Any single moms by choice?

babymama619 · January 2015

My LO is now 14 months and I want her to have a sibling. I have tried and tried online dating and every guy is worse than the last. The last guy was a Holocaust denier, homophobe, and made openly racist comments on our phone calls.

So now I'm starting to get my ducks in a row to use a sperm doner (probably summer of 2016). Anybody else go this route? I have career and a very supportive family and wonderful friends, but I still think I"m a little nuts. Just wondering what other people's experiences have been with this process.

20thirteen · January 2015

I think for the most part SMBC only lurk here since I rarely see any of them post. Good luck, and good to see you, haven't seen you around in a while

brandyann15 · January 2015

I am a single mom by choice, although my story of getting there is different from yours. I have an 19 month old son and am expecting another boy in June this year. Although I have had to defend my choice to be a single mother I personally feel empowered by my decision. I hope all goes well for you.

irismorning · January 2015

20thirteen is right. We do exist. : ) I am a single parent by choice (adoption) and I would not change it! Honestly, I do not comment much on this board because I do not have any experience with a lot of the concerns of the other single parents on here (child support, visitation, etc.). I do lurk and answer questions when they are in my wheelhouse though.

Good Luck!

rhonnies · January 2015

Hi, I am headed down the donor insemination route also. Not because I haven't found the right man but because while I've always imagined having a child, I've never once imagined there being a man in the picture. I have found success through my work and while I'm only 31 (a fact my mother continues to remind me of with the "you have time to find a man" theory"), I feel like it's the right time. I have my first fertility appointment next week and they have a mandatory 3 month stand down period to ensure it's what you really want to do and then there's apparently a very long waiting list for clinic sperm (or 6 months if you have a known donor but I feel like if I were to use a known donor that they would inevitably become emotionally attached to the child (or idea of one) and I want to ensure I retain my sole parental rights.)

I'm excited but I'm also apprehensive - not about having a child on my own - that part I feel entirely comfortable with, it's more the apprehension of going into labour alone or something going wrong and not having help close on hand - that kind of thing. Redundant worries I'm sure. It'd be wonderful to hear about any Single Mothers by Choice's experiences.

tyzo · March 2015

I'm a SMC as well. I'm using a known donor and attempting at home inseminations for now. I'm 38 and tired of waiting for Prince Charming. I assume he's stuck in a tree or something:). Using a known donor has not been without some uncomfortable conversations but seems to be going well and he's very nice about being available when I need him.

So glad to have found a few others on the journey:).

lib1974 · March 2015

I am soon to be a smc. Used a donor from a bank. 40 yrs old. I am due March 27th with a little girl. Feel free to pm me if you have any specific questions.. I don't have the mom experience yet but I can speak to my journey thus far.

acp527 · March 2015

I am also a SMBC and will be 40 once my baby is born. I went the unknown donor route and had to do IVF as the iui's did not work. I'm am absolutely happy to be doing this by myself but do fear the future needs of the child. Hoping I can be everything for her/him. Thrilled to see SMBC on here and most posts are complaining about significant others.

jennaleigh23 · March 2015

I tried to be a single mom by choice, went ahead with 2 IUI's but both failed and I ended up pregnant by a deadbeat a few months later. Either way I am still single and pregnant and I went through hell to get here!

babymama619 · March 2015

Wow, girls thanks so much for the responses. I'm rarely on here anymore with the little and a career, but every time I am, I am reminded of the amazing support you offer. My family is very supportive and I'll start the consultations this summer in order to try to conceive next summer. I'll keep you posted!

