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Need Advice

Ashlee02233Ashlee02233 member
in 2nd Trimester

I don't feel like myself. I feel very cut off from everyone and just generally alone. My husband is currently deployed and it feels like I am losing him...and I have this stupid fear of him cheating on me even though I know he isn't that type of guy, its just has has been gone since my second month and I hate the distance. He even told me some girls were trying to get with him which only makes me more worried. On top of that, I just constantly feel like I am going to break down at any second. I just don't feel excited about my baby even though I know I should be. I just don't feel like I am cut out to be a mother. I don't know. I don't know I am just being dramatic or what.

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Re: Need Advice

  • Miz_LizMiz_Liz member
    Okay, first, take a deep breath - it will be okay. As for your husband, if you know he isn't the type to cheat, then you need to stop worrying about him cheating. I understand that you probably didn't want to hear about girls hitting on him, but he probably did not tell you to hurt you, he probably actually just told you because he wants to show how completely honest and open he is with you. Look at it this way, if he had done something or if he was thinking about doing something with another girl, why would he tell you or put any ideas in your head? I am sorry that he is so far away while you are pregnant, it can be a difficult time and I can relate to long distance relationships and how much they can suck!! Just remind yourself he won't be gone forever, and before you know it you will have a beautiful baby. And as for feeling like you are not cut out to be a mother, I think every FTM has fears/worries/doubts about how they will be as a mother at one point or another, but at the end of the day you will do great. There are lots of resources out there to help you through times such as these. There are hotlines you can call, support groups you can join (I am sure there are tons for pregnant wives of deployed men). Try to force yourself to get out and do things and make sure you are getting plenty of exercise - as silly as it sounds, it helps fight off depression. Keep your chin up, stay positive, find something you enjoy, and lastly, thank your husband for his service for all of us so that we can continue to bring our children into such a great country!
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  • KaLikeAWindKaLikeAWind member
    Hi gal. I just wanted to stop by and say while my husband has not been deployed, I am a military spouse also and have had to be separated from my hubs for months before, and I know its hard. I can't imagine how hard it must be when pregnant, as it's hard enough anyways. My hubs current schedule is on base 2 days, off base 2 days, and the days he is gone, he is truly gone. The days that he is gone and I am at home alone I can be lonely and its hard to get some things done, what with being so tired and not feeling well and hormonal and far away from family or friends, with no support system. So for those of you with spouses who are deployed... It must be so very hard.
    I know that where we are stationed there is a wives fb page for all the wives to connect with each other if they are so inclined. Some larger bases have spouse support groups that you can join. And it's OK to have doubts about your pregnancy. Don't let people or yourself guilt trip you into thinking its all roses and poetry and stuff. This is a scary thing. Even with a support system its a scary thing. I have faith that it will be worth it in the end, but I'm scared. Its OK to acknowledge your fear and worries but try not to let them overrule you.

    Lastly, the reason our military is so badass is because at home they have badass spouses who got their backs. Our guys overseas have so many stresses, your feelings are not invalid, but try to remember he is worried about you, the rest of his family, and everything else going on over there. The fact that he opens up to you about life over there is an indication of his trust for you and your relationship. Things may be easier for you if you trust him back.

    I hope this helps a little bit. Also, there is a specialty forum on the bump for military families. Maybe you'll find someone who is also stationed in your area.

    Best of luck and wishes to you, your spouse, and your growing little one.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
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