Is it rude to ask somebody if they are pregnant?

irsikb · March 2015

My friends and acquaintances are starting to pick up on the fact and that I am expecting. Do you think it's rude when they blatantly ask "are you pregnant?"? I find it infuriating. I'm only 7 weeks and not ready to let the cat out of the bag. If I wanted you to know I would tell you! Anyone else have this problem?

Unknown · March 2015

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Penguin81 · March 2015

Hands down YES ain't none of your business. People were asking me when I was five weeks (mostly college students) I told them they were being rude but yes, I am that's why I look like I've had intimate relations with a Mack truck.

Cardiganmom2 · March 2015

Yes

questisthebest · March 2015

I don't mind people asking me, just as long as I actually am!

ry0202 · March 2015

1. It is rude and 2. I told my sister two days ago, her response was"I thought so the last time I saw you you looked exhausted"..... Me: Thanks, not exactly what I wanted to hear!

kmd91 · March 2015

I once started a new job and noticed a bump on one of my bosses, and I was definitely curious. I never asked anything, because you never know, and you don't want to be rude. I never found out for sure until like a month later when I was told we were having a surprise shower for her!

Laurakat81 · March 2015

I agree that it's very rude. If someone wants you to know they'll tell you. I had a coworker pat my belly the day I returned to work after my second miscarriage and say she heard I was expecting. I most certainly was not showing when she touched my belly. And I'm pretty sure she learned her lesson after I informed her that my baby was dead.

I've also had friends feel forced to lie when asked by others. And that's not a good feeling either!

and of course sometimes someone just has a belly and asking them can really hurt their self esteem! Nothing good comes out of asking!

splaughter · March 2015

It depends. If they are picking up signs then no. If they are going off your looks then yes. You said your friends were picking up signs so no it isn't rude. They are probably just curious and happy for you. Remember we are all little more emotional than normal. My boss asked me today if I was pregnant bc I told him no thanks when he offered to get me coffee. He asked why I turned down caffeine and I said oh just gave it up and he knows me well enough to know I didn't just give it up.

carrieandr · March 2015

I confided in only one friend (plus my family) that we were TTC and I ran into her mom at the grocery store a couple of days ago. She said "I heard that you're trying to get pregnant! How is it going?" I'm pregnant but haven't announced it, so I wasn't sure what to say. I just said "it's going well..." I should have said "It was difficult at first, but it's been smooth sailing ever since we figured out his penis goes in my vagina."

kswai555 · March 2015

Yes it is rude. But I know that I have done it before. I feel horrible looking back on it. I don't always have the best filter. But to try to justify it's always been because I overheard them telling someone else or because of a behavior in a friend not the way they look. I've also been asked if I was pregnant when I wasn't at all so I know how much that sucks. @CarrieandRoy That's hilarious! I wish I could come up with stuff on the spot. I always think of good comebacks later on too!

AnnamariauDoris · March 2015

Well i'm average looking. My clothes are not to fitted not to loose. But i can't seem to find something in my closet that doesn't make me look 5m pregnant. I'm only 5 w and over the top bloated. So people notice that i am different. a lot....so...i feel confident that everything will be ok. And our poppy will come out in good time and healthy. I worry sometimes but....i shake i off and keep a positive attitude.I said I don't want people to know yet. But visually is hard to hide + i am very happy. If something bad does happen (i keep my optimism that it won't) we will have an angel but i enjoyed every moment when my poppy grew inside me and gave me all my pregnancy signs! It might be rude to ask, but some people can just "sniff" you out I guess....

EnlgishProf · March 2015

The day after I got my bfp (So at 4 weeks 3 days)I ran into an acquaintance, and was filling her in on recent events including my decision to pursue a second master's rather than a PhD. She cut me off mid sentence and said, "because you're pregnant." I was gobsmacked, but I managed to say, "No, because it will give me two additional subject areas I can teach." Not precisely a lie, but not the whole truth either.