JAK77 · April 2015

I'm a 37year old, single, 1st time mom. I chose to do it on my own and used a sperm bank. My family is super supportive. You are I not in any way crazy. I think it's a very bold and important choice. Good luck to you! I know you will do what is right for you.

lilmamapanther · April 2015

I also have decided to become a single mother by choice. I'm going the route of unknown donor. Going to my RE Friday to find out if I can do iui or if I have to do ivf because of endometriosis.

tvh1982 · May 2015

I am in the process of becoming a single mum. I'm 32 years old hand had two BFN (big fat negative) after two IUI.
Just like Rhonnies, people like to remind me I'm young and should wait for a man, heck my mum told me again yesterday when I called her to tell her it was a BFN.
As I live on my own in a different country, I will definitely be doing it all on my own. But my friends so far are lovely.
Yes there's the awkward not knowing what to say so they say it'll get easier next time (which is absolutely the opposite) and some know the right words to say.
Going into labour alone scares me, but my mum is ready to fly here, 3 of my friends are arguing who could join me, so I won't be completely alone. Which is a safe feeling.
And I know somedays those friends are not there, busy with their lives and I will be doing it alone..and that does not frighten me at all. Because I'm ready to do it alone.
So if you are, go for it, and you will be fine, more than fine.
Lots of woman out here that are happy to lend a listening ear when needed

MegsB1112 · May 2015

I'm going the SMBC route and am due any day. I got a donor from a bank and had a successful iui right away. There are days/times when I sometimes question what in the world did I do, but I know I'm doing the right thing and it will be hard, but worth it. I have an amazing family who supports me and this little girl will be loved beyond measure. Isn't that what matters most? Good luck to you ladies!

CanadaMom17 · July 2015

Sitting here having just fed my 8 week old lo. I went the IUI route, though it ended up being a known donor, who is involved (visitation, paying some support to an education fund). I'm 41 now, and he's older as well (68) and had never had children. It's working well for us, and the benefit to lo is she has two families who are nuts about her. That being said, I would have went the anonymous route as well.

I won't deny it's hard at this stage being the only one to meet her needs and get everything done around the house. But, I know this is just one stage, and it will (for some things) get easier.

My parents fortunately live across the road, and have been a lifesaver - they do help where they can. I'd recommend having some sort of support network those first few weeks if you need something as simple as a nap those first few sleepless weeks.

amangels2 · August 2015

I have also made the decision to be a single mom. I am 35 and just don't want to wait anymore. I am currently waiting for my first round of iui. I chose an unknown donor. My first cycle was anovulatory, so now I'm waiting on AF, which is over a week late at this point. My parents have been incredibly supportive. In fact they were the ones who encouraged me to stop thinking and to just go for it. I am super excited and am very much hoping I will be pregnant soon.

sergeantb44 · September 2015

I am also a SMBC, I chose an open donor and got a BFP with the first round of IUI. If it's something you want to do then do it.. I could not be happier with my decision and people will come out of the woodwork to support you.. Basically because you had the courage to do something they don't have the strength to do. As for labor, do you have a good relationship with your mom or a good friend? Good luck to you!

amangels2 · September 2015

@sergeantb44

How many months along are you? I had my first iui a week ago and am anxiously waiting to test. I can't wait. My mom will be with me during labor, as will my dad. Although I'm not sure if dad will want to be in the room or not.

futuremomma2017 · February 2016

I'm considering becoming a single mom by choice of the relationship I'm currently in doesn't pan out in the next year. I'm tired of waiting for Mr. Right, and I figure it'll be easier to date after I have a child because I won't have "must marry to have child before my fertility is shot!!!" worries. It's nice to "meet" you ladies!!!

tvh1982 · February 2016

Follow your heart @writergurl925 that's all I can say.
But do make sure you have a lovely network of people that support you. Last May when I wrote my previous message I didn't know yet that I was fertility-challenged and the journey has been tough, is still tough.
And last night, after yet another BFN I could do with some strong hands that would tell me everything will be ok. Unfortunately I don't have those strong arms available.
My mum has been a rock, even when she lives in a different country, and my friends nearby have lend me their shoulders to cry on, their ears to listen, but also their smiles to make me smile.
GL on your journey.

