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August 2015 Moms
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Rant: I'm going to lose my Sh*t.

MamaMandy2015MamaMandy2015 member
in August 2015 Moms

So I am going to totally lose my shit with my husband along with my step-son and our dumb dog. So we live out in the country and weeds are everywhere, including all over our yard. So instead of helping me weed our yard (which by the way is about an acre, not including outside the yard which total is 160 acres) he decides to go ride dirtbikes with my brother all damned day. So I am left to not just weedeat the yard, but using the shovel to dig up the more stubborn ones, rake it all up, move stuff down to the pumphouse and clean up dog crap, then he comes home and is pissy because I didn't have dinner hot and ready for him WTF? He complain about the laundry not being done, doesn't help out in cleaning the house and when we make plans to do any type of yard work or house work he end up flaking because he's either 'too tired' or has something more important to do, which is usually nothing, and he doesn't finish the yard work he starts so it's all alf assed. In edition to that our dumb dog likes to dig holes all over the yard, so I end up tripping in them and almost breaking my damned ankle, I fill them back in and he digs them back up. The dog trashes everything, teas and chews on things he's not supposed to. Then there is my step-son who acts like he's a baby when my DH is home on his days off (he works out of town) won't go to bed when he's supposed to wants to ask endless questions at bedtime and leaves his crap all over the house and mopes and gives total attitude when I tell him to clean it up. All I have to say is that thank God he spends the whole summers with his mom because the closer it gets, the more irritating and unruly he gets and if I correct him he gets pissed and tells his mom how mean I am when he calls her. Needless to say I feel like a single mom doing it all over again with three kids, one of which is totally off the wall, a stupid dog who I wish would run off and a husband who doesn't seem to understand the concept that the yard looks like crap but see's nothing wrong with weeds that are literally 4 feet tall in the yard. GRRRRRR

~X(
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Re: Rant: I'm going to lose my Sh*t.

  • babyruth85302babyruth85302 member
    Seems like you and I have very similar situations. I'm sorry I feel your pain
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  • whenweawakewhenweawake member
    I have 3 dogs that trash my house, Dig up by back yard and bark and drive me crazy. I would never wish any of them to "run off" I hope you don't actually mean that and maybe you are just upset. Im sorry your going thru all this.
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  • whenweawakewhenweawake member
    These are the wholes my dog digs. There used to be Mulch there.
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    I understand being irritated but the way you speak about your step son and dog is a little concerning.

    Tell your husband he needs to step up and help out more. My motto for life: "closed mouths don't get fed".
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • dilutedsanity0dilutedsanity0 member
    edited March 2015
    Being frustrated i get. But damn girl. I have three dogs. The one digs holes. I fill them with bricks and refill them so he when he goes to dig again he stops at least when he hits the bricks because he doesn't like how it feels on his nails. I feel the same way about chores and such but we made a list of what Chore he wants to do on which day and that's really helping. Evey time he doesn't do it he has to run my back for 30 minutes hahaha.
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  • evolala13evolala13 member
    I understand your situation. Yor husband needs to step up and you need to show him you're serious. You obviously have mentioned it to him before but give him a reason to be scared . As if afraid to lose you. Sometimes you just have to do it!! I hate playing games, trust me, but I've realized that sometimes you jut have to play back and eventually they will get it. But the dog and step son they can be taught! Teach the son now before he accepts bad behavior!
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  • JenkaybJenkayb member
    This is why we don't marry people with kids.
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  • MamaMandy2015MamaMandy2015 member

    As far as my step-son goes, yes I am thankful he spends the whole summers with his mom because it would drive me crazy given his current attitude and demeanor if he spent the summers here. Why you ask? It's not that I don't love him to pieces, which I do, it's that he is pushing 10 years old and when dad is home he crawls in his lap and says " daddy would you hold me, and snuggle wuggle with me?" That is the behavior of a toddler, not a young boy who is going to be 10. When dad is at work he doesn't act that way. When I bring it up to my husband he blows it off like it's no big deal, I try to tell him it's not healthy to encourage that type of behavior. Same goes with his attitude he gets with me, my DH blows it off. He'll talk to him about it, then my step-son cries and my DH says "oh it's ok, don't worry, don't cry" and I want to scream because then it puts the idea in his head that it's ok to act that way because then dad says don't worry about it! I was the one who pushed to have my DH tell his ex that his son needs to be living with us the majority of the year, because she was in a bad spot and wasn't caring for him like she should have. I was the one who said he needed a more stable home instead of moving from one house to the next, a total of like 13 times in the last 6 months he lived with his mom. So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!

