AW-Would This Bother You??

MandieLeeS123 · March 2015

So I will be 37 weeks pregnant on Sunday. On both sides of our family this will be the first grandchild. A few months ago my parents booked a vacation to Florida for a week and they leave Wednesday. My mom keeps telling me "Don't have that baby while we're gone!" As if it's really up to me! She also said if it happens it happens and they'll just see the baby when they get home. This makes me feel unimportant and frustrated. I know they love us but I feel like it's risky for them to leave that close to our due date and I feel like she doesn't feel the need to be there for support. I know there are worse situations however I was just curious how others would feel if they were in this situation.

darcyalene · March 2015

I would actually love it! With my daughter last year, I had an entire room and waiting room full of people for the entire length of visiting hours for 2 days throughout my 36 hour labor. I was going insane!! When I told my parents they could let everyone know I had gone into labor, I also told them to make sure they told everyone not to come until I said so. Yet, an hour later I had about 20 people walking into my room. To say I was annoyed was an understatement! I've already told my parents this time that I'll let them know when I go into labor but they are not to tell anyone else until I give the OK since people obviously can't respect our wishes. Long story short, it sounds nice to have a lot of support there, but when the time actually comes I didn't want to see anyone but my husband and share that special time with us without the pressure of knowing there were a million people standing in a line outside my door waiting to come in 30 seconds after they sewed me up!

amt725 · March 2015

I'm extremely close to my mother so it would effect me tremendously, feelings are feelings if it upsets you that's okay you're entitled to those feelings. If it were anyone else I'd be like hallelujah, less hospital visitors (more sleep and bonding time!). You are only 36+ weeks so hopefully you won't go until she's home, if you're a FTMS she may just assume you truly won't go that early and doesn't really think what she said is bothering you.

tigerlily25 · March 2015

SO and I live about 3 hrs away from family in all directions, except my mom who lives clear across the country. This is my first pregnancy but I already know that I will handle labor better with the fewer people, the better. Meaning SO only, and everyone else can visit us at home.

If you do end up giving birth while they are away, you can use this time to bond with LO and husband (or SO, you didn't mention) alone because everyone will be all over that baby soon enough!

vetdr03 · March 2015

You are ok to feel that way, but that doesn't mean she doesn't support you. She can't stop living her life for milestones in yours...which really should be milestones for you and your hubby. I'm sure your mom loves you and loves knowing her first grandchild will be arriving. But, you can't hold her hostage for the next 3-5 weeks. I promise you will enjoy it being you and your SO.

nursemom83 · March 2015

I would be upset too.

My parents did go to DC the other day for my nieces birthday. She said well if you have the baby today, we will just see you when we get home. Thankfully I did not go into labor then.

If I make it to my due date ( doubting I will due to my history of ptl) my in laws said they will not be there because they have planned a trip to Michigan. But I'm okay with that.

kjuryfl · March 2015

That wouldn't bother me. When I delivered my daughter we lived away from all of our family and no one was at the hospital. I thought that I was going to be bummed but it turned out to be the best decision ever. No stress, no lingering guests, and all of those first baby snuggles were for DH and I. Our friends visited the next day (visiting hours ended for the day when I delivered) and it was nice being able to shower and be presentable.

kmayababy · March 2015

My mom just left, was here for a week, i love my mom but... She drives me insane!!! Her kind of clean and my kind of clean are two different things!!!! I took after my father who had OCD to an extreme, i have more what i like to call "quirks".. I have a method to my madness and she defies it all!!! I swear i need a xanax when she is around.. But my wonderful mother is returning next week to stay until the baby comes... And after the baby arrives she plans to stay another 3-4 weeks!! Yay(sarcasm)!!!! So i would be very happy in your position!!! (Except my mom is coming to Florida because that is where I am) try talking with her, let her know how you feel... She may be oblivious to what your feeling and not realize how it affects you..

mnharkcom · March 2015

I'm in the same position with my inlaws and I'm house sitting for them so they're like don't have that baby while they're gone for 3 weeks in Florida. Yeah I'll try my best not to but not my fault your going when I'm this far along

marybeth05 · March 2015

I guess this really depends on the relationship you have with your mom. I love my mom but I don't need her to be there when I have the baby. This is my third and she wasn't there for my previous 2- she saw them within a few days for short visits but my mom and I don't have a lovey relationship.
I would chalk your hurt feelings up to pregnancy hormones- if you have the baby and your mom isn't there it isn't the end of the world.

