Is It Harder to Enjoy Being Pregnant After a Loss?

nerdymama15 · March 2015

So I am not pregnant at this time, but I figured this would be a good board to ask it on.   My husband and I just miscarried our first ever pregnancy on 02/28/15. The loss is still pretty fresh. He wants to start trying again as soon as we are cleared by the doctor to do so. That is another store all together since my doctor was a total witch the last time we were there and asked that question. But that is a story for later.

My best friend had a miscarriage her first time being pregnant and during her second pregnancy (which ended in a healthy baby) she said that she was not able to enjoy being pregnant and was always walking on eggshells so to speak.   Afraid that the same thing was going to happen.

I guess to those of you that are pregnant after a loss, how do you feel?   Are you enjoying your pregnancy, or are you constantly afraid?

I'm afraid that when and if we get pregnant again that I will not be able to enjoy the excitement of it since I will be so afraid that it will end like the last one.

juneandboo · March 2015

Hi -- I don't have insight into how it will feel the second time around. I just wanted to share that I read this and my heart ached, because it's *exactly* what's been on my mind lately. We miscarried on 2/17/15 - first pregnancy, and I was so excited. Things are still very fresh, but we also want to try again without much of a wait. I don't know how it will feel the second time around, as this experience left me feeling sort of in shock and freaked out about how quickly things can change. Throw in all the hormonal changes, and it's an even crazier ball game.

Hugs to you.

Sk73047 · March 2015

I had a miscarriage on 11/17/14 and am currently 8 weeks pregnant. I'm having a hard time enjoying this pregnancy, I feel like I'm walking on eggshells everyday. But I know that worrying about will not do me any good so I try to think positive and I know that it is in God's hands and that his Will will be done.

Campow83 · March 2015

Hi ladies... First off, I'm so sorry for your loss. I suffered 2 losses last year both @ 8 weeks and am now 23 weeks pregnant with our 3rd pregnancy. I can say from experience you never stop worrying. It's not a stressful worry though it's just always in the back of your mind. With every milestone you hit it gets a little easier to breathe but I think it's total normally to always have the feeling of worry. Remember, every pregnancy is different and try to breathe and enjoy every moment you can!!

hannahfoster85 · March 2015

I had a miscarriage at 12 weeks a year before being pregnant now. Im at 22 weeks now, everything is healthy! You are definitely much more skeptical, but as the previous poster stated it does get easier with every milestone.. the 20 week anatomy scan, and feeling him moving around in there really makes it all feel great.. who's to say I wouldn't have been worried the whole time without a miscarriage first?

Bostonchelle · March 2015

I have had 3 miscarriages and it makes me a nervous wreck during pregnancies. I have a 2 1/2 year old and a 3 day old. All of the worry and stress is certainly worth it but prior losses can be really difficult when coping with a new pregnancy. My best advice is to find a supportive doctor who understands that you have this extra "issue". My doctors have always been super supportive in terms of extra checks etc. when the reason may just have been that I was freaking out that something was wrong. You said your doctor was a witch, first step- get rid of her! Good luck!

J0C0TX · March 2015

Hi! I had a m/c and d&c in October 2014. I had to wait a cycle and tried again. We are now 12 weeks in. I'm happy most of the time but when I was around 8 weeks my symptoms stopped like when I had my m/c. That had me do an ad hoc visit and ultrasound. Now I just keep thinking I'm pregnant unless I'm told otherwise.

akemp25 · March 2015

Im so sorry for your family's loss. September 2013 my family and I tragically lost our son Noah to stillbirth almost 8 months along (unknown causes). We are now expecting another precious baby this upcoming September. Try not to dwell on what has already happened.enjoy every single moment of ttc and conception etc. Every baby has a purpose in this life

levirogers · March 2015

The way I see it, if its meant to be then it will happen. Ive had a number of losses and I am currently expecting. My last loss was at 20 weeks. I enjoyed the movements that my LO made, but he wasn't very responsive so to speak. I know not all babies are the same as well as pregnancies. With this baby, if I am nervous because I don't feel them moving. I will lay on my back so they will go to the top and poke them. I will gently poke until I get a response. I know it sounds crazy, but thata how I reassure myself that they are okay. I'm enjoying this pregnancy more out of all them!! Even though I know what could happen, but I dont want to live in fear of losing another child. Me and my DF have prepared ourselves for the worst. Like I said if it happens, it happens. I am a strong woman, my heavenly father didn't put me here to be nervous, afraid and weak. We are all strong!

justyh · March 2015

@levirogers I literally just teared up reading ur post. Thank you! I'm struggling with trying to genuinely enjoy this pregnancy and keep my fears aside, this really helped me.

