SIL pregnant - need to vent

kpjones2011 · March 2015

I just have to vent for a minute. My husbands family doesn't like me, particularly his sisters. I've been trying to mend the relationships especially since this is their first grandbaby and I finally felt like it was starting to get better then my SIL (who's 20 and just got married in August) announced Super Bowl Sunday she's pregnant and due sept. 1st. I have tried to reach out to her to give her advice and tell here im here for her because obviously I've been there.. But now no one in his family has talked to me since she announced it and it really bothers me because I feel like they don't care about my baby because he's being overshadowed by her.

At my baby shower when a friend of mine asked me how much my baby moves before I could respond my SIL started talking about how she feels hers move (she was 13 weeks at the time.. FTM.. So I know it's not the baby and probably just gas) and I was just surprised. Everything is about them and I am trying to be nice but it is soooo hard to be the bigger person. Especially with my hormones! I just want to tell his mom and sister how they are acting and it's not right.

Also don't let me forget to mention his other sister announced at MY baby shower that she is engaged. So once again it's all about them..

I don't even know how to act anymore. I am not going to waste any more of my time trying to reach out to my expecting SIL, she has unrealistic expectations about her baby and thonks it's just a game. Like for example she has gummy multivitamins and mentioned at a mutual family gathering that she has like 12-15 a day because they taste like candy, I tried to tell her it can be unsafe for her baby but she just thought it was fine and I was joking... That's all her business but I've appreciated having my own sister help me through my pregnancy seeing as she's experienced it twice and thought it would be nice to do the same for my SIL but it's dumb to keep trying I think.

I see it playing out like this: they will get excited once my baby arrives in April, and once she has hers in August mine won't be important anymore to them and me and my husband and child will go back to being ignored. Which may end up better because I won't get my hopes up that they will ever change or act like they care about me and I won't have to pretend it doesn't hurt and pretend to be nice... Ugh so frustrated!!

houser1406 · March 2015

I'm sorry you're going through that...in-laws are 'tricky' to say the least. Sounds to me like your hubby should talk to them since they just ignore you. If nothing comes of it--it's their loss, 2 grand babies are better than one but one is definitely not better than the other. Good luck with the rest of your pregnancy and I hope things get better--we're almost there!!

mnharkcom · March 2015

I'm so sorry you're going through this. I don't have much advice except your husband needs to stand up for you, but if he's like most guys he probably doesn't understand the big deal. I don't have much experience with this and my in laws are great and do so much for me, but I still think they will always like my SIL kid better. I've just been trying to focus on my side of the family and knowing that my parents won't/don't have favorites. If your inlaws don't want to be happy for you there loss they don't need to see there grandchild.

tigerlily25 · March 2015

I'm sorry that you have to deal with in-laws like this. I have a similar situation with mine who I get the feeling don't like me and don't give a sh*t about their grandchild, and SO refuses to say anything because he thinks it will just rock the boat more. If you feel comfortable, talk to your husband about it and try to get him to stand up for you. Some people just need to be put in their place. Of course, things may not change and soon you will have your own family to worry about. Hopefully your side of the family is more supportive and excited for you.

mrsmeyer419 · March 2015

Honestly... Sisters are the worst. My s/o has 4. One likes me. 1 just had a baby, 1 is due with her second I'm July and the other has a 2 year old. All but the nice sister threw a huge fit about his gma wanting to throw me a shower, so she cancelled it to avoid having all the granddaughters mad at her. The sister due in July just found out she's also havin a girl, and made a comment about how my daughter doesn't count as the first girl grandchild since I'm not technically part of the family. I can totally relate. It hurts, your hubby should honestly be pretty pissed off about it. My bf won't even speak to his sisters at the moment. If you need to vent more I'm here

SDJohnson26 · March 2015

Kind of in a similar situation me and my husband are from very very different backgrounds and how we grew up as well and his sisters I'm ok with but his mom is very unconcerned about me or the baby just about him he's her oldest son time to let go but or daughter will be the first granddaughter on his side his sister has 2 sons and the oldest son is his mom's favorite she had bought nothing for us no one has except his grandparents sent us a gift card to buy a diaper bag that's it my family has 5 grandchildren already and I see the favorites chosen there so I don't bet anything will change but I'm the baby in My family so I'm a lil spoiled but from his family the only one that I talk to is his sitter that had the kids then he tells me today that they are going to try to put some money together and help us get out there for a summer visit because our tax check got taken that's what we were saving it for and that was my fault as is everything according to his family but I highly doubt they will do it
so is all about trying not to get your hopes up and don't stress if your family is supportive of you then that is all you need I talk to my sister everyday no matter what I'm sure she thinks I'm crazy with some of the random things I ask her about I'm a ftm she had 3 which I love and adore and miss but they ate hundreds of miles away too so it is hard and I totally understand I wish someone's my husband would stand up for me and it might help but they are going to think what they want anyways so just stick to your soon to be family and the baby and you will be okay and things will eventually come together it takes time and if they don't like everyone else said it is there loss

amylueken · March 2015

I try to avoid my in laws all together because honestly if they couldn't treat me with respect before the baby they shouldn't just take over with my child. My son was about a year old when I finally told them h ow i felt about them....verbal diarrhea. ...and they stood there denying EVERYTHING! I hate that I can't let them in our lives but I don't deserve being treated like crap from them. I'm pdue the middle of April and my sister in law is due in june. They found out it was a girl and my lovely sister in law said she was glad because she didn't want a wild 2 yr old boy like my son....Ummm sure he is 2. She has never been around kids before so she is in for a rude awakening...and the in laws are pretty much paying for the kid so they r riding high..I'm just thankful because I feel I'll be a better parent knowing how my husband has been treated d

darcyalene · March 2015

I can't say too much because my in laws are really great. However my MIL does get me going sometimes because if we ask her if she can watch our daughter for even an hour we get a big guilt trip like we are totally inconveniencing her (even though she stays at home all day and her husband works second shift, so she's usually home alone), but then she'll watch my SIL's 3 kids all the time and will even drive down to their house just to see them. My daughter was our first child and unfortunately for her, she was born only 4 days before my SIL's youngest, so she only had a couple of days in the spotlight. But what really gets me going is that she always has to compare them! My SIL's daughter has been walking since she was 10 months old (because she has a 5 year old brother and 3 year old sister to chase around) and my daughter is still just cruising and doesn't seem to be in any rush to start walking on her own at 11 months, which is totally fine with me! My SIL is great though, she doesn't compare them and knows that her mother is slightly crazy so when MIL says something dumb in front of her she is actually usually the one standing up for me or my daughter. Good luck with all of your in law problems though. My first marriage had a ton of them even without having any kids so I can definitely feel your pain!

kpjones2011 · March 2015

Thanks for all of your support! I really hope one day it will get better but I think I just need to focus on my family right now. Luckily my parents and sister are super super excited and will be there to help a lot. His family is just going to miss out because once the baby is here im not going to go to their house or make any effort to bring the baby around them. If they want to see him they will have to make the effort and be nice.

mnharkcom · March 2015

You go girl!

SIL pregnant - need to vent

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