BabyIxolib · March 2015

I completely understand! My mom is an hour and 1/2 away and this is the first grandchild on our side and my husband was deployed when I was 16 weeks, I imagined she would be here all the time (on the weekends of course, I mean I know she has a life) yet I can count on my fingers how often she's visited and each time it's a struggle and I have to beg her. I really wanted her at the last ultrasound and she just couldn't make it even after I rescheduled it 2x at her request.
At this point all I can suggest is just let her know by saying "you know it's really important to me that your there but I want to make sure that you know I'm not really in control of when" and hopefully the guilt gets them:(
Good luck, I'll be thinking about you and in the same boat!

keifekm · March 2015

Did you tell your mom it bugged you and you would appreciate her support? Chances are that if she knew how much it meant to you she would stay.

Many babies come a week or even 2 after their due dates so I can see why she might think it wasn't a big deal to go somewhere this early. Maybe this is her "baby moon" because she wants to be around all the time to support you after baby is born? At least it is a domestic trip and she can make it to you quickly if labor starts.

LindsayG86 · March 2015

Was it booked before they knew you were pregnant or after? Either way, I think if it bothered you the time to say something would have been earlier when they booked it. I would not want to change my travel plans the week before either. My mom booked a cruise that she will be going on in a week and a half, but it was already booked before I found out I was pregnant. I def want her to be there when I go in labor, but nothing I can do other than hope I don't go early :-S

sal3rnost · March 2015

Hopefully baby stays cooking while they're away. My Mom is a first time Grandma and told me she is going away May 9, I am due 4/28. I was so shocked that all I could do was ask "you're going to miss your first mother's day as a grandma? What if baby isn't here yet? First ones often come late." Thank god my DH understands why this is so upsetting and reassured me as I cried for hours that night. As a FTM I am so afraid of needing her and her not being there for me. I've been super independent since I was a teen and I guess she doesn't think I need her help.

xuxachi · March 2015

It is ok to feel bad and wish she were going to be there if it happens early. But I think it sounds kinda selfish to expect her not to go. There's no way of knowing when the baby will come, so the best anyone can do is work around your EDD and hope for the best. I'm sure she is excited for her new grandchild to come.

CivilMommy · March 2015

people can't and shouldn't have to put their lives on hold because of the status of your uterus. That being said - I would be upset if my mom acted so nonchalant about the birth.

FTM usually go late and your mom will be back by the time you are about 39w right?

this might not be an issue at all.

louloutte87 · March 2015

My mum is going on a trip of a lifetime around the same time - I'm totally unworried. If baby comes early, I have my hubs. If there's a massive problem, she can get the plane home. If not, she meets baby at 4 days old instead of 1.

I wouldn't even consider getting annoyed about it, this was the only time she could go and I hope she has a wonderful time.

JAP09-02 · March 2015

I would be disappointed. My mom & I are really close, so yes, I'd be hurt. I could understand if the trip was booked before finding out you were pregnant, but it sounds like it wasn't. Plus, the comments about not having the baby while she's gone are rediculous. If she is making the choice to go then she needs to accept that she may miss the birth.

With my first, I planned on having my mom there. She was scheduled to fly in 2 days before my due date. I ended to delivering 5 days early, so she missed it. It actually ended up a wonderful bonding experience for DH & I. My mom was able to make it later that afternoon.

Hugs to you.

stephmackenzie · March 2015

I'm staying with my parents j til baby comes... Hubby and I work remote and there is no hospital to give birth in so it was easiest to come "home" My parents are so worried I'll go into labour without them around they tried to drag me on a holiday (17 hours drive each way!) I said "no thanks but you go" (at 35 weeks I felt pretty safe!) and they refused... I figure if they are worried about me going into labour without them I don't want to be half way up the coast of Australia giving birth!

My cousin is getting married two hours away two days before my due date and mum is not wanting to go incase the baby is born... All up they will be gone about 8-10 hours and she's not coming to the delivery or anything... We've told them it's just us and they can come in when we call and tell them they can Come in... I've also told her I won't let anyone else visit until she's met the baby... She still wasn't happy "but I don't want to be at the wedding and have you in hospital
With my first grandchild and be unable to visit!" So I got cranky with her and told her if I do have the baby when the wedding is I'm not going to tell her until it's finished (the wedding) because she's being silly not going!

Hey look... I had a rant.. Thanks and sorry!

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AW-Would This Bother You??

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DD 7/2010, DS 3/2012, #3 due 4/24/2015

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