Heading Into A Rough Weekend (loss mentioned)

beingr · March 2015

I really just need to vent. I'm sitting at the airport ready to head out to LA for more infertility tests. I'm dreading this trip with every fiber of my being. I am scheduled to have an HSG and bloodwork to check for immune issues with my Dr. Saturday morning. He wants to check for scar tissue in my uterus due to a surgery I had a few years ago to repair my uterine septum (bicornate uterus).

My FET in February ended in a loss of my perfect twin embryos. My Dr. is baffled. Everything was perfect. That's why he wants to check my uterus himself (my surgery was done by a different dr. here in kansas).

The thing is, I stay with my sister during my trips to LA. which is great, it works fine since she herself has been through IVF (with two successes) with my same Dr. out there. But this time my mother, who is just full of tons of issues and quite difficult to be around, is currently out there staying with my sister. That means not only do I have to deal with hard news after my HSG (either in the form of uterine scarring causing my losses--which offers and explanation; or knowing my uterus is fine but just can't seem to sustain life) but I also have to deal with my mother.

Plus my DH isn't coming with me, so I'm facing this alone

I'm also just so exhausted, heartbroken and feel like I don't know how much more I can handle. I just want to hide in a hole and cry. I'm sure I'll shed plenty of tears on the plane. I've been shedding a lot of them this week.

Ugh. Sorry this is so long. I just needed to vent before I get on the plane and have to face the rest of this week. Maybe someone can tell me some really awful, cheesy jokes to help me get through.

Sigh.

suziq1978 · March 2015

Aww, hugs to you. I hope everything goes well. I do have one joke that my kids told me:

Your mama's so fat she sat on an ipod and turned it into an ipad.

kindershlitz · March 2015

I'm sorry @beingr I hope this hsg gets you some answers and your trip has some element of fun to it, but sounds rough.

I found these...

emsmama15 · March 2015

I'm sorry @beingr. I hope you get some answers from this trip at least....

gfgrump · March 2015

So sorry. That sounds awful. I have an okay relationship with my mom and I could not imagine having to deal with her in my face while going through all of this.

Here's a really dumb joke.

Why was 6 afraid of 7?

Because 7 8 9.

dolphin012 · March 2015

Hang in there...that is a lot of stress from different directions. It sounds like your dr is very good and thorough - i hope you come away with some positive answers from the trip. I will be thinking of you on saturday.

Two atoms are walking down the street.

Atom 1: I think i lost an electron

Atom 2: Are you sure?

Atom 1: I'm positive!

Sorry - all i got

Guennie · March 2015

I'm really sorry- for your loss, what you've been through and for everything on the horizon. It absolutely stinks that life takes a bad situation and makes it even harder. I hope you get some positive answers to help you move forward. Hugs.

When I try to think of a joke I just keep hearing my nephew saying "Knock knock" (Who's there?) "YOU!!!" Followed by hysterical laughter.

Betty965 · March 2015

I hope you get answers and that you feel peace. I'm so sorry you're having to endure this. I will say extra prayers for you. Hugs.

KirstenAlecia · March 2015

I hope you get answers and don't suffer too many tears or issues with your mom. Moms can be difficult.

Wanna hear a dirty joke???

Boy fell in the mud.

:P

beingr · March 2015

You guys are the best, the jokes literally were cracking me up. Much needed. I liked them.

So. The trip has been pretty rough all around. With my mom, other issues and the results. I had my HSG this morning and the news wasn't good. Sadly my uterine environment just isn't good and the chances of ever carrying my own baby are slim to none. My uterus just doesn't get the blood flow it needs. And there's nothing he could do to fix it. It wasn't scar tissue, it's just my uterine surface is gritty instead of smooth and there's not enough blood flow.

I was pretty drugged up still when the Dr. came to talk to me, but the gist of it all is that my uterus just isn't good.

I had a lot of tears after the procedure and when the nurse asked if I wanted whoever was waiting for me to come in I said 'no'. I just needed to be alone. I did finally ask for my sister. So for now I'm still here in LA, flying home tomorrow thankfully and until I get back just holding my shiz together and acting like everything is okay and will be fine.

But honestly I'm heartbroken and overwhelmed and the thought of starting the surrogacy process is exhausting. But that's the route my DH and I have decided to do. Our hearts just aren't ready for adoption (yet).

Just wanted to offer and update. Thanks for the fantastic jokes and support.

2pupsnokids · March 2015

@beingr hang in there. I'm sorry it was such a stressful stay in LA with heartbreaking news. You're very brave. It took a lot of courage to knowingly go into a stressful environment with your mom during such an emotional time. Cut yourself some slack in the months ahead and remember how strong you are. Good luck with whatever path you and DH decide to take. Sorry for the long joke...Irish people don't know many short ones...

A man left for work one Friday afternoon. But it was payday, so
instead of going home, he stayed out the entire weekend partying with
the boys and spending his entire paycheck.

When he finally appeared at home on Sunday night, he was confronted
by his angry wife and was barraged for nearly two hours with a tirade
befitting his actions. Finally his wife stopped the nagging and said to
him, “How would you like it if you didn’t see me for two or three days?”
He replied, “That would be fine with me.”

Monday went by and he didn’t see his wife. Tuesday and Wednesday came
and went with the same results. But on Thursday, the swelling went down
just enough where he could see her a little out of the corner of his
left eye.

jilligan14 · March 2015

So sorry to hear this. I'm amazed at your strength and ability to hold it all together during such a trying time. I hope you're able to let go and really grieve when you get home. And to pamper yourself (for weeks to come). Best of luck in your next steps in this journey. I'm not the best at jokes but I find it helpful to lose myself in ridiculous comedies. Hopefully you can find some time to comfort yourself in whatever way is necessary. Hugs.

kindershlitz · March 2015

I'm sorry you're going through all this. Lots of hugs to you.

URMySunshine77 · March 2015

I'm so sorry to hear about your rough time and HSG results. Sending you a bear hug tonight.

OldNell · March 2015

I hope your weekend went better than you expected. If you are still in need of a ridiculous joke to make you smile and shake your head at the same time, this popped up on a friend's wall this morning:

Why does a chicken coop only have two doors?

Because if it had four doors, it would be a chicken sedan.

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