A little family drama anyone?

HoosOnFirst · March 2015

Anyone want to share any current familial annoyances?

Mine's been pretty low-key, but I mistakenly mentioned my baby shower to my dad over the weekend. He and I are not that close, but I wanted him to know I'd be in town. And then he was tone deaf enough to ask if he was invited. Dude, if I didn't say so, then no. I tried to play it off as it not being co-ed. Because it's not coed! At which point he says "well you will invite [my girlfriend], right?" Um, no. She's a nice person from what I can tell, but I've literally met her twice in my entire life. And now he's all hurt. I'm just surprised as his selfishness, but I probably shouldn't be. I'm not upset about this, but it's just one more stupid thing on my mind I now feel like I need to smooth over.

rrcameron21 · March 2015

My mother put a LIMIT on the amount of friends I can invite to my baby shower. But then proceeded to tell me she's inviting 6 of her friends plus their daughters... What the f. I just don't even get it. Oh and it's on June 6. In due June 26. It was the only day that worked for her.

aj1327 · March 2015

Oh I've got a good one. Thanks for starting this thread. So I had several emotional moments last weekend and my DH handled them like a champ. On Monday, I decided to text my mother in law to tell her how great her son was and how she had done a great job raising him. My mom passed away almost four years ago, and my MIL and I are close. Anyway, she asked what he did, and I told her. She responds with, "Remember it's not all about you and the baby. Give him some lovin too." Now seriously, I get she's looking out for her son, but I was complimenting him! I was absolutely pissed. Really it's probably not that big of a deal, but I'm pregnant, emotional, and already feel like a shitty wife right now. That's so not what I needed to hear. Okay thanks for letting me vent!

frankengibbs · March 2015

As I'm sure a few people on here already know, DH and I finally got our own place so we haven't been around my in-laws enough to really have any new drama, but there was one thing that I did find slightly hilarious that MIL said the week we moved. BIL's GF and I were having a conversation and I had mentioned that LO won't let me use my belly as a table because she'll start kicking and knock my food off of my plate. Anyways, MIL came into the convo and then started in with "Oh you never tell me anything about your pregnancy blah, blah, blah" ...Well why would I? You're a cunt to me 24/7 so... It's like how when I had my A/S she asked DH to see my ultrasound pictures and he got them for her, but she won't ask me. Makes it seem like I'm the bitch when she's the one who's done nothing but act like a psycho since the day I met her.

frankengibbs · March 2015

@amccoy129 Wow...you compliment DH for being a sweet and loving husband, but also your MIL for raising him right and basically get called selfish. Well ain't that a kick in the head. :-O

ngaines27 · March 2015

This isn't exactly "family" drama, but my best friend informed me this morning that she was bringing her 4 small children with her to "help" me after the baby is born (she lives 11 hours away). I was too shocked to respond, so I made up an excuse to quickly get off the phone. I cannot understand, after having 4 children of her own, she would think that would be any help at all! I'm upset that she'd even suggest it. . Trying to come up with a way to let her down without hurting her feelings too much has me all kinds of stressed.

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

My mom wants to come visit after LO is born. Fine. Great, even. Then she tells me that her husband has decided that they will come together and use the trip as their summer mini vacay (they usually take a moderate road trip). So, now I will have my stepfather staying in my home with me. I don't like the guy. I don't dislike him, per se, but I can't stand him over extended periods. Now I am going to have him staying in my house when I'm dealing with being a FTM, exhausted, and trying to breastfeed - I'm sure I'll be expected to leave the room to do it, I can't expect him to bestir himself so he doesn't see my boobs. I know he won't contribute to anything, no dishes being done, no laundry being folded. He'll want to watch all his shows and commandeer my tv. He will probably complain about my cats. He will expect to be fed and entertained. And he's basically going to be using my house as a free hotel to stay at while he says he is seeing 'the great lakes region', I know he doesn't give two shiz about seeing LO. He has made it plainly clear, many times, he hates babies.

My dad also wants to come after LO is born. I love him but we barely get along because we have very different world views. While I respect the 'don't talk about these topics' boundaries, he does not. He will also be mostly a lump on my couch that I will have to feed and kowtow to and who will lecture me on how stupid I am for thinking about things the way I do. I will probably also have to leave to leave the room to breastfeed with him, too.