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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    MamaMandy2015 said:

    . So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!

    So, I'm sure you're referring to my comment in regards to your step son. First, let me start by stating YOU are the one that "ranted" on a public forum meaning you will get responses that you probably don't appreciate, ect. Just putting that out there. Of course we don't know the entire story about your current family situation. However, given the way you talk about your step son it is in fact disturbing and I truly hope he doesn't know you feel this way. I grew up in a mixed family so I have a lot of perspective on step parents. Also, you mentioned that he tells his mom that "you're mean to him". Usually a child isn't going to lie about that. I'm not insinuating that you are in fact mean but he feels something. Of course he doesn't like that you discipline him. That's the tricky thing about mixed families. You're a step mom. You will never be his biological mother. That doesn't mean he isn't supposed to respect you but there's a very thin line here. I don't know you from Adam but I can say based on how you spoke about him here (I'm not even going to comment about the dog) it is,in fact, concerning.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • neludeluneludelu member
    You sound like a lovely lady. I hope that your words are from anger and not the way you really feel. Only a monster would want to see a dog on the streets. I pray your step son never finds out how you feel. As far as the cuddling thing goes, what's wrong with that? Let kids be kids for as long as possible. What's wrong with keeping them sweet and innocent?
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    edited March 2015
    istillmay said:

    Christ. She said it was a rant, does no one have any compassion?
    I realize it's a public forum and blah blah but the forum is here as added support during pregnancy.. It's not meant to give everyone a license to judge and shame.



    Actually, that is NOT what the forum is here for. TB is here to create revenue.

    If you post things like this be ready for a plethora of different opinions. Just because you don't agree with my opinion doesn't make it invalid. The same way I don't agree with yours. OP, can take my response as "judgey". That's fine. Hopefully she takes a look at how she is speaking about a child. That's very serious.

    *side note* I hate when people blame things like this on hormones. It's so annoying. OP can "flip her shit" while the rest of us are supposed to somehow control ourselves. Major eyeroll.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • xcitdmommaxcitdmomma member
    BreezyMeema said:

    MamaMandy2015 said:

    As far as my step-son goes, yes I am thankful he spends the whole summers with his mom because it would drive me crazy given his current attitude and demeanor if he spent the summers here. Why you ask? It's not that I don't love him to pieces, which I do, it's that he is pushing 10 years old and when dad is home he crawls in his lap and says " daddy would you hold me, and snuggle wuggle with me?" That is the behavior of a toddler, not a young boy who is going to be 10. When dad is at work he doesn't act that way. When I bring it up to my husband he blows it off like it's no big deal, I try to tell him it's not healthy to encourage that type of behavior. Same goes with his attitude he gets with me, my DH blows it off. He'll talk to him about it, then my step-son cries and my DH says "oh it's ok, don't worry, don't cry" and I want to scream because then it puts the idea in his head that it's ok to act that way because then dad says don't worry about it! I was the one who pushed to have my DH tell his ex that his son needs to be living with us the majority of the year, because she was in a bad spot and wasn't caring for him like she should have. I was the one who said he needed a more stable home instead of moving from one house to the next, a total of like 13 times in the last 6 months he lived with his mom. So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!




    This a public forum, what did you expect? If you are just wanting to rant and not get honest feedback, perhaps a journal or diary is more appropriate for you.
    I'm more concerned with why you guys are on such different pages. Why does your husband have these expectations? Why don't you just tell him you're not doing them anymore until he pulls his own weight?

    You need to be on the same page with him regarding discipline. Did you discuss this before getting married or having a baby together?

    I'm a dog lover. One of my dogs is a little shit. But he's staying with me; I love that little shit to death.
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  • Savanna111911Savanna111911 member
    MamaMandy2015 said:

    As far as my step-son goes, yes I am thankful he spends the whole summers with his mom because it would drive me crazy given his current attitude and demeanor if he spent the summers here. Why you ask? It's not that I don't love him to pieces, which I do, it's that he is pushing 10 years old and when dad is home he crawls in his lap and says " daddy would you hold me, and snuggle wuggle with me?" That is the behavior of a toddler, not a young boy who is going to be 10. When dad is at work he doesn't act that way. When I bring it up to my husband he blows it off like it's no big deal, I try to tell him it's not healthy to encourage that type of behavior. Same goes with his attitude he gets with me, my DH blows it off. He'll talk to him about it, then my step-son cries and my DH says "oh it's ok, don't worry, don't cry" and I want to scream because then it puts the idea in his head that it's ok to act that way because then dad says don't worry about it! I was the one who pushed to have my DH tell his ex that his son needs to be living with us the majority of the year, because she was in a bad spot and wasn't caring for him like she should have. I was the one who said he needed a more stable home instead of moving from one house to the next, a total of like 13 times in the last 6 months he lived with his mom. So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!



