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April 2015 Moms
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Vent- Unrealistic expectations!

amt725amt725 member
in April 2015 Moms
My soon to be ex husband made some bad decisions two months ago and endangered our 4yo. I filed for divorce and we have not seen him since, I received information as to what he expects for visitation with my unborn son. He wants the father hospital bracelet that gives him access to our son giving him the ability to leave the hospital with our son and he wants 5 hours of visitation a day. (He lives out of state so he is a flight risk as well). He has expressed wanting to come in the delivery room to cut the umbilical cord as well. I do not know if he is in good mental state and do not want any of this. These are JUST the demands for the new baby, our 4yo is even crazier! I hope the court will see what he's asking for and tell him his demands are ridiculous, but this isn't exactly where I need to be at 38 weeks pregnant sitting on a cold wooden bench in a court house for who knows how many hours! Maybe I'll bring a pillow to sit on. Vent over thanks everyone for listening!
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Re: Vent- Unrealistic expectations!

  • AmandaDCarrollAmandaDCarroll member
    Good luck with everything!
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  • lola2beelola2bee member
    Sorry you have to deal with this but it sounds like you are handling it the best you can. Hope you get some positive answers soon!
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  • vetdr03vetdr03 member
    Leave the hospital with him???? How is he going to get 5 hrs a day but lives out of state? Good luck cause he sounds crazy.
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  • keifekmkeifekm member
    Good luck to you. You are so strong to be dealing with this right now. It sounds like you have a good head on your shoulders. Him.... Not so much. Hopefully the court will see that too and rule accordingly.
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  • aheinbaughaheinbaugh member
    When I had my first i told the nurse and my doctor that my ex wasn't allowed to come see me because it was unsafe and they posted security by my door and no one was allowed in my room unless I said it was alright via phone call from the nurses station. He was removed when he showed up with his mom. I don't know if that's the same with every hospital but that's how mine worked
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  • Rowsdower85Rowsdower85 member
    Do you have documented evidence of the danger he put your 4 year old through? I'm sure a court wouldn't allow any of these ridiculous demands if there was proof of his instability on file. The courts do respect the position of the Father, but I can't imagine he'd get what he's asking for. His lawyer sent you this info? His lawyer must be crazy cakes too for thinking this is realistic. Hire a smarter lawyer than his, document everything, plan to breast feed, and don't tell him when you go into labor. You poor thing, this is literally the last thing you should be dealing with right now. Hugs to you!
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  • amt725amt725 member
    He had an opiate overdose and my 4yo found him! I had NO idea he was even doing drugs! Horrible, EMTS had to bring him back w a shot. His court filings are all of the things he's asking for, I think he's just mad I'm going for sole custody of both children. If he gets what he wants out of the hearing I am obligated by law to adhere to his requests. Fingers crossed they see him as unfit and I can get this simplified PRE LABOR!

    The thought of him getting five consecutive nights of sleepovers with my 4yo when she has only slept away from me for one night at a time maybe a total of 5 nights in her life would just ruin me! I'd be so afraid he was on drugs the whole time she was away!
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  • ewilson74ewilson74 member
    I would hope that child protective services would ensure he only gets limited access. It seems ridiculous that he can even petition the courts considering his actions.

    From what I remember from earlier conversations regarding mothers wanting to block access, it sounded as if most hospitals had a policy to follow the mother's wishes, you just had to make sure that they were clear.

    Best of luck.
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  • taramantertaramanter member
    Good luck! I would definitely tell him to go ahead and file with court. They are very reasonable and will not give daily visitation. My daughters father had every other weekend. And you can make sure the hospital knows you don't want him there because it is completely up to you. Also odds are he won't be able to take him from the hospital because court is pretty slow and odds are you will be home and recovered before you even get a court date.
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  • arodlaguardarodlaguard member
    Oh my goodness. This sounds close to my situation with my daughter 8 years ago. I was a nervous wreck in the hospital not knowing what could or would happen. You do not have to inform him of your labor. I had the hospital admit me as confidential, and gave his name to the L&D. I informed them he could be a flight risk. They took it very seriously, and had security on the floor at all times.

    He made the choice to make bad decisions and knew it could impact your unborn baby. Don't cave and give in to something that you aren't fully comfortable with.

    Good luck.
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  • guinevereisguinevereis member
    When you get to the hospital you need to notify them that you will be a "break the glass" pt they will even give you a fake name and request that no information is to be given out to anyone who visits or calls. I would also request a social work consult as this will assist you with needed documentation as well as help provide services and such. We unfortunately have these situations in OB fairly frequently and it's one of the reasons we have "baby lo-jacks" and security-- this is how we would handle it at my hospital anyways, can speak for others- you should definitely find out so you have a plan in place.
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  • topaz7777topaz7777 member
    I'd probably fill out the birth certificate and not list him as the father and let him go to court and prove he is first.  I wonder if that would work.  Hope you called a lawyer cause that would have been my first call.