LuLu213 · March 2015

Totally rude, you have every right to be infuriated!!

kitkat2015 · March 2015

Absolutely! My last pregnancy I was told since I was having a son (I already had a daughter) that I have the perfect family call it quits. 2 miscarriages later and my bfp a week ago... let's say people will be shocked. My two are 8 and 6.

doodleoodle · March 2015

So rude! I'm waiting until I'm 12 weeks to tell anyone, you know "show and tell". A week ago a friend at work blurted out, "Are you pregnant??" And I knew other people could hear. It's so hard for me to lie. I had to tell her, but swore her to secrecy. So now I'm sure the whole office knows.

lizerspitz · March 2015

I think its rude, especially when it is coming from strangers, but I also understand the curiosity. I admire the gumption in some ways to not speculate in the peanut gallery but to just come out with the question. Most of my coworkers I am very close with, but if it was someone I hardly knew, I would be really annoyed.

eskimoluv · March 2015

it's super rude right after I gave birth to twins I went to t mobile to fix a phone issue and the guy said "oh when are you due?!" -_-" I just gave birth to twins..." I have a diastasis recti so my tummy pokes out its terrible but ppl at work are constantly asking if I'm pregnant I'm like NO STOP asking me! it's very upsetting I NEVER just assume someone is pregnant even if visibly so. my motto is unless that baby is crowning do not ask!

Kitta+1 · March 2015

OMG so rude!!! I am excited and pretty much announce it to everyone anyways, lmao, but it is so very horribly rude!

The worst part is, if you react negatively, they are not going to take you seriously and will blow off anything you have so say by telling you ''you're just irrational because of your hormones.''

Sometimes it seems like women lose their right to be treated as a human being when they get pregnant - people just lose all sense of propriety and manners!

Kanne0729 · March 2015

Yes, extremely rude. I would never even think of ever asking someone if they were pregnant, even if I thought it. Some people have no manners.

irsikb · March 2015

Thanks gals, I was starting to think I was losing my mind! And kitta+1 that so true, nobody takes me seriously anymore!

People can wonder but that doesn't give them a right to know those intimate details of my life, i don't care how good of friends we are. My husband is the only one allowed to ask me that question.

It's my body, my baby, and my news to announce. I feel so bullied; I'm a terrible liar and I am not ready to tell people.

I'm just scared that if something does happen and I do lose the baby, that's not something I want to go through with a crowd. I'm almost 30 and several of my friends have been through multiple loses, it's devastating and I'm a naturally private person.

I have snapped on a few people but try to keep it in perspective, and I know it's all in good intentions, but I'm starting to feel like I don't have an obligation to hold my tongue when somebody invades my privacy like that.

Not to mention it takes all my glory from getting to announce it. It's like walking up to a couple at a restaurant and saying "omg are you going to propose?!" before dessert comes out. Takes the wind right out of my sails.

brittherzog21 · March 2015

I heard some comedian say "you NEVER ask a woman if she's pregnant, even if she's crowning!" LOL! I'm my opinion, I would absolutely never ask someone if they're pregnant. But that's just me!

lopezalonso · March 2015

It absolutely is. It's no one's business but your own and you should never feel forced to disclose.

cbolton19 · March 2015

Ugh! I know this feeling! Some women at work are driving me nuts. They are management so I feel totally stuck. They have asked me constantly since last October (before we even started trying) if I am pregnant yet and telling me I have to stop taking my pill. I mentioned once that I would like a family and it has been horrible since then. Now that I am actually pregnant, it is terrible. I'm not ready to tell work yet and I can't say anything without them saying something. It makes having to hide the nausea and exhaustion so much harder and stressful to hide. At one point they joked about making me take a pregnancy test. It's been almost every day for months that I have had to deal with this. I'm tired. It's so inappropriate and I feel like I can't do anything but ride it out until I finally announce at work.

Kristi4938 · March 2015

Very rude! I will not ask a woman if she is pregnant unless she is physically giving birth in front of me...you just never know!!! Also, I have been on the other end of it, and I wasn't pregnant, just fat! It really offended and hurt my feelings. Not good for the self esteem.

