May 2015 Moms
catrudkin
member
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Anxiety
catrudkin
member
I've been having so much anxiety, especially at night. It gets so rough at times that I just can't deal with it anymore. I worry about my health mostly. I have type 2 diabetes and have recently been diagnosed with having gestational hypertension. I'm being monitored by two doctors, my regular OB and a fetal-maternal specialist. I have two appointments a week, plus blood work and 24 hour urine collection weekly until the baby is born. They're concerned that I will develop preeclampsia. It is so overwhelming and I'm scared to death that things are going to progress. I'm 28wks 5 days. I finally convinced my doctor to give me something for this anxiety, he prescribed me Vistaril. No one seems to understand why I'm so anxious, I feel like my husband and family members think I'm exaggerating things. But I'm terrified!!
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Re: Anxiety
I obsess over the baby's health and constantly deal with the fear that something will happen to her. I've tried to explain the severity of my fears to others but they don't understand that the panic keeps me from functioning in a normal way- I sleep for one hour at a time because I wake up check for movements, I call the dr about pretty much anything and I convince myself several times a week that I'm going to lose the baby.
Because my anxiety is rooted in something happening to the baby I can't bring myself to take something for it- safe or not. So in the meantime I see a counselor once or twice a month, which doesn't help much, and I count the days.
We don't have the same issues but maybe it'll help to know you're not the only one.
Finally some other ladies I can relate to!! I have type 1 diabetes, it is very brittle, my numbers range from high to low with very little rhyme or reason sometimes. I have it pretty under control but still have my off numbers and struggle with highs at night. I wake up and check and correct highs with insulin as I need to, but I let each high number convince me that I'm killing my baby and I'm going to lose her. I have trouble going back to sleep and I spend the majority of each night lying wide awake fearing the death of my baby something terrible. Meanwhile DH sleeps soundly... it so sucks because I just lay there terrified with no one to talk to.
To make matters worse, I too suffer from generalized anxiety disorder. I have been prescribed xanax for years now. I need to take it daily. I was taking over 1mg a day before I got pregnant, and since then have slowly weaned down to .25mg a day but some days it is still not enough to help me shrug off the overwhelming worry I have for my baby. My high risk maternal fetal medicine doctor has told me repeatedly not to guilt myself over my need for xanax, but I still do, even though I'm not even taking enough to put my mind completely at ease at times.
The worry of my diabetes affecting my baby and it killing her is on my mind almost every minute of my waking hours right now. I can't help it. Every imperfect blood sugar reading I get only further aggravates my fear, even though my doctor doesn't seem too concerned, I am. He thinks I am doing great with my control and tells me not to stress as much as I do, but he's not the one lying awake some nights with stubborn blood sugar readings in the upper 100's - 200's! The guilt and sadness I feel knowing that my innocent little baby has to deal with the crap my body throws at her sometimes is almost overwhelming. The fear of stillbirth is awful, and there are times when all I can do is cry about it because nothing takes my mind off it. I don't think I could handle losing her at this point. She's been through so much with me. I even had to have surgery when I was pregnant with her at 13 weeks and miraculously she lived through it!!
I feel like I have nobody to talk to because when people think diabetes they usually just think gestational diabetes, and no offense but that's a whole different animal. Most of the support threads and forums I find for diabetes online are for gestational diabetes and it really tears me up. People fearing over their "high" blood sugar readings of 130 and 140... oh geez. The DAILY struggle I face with readings way beyond that!! I feel so alone. I feel like I have nobody to talk to, nobody to relate to, and it's just sad.
I love my baby so much and the fear of her being hurt or dying is an overwhelming one for me. I do everything I humanly feel I can but at the end of the day sometimes it's still not enough if my numbers don't come out perfect. I hate diabetes!!!
To make all matters more complicated I have an anterior placenta and it is hard to feel most of her movements even though I'm small and petite. Obviously this leads to even more worry. What I would do without my doppler some days, geez!!
Feels nice to get all that off my chest I guess. I can't wait until she is born, happy and healthy, no longer having to put up with my cruddy body...
I am so ready to have this baby in my arms and get my body back to normal, and my mind stable again! I'm 29 weeks even today. These days can't go by fast enough. Praying everyday that my symptoms don't progress. Praying for all of you, too!!