:-w

HoosOnFirst · March 2015

My advice to most of you.. Which is advice I need to take myself ... Is to stand firm that people are welcome to visit but not stay in your home. DH and I see such private people and homebodies... I'm already dreading it, even though I love my family to death!

rrcameron21 said:
My mother put a LIMIT on the amount of friends I can invite to my baby shower. But then proceeded to tell me she's inviting 6 of her friends plus their daughters... What the f. I just don't even get it. Oh and it's on June 6. In due June 26. It was the only day that worked for her.

I've already come to peace with the fact that the shower is more for my family than it is for me! I'll just smile and eat lots of food. My MIL asked my mom (the host) if she could invite friends. I said 1-3. She's now on #5. My mom wants to play baby shower games like measuring my belly. I can't even. But this is the first grandchild and everyone is excited so I'm happy to do it for them!

laurendutch · March 2015

hoosonfirst said:
My advice to most of you.. Which is advice I need to take myself ... Is to stand firm that people are welcome to visit but not stay in your home. DH and I see such private people and homebodies... I'm already dreading it, even though I love my family to death!
rrcameron21 said:
My mother put a LIMIT on the amount of friends I can invite to my baby shower. But then proceeded to tell me she's inviting 6 of her friends plus their daughters... What the f. I just don't even get it. Oh and it's on June 6. In due June 26. It was the only day that worked for her.
I've already come to peace with the fact that the shower is more for my family than it is for me! I'll just smile and eat lots of food. My MIL asked my mom (the host) if she could invite friends. I said 1-3. She's now on #5. My mom wants to play baby shower games like measuring my belly. I can't even. But this is the first grandchild and everyone is excited so I'm happy to do it for them!

I hated that game. Talk about depressing. I was 28 weeks pregnant with twins, so measuring at 39 weeks. My sister took enough yarn to go around my belly twice! My MIL actually was spot on.

KonaCoffeeBean · March 2015

mellymar said:
My mom wants to come visit after LO is born. Fine. Great, even. Then she tells me that her husband has decided that they will come together and use the trip as their summer mini vacay (they usually take a moderate road trip). So, now I will have my stepfather staying in my home with me. I don't like the guy. I don't dislike him, per se, but I can't stand him over extended periods. Now I am going to have him staying in my house when I'm dealing with being a FTM, exhausted, and trying to breastfeed - I'm sure I'll be expected to leave the room to do it, I can't expect him to bestir himself so he doesn't see my boobs. I know he won't contribute to anything, no dishes being done, no laundry being folded. He'll want to watch all his shows and commandeer my tv. He will probably complain about my cats. He will expect to be fed and entertained. And he's basically going to be using my house as a free hotel to stay at while he says he is seeing 'the great lakes region', I know he doesn't give two shiz about seeing LO. He has made it plainly clear, many times, he hates babies.
My dad also wants to come after LO is born. I love him but we barely get along because we have very different world views. While I respect the 'don't talk about these topics' boundaries, he does not. He will also be mostly a lump on my couch that I will have to feed and kowtow to and who will lecture me on how stupid I am for thinking about things the way I do. I will probably also have to leave to leave the room to breastfeed with him, too.
:-w

I think I would absolutely flip my lid. I know every family has different boundaries and expectations, so you may not feel comfortable with it, but what about just telling them that you are not able to host them in your home while they visit?

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

KonaCoffeeBean said:

I think I would absolutely flip my lid. I know every family has different boundaries and expectations, so you may not feel comfortable with it, but what about just telling them that you are not able to host them in your home while they visit?

Yeah, I... I am afraid if I don't allow my step dad, I won't get my mom at all. I doubt he will make the trip if I insist they stay at a hotel. And if he can't make the trip he will basically beat my mom over the head about going and leaving him alone, using his health problems as the club to beat her with. My dad, I know he can't afford to stay at a hotel. And what really pisses me off about this is - he always wanted to have grandchildren. But he went and moved to a whole other country to be with my stepmom. And when his first grandchildren were born (my sisters twins) he didn't come to see her! It's only cause I was the one who didn't want kids that this particular kid is special.