sarae3 · March 2016

Hello,

I am new to the forums and just found this smbc forum and see that the thread was started awhile ago but seems to have some recent comments.
Just wanted to share a little of my journey in the world of smbc. Ten years ago l gave birth to a little girl with my husband at the time. When she was 5 however she died in an accident and my world changed forever. My husband and l had already been working on a separation at the time so teb accident just sped up the process. However the one thing I always knew was l wanted to have a family so if finding a partner wasn't going to happen l was gonna do it on my own. So l did and it turned out to be a very long journey. I ended up using an unknown donor from a sperm bank and doing 4 iui's and 3 ivf's I had two frozen embryos left from my ivf's so l transferred them both. Today l have a very sweet and happy 10 month old little boy making the journey all worth it. So after that very long story the point was to tell you l have decided l want to give him a sibling and will do ivf this summer after l am done breastfeeding my son.
So like you l am wondering if l am a little crazy given how long it took me to get pregnant the 1st time but I'm 40 now so l don't have a lot of time to try so l will likely only do two ivf's this time and if it doesn't work then maybe it isn't meant to be but I would really like my son to have a sibling and l always pictured my future with more than one kid so here goes nothing

tvh1982 · March 2016

Hi @sarae3 and welcome!

That's some story you have got that and I am so sorry to read about your loss. I have no words.
I completely can relate to the 'wanting a family' as I am there myself so I am so happy for you that you have your sweet little boy!
The journey to get there hasn't been easy, and others might think you are nuts for trying again, but I probably would do the same!
It won't be easy, but hey...your body did it once, it knows now what it is supposed to do! So I have been told it might be easier.

If you are ready, I'd say go for it! Wishing you lots of GL!

kiam032 · March 2016

I am a single mom but not by choice. Some people may think I am nuts for saying this but for me I rather it that way. If her father wasn't a dead beat then yea I would work it out. Since he is a deatbeat..it is less hassle and fustration. Plus, I like that I get to make all the decisions. I am living with my MOM and going through hard times but I don't see me in a traditional relationship.

theresanchris · March 2016

Hi all! I'm considering going the single mom by choice route. I'm 39 and want a family and don't have any "potentials" on the horizon.

I'm curious what process you ladies went through. I would go the IUI route, as I want a baby if it was meant to be. It's March now and was thinking I would call my OB/GYN in the next few months to discuss my options. I'm not looking to get pregnant before November of this year.

Any advice?

Thanks!

20thirteen · March 2016

@tribaby1406 There was another thread of women who were single by choice but I can't find it. This board has died down quite a bit.

newmommytobe2016 · March 2016

I'm a SMC and have just welcomed my precious baby boy into the world. I always knew I wanted a family, but I wasn't willing to settle just to make it happen. I swore to my friends and family, come a good man or a good specialist....! After my doctor reminded me that I could always have a plus one, but I couldn't always be a bio parent, she referred me to an INCREDIBLE reproductive endocrinologist. Because I was getting ready to turn 42 and because I didn't want to waste time and money on iui, we went straight to IVF using donor sperm from a bank. Best. Decision. Ever. It "took" on the first try, my pregnancy and delivery were easy and uneventful, and I have a perfect baby boy. While the process wasn't cheap, it was most definitely worth it. A highlight of it all... no baby daddy drama.

tvh1982 · March 2016

Hi @tribaby1406.

I did 5 IUI before I swopped to IVF.
After 3 IUI they found out I have trouble getting pregnant due to PCOS so I had to start taking hormones. After another 2 IUI I decided to go over to IVF.
I was tired of not knowing if I got IUI on time, did I ovulated, did I not. Ovulation start 36 hours after a positive test or a trigger shote. Frozen sperm only lives up to 24 hrs...the odds aren't really with us.

IVF was tough, I had my ER (egg retrieval) being awake, which was sooooooo painful, and my body made over-hours with all the hormones. So my ET (egg transfer) wasn't a success. Neither was my FET (frozen transfer), but that was due to the clinic. They had booked me wrong. Second FET is in the making. Almost 8 weeks now.
My body was much more relaxed with the FET, as hormone intake wasn't as bad.

