Room sharing versus separate nursery

holli0801 · March 2015

I am wondering what you all think about sharing a room with baby, versus a separate nursery. We have a pretty small home, but large master room. So, originally we thought we would just put a crib and dresser in our room. We will only be there until about baby is about 9 months, then we will be moving. I started re-thinking this because I realized we won't have room for the rocking chair or any other extras in the room, and started thinking things could get a little chaotic if not super organized, and we will never be able to have sex in our bedroom again etc… We do have another room option, will just have to move everything out, paint etc.

I have read and can see both options being important- room sharing reduces incidences of SIDS, can improve bonding with parents, improve sleep patterns etc. BUT, I can also see how (especially after the first few months) it could create a dependence and could cause sleep problems in the long run.

I am a first time mom, so advice is much appreciated!

jesicabrennan · March 2015

Baby in the room works fine for the first few months but sometime around 4 months there's a huge sleep regression (not always, you could luck out) but at that point if baby wakes in the middle of the night and sees you or smells your milk they wake all the way up instead of putting themselves to sleep and it's a big downward spiral. You could leave things alone now and clean out the room later only if it's necessary? Some people get away with baby in room for a lot longer, it all depends on your kid!

cosplaymom · March 2015

If you want any sleep at all, do not share a room. We had the baby in our room off and on for the first two months and I woke up at every little sound... new moms are hyper sensitive to baby noises. The baby slept longer in her own crib in another room. If you are worried about SIDS, get an AngelCare monitor.

holli0801 · March 2015

cosplaymom said:
If you want any sleep at all, do not share a room. We had the baby in our room off and on for the first two months and I woke up at every little sound... new moms are hyper sensitive to baby noises. The baby slept longer in her own crib in another room. If you are worried about SIDS, get an AngelCare monitor.

Thanks! And I will look into the monitor. SIDS is just something I have hyper-aware of in my work, so it stresses me out more than it should.

jadetree1080 · March 2015

My husband and I got a "co-sleeper" it goes next to our bed and is the same height so the baby is at arms length, but still has his own space. When he gets too big for that he is going to have to share a room with my husband in his home office. Love the idea of a nursery, but when you are working with limited space you have to get creative.

KristinaD217 · March 2015

My sister in law let her baby sleep with her (in the same bed with no protection for him) and he is two and still sleeping with them. No matter how much the husband protests. They tried the crib, but she would get lazy and bring him in by her. Or on the flip side, she left him in his crib crying and went to work. She couldn't handle it, because of that, I am keeping the nursery in a diffrent room. It'll be difficult, but I do not Want to have my baby sleeping with me for years....

Miz_Liz · March 2015

I definitely find baby in the room in a bassinet/pack-n-play/crib, etc. next to your bed for the first few months is nice. I can't say "easier" because I have never tried not having baby in our room for the first few months, but I will say it was convenient for late night/early morning feedings and diaper changes. I also had a horrific nightmare (that to this day is wayyyyy too vivid) when pregnant with DS about finding him dead in his crib and it really F'ed with my head, so having him right there where I could see/hear him really helped ease my crazy brain.

brinbri · March 2015

We shared for the first 2-3 months with the older two. It is just way more convenient when they are up every 2-3 hours and need feeding and diaper changes. It also makes it easier for dh to help out. I always hit a point though where I was ready to have my space back somewhere around that 2-3 mo mark. The transition was always pretty easy at that pont.

jlsweets · March 2015

I'm pretty sure the baby wont be eyeing you up when having sex ha

CaliforniaDream87 · March 2015

She will be in a bassinet in our room for the first 3 months. After that, she will be in her crib in her nursery.

jessandandy09 · March 2015

I always put a bassinet next to my bed for the first 4 months. I then transition baby to crib in their bedroom. I love having them next to the bed in the night. It makes it so much easier to pick them up to nurse, and if I have a freak out moment in the night, I can roll over and set my hand on their back to feel them breathe. I would like to put my DH in a separate room for the first 4 months!