    Perhaps he isn't getting enough attention and/or exercise? I've found that we have more behavioral issues with our dog when we are busy for a couple of days and he feels like he isn't getting enough attention.  Maybe try adding a long walk (we actually try to walk our dog twice a day, once in the morning and once in the evening, when we can) or try throwing a ball to him for 20-30 minutes.  It makes a huge difference with ours. They, like newborns, also need a lot of consistency.  It helps a lot with the behavioral training.

    As far as your problems with your husband, there's nothing really that an online forum can do to help you.  I think you need to have an honest heart to heart with him regarding your concerns as well as with the behaviors of your stepson.  With all of the added stresses of pregnancy it is not unreasonable to think he should pick up some of the slack with household chores. I've found with my husband at least a lot of times its not that he isn't willing to help, he just has to be asked. 

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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    shelbz88 said:

    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    MamaMandy2015 said:

    . So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!

    So, I'm sure you're referring to my comment in regards to your step son. First, let me start by stating YOU are the one that "ranted" on a public forum meaning you will get responses that you probably don't appreciate, ect. Just putting that out there. Of course we don't know the entire story about your current family situation. However, given the way you talk about your step son it is in fact disturbing and I truly hope he doesn't know you feel this way. I grew up in a mixed family so I have a lot of perspective on step parents. Also, you mentioned that he tells his mom that "you're mean to him". Usually a child isn't going to lie about that. I'm not insinuating that you are in fact mean but he feels something. Of course he doesn't like that you discipline him. That's the tricky thing about mixed families. You're a step mom. You will never be his biological mother. That doesn't mean he isn't supposed to respect you but there's a very thin line here. I don't know you from Adam but I can say based on how you spoke about him here (I'm not even going to comment about the dog) it is,in fact, concerning.
    Children do anything to get attention. This mother - who indicated she cares for at least 2 of her own children, if you care to actually read her post - posted on here for some support and maybe a little empathy for those in a similar boat. YOU are bullying and making her feel like her feelings are invalid. YOU are wrong. She is a human and has mentioned she does not say or do anything to make her step son feel this way despite how she feels, she has sacrificed a lot to give someone else's child a safe home. She is entitled to feel this way and voice it on a public forum because she DOESNT want her family including her step son to know how she is feeling right now. I grew up in a very mixed family and kids just don't like their step parents, period. No matter how hard they try, it's not until the child is older do they appreciate the step parents efforts. So please read the whole post before running your mouth because she is looking for support not another person to tear her down! A real woman builds other women up...
    Actually, it's you, that should read her post before "running your mouth". Kids don't like their step parents? WRONG. Some kids don't like their step parents. Don't over generalize here. There are much deeper rooted issues as to why a step kid won't like their step parent. It's rarely for "no reason". I never stated she's a plead parent at all. Let me re-emphasize since you're struggling with reading comprehension. No one here has been mean or "bullied" OP. We have given our opinions on the rant SHE decided to type on this here forum. I stand on what I said. It is very concerning to read someone speak about their step child in this way. I couldn't care less if YOU think I'm wrong. Again, opinions are like ass holes so.... Take it or leave it.

    And seriously, I'm LOL'ing at "a real woman builds women up". Seriously? Hello pot meet kettle. She's your friend :)
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    @XcitedMomma haven't seen you around much. Glad to see you're alive :)
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • neludeluneludelu member
    Wait. Was the appropriate or expected response something similar to "yea op it is normal to want your dog to run away, it is healthy to say you are ready the kid to go away and perfectly healthy to harbor this much anger towards your spouse"?
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  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    neludelu said:

    Wait. Was the appropriate or expected response something similar to "yea op it is normal to want your dog to run away, it is healthy to say you are ready the kid to go away and perfectly healthy to harbor this much anger towards your spouse"?

    @neludelu yes. I'm "mean" because I didn't agree.
        DS born 8-16-2013
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  • babybarnoldbabybarnold member
    Oh man! Poor thing! These people should get off your back! Being preggo has turned me into an angry impatient lady so I feel your pain. Pour yourself a glass of wine, give the dog some Benadryl, and send the hubby and son out to the movies for pizza.
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  • bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    babybarnold said:

    Oh man! Poor thing! These people should get off your back! Being preggo has turned me into an angry impatient lady so I feel your pain. Pour yourself a glass of wine, give the dog some Benadryl, and send the hubby and son out to the movies for pizza.