Seh114 · March 2015

This is my 3rd pregnancy. DS is 5, we had a miscarriage in July 2013 and I am currently 18 weeks pregnant. It has definitely been hard to stay positive and excited this time. When we had a 3rd party us to find out gender about a week ago I got excited because it seemed more real. Now I am nervous again because our anatomy scan is next week. I am hopeful that if every bring looks okay there I can get excited again.

mrskelly731 · March 2015

I had a MMC last September and am currently 6 weeks. I am trying to be excited but probably won't calm down until they post my blood work numbers and I have my first ultrasound on 4/17. I keep reminding myself that right now I am pregnant and that's all that matters. Good luck to you

carrieandr · March 2015

Hi ladies - just popping in from the miscarriage board. I'm waiting to miscarry naturally and I thought it might cheer me up to read a little happy news. I've been thinking about this question myself. Will this miscarriage ruin the excitement of being newly pregnant? But I decided that when that time comes, I will remember myself right now, waiting to miscarry. And how this me would feel if I could fast-forward to my second chance. I won't have that invincible certainty next time, but I will be happy that I've made it through all the waiting and my second chance is here. And I will say to myself as I've seen others say, "I am pregnant today." And that, my friends, will make me happy.

sunnybaby2015 · March 2015

Hi Ladies,

Just thought I share on this feed as well. Late Feb we discovered we were pregnant with our 1st and we sadly miscarried in March 2015. It was a hard week as I was only 6 weeks and miscarried naturally. I finally stopped bleeding today and the OBGYN said that we can start once we are emotionally ready. I am hoping for a more positive outcome and my heart goes out to all the ladies who has suffered a loss. I said it before and I will say it again, this is an ordeal which requires great strength.

MirandaC1984 · April 2015

I miscarried in October and am currently 10 weeks pregnant and due about 2 days before the one year mark of our loss. It is hard because you worry but I think it is still enjoyable. You have to be positive and you have to take it one day at a time. I ended up switched OB's for a fresh start. I will forever associate bad memories with the first OB office. Having a fresh start and being honest with your doctor about your anxiety after a loss is key. My new practice has been absolutely wonderful about things. Best of luck to you and hugs! Losing a pregnancy is very difficult.

brielise414 · April 2015

I had a MMC (14 weeks) in October 2014, and I think the fact that we had seen the heartbeat and everything felt fine just makes it a little difficult to fully enjoy this pregnancy (now at 6 weeks) without constantly worrying. I thought about switching OB's but because I'm technically young and only had one MC the other OBs wouldn't do anything special. It's nice that my current OB understands … she had me go in for blood tests today and I'm having a transvaginal ultrasound in one week. I will also go for appts every 2 weeks instead of 4. It helps that I feel we're being proactive and I think the extra steps will help me to relax a little. As previous posters stated, each milestone it gets a little easier. I think once we get past the first trimester and have a healthy ultrasound I will be able to truly enjoy this pregnancy and get excited for our Thanksgiving baby!!!

handjbyrne · May 2015

Parts of a pregnancy after a loss are harder...but you look at each milestone week as a goal achieved. I am currently 15 weeks pregnant and although I have moments of worry, I can only put positive thoughts into the world and universe about my current pregnancy. It's not always easy but I find comfort in thoughts of holding my baby in my arms this fall.