I'm honestly going to try to play the vaccine card against both my dad and stepdad. My dad, cause he is out of the country, and my stepdad cause he is immune compromised. I'd really like to see my mom, but I think the price of seeing her is putting up with this guy. Sigh...

:-<

Edited, quote box fail

aj1327 · March 2015

My heart goes out to all of you struggling with people wanting to visit. As a FTM, I wouldn't want anyone staying at our house, I don't think. Good luck to all of you in this situation. If there's anytime to be selfish though, this is it!!!

dancegurl1118 · March 2015

You have to lay down the boundaries now otherwise this will continue when your children are older. Your house, your rules. And if you think I'm leaving the room in my home to breastfeed because it makes you uncomfortable, you better believe I'll be sitting right next to you breastfeeding.

kaitlynmaureen · March 2015

mellymar said:

KonaCoffeeBean said:

I think I would absolutely flip my lid. I know every family has different boundaries and expectations, so you may not feel comfortable with it, but what about just telling them that you are not able to host them in your home while they visit?

Yeah, I... I am afraid if I don't allow my step dad, I won't get my mom at all. I doubt he will make the trip if I insist they stay at a hotel. And if he can't make the trip he will basically beat my mom over the head about going and leaving him alone, using his health problems as the club to beat her with. My dad, I know he can't afford to stay at a hotel. And what really pisses me off about this is - he always wanted to have grandchildren. But he went and moved to a whole other country to be with my stepmom. And when his first grandchildren were born (my sisters twins) he didn't come to see her! It's only cause I was the one who didn't want kids that this particular kid is special.
I'm honestly going to try to play the vaccine card against both my dad and stepdad. My dad, cause he is out of the country, and my stepdad cause he is immune compromised. I'd really like to see my mom, but I think the price of seeing her is putting up with this guy. Sigh...
:-<

Edited, quote box fail

I would approach it as being better for them to stay in a hotel. Remind them this will be your first time with a newborn and that you know they often have days and nights flipped at first. Tell them you're worried they won't be able to enjoy their trip and relax with a baby crying constantly. During the day, you could point them towards fun attractions and favorite restaurants, that way they're not under foot for you 24/7. Hopefully they would take that a little better than flat out refusing them.

MixedCurlsXo · March 2015

Ahhh my sister & her damn bf will be coming before my due date & then they're staying for a week after baby is born. Yeah fml. The last time I saw him was on Thanksgiving & we got into an argument because he's an ass! (seriously not my style to argue in front of family but he was being extremely rude & saying offensive stuff about my fiancé's religion) I'm NOT looking forward to this visit! I just don't understand why he has to come?! I'm a FTM I'll be a hormonal wreck with breastfeeding ..ect the last thing I need is a person I can't stand in my face all day, sitting on my couch & not even helping out!! Ugh I'm so pissed about this! But my sister is so excited to meet baby & I know she'll only come if he can too. We only have a 2 bedroom apartment so I guess they'll be sleeping in my living room on a blow up matress like 2 idiots.

I tried to get them to stay with my parents but they're remodeling their house so that's a no.

So not only will I have my sister & her bf staying with me but during the day I'll have my parents, my grandma & her husband all in my house. Do people not understand boundaries?
Stay your ass at home!

Okay vent over lol.

ElRuby · March 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
You have to lay down the boundaries now otherwise this will continue when your children are older. Your house, your rules. And if you think I'm leaving the room in my home to breastfeed because it makes you uncomfortable, you better believe I'll be sitting right next to you breastfeeding.

I actually loved leaving the room... It got me away from everybody

.... But if that's not what you want then absolutely stay and breast feed in YOUR home!

ElRuby · March 2015

It was the comments about breast feeding I couldn't stand! My MIL would keep saying "I hope she feeds him more than that"... Like to everyone who came to visit! People kind of just looked at her and didn't know what to say hahhaha... I just rolled my eyes a lot.... Not worth explaining the magic of the human body to someone who doesn't get!

