number of cats that she has, or maybe she just doesn't see the issue. If she's having trouble getting stains up, there's a cleaning spray called "Nature's Miracle" that's specifically formulated for pet messes, and isn't harmful to cats or babies like many other cleaning chemicals. Whatever the problem is, try not to show judgement of her, and do everything within your power to avoid bringing up the idea of her giving up her cats. As you may have noticed by some of the replies you've gotten, many pet owners will lash out and become defensive when that is mentioned, and that's something you'll want to avoid with your mother.

asun123 · March 2015

I HATE cats.

Like so much that there is no way I would ever step foot in a house with cats nor let my children step foot in a house with cats.

It's more of an absolute fear.

But everyone I know, knows this fear of mine.

So if my mother had cats in her house, I would say it straight up that my kids wont be over. And I would not feel guilty.

I totally understand getting rid of cats before baby comes.

lilweenie · March 2015

Im a huge animal lover, I would never give away my pets because I'm having a baby.

mommy1922 · March 2015

asun123 said:
I HATE cats.
Like so much that there is no way I would ever step foot in a house with cats nor let my children step foot in a house with cats.
It's more of an absolute fear.
But everyone I know, knows this fear of mine.
So if my mother had cats in her house, I would say it straight up that my kids wont be over. And I would not feel guilty.
I totally understand getting rid of cats before baby comes.

Same here! More like fear instead of hate though LOL

Heather042188 · March 2015

@mrsjones1012, I had to reply because I know exactly what you're going through! My mother is a cat hoarder. I moved out 3 days after I turned 18, and am now 26. Nothing has changed! The night I found out I was pregnant I drove to her house and after all of the excitement I explained very politely and assertively that there was NO WAY the baby could come to the house under these conditions. My husband grew up with no pets, so he had absolutely no tolerance! I said, okay, you have 9 months! And if by then you haven't made changes, there is nothing I am do to defend you or help you. I respect what he says and I also agree with every word. It is absolutely not healthy in any way!..... She has made ZERO changes. And the lasts time we spoke about it I explained that I was getting upset because I want her to be a huge part of baby's life and I want him to visit and stay there whenever she wants him to BUT these changes have to be made, period. She responded with "okay, fine, I'll jut come to your house because I'm not getting rid of my cats!" And I said "alright, if that's what you decide!" Im sorry that this conversation even had to be had! She doesn't get it, and will not admit that there is a problem! And it doesn't matter how many times you wash those clothes, they're going to smell like cat urine! When I go over there, I leave my jacket and purse outside! And I immediately come home, shower and wash my clothes! And I don't care what anyone says, a cat is a cat is a cat... If you have one, and you own a liter box I can promise you, your guests can smell it. Maybe I'm just overly sensitive to the smell, but j can walk in a house and smell a cat. It's sad because they are sweet animals! Anyway, just wanted you to know that you're not alone! I love my Mom but she is a crazy cat lady!!!

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

Glad to know someone can relate.

I wouldn't ever actually ask her to get rid of them, just to take responsibility for them and set a new standard for living. I'll have to go "approve" it before baby girl comes and determine if it's clean enough to be there with her. And if it's not, she'll just have to come to our house to visit/babysit. Thanks for responding Heather042188!

Heather042188 · March 2015

I understand, I don't want to have to tell her to get rid of them... But to me, it's clear that she can't take care of them and the cats suffer. She says she only has 7, but when she talks about them there's names I've never heard before and she's hidden kittens from me too! We have helped her get the fixed so I don't have to worry about them having babies! And they're all inside cats because her neighbor has caught them and let them go somewhere else before. The biggest issue besides health hazards and the well being of the cats, is her inability to see that things have gotten out of hand. There is no such thing as a rational conversation, with her, about this! Unfortunately in her situation even if she rehomed them, the house is screwed. Walls are scratched up, floors are ruined, everything in the house stinks. I wish it was as easy as telling her, or buying a liter box, or washing the clothes she gives me! Lol. But it's not. It's not at all.

brittc013 · March 2015

You getting rid of your own cats is for sure a personal decision and I'm so happy to hear you found some good homes for them. The comment "and they all have their claws" makes me extremely upset to think you might tell your mother to get her cats declawed before the baby comes. Did you know declawing a cat is essentially cutting off the tips of their fingers? It puts the animal in excruciating pain for the rest of their lives and makes their natural balance get thrown off. Google it if you want to learn more about this cruel practice and hopefully you'll understand why this is never an option. All cat owners should trim their cats nails with nail clippers.

Britty · March 2015

I also hate cats. And I'm deathly allergic so that may be one reason. But they're stinky and dirty too. I would've gotten rid of cats of I became pregnant just for the fact that cleaning the litter can make you or baby sick while pregnant. We don't drink or eat a bunch of fish because it's bad for baby, why would you risk getting sick from dirty litter? I say make sure your mom knows she can see her as much as she wants as long as its at your house. My cousin won't go to my aunts because she smokes inside. She will understand... good luck

mrsjones1012 · March 2015

RE their claws: no I wouldn't ask her to declaw them and I do know about how barbaric declawing them is- my own cats had their claws as well. More just stating a fact. Kids are grabby and Id be afraid they'd scratch her if she got too rough. As some posters have agreed, cats are dirty and could transmit infection.

Haven't had an opportunity to chat with my mom about this whole thing but hopefully soon will. I think she might get her feelings hurt a bit at first, but she is typically a reasonable person and I think will ultimately get it all cleaned up and under control, and with any luck, maintain it at a good level of cleanliness. It CAN be done with the amount of cats she has, but if she's motivated to see her granddaughter I hope it won't be a question. Again- thanks to all who've weighed in with sympathy and advice.

CanadaMom17 · March 2015

Litter boxes that are cleaned properly, and regularly do not smell up a house, period. If you can smell it entering a house, then they're not being cleaned properly - the owner takes the blame not the cat. Ditto for diaper pails - if the diapers aren't thrown out soon enough and they can be smelled, it's not the baby's fault either!

That being said, no, babies can't crawl around in vomit and potentially dirty cat litter kicked out of the boxes.

Advice on my moms household condition

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