Jaimee1017 · May 2015

I am so sorry for your loss. I miscarried October last year and am now 12 weeks pregnant. It does get easier but this time around is a little hard as I am constantly worrying that something may happen or be wrong. I am hoping that my ultrasound next week will show a healthy baby and that I will be able to relax a little and enjoy my pregnancy.

rodriguezdanaka · May 2015

Hello Ladies-

I actually first became pregnant in Dec of 2008 and miscarried in Feb 2009 at 3 months. I soon became pregnant June 2009 and carried my beautiful and healthy daughter until her birth date for 39 weeks which was Feb 2010! I carried the sadness but never really had a fear, I just took things easier this time around as well as simple lifestyle changes. It wasn't until I had the ectopic pregnancy which ended in surgery due to internal bleeding that I became scared. I am currently pregnant after having one miscarriage, one healthy born baby, and an ectopic pregnancy. I have made it to 28 weeks and every day I experience some anxiety if there is less movement or certain pains that I am not used to. All pregnancies are a blessing regardless of how they may end and we are capable of so much as women! I really hope you are able to feel excitement for your new child more than fear of what could happen!

kcmichel · May 2015

I had 3 successful PGs from 2011 to 2014. Everytime I was over the moon and always shared the news as soon as we found out. Fear was the farthest thing from my mind.
After TTC I had a MC in March of this year. We concieved again in April and while I am so happy, had a good U/S and feel like a normal pregnant woman @ 8w along - I still feel like I can't share the news with everyone in one big "shabang" announcement. Im also very busy (in a good way) with my 3 LOs so maybe thats part of it, not as much time to let the excitement fester and build up as there was in the past.
I had my good U/S on Mothers Day after some spotting and slow rising HCG #s. I thought that would be enough for me to let it go and let excitement take over but it's been hard. Im waiting for my 12w NT scan now to see everything again because of everything I read after the MC.
Really all you can do if you find yourself feeling this way is take it a day at a time. Share your excitement with close friends or family first when you feel you're ready. I found it helpful, it feels better than pretending Im not pregnant all the time when I talk to them. **Some days are pretty good though!** I think my hormones are surging and it might be adding to the way Im feeling (prone to depression and feeling "drained")And Im sure as I get close to 2nd trimester I will feel better.
Will be thinking of you and wishing you well!

MandersLuv17 · May 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss! I also miscarried in Feb 15 and then we moved to a new state and I got a new job which definitely helped me cope a little bit. I still think about the loss EVERY day. This past Mother's Day was hard because I should have been celebrating as a mom to be.

Another thing that helped me was trying again. And after a few months, we just found we're pregnant! But it's very different this time around. My husband wasn't as excited and it's like he didn't even believe me at first when I said I had a positive pregnancy test. I am terrified it's going to happen again even though I know the chances are slim. But I read on here that it helps to say to yourself "today I am pregnant" and that's been helping. I think what you're feeling is totally normal.

As far as when you're ready to try again, that's completely up to you. All of my girlfriends who miscarried tried again at different times, some waited up to a year and some tried right away.

I hope that helps

jenmickey79 · June 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss. I also miscarried in February. I just found out on 6/5/15 that I'm pregnant again. we waited 2 months to try. We haven't told anyone yet and unsure if we are until we hear a heartbeat. We told ourselves we're just taking it day by day. It's hard to comprehend starting over and being pregnant again after that loss. It would have been our first. I feel funny keeping it a secret but am also so worried it will just happen again. My mother had 3 miscarriages in between my brother and I and now having gone through it I just can't imagine how to deal with it. I know everyone is different but I never realized how unsure this process would be.

carrieandr · June 2015

@jenmickey79 - Congratulations on your pregnancy! I understand your fears, but when I'm in your shoes, I'll be over the moon. Try to enjoy it a bit for those of us that are wishing we were pregnant, too.

seckenrode · June 2015

Hi! I miscarried at 12w it was heartbreaking. 3 months after my DNC Im back on the wagon! 5w currently but I am so paranoid something will happen again. I think (I hope) it's just an emotional scar. I don't know if I will ever feel confident, maybe by the 2nd trimester? Maybe when he makes it out safely? Prayers for me please and good luck to you!!! Xoxo

adrimolina · June 2015

Absolutely! So much harder...