    Yes, she should ignore the problems in her life. Great advice.
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • hsabyanhsabyan member
    I really hate when people, especially women, excuse other women's words, behaviors, or rants on hormones. Some people are rude, obnoxious, or attention-seeking even when they're not pregnant. They just have a better forum with pregnant people because everyone here seems to enjoy unicorns pooping sprinkles and rainbows as responses.
    OP, You are clearly an unhappy person and should probably look into solving your life's issues, rather than being dramatic here. I'd suggest finding people that make you happy and fulfilled and not having any contact with animals.
    I don't know what kind of response you are looking for, but this is a public forum so anyone can respond- and you have no right to get mad at anyone just because people are giving their honest opinion.
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  • kljpdr10kljpdr10 member
    edited March 2015
    Hope it works out!!
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  • kljpdr10kljpdr10 member
    Its funny how EVERYONE can have an opinion except the orginial poster!!!
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  • kljpdr10kljpdr10 member
    istillmay said:

    Christ. She said it was a rant, does no one have any compassion?
    I realize it's a public forum and blah blah but the forum is here as added support during pregnancy.. It's not meant to give everyone a license to judge and shame.

    Oh man do I love my dog, but she is like the infant I don't have yet! It's a full time job and can be exhausting trying to cover all the bases so she doesn't destroy shit/herself (she has severe allergies). We have had dogs in the family before who just weren't good fits but someone gave it to us or we found it abandoned. It sucks when an animal lands in your lap and you want to take care of it and love it but it drives you crazy or is mean. Unfortunately, with your step son and husband being attached it sounds like that doggie is yours. Invest in a lot of chew toys

    I think your step son's behaviour is probably pretty normal but he isn't the problem. You're not getting the support and back up you need from your husband. Hopefully you can start to work with your husband and slowly get him to see that when you're a discipline/family team that things will be so much better for all. It's good that the boy's mom shares your perspective.. Now you just need your husband to wake up and be an integral part of the family unit. Especially with a new baby coming.

    Don't pull your hair out!

    Thank you, my thoughts exactly!!
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  • maryrosboroughmaryrosborough member
    edited March 2015
    I'm sorry girl!
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  • toddengel1toddengel1 member
    edited March 2015
    I know it sounds weird, but put the dog's poop in the holes he digs and he will stop. It works!!
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  • nikkiboynikkiboy member
    I feel you girl to the fullest and forget explaining to folks who don't understand cause the bottom line is if you can't relate don't speak on it. We all need to vent as mothers and wives sometimes without being scorned.
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  • shelbz88shelbz88 member
    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    shelbz88 said:

    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    MamaMandy2015 said:

    . So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!

    So, I'm sure you're referring to my comment in regards to your step son. First, let me start by stating YOU are the one that "ranted" on a public forum meaning you will get responses that you probably don't appreciate, ect. Just putting that out there. Of course we don't know the entire story about your current family situation. However, given the way you talk about your step son it is in fact disturbing and I truly hope he doesn't know you feel this way. I grew up in a mixed family so I have a lot of perspective on step parents. Also, you mentioned that he tells his mom that "you're mean to him". Usually a child isn't going to lie about that. I'm not insinuating that you are in fact mean but he feels something. Of course he doesn't like that you discipline him. That's the tricky thing about mixed families. You're a step mom. You will never be his biological mother. That doesn't mean he isn't supposed to respect you but there's a very thin line here. I don't know you from Adam but I can say based on how you spoke about him here (I'm not even going to comment about the dog) it is,in fact, concerning.
    Children do anything to get attention. This mother - who indicated she cares for at least 2 of her own children, if you care to actually read her post - posted on here for some support and maybe a little empathy for those in a similar boat. YOU are bullying and making her feel like her feelings are invalid. YOU are wrong. She is a human and has mentioned she does not say or do anything to make her step son feel this way despite how she feels, she has sacrificed a lot to give someone else's child a safe home. She is entitled to feel this way and voice it on a public forum because she DOESNT want her family including her step son to know how she is feeling right now. I grew up in a very mixed family and kids just don't like their step parents, period. No matter how hard they try, it's not until the child is older do they appreciate the step parents efforts. So please read the whole post before running your mouth because she is looking for support not another person to tear her down! A real woman builds other women up...
    Actually, it's you, that should read her post before "running your mouth". Kids don't like their step parents? WRONG. Some kids don't like their step parents. Don't over generalize here. There are much deeper rooted issues as to why a step kid won't like their step parent. It's rarely for "no reason". I never stated she's a plead parent at all. Let me re-emphasize since you're struggling with reading comprehension. No one here has been mean or "bullied" OP. We have given our opinions on the rant SHE decided to type on this here forum. I stand on what I said. It is very concerning to read someone speak about their step child in this way. I couldn't care less if YOU think I'm wrong. Again, opinions are like ass holes so.... Take it or leave it.