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
You have to lay down the boundaries now otherwise this will continue when your children are older. Your house, your rules. And if you think I'm leaving the room in my home to breastfeed because it makes you uncomfortable, you better believe I'll be sitting right next to you breastfeeding.

Actually, the problem is that they *won't* try to continue this once kid is older, so I am pretty much stuck with it in order to see them. I haven't laid eyes on my dad for almost 15 years. And once my step dad gets his 'great lakes' trip out of his system he will never come up here again. Meaning my mom will never come up here again, likely, cause he lords his health issues over her, and basically won't 'let' her travel away from him. If I wanted to see her I would have to go to them, and I can never afford to go to her. I'm older, y'all, so my parents are *old*. They are both in that last little bit of sweet spot where they can safely travel. I know for a fact if I don't let my dad stay here when I know he can't afford a hotel, I can spend my $ to put him in one, or I'll likely never see him again this side of the mortal plane. Which, honestly and sadly, would not trouble me overmuch. But it would hurt him a lot to not be able to see this grandkid before he becomes to old to travel, or dies. So, its quite thorny. I want to, and have no trouble insisting they stay at a hotel, but I know if I do they won't come at all, which *would* be great, normally, except they might never, ever, ever, even get to see their grandkid otherwise, which will really really hurt them. Its literally - do I put up with having these people in this situation I will absolutely hate in the near future, or deal with the guilt of them not being able to see their grandkid after they die in the farther future?

dancegurl1118 · March 2015

@mellymar ugh that really is a hard situation. I guess what I would ask myself in this situation is who would really be suffering if they didn't stay at your house the whole time. It wouldn't be the relationship your LO would have with them if you don't think they'd continue fostering a relationship after this. It wouldn't be you because you've mentioned how miserable you'd be with (some of) them. Would it even be them from "missing out" on seeing their grandkid if you don't anticipate them making any effort in the future? Maybe suggest they can stay 1-3 nights and a hotel the rest of the time, etc? I've never been in this situation so I don't have any tried and true advice, just thinking out loud.

Personally, being pregnant has already brought out a mama-bear instinct in me and I imagine it will only get worse after the birth. It may seem selfish but in my opinion anything that is compromising the ease of care of my child, especially in my home, is unacceptable. I hope you're able to come to a happy medium, or be at ease with a decision to suck it up for the sake of everyone else. Wishing you the best!

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
@mellymar ugh that really is a hard situation. I guess what I would ask myself in this situation is who would really be suffering if they didn't stay at your house the whole time. It wouldn't be the relationship your LO would have with them if you don't think they'd continue fostering a relationship after this. It wouldn't be you because you've mentioned how miserable you'd be with (some of) them. Would it even be them from "missing out" on seeing their grandkid if you don't anticipate them making any effort in the future? .

That is a *fantastic* way to think on it. Very apt. I was probably too close to the situation to see it. The rest of what you said 'momma bear' and all that is how I'm beginning to feel, too. Hmmm, thanks for looking at it from the outside for me. Much to think on

Emilywooddesign · March 2015

MixedCurlsXo said:
Ahhh my sister & her damn bf will be coming before my due date & then they're staying for a week after baby is born. Yeah fml. The last time I saw him was on Thanksgiving & we got into an argument because he's an ass! (seriously not my style to argue in front of family but he was being extremely rude & saying offensive stuff about my fiancé's religion) I'm NOT looking forward to this visit! I just don't understand why he has to come?! I'm a FTM I'll be a hormonal wreck with breastfeeding ..ect the last thing I need is a person I can't stand in my face all day, sitting on my couch & not even helping out!! Ugh I'm so pissed about this! But my sister is so excited to meet baby & I know she'll only come if he can too. We only have a 2 bedroom apartment so I guess they'll be sleeping in my living room on a blow up matress like 2 idiots.

I tried to get them to stay with my parents but they're remodeling their house so that's a no.

So not only will I have my sister & her bf staying with me but during the day I'll have my parents, my grandma & her husband all in my house. Do people not understand boundaries?
Stay your ass at home!

Okay vent over lol.