jacobsone2 · June 2015

Yes! You can't relax and enjoy the pregnancy. You're worried about every little thing!

kmew117 · June 2015

I have had multiple miscarriages and am 9 weeks pregnant now. I'm terrified all the time. I know it will be better when I can feel baby/hear the heartbeat on the doppler. I'm trying to stay calm all the time but it is definitely scary

caromartin · June 2015

To me the announcement part is ruined. I don't feel the same joy sharing our news. I feel like I need to warn people of the previous losses because it bugs me when people get too excited, maybe because I don't want to let myself get excited? I mean I reached the expert level in miscarriages so my case may feel different.. Also knowing that nausea, early u/s with a heartbeat and bloated bellies don't equal healthy babies makes it hard to ever feel reassured. I'm broken, but hopeful

nerdymama15 · June 2015

OMG and here I am having trouble dealing with just one loss. I cannot even begin to imagine. My heart breaks for you. I am so so so very sorry for your losses. I hope you get your lucky number seven. Definitely in my thoughts and prayers!

caromartin · June 2015

Thanks!

I would say that every loss was difficult, but the 1st one was particularly painful. It's a hard fall all the way down from cloud 9.

I still think that every loss is different and painful. It does not matter if you had 1 or 5, we are all grieving and our feelings are real.

2cute04 · June 2015

I had missed miscarriage in Dec found out on 9 week U/S, just found out pregnant again, but I'm over analyzing everything. I can't really get excited until I see the u/s and complicating the issue is my initial labs weren't that good. But I try to remember I'm pregnant today. Good luck!

candycane_10_7 · June 2015

We lost our first in February. It was a missed miscarriage at 10 weeks. We are now 12 weeks with our second and I am still terrified of losing this one. It is hard to concentrate and every little pain or twinge translates to: I'll bet my baby is gone. Maybe it would be different if we already had a child, but right now it feels like we'll never know that joy. Hopefully my 12 week scan on Wednesday will bring good news...

cook1118 · June 2015

Hi. Wow, after reading all the responses...I do not feel so alone. I'm currently 7 weeks pregnant. This past year was rough on my husband and I, because I had two MC's. My first one was at 13wks and my second one at 8wks. Getting pregnant for a third time, has been both exciting and nerve wrecking (for the husband and I). God knows I have been trying to stay positive, in order to pass on good vibes to the new babe...but it has been hard work. I don't have any living children, so I feel like that makes things much harder. A lot of my friends have little ones, and it's so hard to be happy for them. I have been seeing a great infertility Doc. I am currently on Progesterone (2x a day) and low dose aspirin, and trying everything on my behalf to just stay positive and hopeful. My last ultrasound showed the current baby measuring 5 days behind my expected due date, but I pray everything is fine (especially since it had a strong HB) and it's just a miscalculation of ovulation date on my behalf. I go back this week for a second U/S, so Doc can compare measurements. My advise to you is: stay positive (though that's easier said than done), and stay hopeful. God has a plan for all us...and although I am still waiting for my miracle, I just have to give the new growing baby the same love and joy I had for my other little angels. Sending ya hugs and positive thoughts! Ada

batgirl11688 · June 2015

Hi ladies- I miscarried in April 2013 and am currently 15 weeks preggo but am terrified constantly that something will go wrong. I have yet to but a single Baby thing or maternity clothes since my last appointment two weeks so everything was fine but I have convinced myself it can still happen and I can't enjoy this. I want to. So I suppose we should all just try to think positively and quit worrying so much.

leahabattle · June 2015

I'm so sorry for your loss.

My first pregnancy was normal, second was a MC at 8 weeks, and now I'm 12 weeks pregnant again. It's DEFINITELY harder for meto enjoy a pregnancy after a miscarriage...every gas pain is a cramp, and every time I go to the bathroom I am paranoid I'll see blood. Even though I've had two ultrasounds with hb of 170 and 174, it's still hard to let it be real so I'm not devastated again.

My first pregnancy was a cocoon of ignorance and bliss and the ability to sleep as much as I wanted. Now I've got a two year old and a tired husband and we're all just trying to survive!

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