GL on your journey!

babymama619 · March 2016

UPDATE - hi girls, I love this thread...it makes me feel so not alone! I'm in the diagnostic month with my Dr. right now and the numbers are all looking good. (I'm 36 and FSH is 6.9, AMH 2.48) I'm thinking I'll do IUI with donor sperm next cycle. Has anyone had success that route?

How about out those of you who were trying? Any luck?

babymama619 · March 2016

My dr. Is all about doing a lot of diagnostics so that we know where we stand before we start wasting money on sperm and procedures. Plus the diagnostic stuff is covered under my insurance. I'd recommend finding a dr. like that. It seems that it will save me a lot of time, money, and heartbreak.

tvh1982 · March 2016

So exciting @babymama619!
No success with IUI for me, but did with my 2nd FET. Saw a heartbeat at 6w and have a new us on Monday 4th.

I must admit I have some 'frights' ones in a while and think ...oh boy...you are really doing it on your own! What where you thinking? But those pass by in a whoops and I get all excited that I finally got my BFP.

Have you find your donor? Did you choose a donor who may be contacted by your child when (s)he's 18?

babymama619 · March 2016

Thanks! I'm deciding between 2 donors right now. Both will be unknown. I don't really see the benefit personally of the known donor aspect. I was estranged from my father until I was 16 although I knew his family. There is almost no chance my daughter now will even have that. The main advantage I could see is disease info. If the child really wants that, I'll pay for the genetic testing. Lol.

I have a 2 year old that I am raising alone, although my parents and sister are very involved. Being a single mom is intense, and no one really gets it except other single moms. It's amazing though, and knowing I'm doing this...wow, what an accomplishment! I have more strength and courage than I ever knew.

tvh1982 · March 2016

So excited that your about to start your journey.
Being a single mom is definitely intense, and it's very important to ask for help ones in a while.
But I believe sometimes it's easier when one is alone, as you know from morning til morning it is you that had to do it all...I see sometimes (and sometimes often) with my friends that they think their husbands will help out and get disappointed when they won't or can't. Something I'll never count on having, so won't be disappointed.

AFM, I opt for a donor that can be contacted. Not for me, as I am not interested, but I found it hard to make that decision for my child. So they can decide for themselves when old enough if they want to know a little more.

irismorning · April 2016

I agree with tvh. As an adoptee and an adoptive parent; I have a slightly different perspective. I have never wanted to know any information on my biological parents. However, when I adopted my boys I made sure that I had as much information as I could get. They may never want to know- then again they may. I feel as though I owe it to them to give them the option and not make that decision for them. I am also considering an IUI and I will go with the ID option. My child may never want to know, but I do not want to take away that choice from them.

babymama619 · December 2016

Bumping around since I can't sleep(4:30-6am). Thought I'd let you know I'm expecting a baby boy in April (through donor speem) and couldn't be happier...unless I were sleeping.,

tvh1982 · December 2016

Congratulations!
Im a mummy since 1 Nov of a little girl Pia.
It's challenging alone (we've had a cowsmilk allergy and sleepless nights) but my family is wonderful and are happy to pop by to entertain her while I take a quick nap. Not yet ready to miss her a whole night...so napping it is

beckij34 · December 2016

I'm a single mom by choice. It's a hard road to take but I have a great support system. I'm 15w with my first via IUI with donor sperm. I have PCOS as well.

tvh1982 · December 2016

I had my first night of a week before Xmas! I got this ordered by my doctor. So my mum took my little Pixie. I thought it would be difficult and I would miss her. But I was sooooo tired I slept 9hours!
Was filled with energy the next day and happy to see my little girl again

juiicyma7 · September 2022

Single by choice. My kids dad was very controlling and egotistical! Couldn’t and wouldn’t deal with it. So I moved on.

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