LOL " I know they will be sleeping in my living room on a blow up mattress like 2 idiots" hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha omg I'm laughing so hard right now

laurendutch · March 2015

mellymar said:

dancegurl1118 said:
@mellymar ugh that really is a hard situation. I guess what I would ask myself in this situation is who would really be suffering if they didn't stay at your house the whole time. It wouldn't be the relationship your LO would have with them if you don't think they'd continue fostering a relationship after this. It wouldn't be you because you've mentioned how miserable you'd be with (some of) them. Would it even be them from "missing out" on seeing their grandkid if you don't anticipate them making any effort in the future? .
That is a *fantastic* way to think on it. Very apt. I was probably too close to the situation to see it. The rest of what you said 'momma bear' and all that is how I'm beginning to feel, too. Hmmm, thanks for looking at it from the outside for me. Much to think on

Can you have them visit a couple of weeks after the birth? Once you have settled into a routine? I know its super helpful to have a parent come and help, but that doesn't mean that you can't do it on your own

Plus, it might be better doing it on your own in your situation.

My parents most likely will be here for the birth and than coming back a month later. They will either stay with one of my Uncles, a friend or a hotel. I know they want to help with my 4 year old twins. Which is going to be great during the day but DH and I want them to stick to their night time routine. When they visited during Christmas for a week, we had 6 weeks following of kids staying up way late and out of their routine. I can deal with a newborn and their sporadic schedule...just don't want to add to ornery 4 year olds to the mix.

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

@laurendutch yes, my dad actually has been talking about august, so that does give me time to settle into a routine. Maybe I'll be better able to put up with him by then. And, lol, I'll tell him I don't have central ac, and it could be hot then. Maybe he'll shorten his trip B-)

laurendutch · March 2015

mellymar said:
@laurendutch yes, my dad actually has been talking about august, so that does give me time to settle into a routine. Maybe I'll be better able to put up with him by then. And, lol, I'll tell him I don't have central ac, and it could be hot then. Maybe he'll shorten his trip B-)

Haha! Perfect!

anissa13588 · March 2015

So I haven't talked to my mother in 4 years due to the fact that she is crazy and she moved back right before I was pregnant she has nothing to do with her first grandchild and doesn't even attempt to contact me and ask anything but will blow up on the rest of my family to know everything and they won't tell her a thing my daughter is due June 22 and she still has it stuck in her mind that it's a boy and she says if it's a girl I have to name her Brooke.....her name is Anya Nicole but that's not good enough for her she still says that the grandmother has the right to pick the kids names than she gets all pissed because my grandmother and my SO are throwing baby showers and she 1 is not invited due to the fact that she was never in my life until I was 7 and 2 she doesn't care about MY child. Is it wrong to keep her away for my child's safety??

KaLikeAWind · March 2015

Wow. That's a rough situation. It sounds like you don't want her to come to your shower. So, I vote don't have her come to the shower. And that bit about her naming your kid is bunk. Shut that down.

ETA - course, I make that sound easy and I certainly know how un-easy dealing with family is. Good luck, gal

Serenamarr · March 2015

When we finally told my fiance's parents we were pregnant, they basically just stared at us like we had three heads and went on with their business like nothing happened. My fiancé is the youngest (25) of three brothers who are both already married. So after that lackluster display from his parents, he went to call his middle brother to tell him and his wife. His brother answers the phone and is ANGRY at him... Apparently immediately after we told MIL, she called SIL. Brother says his wife is on the phone with MIL both crying hysterically about us being pregnant. SIL is basically throwing a tantrum because we got pregnant first. His brother actually said the phrase "well it just wasn't your turn" to justify their anger at our pregnancy. I'm sorry, our turn?! I wasn't aware I was procreating on a schedule!! SIL never apologized for her behavior, and still to this day has not congratulated either one of us. She recently announced her pregnancy and you can bet I made sure I was the first one to go up and congratulate her with enthusiasm.

rvilla15 · March 2015

My MIL is adamant about being in the delivery room for the delivery which is a huge no no for DH and myself. She thinks I'm selfish and is spreading that to her whole family. As if I didn't have enough reason to despise that woman.

Katerina&Baby · March 2015

rvilla15 said:
My MIL is adamant about being in the delivery room for the delivery which is a huge no no for DH and myself. She thinks I'm selfish and is spreading that to her whole family. As if I didn't have enough reason to despise that woman.