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  • amt725amt725 member
    Well that's the problem! He's petitioning for the bracelet for baby lo jack! So scary!

    I have a lawyer, a very good one, we are going to court to settle all of this in a week. Most of the decisions are left to me for the hospital, I've contacted the right people there to put up a flag once admitted. So we will see, I just can't wait for the final answers next week!
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  • babyluv1234babyluv1234 member
    Sounds like he is trying to stress you out on purpose! Hope things work out!
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  • guinevereisguinevereis member
    amt725 said:

    Well that's the problem! He's petitioning for the bracelet for baby lo jack! So scary!

    I have a lawyer, a very good one, we are going to court to settle all of this in a week. Most of the decisions are left to me for the hospital, I've contacted the right people there to put up a flag once admitted. So we will see, I just can't wait for the final answers next week!

    Even if he has a bracelet, the LoJack will still go off if he tries to leave the unit- doors will lock and security guards will run. He would never be allowed to leave the unit without you and the baby together.
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  • amt725amt725 member
    @guinevereis unfortunately that is not the case. The social worker informed me he could so I'd be so scared!

    Yes, this has been an extremely stressful pregnancy since before I even knew I was pregnant!
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  • guinevereisguinevereis member
    That doesn't make any sense!! Unless the LoJack is removed from the baby and from the system by the RN after a discharge order is written by the pediatrician- there is no way he could take the baby without security getting involved and all kinds of alarms going off. I would definitely ask your pediatrician to specify just in case in the discharge order for newborn to be discharged home accompanied by mother.
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  • amt725amt725 member
    I definitely will, hopefully it will be a moot point anyway and they will laugh at him for expecting one!
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  • guinevereisguinevereis member
    I would think so!!!!!!! What a Dbag!
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  • Rowsdower85Rowsdower85 member
    Finally getting caught up on this thread. I am so sorry you have to deal with all of this! I was never married to my daughters bio father, so it was a lot easier to navigate the hospital mess. I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers this next week. Please update us once everything is resolved. I seriously can't imagine a judge granting what he's asked for. And seriously, take the breast feeding route... That saved me a lot of trouble in my situation.
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  • vetdr03vetdr03 member
    That really doesn't make any sense (what the social worker said). When I had my son, I went to another hall with my brother to visit my SIL who was back because of her blood pressure. As I'm sitting in her room with my brother the nurse and security came in and made us prove who we were because the alarm had been sent off. I'm the mother (still in my hospital gown) and they came after me. So your worker doesn't know what she is talking about. Also there is no way the baby can not be discharged without you, so how can he just walk out? My son was with me till I got in the car.
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  • frenchyjfrenchyj member
    All you have to do is deny he is the father! Even though he is, he will have to go through the courts to get a DNA test which won't happen until AFTER the baby is born. That will at least solve your hospital stay concerns. Do not put him on the birth certificate and do not give the baby his last name. There is NOTHING that can get done with the courts quickly enough for him to have any right to the baby before you even leave the hospital. It will take minimum a month after the baby is born to get a court date, do a paternity test (all at his cost of course) and then set another court date to get results, and then you are still looking at a month or two for a custody date for BOTH kids. Don't stress.
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  • shrkfanshrkfan member
    I am so sorry your going thru and sending you positive thoughts... A friend of mine filed for divorce before she went into labor and did deny her soon to be ex husband was the father and had a fake name on her delivery room door (I don't know if she registered with a fake name or the hospital accommodated that request). After the baby was born she did need to have DNA tests done since they were married at the time of her pregnancy but they took almost 2 weeks to come back. Not sure if each state is different for these laws but might be something to talk to your lawyer about... Good luck!!!!
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  • maelily15maelily15 member
    @amt725, If you don't mind me asking, I think you may have posted in another thread that everything with the proceedings was happening today. Did they deny his requests? How are you and LOs doing? 
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  • amt725amt725 member
    @meghanjodino Thanks for asking! I did go yesterday. My ex did not show up at all, breaks my heart that he didn't attempt to visit with his daughter (it's only been 2 months). We agreed on the little things but couldn't agree on the hospital stuff for future LO and couldn't agree on visitation with our DD, we went in front of the judge and she is processing it and she will let our lawyers know her decision. Definitely not thrilled, it was a long 6 hrs at the courthouse with no resolution on the important decisions. Hopefully the judge will make the right choice!
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  • maelily15maelily15 member
    While it's not good that you don't have an answer yet and that he didn't come to see your older daughter, you'll hopefully be more likely to get what you want since he didn't show up to talk to the judge. Keep us updated and thoughts and prayers for you and little ones.
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  • amt725amt725 member
    Thank you!!!
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