    And seriously, I'm LOL'ing at "a real woman builds women up". Seriously? Hello pot meet kettle. She's your friend :)
    Perhaps I came across a bit angry, which was intentional. You see, I felt as though I was defending a fellow mother from someone who felt the right to have a negative opinion on her bad day. I see you have commented on quite a few posts on this thread... Appears you may have quite a lot of experience behind the keyboard. The tone in your posts comes across self righteous a bit. I was abused at the hands of a step parent. This woman is far from doing that so please stop making her feel like she is the worst person in the world and give her a break. She ranted. We all have bad days. My own child is three and I get to a point some days where I feel like I'm going crazy, and I know I'm not the only one. This woman was seeking empathy, not an ambush. Not all kids hate their step parents, you're right. But in my own experience, a step parent is never treated with the same respect as the biological parent when they are both in the picture. I'm sure things would be different if he didn't have his biological mother around. Anyways, I think it's time we start building each other up, instead of telling a person that having a bad day is not okay and she should keep it to herself. If ranting on a public forum stops her from saying something she doesn't mean to a loved one, gets it off her chest and allows her to move on so she can enjoy the good days, then you go girlfriend!! I could bet my bottom dollar she's not the only one feeling this way. So I apologise, I was hasty in replying because, I was angry. I am human, after all. Just like the mother who posted the original post. If you find it hard to understand others, and feel empathy, either you've never been in that persons shoes - which confuses me as to why you commented unless you have something useful to contribute OR you enjoy this type of reaction. Please read through your comments, they are hardly helpful.
    Report Reply
  • CaliforniaDream87CaliforniaDream87 member
    edited March 2015
    shelbz88 said:

    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    shelbz88 said:

    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    MamaMandy2015 said:

    . So to say that my thoughts are 'concerning' regarding my step son? Presposerous, because I want nothing but the best for him, I don't voice my thoughts about his behavior, nor do I bad mouth him, or his mother I bite my tongue, keep my mouth shut and plaster a smile on my face when he is off the wall. His mom and I talk about 2-3 times a week and now that she is in a better spot, a better more healthy situation and living style and to put it bluntly has her shit together I encourage him to g spend as much time with her as possible, it's only fair. She knows about his behavior, she is pissed about it just like I am and when he goes to send time with her, he comes back a more respectful, civilized well behaving child. I don't know why, because it's like digging a hole to China with a spoon to try and get him to act that way when he is here. I try every trick in the book to get him to open his eyes and realize that we discipline him because w care and love him and want to guide him down the right path, not end up being some pain in the butt person. He thinks I'm being a horrible step mom but when his mom disciplines him the same way he tells her what an amazing mom she is...? Who knows


    Speaking badly about my dog is not a horrible thing, wishing for him to run off and find another family is just how it is. My DH and kids brought him home one day when they found him wandering on the street and he has been an insane out of control mutt since. Not only does he dig up the yard, but he chewed up the dining room table legs, knocked over our tv and broke it, tore a piece of the couch cushion off, darn near killed the cat by chewing on her, jumped up on the window and tore the screen, and the list goes on. It's not like we haven't tried to work with him, we have. We've taken him to obedience classes, tried grounding him to a leash for a couple hours, put him in his kennel and nothing seems to work. Hell we even had a guy who is a dog trainer come out and try to work with him and he's still off the wall!

