Family not in babies' life

Limebearer · March 2015

I grew up in a family where i was definately the unfavored one, and as i grew into adulthood, the friction got much worse. Now, my sister ( who is incapable of being happy for me) thinks im faking my pregnancy( oh but if its true, i want to be aunty) and even though my parents do realize i am pregnant, they want to be in the kids lives, despite telling me my whole adult life that they dont want to be grandparents to my baby. My husband and i are making a tough choice. We will not welcome my family in our babies' lives, i need to think of whats right for the little ones, and them being exposed to toxic people can not be whats best. Has anyone else ever had to make that decision?

rainbowBOOM · March 2015

That's a bold decision. But it sounds like the best one for you and your family. Best of luck to you.

Limebearer · March 2015

It really sucks though, despite being a wise decision.the alternative is to let them be in the babies' lives and then take them away when they prove to be unfit as grandparents. In a way i think thats even crueler. Its tougher than i thought

LanieReyes · March 2015

I'm so sorry your going through this! Your baby is lucky to have parents who are willing to give up something as precious as family but lately ever since I got pregnant I've been realizing "family" causes more drama then anything else

Limebearer · March 2015

Hugs lanie, thanks for understanding. Sorry you have family drama too . I have noticed pregnancy either brings out the best in friends and family, or completely shatters them. I have actually lost friends over this pregnancy, and though its sad, its best they leave now!

LanieReyes · March 2015

So true!!!! Once everyone found out we stopped getting called to go places and etc and me and husband could care less!! All I told them was when you leave know it's for good, don't try popping back up when our daughter is born wanting to see her or be in her life!!!!!

blukats · March 2015

I wish I wasn't so familiar with this but I know exactly what this is like. My husbands family has never been part of my kids life or ours for that matter. It's been 5 years of absolutely no contact and it's really hard, but unfortunately one of them always does something to remind me why we made this choice to begin with.

Limebearer · March 2015

So sorry blukat

but the first duty of a parent is to always put their kid first, however unpleasant

Thera888 · March 2015

Our families also will not be in our babie's life. Not because of family drama or anything but because we both are coming from different countries and live in another country

of course we will travel as we can and have relatives over here, but obviously that won't happen very often.

juliekay25 · March 2015

I think u should think of the child's feelings. Is it going to be worse for the child if he/she has someone in their life that gets taken out of it or never had them in in the first place. In my opinion I would never have the FAM in their lives to begin with so there's no confusion when u have to take those people out of the picture. Were kind of in the same spot with my fil and we just decided to cut him out completely.

Limebearer · March 2015

Yes julie, thats more my opinion too.

beccer123 · March 2015

I went through this with my brother. He's just not a good person. My DD is 9 and she knows who he is. Honestly, she wasn't to effected by him not being around. She understands more than I realize. I haven't had any contact with him in 3 years. Sometimes, you just have to do what's best for you and yours!

MaddyZ15 · March 2015

This is your family and you can decide who you want in your world. And if you do decide at any point to bring anyone in it will be in your own terms.

I made that decision about my brother and I am going to put limitations with people and family to what extent I want to be in my life.

I am not going to let anyone hurt my baby. I think it's wise to surround yourself and your family with people who are going to be healthy and positive in your family and life.

ChristyM87 · March 2015

My in-laws will not be involved in my child's life at all. They live close by, but have made a series of bad mistakes including physical abuse so we just do not trust them around a baby

Limebearer · March 2015

Its incredible how common this horrid situation is

rachellemons · March 2015

My sister in law made a choice to keep her mom in her kids life and now the same old drama has popped up. I really feel for her because her kids love their grandma and so she is struggling not only with her feelings but with her kids. They live close by and are used to seeing her multiple times a week. I know my husband doesn't see his mom as a threat and therefore she will be in our kids lives. Fortunately for us it's not as big of a deal because we only see her twice a year otherwise this would be a much bigger issue. I don't blame you at all...I've never had to deal with this as much with my relatives. The people I wouldn't want my kids around are never around anyway. I would 100% be in favor of not allowing someone who is emotionally or physically toxic be involved. It's just giving them an opportunity to harm my children. If and when you feel comfortable having them around I would just make sure they understand their boundaries and if they cross them they made a choice to once again be excluded.

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