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Frustrated with DH over 2nd TTC

ariasbabyblogariasbabyblog member
in Trying to Get Pregnant
I love my husband, but I want to throttle him. We are TTC a second child. Our first is a lovely boy who is everything I could ever want in a son, granted he's only 2, but hey. He's a great kid. We have been actively trying for 15 months and some days I get more depressed about it than others, like ya do. The Husband's response is to tell me that it doesn't matter if we only have the one child as he's a great kid and DH would be perfectly content with the one child. Yes, because when I am feeling anxious and depressed about the lack of pregnancy the one thing I want to hear is how much it doesn't matter to you. It makes me feel very alone in this process, particularly since we haven't told our friends and family that we are trying again, so the only one I have to talk to about any of this is him, and his response is that he doesn't care.

I realize that he doesn't mean it that way, but it is difficult to deal with, particularly since we have started the long process of trying to figure out why we aren't conceiving which involves his participation. I really want to strangle him sometimes.
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Re: Frustrated with DH over 2nd TTC

  • 27alex27alex member
    Are you sure he wants a second child? It seems like he may be content with just the one. It sucks, but it's definitely a decision you both have to be one board with...maybe you need to sit down and have a conversation about it, for your sake, and really make sure it's something he wants too.
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  • nlwz123nlwz123 member
    ^this, and is it possible that this is just how he copes with things?  My DH is somewhat the same way.  He tries to verbally minimize the situation and I think it makes him feel better if it doesn't work out that month.




    TTC #1 10/2014
    Low progesterone
    BFP 05/2015
    Baby boy born 01/2016
    Currently: NTNP





     
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  • cocopop76cocopop76 member
    I am going through the exact same issue with my husband, although he does not say he doesnt care, just that he is fine with one and that the rest is up to me. I believe he is saying this because it was so hard on him seeing me sick, tired and crying all of the time during our first rounds to get our daughter that the last thing he wants to do is to have any guilt in making me feel I need to go through that again. Plus, if it does not work, then he wont be adding to any disappointment if he says he doesnt want another child from the start. Basically, my husband just says he doesnt want to see me go through it all again. I think it is a natural and actually loving reaction. I just explained to my husband that I have decided I want to try again and I really need his support. For me, a large part is trying to give our daughter a sibling if possible and he understood that.
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  • ariasbabyblogariasbabyblog member
    We did discuss whether or not to have more children and we both agreed. We both firmly believe that if one partner isn't ready, then neither partner is. It could be that this is his way of trying to help me by not pressuring me? I don't know unfortunately. Thanks for the support!
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  • 27alex27alex member
    ariasbabyblog said:

    We did discuss whether or not to have more children and we both agreed. We both firmly believe that if one partner isn't ready, then neither partner is. It could be that this is his way of trying to help me by not pressuring me? I don't know unfortunately. Thanks for the support!

    I don't know your relationship. My DH and I agreed multiple times in the last 3 years to go from NTNP to actively trying. He would agree, and then a month later do what your husband is doing. Eventually I sat him down he admitted he wasn't ready.

    I think you need to prepare for the possibility that your DH is acting this way because he's not 100% on board. Actions speak louder than words sometimes.
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  • blessed2585blessed2585 member
    I am so sorry to hear this. Have you talked to him about how you are feeling? TTC can be stressful - can you plan a date night and not focus on that just being with each other to help relieve some stress and pressure ? That is when it usually happens. 

    Live, Laugh, and Cantor on 
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  • blessed2585blessed2585 member
    I said this because I have been in the same situation. When you are stressing about getting pregnant your body is messed up and you have a harder time getting pregnant. I meant it as just have fun work on your relationship with each other and then let it happen. 
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  • PugsandKissesPugsandKisses member
    blessed2585 said:

    I said this because I have been in the same situation. When you are stressing about getting pregnant your body is messed up and you have a harder time getting pregnant. I meant it as just have fun work on your relationship with each other and then let it happen. 

    Umm no. Stressing about pregnancy does not stop a women from getting pregnant.
    Stress does not prevent pregnancy at all, other wise famine and war torn areas will not have any children.
    Thank God for Raid.

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  • jnnfrrose6jnnfrrose6 member
    blessed2585 said:

    I said this because I have been in the same situation. When you are stressing about getting pregnant your body is messed up and you have a harder time getting pregnant. I meant it as just have fun work on your relationship with each other and then let it happen. 




    If you can provide me with a scientifically based study showing this, then I'll change my position. Until then, you are wrong. As pointed out, there a plenty of more stressful situations going on in the world beyond an individual's ability to conceive and babies are being born every day there.
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  • LoveLucy0413LoveLucy0413 member
    https://www.webmd.com/women/news/20140324/stress-may-diminish-a-womans-fertility-study-suggests

    Not that I am convinced one way or the other, it was an interesting read.


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  • jnnfrrose6jnnfrrose6 member
    LoveLucy0413 said:

    https://www.webmd.com/women/news/20140324/stress-may-diminish-a-womans-fertility-study-suggests


    Not that I am convinced one way or the other, it was an interesting read.





    Causation =/= correlation.

    "Women struggling with infertility who have stressful lifestyles should not blame themselves, Lynch said. "I don't want women to see this in the news and say, 'It's my fault I'm not pregnant,'" she said. "We know stress is not the major indicator of whether or not you're going to get pregnant.""
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