    So, I'm sure you're referring to my comment in regards to your step son. First, let me start by stating YOU are the one that "ranted" on a public forum meaning you will get responses that you probably don't appreciate, ect. Just putting that out there. Of course we don't know the entire story about your current family situation. However, given the way you talk about your step son it is in fact disturbing and I truly hope he doesn't know you feel this way. I grew up in a mixed family so I have a lot of perspective on step parents. Also, you mentioned that he tells his mom that "you're mean to him". Usually a child isn't going to lie about that. I'm not insinuating that you are in fact mean but he feels something. Of course he doesn't like that you discipline him. That's the tricky thing about mixed families. You're a step mom. You will never be his biological mother. That doesn't mean he isn't supposed to respect you but there's a very thin line here. I don't know you from Adam but I can say based on how you spoke about him here (I'm not even going to comment about the dog) it is,in fact, concerning.
    Children do anything to get attention. This mother - who indicated she cares for at least 2 of her own children, if you care to actually read her post - posted on here for some support and maybe a little empathy for those in a similar boat. YOU are bullying and making her feel like her feelings are invalid. YOU are wrong. She is a human and has mentioned she does not say or do anything to make her step son feel this way despite how she feels, she has sacrificed a lot to give someone else's child a safe home. She is entitled to feel this way and voice it on a public forum because she DOESNT want her family including her step son to know how she is feeling right now. I grew up in a very mixed family and kids just don't like their step parents, period. No matter how hard they try, it's not until the child is older do they appreciate the step parents efforts. So please read the whole post before running your mouth because she is looking for support not another person to tear her down! A real woman builds other women up...
    Actually, it's you, that should read her post before "running your mouth". Kids don't like their step parents? WRONG. Some kids don't like their step parents. Don't over generalize here. There are much deeper rooted issues as to why a step kid won't like their step parent. It's rarely for "no reason". I never stated she's a plead parent at all. Let me re-emphasize since you're struggling with reading comprehension. No one here has been mean or "bullied" OP. We have given our opinions on the rant SHE decided to type on this here forum. I stand on what I said. It is very concerning to read someone speak about their step child in this way. I couldn't care less if YOU think I'm wrong. Again, opinions are like ass holes so.... Take it or leave it.

    And seriously, I'm LOL'ing at "a real woman builds women up". Seriously? Hello pot meet kettle. She's your friend :)
    Perhaps I came across a bit angry, which was intentional. You see, I felt as though I was defending a fellow mother from someone who felt the right to have a negative opinion on her bad day. I see you have commented on quite a few posts on this thread... Appears you may have quite a lot of experience behind the keyboard. The tone in your posts comes across self righteous a bit. I was abused at the hands of a step parent. This woman is far from doing that so please stop making her feel like she is the worst person in the world and give her a break. She ranted. We all have bad days. My own child is three and I get to a point some days where I feel like I'm going crazy, and I know I'm not the only one. This woman was seeking empathy, not an ambush. Not all kids hate their step parents, you're right. But in my own experience, a step parent is never treated with the same respect as the biological parent when they are both in the picture. I'm sure things would be different if he didn't have his biological mother around. Anyways, I think it's time we start building each other up, instead of telling a person that having a bad day is not okay and she should keep it to herself. If ranting on a public forum stops her from saying something she doesn't mean to a loved one, gets it off her chest and allows her to move on so she can enjoy the good days, then you go girlfriend!! I could bet my bottom dollar she's not the only one feeling this way. So I apologise, I was hasty in replying because, I was angry. I am human, after all. Just like the mother who posted the original post. If you find it hard to understand others, and feel empathy, either you've never been in that persons shoes - which confuses me as to why you commented unless you have something useful to contribute OR you enjoy this type of reaction. Please read through your comments, they are hardly helpful.
    @shelbz88 Actually, no. I don't need to read through my comments. Experience behind the keyboard? I can assure you it doesn't take "experience" to respond with my own personal opinion. If you find that MY opinion isn't helpful you should take your own advice and move on. As previously stated, I never once insinuated she is treating her step son poorly. I was giving another perspective. If you call that self righteous....that's not my problem. If you rant on a public message board it's ludicrous to think everyone will "oww" and "ahhh" over every detail. What I find hilarious is that I'm not the only person who disagreed with the way OP has voiced her frustrations. So, clearly I'm not the only person who brought up the fact that it sounded disturbing. What's funny is people are so quick to yell "let's build one another up" yet what about reflection upon truth? If everyone empathized with the OP instead of telling her what they really think how is that helping her? It's not. I prefer honesty over "rainbows and butterflies". No need to apologize as I don't take things like internet strangers,disagreeing with me, personal. I couldn't care less if you don't find my opinion helpful. It's perspective. Take it or leave it. *shrugs*


    It's the Internet for Gods sake...
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  • xcitdmommaxcitdmomma member
    CaliforniaDream87 said:

    @XcitedMomma haven't seen you around much. Glad to see you're alive :)

    I've been so busy! I'm also on another forum too and am not here as much as I used to be. Alive and well!
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