KMBC2552 · March 2015

I always liked having the baby next to the bed for the first 5ish months. With our second we were trying to move and didn't have a bedroom for him yet, so he stayed in our room until he was 11m old. I DO NOT recommend that. I was so sensitive to every noise he made and vice versa. We had no sex life and had to tip toe around our room. He was a really light sleeper. It wasn't until we moved and got him into his own room that we realized he is the best sleeper ever, just not with us! He sleeps like a dream now! I would move some stuff out of your extra bedroom and use that if you can. You don't really even need to fully move everything out, just make room for a crib and changing table. Bam. done.

aseajack · March 2015

I had all three of my older boys in my room for the first couple of months, to me it is easier to deal with nursing with the baby so close. Having a new baby is exhausting and nursing is exhausting when the new little one is waking every couple of hours to nurse. And it's so much easier to get back to sleep at night if I'm not getting up and walking through the house turning on lights. Your sleep is just as important as sleep is for your baby so just consider all of the factors and do what's going to be best for you and your little one.

koehn27 · March 2015

My daughter shared a room with me until she was about 8 or 9 months, which is when she began to feel more comfortable in her crib.

Snooches07 · March 2015

Some things work out better than others and co sleeping is not always for everyone. We co slept with my daughter until around 8 months and then transitioned into a crib. It was around the time that she stopped waking for night time feelings. There were people that weren't happy with is co sleeping but it worked for us. With this next baby I bought a bassinet that opens on the side and connects to your bed at Babies R Us. I'm pretty excited about it!! Because at least now baby won't be in our actual bed just next to me.

There are many studies out there that give out differences and pros and cons but I really think that mommy know best and you'll know what you and baby needs. Find what works for you both! Good luck

malisaann · March 2015

cosplaymom said:
If you want any sleep at all, do not share a room. We had the baby in our room off and on for the first two months and I woke up at every little sound... new moms are hyper sensitive to baby noises. The baby slept longer in her own crib in another room. If you are worried about SIDS, get an AngelCare monitor.

I second this. We kept DD in our room for about 2 weeks before I couldn't take it anymore. Every time she made a noise or moved, I was awake (even when she wasn't) and was not sleeping well at all! I think we all got better sleep once she was in her own room with her white noise, her own space, etc.

jesicabrennan · March 2015

cosplaymom said:
If you want any sleep at all, do not share a room. We had the baby in our room off and on for the first two months and I woke up at every little sound... new moms are hyper sensitive to baby noises. The baby slept longer in her own crib in another room. If you are worried about SIDS, get an AngelCare monitor.

To represent the other side of this I had baby in bed with me and was doing brilliantly on the sleeping front up until the 4 month sleep regression. We moved baby to his crib at about 5 months in his own room. OP it will totally depend on you and your baby.

daniellepanda · March 2015

I think you won't really know until your baby is here. Everyone is different and what works best for 1 person this way, is awful for another.

We had our son in our room next to our bed until he was 6 months. He was a great sleeper and sttn at 8 weeks on with occasional sleep regressions. I slept better knowing he was at an arms reach, and I was still BFing so it was much easier for me.

We plan to do the same this time. We will move baby into sharing a room with our son sometime between 6months to a year if she sleeps similarly to how he did. But we plan on just going with the flow of what happens. She may be in our room for a year, who knows. If you plan to move at 9 months I would not bother to make a big nursery etc for such a short period of time, I would wait till tou move.

holli0801 · March 2015

Thank you for the input! I appreciate it.

MissusTexas · March 2015

We had to put her crib in our room when she was a baby and she stayed there until we moved when she turned 1. It was wonderful for the first few months but as she got older and needed feedings less frequently I wished she had her own room.

We will put a pack n play in our room for this one at least for the first month or so because I plan to breastfeed again and I don't want to walk across the house when I can roll over and pop a boob out.

bhargrave88 · March 2015

My first slept in our room in a pack n play (one with the bassinet and newborn napper thing, I refuse to cosleep with a child. Queen size bed is barely enough to sprawl out with 2 adults.. Lol) til about 4 months, then moved her to her own crib and room, and we all slept better

having them close for those first few months is easier in my opinion, especially if you breastfeed and have to get up every 2 hours. Trekking across the house made me more alert and couldn't fall back asleep.