I find this to be SO creepy. Was HER MIL in the delivery room? Im going to go with "no". Boundaries, people! What on earth is "selfish" about wanting to have a private experience with your partner (since you know, this is your and your partner's child and nobody else's)? Nevermind the fact that you're absurdly exposed during delivery - why on earth would she think she has any right at all to see your vagina?

Why some grandparents think they have "rights" with regard to their grandchildren is just beyond me. NO - you do not have a "right" to be in the delivery room - did you contribute to conception? NO - you do not have a "right" to name this child - you already got to name your kid(s). NO - you do not have a "right" to make any parenting decisions - you are not this child's parent!

NotISaidtheCat · March 2015

My family drama lies with my in-laws. We're very close but recently we discovered that one of my BIL (who is still living with my MIL) had relapsed and was back on heroin, lying, acting erratically, stealing from his parents, etc. Hubby and I decided that we won't be coming around anymore because A) he's pulled this shit too many times and we're sick of it and

we've got a little girl and our son on the way who we don't want growing up seeing an uncle like this being treated like it's all okay.

This is fine (well, as fine as it can be) except for the fact that my in-laws are the only family I have here (I'm from OR) and I'm getting very lonely/a little depressed not seeing them as often as we used to, especially since this now means we have no one to share this pregnancy with. I'm from a huge family, too, so that makes this extra hard because I grew up surrounded by people.

This BIL is 24 and hubby and I think MIL should kick him out...but she's not showing any signs of moving in this direction and we feel it's not our place to suggest it. We haven't been able to attend a family dinner (a weekly event) for months because he's still in her house, and while he has come off the drugs (as far as anyone can tell) he's still being dishonest and was caught stealing from FIL not long ago.

So I'm just kind of heartsick lately and missing my family more than ever now. Luckily I've got a trip coming up to attend the shower my mom is throwing me and a cousin I'm super close to has decided to come spend a week with us after baby is born, which I'm really looking forward to. I just wish I had more contact with my in-laws to help me feel supported in the meantime. I don't even want to think about how this is going to pan out after baby arrives.

Westypet · March 2015

My family lives 8 hrs away. It's not drama, but since this is my first LO, I'm often finding myself going "I want MY mommy!"

She's come down to visit once during my pregnancy, which was so wonderful and helpful and uplifting.

I'm trying not to worry about raising this little guy by myself, since husband travels so much for work. His folks are here, but his mom has passed away, his dad was not really involved in the child-raising and doesn't remember things when we ask, and DH's step mom, although she's lovely and giving, has never had kids of her own.

Probably going to have to settle for lots of FaceTime with my mom. I just always thought I'd be closer to home when starting my own family. *mope*

CurlyMom78 · March 2015

My MIL thinks that she should visit the baby before my FIL does (my in laws are divorced) because she is special. I told her no one is more special then the other one and if he and his wife want to be here too then they can. I just do not want people staying with us when we bring her home.

Westypet · March 2015

CurlyMom78 said:
My MIL thinks that she should visit the baby before my FIL does (my in laws are divorced) because she is special. I told her no one is more special then the other one and if he and his wife want to be here too then they can. I just do not want people staying with us when we bring her home.

@CurlyMom78
She said "I am special"?
That's so silly...

seesea · March 2015

dancegurl1118 said:
You have to lay down the boundaries now otherwise this will continue when your children are older. Your house, your rules. And if you think I'm leaving the room in my home to breastfeed because it makes you uncomfortable, you better believe I'll be sitting right next to you breastfeeding.

This totally resonated with me! My mom and in-laws like to commandeer parental duties every time they're around DS. I eventually had to put my foot down when it came to breastfeeding. MIL couldn't understand why I didn't use formula because according to her DS wasn't getting enough. I thanked her for her advice and told her that I'm sticking to breastfeeding. She seemed offended and I was just over it. Since then whenever the in-laws would visit, I breastfed in front of them without a care in the world. It was a good feeling to see them walk out of the room every time I nursed.

Want a personalized experience?

A little family drama anyone?

Re: A little family drama anyone?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards