My husband's family is smothering me! — The Bump
October 2015 Moms

My husband's family is smothering me!

SDeFranco22SDeFranco22 member
edited March 2015 in October 2015 Moms
We recently just moved into our new home and between the move and the baby news they are acting like lunatics. They call ALL the time wanting to stop by or ask what we are doing. His cousin who is older keeps telling me she wants to be in the delivery room and want the baby to call HER grandma!?!?!! NO!! These people are nuts and it's stressing me out!!!
whitesidedeanna10

Re: My husband's family is smothering me!

  • Set your boundaries now with them so that by the time the baby comes they are established. If you don't want people in the delivery room start telling them now that it is just going to be you and your man to have time to bond with the baby. I personally didn't let anyone come see my baby for the first three days. It was awesome. They knew from the beginning it was what I had planned and no one fussed by the time He arrived. :)
    casserole27SDeFranco22
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  • Oh my.lol ..lock your door, put your phone on silent and limit your communication with them to once a week, or whatever you are comfortable with..you teach people how to treat you...set up some boundries,hopefully they will take the hint, if not, get your man to talk to them..i get overwhelmed easily and i wouldnt deal with all that..
    Maybebabylay15SDeFranco22casserole27
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  • Agreed. The sooner you set boundaries, the better. 
    SDeFranco22
  • I'm worried about this with my IL's. My MIL was super up in her daughters business during her pregnancies. I'll have to set boundaries with belly rubs and delivery room too (among a million other things). As annoying as it is, they're doing this out of love but it might be best to set the expectations now while still early.
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    SDeFranco22
  • I'm scared my MIL will be the same way. She lives a few hours away but seems to always want to come up here.. I dont like her much at all tbh, she's incredibly pushy!! I didnt even get a say in my own wedding because she took the whole thing and ran with it. Very scared of her pushing her way into the delivery room or something like that. No offense lady but back the hell off, youre not MY mother so you have no business being there. She's made my husband a big mommas boy as well. We still have some days where he'll call mommy about some issue so she'll solve it, while Im left unaware and couldve easily dealt with it. Do not like.
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    SDeFranco22mzaustin814
  • sdw84sdw84 member
    My MIL wanted me to change doctors. To the doctors her daughter used and deliver at the hospital she works at. The doctors and hospital is 40 min away. The one we are using is 20 min away. When I said we are going to use who we wanted she did all kinds of reschearch on my doctor and kept trying to point out negatives.
    SDeFranco22
  • Set very clear and firm boundaries now. When you are towards the end of the pregnancy or just after delivery, you do not need any extra stress. Good luck!
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    SDeFranco22FatPony
  • saraking437saraking437 member
    edited March 2015
    This is why we aren't telling my in laws until I'm 13 weeks. Set your boundaries early. I get my husband to put his family in their place. It was insane at our wedding. And they have been pushing us to have kids, since we got married 4 years ago. I dread the aftermath of us telling them. I hate to feel this way about anyone especially family. Good luck setting things straight :):)
    casserole27SDeFranco22
  • Thank you so much ladies! I am glad I am not the only one dealing with this. I don't think my husband truly "gets it." He is a guy and things like this typically go right over his head. I told him last night there is no way I am telling anyone when I go into labor. I want him and I to have some alone time with our baby before visitors start showing up. They keep telling me not to stress but THEY ARE THE ONES CAUSING ALL THE STRESS, lol!!
    whitesidedeanna10
  • I am totally with u me and my mil do not get along at all well I just despise her because she is rude and abrasive about things that are not her concern. She even went as far as to start a huge fight between my husband and I because I did not invite her to my 1st ultrasound might I add it is a transvag us. I mean jezz I want some privacy. And now she is pitching a fit to him because I don't want her in the room. I am high risk and there is a strong likely hood of a emergency csection. So I want the time alone with my husband it is our 1st (my 2nd &&his only). Why are I'll so horrid?!?
  • I plan on setting boundaries early.... If this doesn't work, I will gladly channel my inner Joan Cusack from 9 & 1/2 months movie to make everyone run out of that room. :) But I'm loving as well the nurse back-up SWAT team suggestion, giving them a list. I'm seeing laminated headshots taken from holiday pictures being passed out.... Luckily our families are pretty great though, M and MIL are kinda amazing and receptive to boundaries.
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    SDeFranco22
  • You've got to set boundaries, NOW. And your DH needs to back you up. It's his crazy family, and he should have to deal with them. If he's avoiding them and ignoring them, take a clue from him and do the same.

    And if a polite, "We're not up for visitors tonight" every single night is not getting the message through, then try being blunt. You can blame it on the pregnancy hormones.
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  • If you don't want people in the delivery room, just say so. I was worried that my in laws would be there the whole time because that's what is normal in his family. I very bluntly told DH no. When his mom was still talking about being there and "catching the baby" we decided to not tell anyone until after the baby was born. It gave us time for just us and because she came at night we got overnight and most of the morning to ourselves.
  • Set your boundaries. Your husband should back you up, but you should be able to say something and have your wishes respected. Focus on what you want, - I want to be alone with my husband and baby for the first 24 hours so that we can bond. And give them a plan for how you want to introduce them to the baby - let's have our parents over to the house when we bring the baby home or they can visit the next day in the hospital whatever you want. During your pregnancy if you don't want them to touch your belly say so. You may not be able to get them to stop sharing all of their opinions, but you can stick to your guns about the choices you've made. Your body, your baby, your choice.
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    FatPonySMGoodlettSDeFranco22
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