JauniceS · March 2015

Does having baby in a separate room vs next to you the first few months make any difference for disturbing your partner? If I will be home and he will be working full time, I had thought maybe a separate room would be best for him to keep sleeping rather than disturb him with turning on lights, changing diapers, etc right next to him. However, if it will wake him up whether baby is next to us or across the hall, maybe best to have baby closer? How did everyone decide?

aseajack · March 2015

Personally I wanted my kids to get used to sleeping with things going on around them because I have been around many sleeping babies where the parents flip out when there's too much noise because it will wake the baby and to me when the baby is sleeping is the best time to get laundry and housework done and if the baby will wake up because there are too many things going on then I would feel like I will never get anything done

holli0801 · March 2015

JauniceS said:
Does having baby in a separate room vs next to you the first few months make any difference for disturbing your partner? If I will be home and he will be working full time, I had thought maybe a separate room would be best for him to keep sleeping rather than disturb him with turning on lights, changing diapers, etc right next to him. However, if it will wake him up whether baby is next to us or across the hall, maybe best to have baby closer? How did everyone decide?

Yes, he is actually very pro room sharing. He definitely thinks it will be easier getting up at night, and I think he is really concerned about sharing as many tasks as possible. His shifts change weekly, and will be gone some nights, so that also makes me think it's better for me to be closer to baby too.

I think we decided to keep things in our room and not worry about clearing things out of the other room (we would have to- it's just that small) and painting and all that. Baby will be nine months when we move again, and we will make sure we have more space:-)
I think we can get through until then, and if not, we will be flexible and reevaluate things as we go.

I appreciate the thoughts! This was stressing me out!

WDDCH · March 2015

I am the opposite of most commenters here. I can't sleep if baby is in another room. I get up and check on baby obsessively. I sleep much better with baby nearby.

With our last baby we put his nursery in our room (Google "closet nurseries").

PS sex isn't just for the bedroom. You'll get creative.

laurasuzanne2006 · March 2015

malisaann said:

cosplaymom said:
If you want any sleep at all, do not share a room. We had the baby in our room off and on for the first two months and I woke up at every little sound... new moms are hyper sensitive to baby noises. The baby slept longer in her own crib in another room. If you are worried about SIDS, get an AngelCare monitor.
I second this. We kept DD in our room for about 2 weeks before I couldn't take it anymore. Every time she made a noise or moved, I was awake (even when she wasn't) and was not sleeping well at all! I think we all got better sleep once she was in her own room with her white noise, her own space, etc. </blockquote
It was opposite for us. Way easier to get sleep when baby is up so frequently to change and nurse with them right next to me

goldenB · March 2015

DS bedshared with me until he was 7/8months. Transitioning him was fairly easy and he has slept through the night most nights (except when teething). He is now 14months old and sleeps 12/13hr nights.

mrsrfwii · March 2015

We put a bassinet in our room, next to my side of the bed, for the first 2 or 3 months, the. Move the baby into the nursery in the bassinet and eventually into the crib. If you want the baby in your room you could save space by using a bassinet since they are smaller. Everything else that's baby was in the nursery so that helps with the clutter in the master.

If you know where you are is just temporary and will be moving soon, I wouldn't stress too much on the nursery being just how you want it. Then when you move to your new space go all out with the new room.

WDDCH · March 2015

goldenB said:
DS bedshared with me until he was 7/8months. Transitioning him was fairly easy and he has slept through the night most nights (except when teething). He is now 14months old and sleeps 12/13hr nights.

Yes this is what we've done with four of our five. The only one we didn't do it with was our second-born. She liked sleeping solo. Before their first year my baby transitions to crib and they sleep through the night without problem. Works for us so far!

chavemann10 · March 2015

With our DD, she slept in her own crib in our room for over a year. It was convenient and I didn't lose any more sleep than I had with my previous 2 kids. She moved into her own room about 14mos old. She was doing fine, until she got really sick one night and it scared me. After that, she sleeps in our room on and off. She will start out the night in her room, but is terrified of the train that comes by at 4am every morning, and always ends up waking up in our room on the floor. She now has a pallet on our floor because of this. Our sex life has not suffered one bit because of our sleeping arrangements. We get "inventive" in other rooms, outside (disclaimer: we live in the country on quite a few acres with no immediate neighbors), or just moved her to her room if she fell asleep in ours. This baby will start off side-car'd to our bed and when we think she's ready, we'll transition her into the room with her sister. My hope is the baby will comfort my 2yr old when the train comes, but I'm sure reality is that they will both scream at 4am. LOL!!

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