Kitta+1 · March 2015

cbolton19 that is harassment plain and simple. They may not mean to be malicious, but that doesn't make it any less inappropriate. If you don't feel comfortable telling them flat out, "I don't feel comfortable with you guys fishing into my personal business so much, please stop it." (which you should) then at least go to someone else. If you have a superior above them that handles things in a level handed fashion, go there, or maybe another member of management on their same level - right now I'm sure you just want them to stop. If you tell someone, "It's really making me uncomfortable when [name] keeps making these remarks about my private life." then surely someone would help.

I'm sorry you guys are going through such a rough time.

I'd come out there and just start slapping people for ya if I could, lol!

Catherinecakies · March 2015

@irsikb girl I am just like you. I don't care who's asking, I will tell you when I'm good and ready. The people that know now are my immediate family (brothers, mom, dad, aunt & uncle). As far as friends, I'm sorry but they will have to wait. I'm a very private person and it's just what my husband and I agreed on. I'm glad I stumbled across this thread though because one of my friends has been constantly badgering me about it and I'm getting slightly irritated week after week. Especially because she's broken my trust before... Ugh. I've heard that it's rude of me to keep lying but this is our business, our surprise to tell ya know? On our time. I'm 8 wks 3 days-- 14 weeks is when we're sharing the news to everyone. Lets try not to let these people steal our joy ;-) so thankful for the Bump community. And congratulations girl!!!

jklbc · March 2015

I'm glad I'm not alone in this! I've had a few friends ask me point blank if I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking at get-togethers. I was only 5 weeks at the time and was not ready to announce to the whole world! I haven't even told my parents yet and definitely want to make sure they are in the know before every acquaintance is. I would rather they just gossip and guess instead of putting me in a tough spot. Also agree that it takes the wind out of your sails. I want it to be a happy announcement when we do finally share, not a "why did you lie to me" questioning. Hopefully the next few weeks go by fast so it stops being an issue!

cbolton19 · March 2015

@Kitta+1 I definitely know it is more from excitement and not malicious on their part. I guess that is part of the reason I have just dealt with it. Unfortunately the management at my company is terrible (and most are off-site, spread out across the states). The repercussions of saying something are far worse than just dealing. My office is really small and has very weird dynamics already. It's too bad I left another job for this one, only to find out this stuff. I just see this job as a stepping stone to get some experience and hopefully move on sometime after the baby is born.

cbolton19 · March 2015

Also, the slapping comment made me laugh out loud. Thank you. It is nice to know other people are having similar issues, and to get some support. : )

linnea625 · March 2015

So rude!! Last weekend someone outright asked me and my husband separately if I was pregnant because I wasn't drinking at a barbecue. In front of a room full of people. First he asked my husband outside in front of friends. My husband said no so then he comes over to the group I'm talking with and asks me. Not ok. I'm only 5w so haven't told anyone and don't plan on telling anytime soon.

casskel · March 2015

Yes!! I ordered a soda water last night and a friend asked me, I do love my wine but its not uncommon for me not to drink! Plus my doctor has said a little tipple isn't harmful - I just don't have the appetite for it!

I find it so rude because 1. If you are and you don't want to tell yet its your choice. 2. If you aren't and you've been trying without luck it could be upsetting!

weddingwinter · March 2015

I don't know if this is rude or not but someone I have not seen in months texted me and asked if I am pregnant! Not even sure how she knew!

Klaundry · March 2015

I think it's rude; there have been people I've known that I want to ask but I don't because I would feel terrible having someone say that to me. My grandmother has moderate to severe Alzheimer's and just last month she looked at me and goes "Jesus it didn't take you long to get pregnant again" now I have a terrible filter and I should be more patient given her mental health but I just looked at her and said "thanks! I'm not pregnant I'm just still fat from when vince was born 6 months ago!" She moved onto something different quickly and fortunately didn't loop back around to the same conversation later in the evening

jasbaby2 · March 2015

It's so rude! My family are the worst offenders even after we have had losses. I thought by now they'd understand why we want to keep things quiet.

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